November 17, 2011

Sex | Sharing Our Needs

Well, here I am ready to leap into another year of blogging about my sexual adventure. Like I said yesterday, the past year has been very enlightening for me, as I have discovered many new things about myself through my writing.

I can’t say that there has been many surprises…other than some of the things that have evolved from it. I have revealed some pretty intense fantasies, both to myself and my husband. I have made a bit of a leap of faith by allowing someone I know in my real life to know about all of this (and patiently wait for any further input he may have on it all!)

In a way, all quite revelational.

So when someone asked me this question, I kind of sat back and wondered just how much of myself I have let out thanks to the words on here.

Why is it so difficult for people to talk about their sexual needs?

Wow… well, I think it is purely about their sense of vulnerability. To open up such a deeply personal and intimate part of ourselves takes an awful lot of courage.

In those moments of intimacy, it can be very difficult to tell your partner that there is something more that you desire, or that something just isn’t working. I have been very fortunate in my own sex life because my partner understands that what once worked, no longer does after childbirth. So, instead of dwelling on the frustration that certain things have changed, he went out and invested in a whole bunch of ways to bring me to that point of pleasure.

What was once a fairly routine sex life has become a much more incredible - and intimate - one because of that.

But I think a lot of women may suffer through changes in their sex life, as both they and their husband go through different stages in life, without ever opening up about their needs and desires. Why?

I never once mentioned that I wanted a sex toy. In all honesty, it was never something that ranked high in my mind. Even though I owned one before I had children, it wasn’t a regular part of my routine. After childbirth, my husband knew I was struggling with regaining my sexual response to what previously was just a given.

He solved that to toe-curling conclusion.

Some women would never discuss their deepest frustrations with their spouses. Some, because I think they fear that their partner will suffer a blow to their ego at not being able to deliver an expected level of pleasure. And so they suffer through lacklustre sex and live quietly disappointed at the state of their intimacy.

And it is a very difficult thing to open up that conversation.

The Electronic Curtain
You know, I write on here about what goes on in my life and mind, but other than those few people who really know me and know that I do this, I am still very anonymous. I hide behind the electronic curtain that is the Internet, while allowing my thoughts to come forward. The consequence of what I say is limited to, as I said, those very few … and I trust them with my vulnerability.

I have the opportunity to open up a part of my own intimacy through that. I can write certain thoughts, relive certain moments, drop certain hints and let nature take its course. The disadvantage is the waiting period to see if those hints were picked up on.

But if I was to come out and discuss these same thoughts and fantasies, say at the work lunch table … well, you can imagine.

Sex remains one of the biggest taboo subjects in our society. Sure, we can drop bits and pieces in conversation about our crazy weekends…but only if it involves the consensual sex between married partners. Open up about kinky stuff and watch the mood get awkward. Well, unless I’m sitting with the ‘boys’ and then it becomes story time with them hanging on every word.

But in reality, because of societal pressure to refrain from “too much information,” we carry that silence into our personal lives and protect our own egos from judgment.
Andee     xoxo

1 comment:

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