The Very Touchy Subject Of Infidelity

This is always one of the touchiest subjects to get into. There can be so much suspicion, raw emotion and anger involved, especially when some people aren’t exactly to admit to it.

Infidelity …

I first blogged about it back in January, with a hint of sarcasm inserted to lighten it up.

I suppose it is one of those topics that anyone who has been in a serious relationship has addressed at one point. Even if it hasn’t been in the heat of the moment, it’s still something that comes up in conversation eventually.

I’m no different; especially since there seems to be some raised eyebrows in my personal life. So when the conversation turned to the idea of whether or not “men are hard-wired to cheat,” I kind of put my mind to work to come up with what has been a pretty challenging blog to write for you.

Infidelity in a relationship isn’t as black and white as some people want to believe, and for each couple, the degree of “freedom” can vary. What may generate jealousy in some relationships might be the fuel for fantasy in others. And based on statistics that show a vast majority of married adults admit to having fantasies that involve someone other than a spouse, the real key is understanding what is accepted and what crosses the line.

The other complicated part of figuring out infidelity is whether the “affair” is physical, emotional or a bit of both.

Personally, I have learned a lot of new things over the past several months about infidelity and had a few of my own preconceived notions shattered.

It used to be somewhat accepted that men cheated based on a very stereotypical testosterone-fuelled need for conquest. Men slept with many women because that is what was expected of a “man.” Women, on the other hand, were mostly expected to be “good girls.” A guy was viewed as a stud based on the number of his sexual conquests, whereas a woman was viewed as a slut if she dabbled beyond second base.

Pretty much the accepted standards, right? Then it was explained to me that, believe or not, men also cheat to fulfill an emotional need. It just wasn’t socially acceptable to say they needed to feel desired and attractive. To do so almost violated the locker room code of what it means to be a "man."

And more women are cheating to fulfill a physical need; hence the birth of the “cougar.” Women began to reject society's position that they had to settle for a less-than-satisfying love life and embraced their own ability to achieve a "conquest." Modern thinking erased some of the old standards as to why people are stepping outside of marriage.

One perspective I read on this described the situation in such a way: “Many people prefer not to define what counts as cheating because by keeping the rules vague and ambiguous, it makes it easier to cheat. If you don’t know what the rules are, you really can’t break them – or so people like to think."

What does still stand, according to some of the studies I read when putting my mind to work on this one, is that there is a difference in how men and women cheat. Men still remain the leaders in physical, one-night stands, while we are more likely to embrace emotional affairs.

And as such, because women are more likely to have an emotional affair, “cheating wives tend to cheat with someone who is part of their social group – a friend or co-worker. Women are also more likely to draw positive inferences about their physical appearance when they are cheating: I'm still attractive, I'm still desirable, etc.”

“Human behaviour is not always governed by the fact that wedding vows were taken and that promises were made. The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice; instead most infidelity occurs, not because it is planned, but because people find themselves in situations where their emotions overwhelm them. When placed in the right situation (or wrong situation, in this case), our emotions can prompt us to act in ways which are counter to our beliefs.”

It can begin as simple as flirtatious conversation, then evolve to random, seemingly harmless body contact – maybe the ‘friendly’ neck rub or ‘thanks for the advice’ hug. From there, the traditional relationship ‘guards’ come down and emotions cloud the platonic friendship.

The question becomes: Does it evolve to the point where it becomes the focus and highlight of the day when you see that person; or perhaps you change your routine to ensure you cross paths?

Perhaps the innuendo picks up in the daily banter to the point where you once shared information about this friendship with your spouse, you now begin to avoid mentioning that friend’s name at home or changing the subject if your spouse asks about them.

Maybe you begin to confide more personal things to this new, exciting, interesting friend, or begin to accept their perspective on things as being more agreeable or insightful than your spouse. It may get to the point where you find their stories more refreshing than those which have defined your own marriage; they hit on those points of "I wish ..." and take the imagination away from the doldrums of returning home to find a perpetual reminder of stale relationship reality.

Then there is Tiger’s downfall – the cell phone. Does it reach the point where you find yourself sending your friend private e-mails or suggestive text messages, then mass delete all history? Tiger apparently forgot that part …

To many, that is pretty much an affair. The physical sex just hasn’t happened yet. Most studies on the subject suggest it will – to the tune of 73% of emotional affairs evolving to include some sort of physical sexual interaction, from kissing through to clandestine rendezvous.

One need only look to the divorce rate today to see that many people find someone more appealing and more interesting – even someone they love more than their spouse – after they are already married.

So, are men hard-wired to cheat?

I don’t think it’s as simple as that anymore. I think women are just as capable of being the aggressors and initiators when it comes to extra-marital activities. Women have shed the “good girl” requirement in favour of personal fulfillment and pursuit of renewed romantic excitement when a marriage has become routine. Whether that bodes well for the future, I can’t say. But as we can see in the younger generations, there seems to be a lot more flexibility in commitment than ever before.

Andee     xoxo

Porn | Why Women Are Looking

I was surfing around looking for some information for those sex-stats Tweets that I like to throw at you guys on a frequent basis and I came across this on why women like porn. Now, it’s kind of a weird thing for me. I don’t look at porn all that much – but as you know, I spend a portion of my private life posing for it. So, the idea of women and porn is a bit twisted for me.

I make no secret of my passion for well-written erotica, and enjoy spending an evening curled up in my reading chair with a really steamy book. It has fueled so many of my fantasies … and cost me probably hundreds of dollars in batteries.

Now, having said that, I recognize that with the Internet playing such a huge role in our lives today, access is extremely easy and we’re not really all that different from guys. We have our kinks. We just may not be as open about letting you know that we do.

