TMI Tuesday | Sex Detective

Sometimes people can be a bit sneaky under the guise of curiosity. In a way, I'm not much different - but I would hope that pretty much anything could be an open discussion and there wasn't a need to hide.

However, now that I am a parent to a couple of teenage boys, I'm thinking there's probably some investigative techniques in my near future ... and not just on TMI Tuesday!

1) Did you ever find someone else’s stash of sex toys, lubes, etc.?
Other than finding my teenage brother's stash of Playboy magazines in the barn when I was about 12, no. He wasn't a very creative person when it came hiding places, choosing to stick them in an old case that was up on the loft about my father's work bench.

2) Did you ever search someone else’s computer to determine their porn habits? Were you ever the object of such a search?
I'd be lying if I said I hadn't poked around on my husband's computer to see what was going on, but I'm not exceptionally technologically savvy.

3) Did you ever investigate to see if two people were getting it on?
When I was a teenager, my parents adopted two of my teenage cousins and they moved in with us. The older cousin was a bit of a floozy and always had the lights off downstairs when her boyfriend would visit. I would sneak to the top of the stairs and wait for a few minutes before trying to bust them. I actually never did catch them doing anything other than making out - which is probably better for me and not being grossed out. The people you would love to catch or watch are never the ones you do.

4) Did you ever look for naughty pictures on someone else’s phone?
Not unless you count my husband ... and they were of me ...

5) Were you ever involved with an investigation (formal or informal) into whether someone was cheating on his/her lover?
No, although I've been on the receiving end of someone who thought it would be amusing to try to cause some shit in my own marriage. They took it upon themselves to send my husband some emails accusing me of some inappropriate behaviour with a friend. Of course, they had no clue as to what my private life is really like.

Bonus: Do you have a secret online identity so that you can find a secret lover?
Good lord, no. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the 'secret life' I already have going with me as 'Andee' let alone a dating persona.

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | The Other Side of the Stats

I’m curious. I’ve been reading a few of those horrible trashy women’s magazines lately and there’s a lot of information I’ve discovered – which I love to share on Twitter – but, at the same time, makes me realize that the debate is very one-sided.

The other day, for example, I read an older article about how almost 92 per cent of women considered a man sharing a photo of his junk in a text message with another woman outside of his relationship constituted “cheating.”

And another statistic said that 98 per cent of women felt that if a man had old-fashioned phone sex with another woman it was cheating.

OK, as a woman, I can kind of see that.

But I have to wonder what men think. Not so much what they might be thinking if they are the ones sending the photo or making the phone call, but what do they think if it was their wife or girlfriend behaving like that? Would the same percentage of men agree?

It’s an interesting situation for me on a personal level as well. In the past I have shared rather suggestive photos with men I didn’t know – until I figured it was a lot easier to tell them just to visit my website for that kind of fun. And I have also had phone sex with a man that was not my husband … while I was married; but that was also in the early days of my sexual adventure and there was a lot yet to be discovered along the way.

With where my sexual psyche is at within my marriage these days – and the fact that my husband and I have evolved in both our relationship trust and perspective over the past 23 years – I’m not certain that I’m a good candidate to expand on how someone might react. Frankly, if it was my husband that was getting into all of that with another woman, I would want to be right there holding his hand along the way!

I wonder; have women become that brave? We hear about men initiating and participating in this kind of behavior all the time; but they need someone at the other end to play along. And when they get caught, it’s usually the woman who is blowing the whistle on them. Do men find themselves on the other side of the idea very often? And if so, who are these women they're getting involved with?

Very curious, indeed.

Andee     xoxo

 

Dancing Towards a New Career?

Some time ago, I wrote about how the laws had changed where I live regarding work visas for exotic dancers. The government clamped down on granting such visas to foreign women who come to Canada to earn a living as a stripper. The strip club owners, in turn, made a big splash about how this would limit the number of available dancers for their stages, and how they would now be forced to recruit young college-age women to fill the need.

On and off, the conversation around this has continued among some of my coworkers – surfacing recently when one went off on a rant about how her husband joined his friends for a few drinks at one. That rant is best saved for another day, but regardless, I always enjoy when these topics begin swirling around because I can occasionally shock the shit out of people by chiming in with an opinion they surely didn’t expect.

Well, you have to amuse yourself somehow …

All of this reminded me of an article I read a couple years ago about how in this economic struggle we are in, some women are turning to exotic dancing and adult entertainment as a way to make ends meet. The lure of a potential annual income of $100,000 to $300,000 annually in some of the premier men’s clubs – even in tough times – appears to be too much to resist.