In one thing I read on the subject, I found this: Psychotherapist Phillip Hodson, of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, says that in consulting rooms, the issue of woman habitually using porn "is something that has not been aired before. It's something new that's just beginning to surface … Traditionally women's voices have been against porn. It's seen as more of a male thing, because it's men who are supposed to be visually stimulated. But that doesn't mean that women aren't. Men are just maybe more so."

So, more women are doing it … and on thefrisky.com I found blogger Susannah Breslin had come up with 10 reasons why. I thought it would be great to share:

1. Curiosity. A girlfriend of mine calls this the “freak show factor.” Personally, I think there is something about pornography that is a bit like a freak show. I mean, people look kind of weird naked and doing it. We’ve come a long way, baby, but there is a degree to which watching porn is still a taboo for women, and that can be its own turn-on.

2. To Get Off. Women and men may be from different planets, but they are both prone to the occasional masturbation session, and it is for that express purpose porn was designed. Generally, I believe women are more likely to choose mental fantasies over visual aids, but there are many women who are as visual as men and men who are as fantasy-oriented as women.

3. Learn New Moves. We can’t all be Stormy Daniels, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have sex like porn stars if we aspire to do so. Whether we’re bored with the current state of our sex lives, looking to bust out a new move on a special occasion, or have yet to perfect the fine art of fellatio, porn can, uh, come in, er, handy as an, um, “educational tool.”

4. Comparison Shopping. People are always yapping about how competitive men are. I have yet to meet a man who is as quietly competitive as a woman. Because a fair amount of us can’t quite make up our minds whether or not to love the body Mother Nature gave us, sometimes we watch porn to compare ourselves to other women. When the competition is surgically enhanced, that challenge can get a little tricky. But women also watch porn to compare their sexual partners to other men. Do they measure up? Depends.

5. Ogle Guys. You know what there isn’t enough of in this world? Shirtless, bottomless, and shirtless and bottomless men. Seriously! Naked chicks? Everywhere you look. If we can’t get to the beach, we might have to visit HotNudeDudes.com, stat.

6. Kill Time. Why does one of my female coworkers watch porn? “To kill time before you can start a DVR’d, hour-long episode of a TV show without having to watch any commercials.” She is nothing if not efficient.

7. Get in the Mood. Several women I spoke with about their personal porn usage used the term “jump start.” If she’s getting ready to go out on a big date, or if her partner is on the way over for a roll in the hay, women use adult movies to get their motor runnin’. It’s like foreplay. Except you’re having sex with the Internet instead of another human being.

8. It’s His. Probably, this one should be higher up on the list. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the second most common reason women watch porn. Suffice to say, many women who stumble upon their man’s porn collection may have taken a peek at it. Or, you know, spent the next several hours watching it. In some cases, someone else’s porn can tell you a lot about them.

9. Explore Secret Fantasies. If a woman isn’t comfortable sharing her sexual fantasies, she may turn to porn to experience them vicariously. It could be something as simple as spanking, yet she may feel awkward telling her square-as-a-peg husband that she wants to play naughty. Porn never judges.

10. Penises. Newsflash: Penises are weird. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. We don’t have them. We will never totally understand them. Porn is a penis show.

Well, as for me ... how just because I want to. I figure that is good enough reason. I already do more than enough in the rest of my life to be psycho-analyzed.

Andee     xoxo

 

Sex | Planes, Trains or Automobiles?

I hope all my American friends had an awesome Thanksgiving. I was surprised to learn that quite a few of you did not realize that up here in the Great White North that we celebrate the holiday on a different date. Ours is always in October, on a weekend…and normally we get the Monday as a holiday.

Either way, it’s all about family, friends and the opportunity to reflect on the blessings we have in our lives.

So, as I was spending my “Black Friday” working diligently on a new update for my website and answering a few e-mails, I found this one that kind of fit for a little bigger idea in my mind - especially since it was about my blog and many of you may have been travelling this past weekend.

You’ve blogged about all three…but which comes first? Plane, train or automobile?

Before I dish on my thoughts, let me just clarify that, while I find both men extremely funny, neither Steve Martin or the late John Candy really do it for me.

Having said that, you may remember that I have shared my experiences with you about sex in motion. The automobile scenario is something that I have actually experimented with, and so in a way, it counts as which comes first - but at the same time, doesn’t.

Looking at which engine-powered sex experience I would like to complete, I have to admit that the thought of joining the Mile High Club is the most exciting to me. The downside is that I am not a very good air traveller and tend to fight anxiety and motion sickness when I do fly. Having said that, I wonder if the idea of a sexual interlude might distract me from those fears?

How erotic and exciting would it be to fulfill that fantasy of meeting some handsome stranger on the plane, spend a little time chatting in our seats and then finding our way to the bathroom where we could perform some sexual origami?

As I mull over these erotic thoughts, I already have my travel clothes picked out …

Then, as someone who regularly takes a commuter train, I find myself intrigued with finding out if the “Corridor Club” really exists. Fashioned after the famous Mile High Club, rumour has it this select group of people have hooked up in the toilets on the train. The upside to this idea is that most of the cars on the train I take have larger washrooms than those on an airplane, so the comfort level of sex while riding the rails is higher.

As most of the guys who follow my naughty thoughts on Twitter know, I already invest a significant amount of my morning trip drooling over my Cute Guy, and enjoyed some fantasy thoughts this summer over a Sexy Blonde. Do I have the flirtatious talent to convince my fantasy friends to join me? Not sure, but if you look at things from that perspective, I have my options lined up should either care to meet me in the loo!

Which brings me to “auto erotic” encounters…I think that out of the three, this may rank lowest on my list of “set my motor running” experiences because of the simple fact that it is the one that has the greatest chance of happening. I’ve already tested the experience with a few different sex acts: a couple years ago with giving my husband a blowjob while he drove, and most recently a sex toy fun-filled trip home from the Everything To Do With Sex Show in Toronto.

What has not yet been fulfilled is the ultimate experience of intercourse while someone else drives.

Anyone have their chauffeur’s license and a dashboard mounted camera?

Andee     xoxo

My Blog | Some Sexy New Additions

Hey guys, so I enlisted the help of my I.T. specialist to add a few new things to my blogging experience. I have no idea if some of them will mean much to anyone, but hey ... someone suggested a couple new concepts to me and I am running naked through the chilly Canadian streets with them!

Ok, maybe not really running naked through the streets ... but I think you probably like the idea.

For anyone who is really into the techno side of life, I have this thing that looks like a big pixel smudge on here now. I guess they are called QR codes and I have no idea how they really work, but what I do know is that if you have a scanning program, it will take you to my website, which is kind of cool. Now, I am being a little sarcastic in that ... I do know that these new things work like a barcode. Anyway, they seem to be the latest thing for helping people get around the Internet, and I have one to call my own. Just don't expect me to get a tattoo of it any time soon.

Also, with my lust for well-written erotica, and my frequent mentioning of how much I like to read, it seems that some of you want to write some just for me. I always appreciate anyone who takes the time to put their creative juices to work, and so I have created a whole new blog just for those erotic stories. If naughty words gets you going, I hope you will take the time to slip on over to this newest chapter in my sexual adventure. Just to make it easy, I've added a link!

Have an awesome weekend!

Andee     xoxo

Act Like A Lady ... Sort Of

I was reading an intriguing story today on the Internet about a recent Canadian survey on women’s moods and attitudes towards each other. The main point of the article was on women’s catty behaviour, and that “reality” TV shows like the Bachelor got it right. 

“A University of Ottawa professor says her study — published in the journal Aggressive Behavior — confirms that most women use aggression against sexual rivals.

Prof. Tracy Vaillancourt's research took a look at how females compete with one another for the attention of males. Her study concludes that 'The Bachelor,' which follows the action as an eligible man chooses a partner from a group of women, provides insight into the tactics women use to compete.

The popular show illustrates how vying for the affections of an eligible man can bring out the worst in women, the study says. Tactics can include gossiping about a rival's supposed promiscuity or disparaging her appearance, so as to reduce her "mate value."

What the study fails to show, if you want my own personal, unscientific opinion, is that the contestants for idiotic TV shows like 'The Bachelor' are, at best, the worst examples of women they could use…with the exception of cloning a dozen Heidi Montags. None of these individuals start out with any redeeming qualities, and we only get to see even more disturbing personality shortcomings as the cameras roll.

Thankfully, most of us are able to see that.

From my own angle, what I do see - away from the nonsense of reality TV shows - is that women are more likely to be vindictive and aggressive more so because of the shortcomings in their own lives. You can almost gauge their behaviour to what is going on in their personal lives. The ones that will gossip and tear others down do so to boost themselves up. If they are not happy, they don’t want anyone around them to be happy.

It’s disappointing that more of them haven’t figured out that instead of competing, try sharing … it is so much more fun!

Andee     xoxo

 

Relationships | A Lasting Marriage

Still trying to tame the tornado…I guess it’s just that time of year when life gets pretty crazy with the Little Men and their activities. If nothing else, the insanity makes it a real challenge to keep the heat on with the marriage, never mind the sexual adventure!

Earlier on someone asked me what I thought were the major factors to a lasting relationship - I've been in mine for over 20 years. Not that it makes me any sort of expert at all, just someone who likes a challenging topic to write about on these busy Wednesday nights!

I would say, the MAJOR factors - because there are so many, and each relationship has varying degrees of depth to them - would be the following:

Trust - trusting each other to do the right thing for the relationship, the family, the longevity of the relationship, and the person. And trust is one of the hardest things to earn, but one of the easiest things to lose in any relationship.

Friendship - is extremely important in the development of a relationship and adds to the foundation of trust. That's not to say you have to be identical, with identical interests, but you have to "like" your partner, as well as "love." There is a big difference.

Honesty - with honesty, there can be no trust. It is the cornerstone of a lasting relationship.

Compassion - you need to have a heart, and understanding and a willingness to open yourself up when most vulnerable.

Kindness/Respect - really, I think this goes without saying. It's the mortar that holds the foundation in place. I could never be with someone that did not respect who I am, and be supportive of my ambitions, dreams and goals.

Adventure - for me this is important. On the surface, I may look like a pretty average hockey mom/housewife to people, but I relish adventure and it plays a huge role in defining who I am. Without my partner sharing my sense of adventure, the relationship could not evolve constantly. Not to mention how dull life would be without it.

Whew ... my brain hurts now. LOL

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Education Between The Covers

Can you say insanely busy? I am so sorry guys, I wanted to start out the second year of blogging on a much more frequent note, but for some reason, things have just gone nutty around here.

Try My Own Sex Book

Of course, a frantic pace in real life means my fantasy life also suffers a bit.

Back a few weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend about keeping things exciting and fresh in the bedroom, and he asked me if I was the kind of person who did a little “research” when it came to sex … and in particular if I read and learned anything from sex books?

That I’m doing it wrong…?

Maybe not … but outside of a couple intriguing ideas to add a little spice, there wasn’t much in the way of ‘education’ in most of the ones I have read. I’m not really the kind of woman that goes for the dangling from chandeliers kind of sex. Something that is going to require me to place my left ankle behind my right ear might have been fun when I was, say, 18 … but these days I have figured out all the positions that really rock my body and I’m alright with my own personal abbreviated Kama Sutra.