I think I also shared way back then about how, given the right opportunity, blend of alcohol and distance from my home, I might be encouraged to get up for an amateur night. Now, far from being judgmental about it, I did find it interesting to read because it is something that tells what I see as a bigger reality out there. If you consider that this current recession is the first one to occur at a time when women are truly independent. Even some 20 years ago – when I was but a wee girl – the mentality wasn’t nearly as accepting. Not that I would suggest it has changed dramatically, because I am certain that many of these ladies are still facing the scorn of a drunken crowd … and a few angry wives.

But it is intriguing because, at a moment in time when the idea of “amateur” holds a particular appeal, here are housewives, bank tellers and former corporate types, doffing their panties on stage and shaking what Momma gave them.

The article said clubs, adult magazines and porn producers are seeing an influx of applications from women who have college educations and were previously well employed. Some have even used their past as part of their onstage personas to underscore the changes … and appeal to that certain fetish about seeing the boss in her business suit strip down.

I know it works for me when I get all dressed up in professional attire and reveal teasing glimpses of naughtiness under my hemline. And I love how my Office Guys react when I put on my best suit for work.

I suppose for some, the idea may seem somewhat desperate. But given that all of us – men and women – get naked at least once a day for free, is it so bad to try to make the best of the moment and benefit financially? I’m not sure I have an answer, but I can see the appeal … just from my own experience I have noticed that more and more of the guys I have talked to like the idea of “amateur” over “professional.” There’s just something more erotic about seeing the “real girl next door” naked than the one’s airbrushed and pretending they could live on your street.

Andee     xoxo

Healthy Investigation ... or Snooping

I have never really been one who got into the whole celebrichef trend. As someone who thinks the kitchen is just a practical room, the appeal of most food shows and the larger than life personalities these people force themselves to put on just isn't for me. I mean, when I see the commercials for certain popular chefs, and you see their ranting, raving and swearing at their staff, it just reminds me of all the bullying idiots I've had to endure in my own career. Not cool.

But the other day, I found something about British chef Jamie Oliver that touched off a bit of a firestorm ... it was a story about how his wife of 12-years routinely checks his e-mails, cell phone and Twitter account for signs of infidelity. And then, in the interview with the press, she claims that while he believes her to be a "jealous girl" she sees herself as a "laid-back" individual.

Seriously?

Now, I don't know Jamie Oliver. I probably could distinguish between him and the other British chef, because I think Oliver uses a lot less profanity when talking to his employees ... I think. But I do know that whether you are a world-renowned sandwich artist or a somewhat anonymous broom pilot, having your private communications subject to investigation is not a sign of a healthy relationship.

Yesterday, while my hubby and I were having our morning coffee together, we got on the subject of trust. And in our relationship, without question, there is an awful lot of trust. That is what makes it strong and our connection deeper than some of the relationships we see around us. At the same time, as my husband explained, we also tend to push our trust to the limits that not an awful lot of people would dare. That's not to say we cross the line, but recognizing that in our current sexual adventure, things are happening on a somewhat regular basis that require a whole serving of honesty.

My husband explained that in relation to my current relationship status with a certain Office Guy, all he could rely on for those hours that I am at work and in close proximity to one of my objects of desire is trust. I continually reassured him that, given our outlook on what we want from this adventure, there was little need to worry.

But I'm not naive enough to think that his concerns and fears are not legitimate, no matter what I say in response.

The marvels of all that rest in the simple fact that our trust grows when we have these conversations - because through them we are actually being open with each other and communicating. Couples are supposed to talk to each other and work on building something stronger, not just settle into a routine of quiet doubt. For us, healthy investigation into what is going on when we are apart comes from these couch talks over coffee because rarely does anything positive come from secret surveillance.

Someone in the Jamie Oliver article said that assuming your spouse is cheating is one way to guarantee that they will. I couldn't disagree more; assuming your spouse is cheating and investing all that energy chasing shadows takes away the opportunity for intimacy with your spouse - and robs you of those precious moments when difficult questions can be discussed like adults.

Andee     xoxo

It’s Not How You Hide It ...

My mind hasn’t really been focused on a lot of the fun stuff the past few days … far too much dust being shaken out of the deep, dark corners of it and I haven’t felt much inspiration to sequester myself into the corner of the couch with a cold vodka cooler and dish on interesting things like sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll.

So, while I was trying to think about what I need to be writing about this week, I happened to catch the headline for an online feature about discovering if you are just chatting or cheating. I thought mostly you would already know whether or not you are cheating, and jumped into the article with a healthy dose of sober cynicism.

As I read the piece, I delightfully found that it wasn’t just a rehash of the usual trashy women’s magazine tidbits on “signs you may be cheating.” Close, but fortunately there were a few intriguing perspectives on the psychology of what may be considered unfaithful response behavior to what you may not even see as “cheating.”