Ok, a bit harsh on the judgment…

My kind of experimentation has never been about how many different ways I can get laid, but more about how many times I can get laid. I haven’t really felt the need to throw out a hip joint just to say “Oh, I did #632 on Saturday.”

Truth be told, I think I’ve gotten more from some of the naughty romance novels I read. The thing is, there have been a couple books my husband and I bought that have been very interesting, but they may be considered more about relationships than the act of sex. My fantasies are built around some relatively common situations. And for those moments when I want to be tied up, it’s not usually that extreme nor does it involve pain and kitchen utensils.

Anyway, the books I was talking about involved a whole bunch of questions that couples should ask each other. And while my hubby and I communicate an awful lot, there were some pretty interesting subjects among the questions that led to even more interesting conversations … and even a bit of experimentation.

One of them was filled with ideas on how to spice up the weekend with some ways to create an atmosphere and help get everyone in the mood, and there were some really fun things in that.

But I would say that the one real thing I have learned from sex books is they make great ice breakers, no matter the content is all about. Whether it’s positions or romancing your partner, just the act of talking about sex makes for a much better relationship overall.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Sharing Our Needs

Well, here I am ready to leap into another year of blogging about my sexual adventure. Like I said yesterday, the past year has been very enlightening for me, as I have discovered many new things about myself through my writing.

I can’t say that there has been many surprises…other than some of the things that have evolved from it. I have revealed some pretty intense fantasies, both to myself and my husband. I have made a bit of a leap of faith by allowing someone I know in my real life to know about all of this (and patiently wait for any further input he may have on it all!)

In a way, all quite revelational.

So when someone asked me this question, I kind of sat back and wondered just how much of myself I have let out thanks to the words on here.

Why is it so difficult for people to talk about their sexual needs?

Wow… well, I think it is purely about their sense of vulnerability. To open up such a deeply personal and intimate part of ourselves takes an awful lot of courage.

In those moments of intimacy, it can be very difficult to tell your partner that there is something more that you desire, or that something just isn’t working. I have been very fortunate in my own sex life because my partner understands that what once worked, no longer does after childbirth. So, instead of dwelling on the frustration that certain things have changed, he went out and invested in a whole bunch of ways to bring me to that point of pleasure.

What was once a fairly routine sex life has become a much more incredible - and intimate - one because of that.

But I think a lot of women may suffer through changes in their sex life, as both they and their husband go through different stages in life, without ever opening up about their needs and desires. Why?

I never once mentioned that I wanted a sex toy. In all honesty, it was never something that ranked high in my mind. Even though I owned one before I had children, it wasn’t a regular part of my routine. After childbirth, my husband knew I was struggling with regaining my sexual response to what previously was just a given.

He solved that to toe-curling conclusion.

Some women would never discuss their deepest frustrations with their spouses. Some, because I think they fear that their partner will suffer a blow to their ego at not being able to deliver an expected level of pleasure. And so they suffer through lacklustre sex and live quietly disappointed at the state of their intimacy.

And it is a very difficult thing to open up that conversation.

The Electronic Curtain
You know, I write on here about what goes on in my life and mind, but other than those few people who really know me and know that I do this, I am still very anonymous. I hide behind the electronic curtain that is the Internet, while allowing my thoughts to come forward. The consequence of what I say is limited to, as I said, those very few … and I trust them with my vulnerability.

I have the opportunity to open up a part of my own intimacy through that. I can write certain thoughts, relive certain moments, drop certain hints and let nature take its course. The disadvantage is the waiting period to see if those hints were picked up on.

But if I was to come out and discuss these same thoughts and fantasies, say at the work lunch table … well, you can imagine.

Sex remains one of the biggest taboo subjects in our society. Sure, we can drop bits and pieces in conversation about our crazy weekends…but only if it involves the consensual sex between married partners. Open up about kinky stuff and watch the mood get awkward. Well, unless I’m sitting with the ‘boys’ and then it becomes story time with them hanging on every word.

But in reality, because of societal pressure to refrain from “too much information,” we carry that silence into our personal lives and protect our own egos from judgment.

Andee     xoxo

365 Days Deeper In My Sexual Adventure

Today is my one-year anniversary. For the past 365 days I have been sharing the naughty thoughts that surround my sexual adventure.

For me it has been both enlightening (as I consciously have connected with the many ideas that swirl around in my imagination) and frustrating (as I realize some of the many ideas will never develop past the idea stage). And, as anyone else who blogs has dealt with: those days when there just isn't much to say.

I began my blog as a way to share some things with my spouse during my daily commutes. I could spend a bit of time dishing on what was occupying some of that real estate in my psyche. At the same time, it was a way to create some connection with you guys, and let's be honest, bring a little awareness and hopefully some new fans to my website.

As I pondered what I would blog about on my anniversary here, I turned to my friends and followers on Twitter for some insight. The one request that stuck in my mind came from the same friend that I blogged about the other day on how to get her in the mood.

This one is for that friend, again...all about role playing.

I blogged quite a while ago about not really being into the idea of role playing as a sex game. But, the more I thought about how to approach this one today, it kind of occurred to me that this is a bit of a role play. I get to slip into my imagination, away from the reality and stress of my day-to-day life, and be nothing but a somewhat sex-craving, erotically-inclined, naughty girl.

The truth is, I invest a great deal of my imagination and fantasy life into my blog. I share the real experiences of my sexual adventure just as much, but I linger on all those subjects that hint at the dark side of me...the naughty side...the part of me that makes you want to be the guy next door.

So, in a way, this is about role playing...me being this condensed sexual dynamo that you get to spend the occasional morning coffee break with.

And then, my secret hobby is a role play too. There's a lot of who I really am in both of these things, but because I am not in a position to openly share, they become little fantasy worlds for you and I.

When it comes to stepping into a role for sex, it's just not something that is a big part of what happens. Away from the camera, I rarely slip into anything 'sexy' just for sex. I think that's probably because I do all of that for my photo sessions that it loses the sex appeal.

For me it doesn't come naturally to pretend to be someone that I am not. I even still have those pangs of awkwardness while doing my website photos - and I've been doing that for 10 years now.

Having said all that, I admit that there are lots of little role-play scenes that go on within my own fantasies as I imagine them playing out in reality...so maybe there is some hope for you guys yet!

Andee     xoxo

30-Day Sex Challenge - Day 9: Glass Toy Fun

A rare Monday off for me led to some steamy afternoon fun. My husband informed me this morning that he would be working from home and that there would some sexual action going down.

Given that I had a few things to get done, plus my already-scheduled gym date, meant that we would be hooking up at lunch time. Normally when we are home together on weekdays, we get up to a few other kinds of naughty fun, photo sessions or videos. It's not very often that we schedule sex...but I'll take what I can get.

A while back I was telling you about a certain toy that I had bought at the Everything To Do With Sex Show. I wasn't sure that I would be all that into glass, but agreed to give it a try for the sake of my adventure. I now wonder why I was so reluctant...oops! That would be suggesting I tried this toy on my own.

Um...well, it's not going to sit in my nightstand with all those other toys and not get any action.

Well, today when we got into bed and began with some inspiring foreplay, my husband said he wanted me to get my toy out and make sure that I came first. So, as I was beginning to really enjoy myself with my old stand-by Pocket Rocket, he slid the glass dildo into me. The incredible sensation of it sliding across my g-spot brought me to an incredible orgasm - twice.

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | Get Her In The Mood

An online friend of mine was asking some advice about how to get his wife a little more into the mood and if there were some tricks or techniques that he could employ.

Now, despite what you guys read on here and in my Tweets, my life is not is this great swirling sexual tornado. I have many days when I am just too exhausted to be the sexual dynamo that may come across in these blogs.

There are no guaranteed ways to get a woman in the mood. You have to think of the whole thing as a bit of an investment. It takes time and sincerity.

For example, a lot of guys think that buying their wives sexy underwear will lead to some smoking sex. Well, that is the stereotype that far too many guys fall for. If your wife does not wear a thong on a normal day, why would she start butt-flossing now? I know a lot of women swear by them, but I personally don't find them very sexy. Or, at least, they don't make me feel sexy...and thankfully my husband has come to understand that when he buys me naughty panties.

How much better would something like this work: take her shopping for new knickers. Ditch whatever silly notion you have as a guy about going into a lingerie store, and spend an hour in there with her. Whisper in her ear what you would like to see her in…when she picks up samples of different styles, whisper really naughty things to her about how certain panties peel off easier than others, or how you’d like to slip you hand down the front of her jeans and into those ones. Tell her how you would like to steal a little upskirt panty peek at the start of the day to see which sexy knickers she is wearing, and then find them tucked in your briefcase, laptop bag, lunch pail, etc.

The trick is to spend time, away from the house, and begin the process of teasing her mind. Women want a guy who is going to be able to get inside her head and make love to her mind as much as her body. We have very active imaginations that need to be teased, taunted, stroked, fingered … whatever you want to call it.

I can’t tell you how hot and bothered it makes me when my husband spends a day sending me naughty texts. I’m not talking about dirty, dirty stuff. I’m talking about a lot of innuendo and suggestively erotic messages. Think ‘a romance novel in 140 characters.’

After a whole day of this, I am ready to skip dinner and head straight to the sheets.

As you may be able to see from all of this, women need to get their mind into the moment, have the imagination fueled up and their self-esteem stroked. We’re not as easily seduced by the visual element like men, and as such, need to have more of our mind and body engaged in the act.

Andee     xoxo

 

A Day For Remembrance

In honour of what today means to so much of the Western world, I have decided that I’m not going to post my usual Fantasy Friday update. To me it seems just a little disrespectful on a solemn occasion.

Instead I’m just going to share some thoughts that may not mean anything to a lot of you, but every now and then I get pangs of understanding that for the socially unacceptable aspect of what I do for a hobby, at least I have the freedom and voice to defend it.

And please, don’t think of this as a running endorsement of the conflicts that have consumed our current lives. I don’t believe in fabricated wars in pursuit of fictitious weapons of mass destruction or armed conflict in the name of oil as something about “my freedom.” Sorry to say, but in Canada we just have a different philosophy on patriotism and it doesn’t involve the black and white stance of naïve celebrities like Toby Keith.

No, we like to think of ourselves as something a little more complex…or maybe just less blind to trust our recent batch of elected officials.

I realize that outlook is difficult for some to understand. Patriotism can be as fanatical as some religions. But I hope you are equally thankful for being able to disagree with me as much as you are thankful for being free to think for yourself. At the end of the day, for better or worse, you and I still have the ability to take our own stands on subjects – and provided we can defend our beliefs from an educated and factual point of view – we are free to debate them at length, and without government interference.

Many brave men and women died in World Wars One and Two so that people like me (for having an adult website) and you (for enjoying adult websites) could be held up for judgment by the small-minded and religious zealots. They didn’t die to defend my right to broach standard social mores, but rather died so that all of us could live in a democracy and have educated conversations about our choices in lifestyle. Our modern opportunities continue to be a by-product of their sacrifice. And for good or bad, that includes all the naughty stuff we get into.