Without a doubt, all the gadgets and toys we have at our fingertips make communicating much easier – and there’s no question that for some of us, they remove the barriers of shyness and social awkwardness. Texting and email provide the opportunity to share, suggest and say things that would normally make us blush in a face-to-face moment.

But at the same time, all these things open a Pandora’s box of hidden temptation and escapism from what may seemingly feel like a “routine” relationship in our offline lives. As such, the biggest and most obvious factor is not so much about what you are doing – but how you hide it from your partner, and why you may not let them in on what is going on.

Secrecy

“Experts agree that secrecy is the number one sign that your chatting may amount to cheating. If you close computer windows when your lover walks in, delete your browsing history or erase messages and emails, you may want to consider whether or not you're being honest with your partner (and yourself) about your online relationships.

“But some degree of privacy is natural, so how do you know if your secrecy is a sign of infidelity?

“According to infidelity expert Katherine Hertlein, it's really about how your partner would react if they knew what you were up to. ‘If your private chat was revealed and your partner would feel hurt by both the content of it and the fact that you purposely concealed it, you're probably bordering on unhealthy secrecy.’

“Dr. Sheri Myers, author of Chatting or Cheating, agrees. ‘Being secretive is a sign that you're having an affair. Flirtation can be fun and it's harmless if it's out in the open. The dangerous part is when it crosses the line into secrecy. Flirtatious text messages, self-revealing chats, and intimate confessions can fuel a unique cocktail of brain chemistry that can turn a platonic friendship into an addictive, all-consuming affair of the heart.’

“If you find yourself being secretive about an online friendship, it may be time to take a step back and ask yourself what toll this friendship is taking on your primary relationship.”

Is there a clear solution to finding a balance between the excitement beyond the traditional boundaries of marriage and blowing it all up for the sake of answering the eternal “what if” question? Not really.

Where we can gain a lot of ground towards the open door is through constant communication with our partner.

I’m no expert, but a lot of this does ring true in my own life. I have a great deal of freedom to explore and flirt, however I also understand that it can be a very precarious balancing act. It can be very easy to get caught up in the excitement and forget yourself in the moment. Then, when the dust settles you begin to see that perhaps there were some things that should have been shared/discussed/thought-out. What may have been to one person an insignificant exchange of texts or emails, may be seen as something deeper by the partner left out of the moment.

Which brings us to the emotional aspect of it all …

Emotional Get-off

“Research suggests that the mere thought of receiving an email or text message can create a natural high for regular text and email users, as our dopamine levels spike. It follows that the thought of receiving a potential flirtatious message would also create an instant high and the desire to seek more gratification. Recognizing the difference between excitement for the unknown and the desire for emotional and intimate fulfillment is essential.

“’Though your sexy chats may produce a sense of relief and pleasure,’ Dr. Sheri warns that you may be idealizing your online relationship on account of chemical changes in the brain. ‘Biochemical research has shown that the effect of these love chemicals is twofold: they are released in response to your friend, and they bond you to him or her.’”

I have dabbled a great deal online – especially in the last 10 years as I began to explore more about my sexual interests and as my website grew into what it is today. Along the way I have chatted with many great guys, a few women and a few … well, let’s just call them “intriguing individuals.” Naturally, a number of those conversations and emails have been of a sexual nature and the door has always been open for my partner to ask – even participate – in them.

I admit it was fun and exciting in the beginning stages, but as we discover with certain things in life, routine can settle in and the thrill diminishes. These days my online chatting has been limited to a few very good friends – and, of course, the fun nonsense that has emerged from Twitter and my blog.

But I believe a lot of that can be carefully managed by being open with your partner – and including them in the excitement that it creates. Because it is very true, that when things get hot, heavy and sexually-charged, we all tend to become more inwardly-focused and possessive of our own satisfaction. And that can lead to the secrecy of it all, which will quickly bring about the polar opposites of emotion: hurt and betrayal.

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | More Trashy Advice

At break yesterday I was reading one of those trashy women's magazines that seem to make their way to the staff lunch room when their purpose has expired. It’s usually in these dog-eared rags that I find all those quirky and crazy little stats that I throw up on my Twitter page in an effort to amuse and astound.

In this edition, there was an advice column from one of those so-called "relationship experts." A reader sends in a typical relationship-type question, and the “expert of the month” provides insight and advice … usually the kind of stuff our girlfriends used to dish out in the high school washroom. Often it makes for some good banter among my table mates, as we giggle about the subject and our take on it.