Generally, I don’t get caught up in political debates and the like. I much prefer the more passionate side of life: sexuality and sensuality. I’m not a very complicated person – or loudly opinionated. But today, whether you agree with me or not, I hope that you will take a moment to remember what November 11 is about. It’s about the war that was supposed to end all wars. Sadly it didn’t.

So today there are no “sexual fantasies” to share, no dirty sexting or blog entries. No, today is just about my wishes – I guess a bit of fantasy when you get right down to it – that for once in our lives we could live without conflict, without judgment, and in harmony as people.

For those who made the ultimate sacrifice, I am sorry that I take my freedom for granted every now and then, but I couldn’t be more thankful for the opportunities I have in my life – even if they may challenge society’s moral standards.

Lest we forget.

30-Day Sex Challenge - Day 3: Masturbation

One of the downsides to spending a day like I did on Day 2 of the 30-Day Sex Challenge, is that while I enjoy the electronic torment, teasing, flirting and whatnot...it also leaves me horny. And despite all the Tweeting and mind-effing, last night did not provide a suitable chance to get what I wanted. Neither did my daytime, either, but that's a whole other story I'll save for another time.

So, there I was, waking up on Day 3, feeling like I needed a little personal attention. And since a number of my past blogs have been about self-loving, I figured that masturbation is sex in a way, and it fit my scheme. I mean, when you get right down to it...it is a sexual act. Plus I know you guys like the idea of me bringing myself to a delightful orgasm.

Lucky for me, a nice long shower would only seem to those others in my house that I was doing something girly in there. Just one of the advantages to having to do hygiene things like shave my legs. If they only knew what really went on behind that curtain!

Anyway, I angled the shower head so the hot water would flow down across my body as I leaned against the shower wall. There's something really erotic about that sensation alone. Perhaps it's the heat and pulsing of the water that warms up all the nerves in my skin.

To get the right angle, I propped my feet against the side of the tub. A bit precarious as I'm just about the right height to make it all work. Then, closing my eyes and letting my imagination go to some wonderful places, I slipped one hand down between my legs and gently massaged myself. The sensation of my fingers waking up all those nerves down there, combined with my horniness and sexually active imagination...

Needless to say, I am feeling much better this morning.

PS: Here's an extra Topless Tuesday for you as well...a double dose of Andee since threesomes comes up in conversation a lot.

Andee     xoxo

Masturbation | What Gets Her Off?

Once again, a lot of the conversation these days - when it comes to my Tweets anyway - seems to revolve around the idea of self-love. But, then again, it is something that is a big part of my daily routine, so I’m quite comfortable with talking about the subject. For anyone who has taken a naughty little peek at my videos, you will know that I am someone who indulges quite a bit in some sex toy play.

So when this came up in conversation not that long ago, it gave me some ideas on using it for a blog update. Plus, I know there are some of you out there just enjoy the thought of a woman - any woman - willing to admit she masturbates.

Anytime I have admitted it to men, like my Office Guys, it’s like they just got that Christmas gift they always wanted. Their eyes light up and they become 12-year-olds all over again, giggling madly that I used the word "masturbation." I hope to heaven they don't slink off at afternoon break to the private washroom and relive me talking about it.

Seriously guys…it’s just me making myself orgasm…it’s not like none of you haven’t done it.

Anyway, the conversation ended up with the debate of  what is more erotic: a woman who masturbates with her fingers or a woman that masturbates with a sex toy?

My own personal preference is for a sex toy when I am doing myself. The sensations that my favourite toy brings to me allows me to reach my orgasm quite nicely and intensely. The only downside is that sometimes a sex toy makes just a bit too much noise; so when you are trying to be discreet it can be very difficult. Thank goodness for thick blankets and pillows.

When I am not able to use my toys, I have no issues with my fingers. But, as hard to explain in a descriptive way, those kind of orgasms are different.

I’m sure it is no different for you guys, but my experience with men has pretty much been that guys use their hands ... or at least one of them. I haven’t met many at all that use anything battery-operated or one of those fleshlight toys on a frequent basis.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT WOMEN MASTURBATING?
So instead of pondering too much over it, I asked my husband what it is about women masturbating, and then the toy vs. fingers option.

It seems what guys like when it comes to masturbating women is the simple fact that we do; anything that involves a woman pleasuring herself and genitalia is all that is needed. After that, he says it plays on a guy’s visual stimulation and revealing the secrets behind what it takes to make a woman orgasm.

Maybe it is that ‘secret revealed’ or that watching a moment that is the height of her vulnerability. Masturbation is a very personal and private moment for a woman, something that many of us don’t openly share with others. Well, unless you happen to be like me, who has several videos posted for guys to enjoy.

And while most women who masturbate with a toy do not insert it, he explained that there is something even more erotic about a woman who uses ‘foreign’ objects as sexual props. By doing so, she is revealing her willingness to experiment with a variety of non-traditional sex acts…which could suggest she is even more willing to be ‘wild and crazy’ when it comes to sex with a partner.

Now personally, anytime I find about another woman who masturbates, despite the naughty thoughts that go through my own mind, I’m thrilled that there are more out there who are comfortable enough with their own bodies and desires to enjoy a level of sexuality that far too many want to cast judgment on.

So fingers or toys, just get busy and enjoy. Masturbation is healthy.

Andee     xoxo

30-Day Sex Challenge - Day 1: Oral Mornings

Some of you may recall that a few weeks ago I blogged about a 30-Day Sex Challenge, and at the time I said I thought it would be something exciting to try…so over the past couple weeks I have been collecting naughty little thoughts in my head in preparation for the event to begin.

This morning I began my challenge in somewhat fine style. It seemed somewhat opportunistic, as here the clocks went back one hour for daylight savings time, essentially meaning and extra hour of morning playtime. I woke up before my husband, so I decided that I would quietly read one of my new books – another delightful erotic romance by Shayla Black.

It wasn’t long before I was feeling a little turned on. So while I held the book with one hand to continue reading, I slid my other hand down between the sheets and gently began to stroke my husband. It wasn’t long before he was beginning to stir from his sleep…as was his nice hard erection.

I put the book back on my nightstand and slid down between the sheets so that I could tease him even more, using my hands, breasts and mouth to say “good morning.”

Uh huh…Day 1: Wake him with oral sex. 

Andee     xoxo

Fantasy Friday | The Mile High Club

Just a couple days ago, I was reading about sexual fantasies in a book I have and what it is that ranks high on men's lists of things that turns their cranks. One of them was the automotive blowjob, which I have to admit is a lot of fun to do and, as I blogged about a couple weeks ago, I have my own little kinky twist on.

Overall, it seems that men like to fantasize about sex in motion…because not far behind the ranking for oral sex while driving, is sex on a train or a plane. 

As someone who commutes on a daily basis, and has blogged some of my own naughty thoughts from the train, I admit that I do see the erotic appeal of such fantasies. It’s a combination of exhibitionism and the fear of being caught, with a hint of the mysterious stranger.

A couple years ago I was invited to attend a training conference for my work in Denver, and that experience has given me the opportunity to dig deep into my imagination and offer up my Fantasy Friday on the Mile High Club.

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | How To Pick A Husband

Maybe not so much a sexy blog today, so to compensate a bit, I’m matching it up with a really steamy Thigh High Thursday update…and since we’re focusing on the idea of a “career woman,” I have a nice “office girl” theme to match.

Earlier this week I was reading an article in a Canadian women’s magazine, mostly because the headline caught my attention. It was about how to select a husband if you have career plans and what qualities he should have in order for you to reach your career goals.

Now, being someone with more than a few stellar ideas on what I want to be when I grow up, the idea of a career-matching spouse was intriguing. At the same time, I’ve never been one to follow any stereotypes, so it equally appealed to my cynical side.

Personally, my relationship and marriage goals far outweigh my career goals. Yes, I would love to have this magnificent career with bucket loads of cash at my feet, but I may be among the few who would sacrifice those for an equally magnificent relationship built on respect, love and adventure. I think our society has reached a point where the pursuit of status and equity has eclipsed all the other wonders that surround us.

And as such, the article, published by Chatelaine, begins with comparing a career-supporting husband to that of a reliable Internet connection: a necessity in the modern world. It then continues with a recommendation that women select someone with little motivation… 

Career women take note: if you want to continue to ascend the corporate ladder all the while maintaining a happy-ish household it may be wise to choose a partner with lesser ambition or a less demanding work schedule, or so suggests a study by a Cornell researcher.

After analyzing census data from more than 8,484 professional workers and 17,648 nonprofessional workers from dual-earner families in the U.S., sociology researcher, Youngjoo Cha discovered that there's a potentially negative association between how many hours a man works per week and its effect on the career choices of his female partner. 

In the 2010 paper "Reinforcing Separate Spheres: The Effect of Spousal Overwork on Men's and Women's Employment in Dual-Earner Households," Cha concludes that being married to a man who works 60 hours a week and more makes a woman more likely to quit her job. In fact, it increases her odds by 42 per cent. (For women in professional positions, that risk goes up to 51 per cent.) 

OK, so there is a hint of validity in the argument. Anyone in a relationship – marriage, common law, dating – that clocks an excessive amount of work hours is going to place a greater amount of stress on the partnership. If your mind and focus is that distracted, you’re probably not all that into creating a sexsessful relationship anyway. Your priorities have been established and they are material-bound.

But to suggest that women choose husbands based on having less ambition floored me. One of first thoughts was, if I pick a guy with less ambition than me, how can I expect him to have the ambition to support me and our household by assuming the lion’s share of the housework while I’m playing “Office?” If he’s already just not that into “work” … well, I can’t see him jumping all over the mundane either.

I’m reaching, of course. But the idea makes for a good argument. As a young and ambitious career woman, I should choose a layabout as a spouse just so the cooking and chores can be done? Or quit my job just so I can stay home and do some laundry? Shall I ask him to buy me some June Cleaver pearls?

Not buying it. I would rather find a partner that is aggressively supportive of our dreams together – career, family and personal – than open up a first date with “So, how ambitious are you really?”

Ambitious enough to enjoy a little fun, anyway.

Andee     xoxo

 

Do Sex Fantasies Make You Feel Guilty?

The one thing that my blog has allowed me to do is open up to both myself and my husband about some of the sexual fantasies that swirl around in my head. Like many of you, I have those ones that rank as safe and somewhat standard. Ideas like making love on a secluded beach under a setting sun; a fantasy where you can paint the mental picture without testing your partner’s willingness to share in that fantasy too much.

It’s safe and hints at the romantic that a woman is supposed to be.

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What I have discovered in my life, my sexual psyche and imagination as I have grown older is a whole deeper level of desire, passion and dreams. I’m certain that the connection to all this is how, as we grow older, we become more comfortable with who we are and are able to “find ourselves” more easily.

But that isn’t to suggest it is a complete free-for-all around my house. On the contrary. There is still an awful lot that I am beginning to discover and try to understand.

So when these questions were presented to me recently, it gave me a few good things to think over and really get inside my own head:

Do you ever feel guilty, embarrassed or secretive about your sexual fantasies? 

I believe we all have a little voice in the back of our head that tells us that some things are just not ‘normal’ for whomever we are: married mom, college girl starting out in serious relationships, bi-curious woman, etc. Unfortunately for most of us our upbringing has instilled certain “morals” surrounding sexuality. Our society is more open to violence than we are sex; and as such, we continue to assign judgment to people who explore, experiment and experience.

Coming out with a fantasy is a difficult task in a relationship because it means opening yourself to a level of vulnerability. Hopefully in your relationship, you have a high level of trust and the ability to see that fantasy is just that - a crazy notion that occupies some space within the imagination. Because we have certain thoughts doesn’t mean we are ready to take off like Thelma and Louise. It just means we have a healthy libido and are able to connect our minds to our sexual desires.

I think people are more afraid of their own sexual fantasies because they fear being judged more than they fear the effort it would take to try something.

Now, being nudged off the soap box, goodness, yes there are some sexual fantasies that I do feel guilty about, and some that both shock and embarrass me. My husband knows many of mine, but I sure as heck won’t say he knows all…especially since there are some that I am trying to understand on my own, and what they mean.

And then some of my fantasies are fleeting dreams that only make me go “Wow, that was unexpected!” But we can’t begin to get hung up on how our minds work when we are asleep and dreaming. I simply enjoy the new ideas and will occasionally revisit those thoughts when I am alone and awake…if you know what I mean.

More so, thankfully, I see those as a healthy sign that my mind is always going in new directions.

Keeping secrets, for the most part, is not something that I like to do. It doesn’t mean I don’t…and I’m not naïve enough to think that my husband doesn’t have a few of his own. However, I’m sure just like many of you, there are thoughts that I have that I recognize as being something that would not appeal to him on the same level … sexual thoughts about people and situations that wouldn’t indulge his own imagination. We’ve been together long enough for me to know what gets him going and what will lead to some awkward conversations.

But when push comes to shove, I will let him in on some of those…if even just a very small component just to keep him guessing. Kind of like my recent fantasy about one of my Office Guys and his girlfriend.

How much do other people’s opinions affect your sex life?

The easy answer is “only a little” but the truth is closer to “a lot.”

Let me explain:

As many of you have read, I am someone who is really trying to set out on this sexual adventure, trying new experiences and exploring new levels of my own sexuality. And I am having a lot of fun.

But, the truth of it all is, with the exception of my husband, my sister and one Office Guy, no one knows the real woman behind this. My online persona of Andee is who you get to spend your time with. I have to keep my real identity (like many of you) as hidden as I can because if people knew who I really was, the social and career consequences would be disastrous.

As I mentioned earlier, our society is more accepting of brutal violence than the more healthy act of sex. Each evening on the news we can video after video of people doing the most horrific things to each other, but an act of love and sexual expression is censored.

I could be a convicted felon, serve my time, be freed from jail and then be elected to government without judgment. But if I was to run in an election today, my naughty little hobby would become front page fodder from coast to coast. Hmm…habitual drunk driver or housewife with an adult website, who is more dangerous to society?

Unfortunately, most people think the sexually active housewife is…

So that really determines more of who I share my sex life with.

However, that is about me being open to sharing what goes on with me in a sexual way. When it comes to the actual pursuit of sex, the only other person’s opinion that affects what I do is that of my husband. I may be someone who is out there, trying new things, experiencing the rush of life in a good way, but I would never do something that would be an emotional battle for him. Cheating, secretive dates with other guys, sexual situations without him knowing - none of that. But that's just common respect; something else that seems to be lacking in our society.

My sex life has actually been more enhanced by his opinion than restricted. I have said before, and will say it again, had I not met my husband and married him, I doubt very much that I would have done half of the things I have done so far. He has encouraged me to explore my sexuality in a positive way, been supportive of my bisexual desires, and allowed me to become bolder in who I am as a sexual woman. He has also, in a way, positively prodded me into pushing the envelop every now and then.

And our conversations can be the most incredible mind-fuck...

So, people’s opinions are what keep me in the closet about my sex life, and perhaps limit the opportunities that I create (i.e.: more bisexual moments) but I will still get it in every hole while I am there despite what people say about the hazards of oral, anal and every-which-way sex!

Andee     xoxo

 

Sex Tricks | One That Works On Me

I guess one of the upsides to Halloween is that it gives me a night where I really can’t get too sidetracked by much. Having to get up every couple minutes to hand out some candy is just about right for writing a sentence or two between the knocks. The downside is that my Little Men are now big enough to want to go out without Mom.

Of course, Halloween is also one of those great times when all the sexy costumes are out too…and I get to stock up on some sexy stuff to use on my website.

But in keeping with the trick or treat theme, here is a question that kind of fit’s the spirit of the day:

 What's the best/most effective sexual trick a guy has performed on you?

I would have to say that not many guys have tried too much, mostly because I have been with the same man for a long time and that tends to ward off most of the advances. But, I haven’t been so innocent and luckily I’ve had my moments (if for no other reason than ego). The one trick that a couple of different guys have tried so they could get me into a sexual situation is getting me to loosen up with a little (actually a lot) of liquid courage.

These days it’s a lot more amusing to watch the effort go into it.

Now, for the guy who is actually successful in getting me in bed, kissing me a certain way is one of the sure-fire methods to get me all hot and bothered. And when done properly, gets everything all ready to go very quickly…and I do mean everything. You know, there are those kind of kisses that are filled with so much sexual energy that they send a lightning bolt of erotic excitement right to my pussy that set it on fire.

Oh yeah…

The trick is knowing how and when to lay one of those on me!

Andee     xoxo