In this column, the writer was asking what it meant by her husband continually looking at other women. The reason this rings so true with me is because it's a topic my husband and I continually discuss. Having said that, I also recognize we are the kind of couple that would drive a "relationship expert" like these ones over the brink. Pretty much every rule these so-called professionals expect couples to follow we have thrown out, twisted, bent and manipulated for our own devious pleasure. Our happiness and togetherness is not influenced by some all-encompassing moral standards that “relationship experts” in trashy women's magazines recommend.

To her credit though, this expert pointed out that we are humans with an instinctive curiosity about others. Personally, I like to see it as a healthy dose of voyeurism. Without question, we each have unique tastes and appeal, so when in social settings, it can be quite natural to “people watch.”

Then the good stuff all falls apart; the expert goes on to talk about her own past relationship with a man she referred to as "The Ogler." OK, you lost me right there – can you say "personal agenda." She has clearly indicated that she has her own deep-rooted – and potentially jealous – bias underlining any advice she has to offer on this subject.

For me, the writer’s issue is more about the exclusion of the partner in the natural habits of the other.

Maybe I'm the strange one for hoping I am one of those women that attracts a man's attention. I certainly invest enough effort into being a bit of a distraction and it would be disappointing to discover it was all a figment of my over-active imagination. At the same time, I can appreciate why my significant other likes to look at other women – heck, I like to look at other women! Does this suggest he is seeking a replacement for me? I doubt it ... because we don't misinterpret each others' "people watching" as a threat to our marriage.

The key, in my definitely-no-expert opinion, goes back to the one topic I continually harp on: communication.

The woman asking the question obviously has some jealousy issues, or feels threatened by her husband’s noticing of other women ... which seem to indicate deeper problems in the relationship than just noticing a "hot babe" at the next table. It appears they are just not able to express a part of themselves in a marriage that needs to be nurtured more than one's ability to balance a chequebook or mow the lawn.

The emotional passion and desires need to be in bigger focus than anything else. I don't know about you, but it's not the material things that fuel my relationship with my husband ... it's knowing who he is, his desires, lusts, passions, ambitions, dreams and fantasies that make up a core part of it. If I know and am in tune with all that, then we sail through the moments of economic recession, mortgage re-negotiations, bills, etc.

Then, of course, we are able to relish those more "sexually charged" moments when his (and my) gaze is turned to a stunning set of legs in a short skirt. I say that because, truly, we both appreciate that. I also know him well enough to say he would never be distracted by a set of tight buns or rock-hard abs on a fit guy at the beach … but he doesn’t dwell on me taking a moment to enjoy the view.

The expert says this woman "must not tolerate" her husband's ogling any longer – clearly suggesting something akin to a showdown at the OK Corral. Like that will turn out positive.

Do I have an answer? Not really, other than if you can’t talk to your spouse about something as natural as admiring the human form, then you should expect bigger issues on the horizon.

Oops! I have to run. The really hot EMS guy just showed up!

Andee     xoxo

 

Sex | Seriously, It's Just A Number

Every now and then, I hear the occasional “bit of advice” about not asking about a person’s sexual history. I guess I am a bit of an unusual case because, honestly, I want to know … and please feel free to use some graphic descriptions. I see it as an important part of who my partner is. These were experiences that were real and important to them at a point in their life. On top of that, who’s to judge whether or not I might learn something from it that might help me bring them more happiness.

When I saw a few messages this week when I checked my email, I figured what would be better than to expose some intimate detail about my own history. So, here’s a Formspring Friday question that I certainly liked on the subject of sexual mileage:

Do you think your friends would guess that you have slept with more or less people than you actually have?

For anyone who knows me – the real me behind Andee – they would probably guess pretty darn close to the truth. My circle of close friends know my husband and I have been in a very committed relationship for a long time … 22 years, in fact. They also know my age, which when using simple math would tell them that I was pretty young when I started dating him. The assumption would be that, given my age when we started dating, it would have taken me out of the dating pool for part of high school and all of college.

Assuming I also behaved 100% while maintaining a long-distance relationship for almost two years.

Having said that, I think that a good number of them would under-guess the truth because they may not really know about some of the sexual antics that my hubby and I have enjoyed: assuming that we’re not going to say sex only has to be intercourse between a man and a woman. There have been a few very enjoyable nights and afternoons of healthy, sweaty sexual activity that just didn’t reach the point of traditional intercourse between me and another man.

So that might cloud the issue. I know that for some of my friends south of the border, there has been some debate on whether or not a little oral action qualifies as “sexual relations.” But what’s a blowjob or pussy-licking between friends, right?

And do women count as sexual partners?

Ooh, the depth of it all!

Now, I think that some of my other more casual friends and coworkers might over-estimate the number of sexual partners I have had, given the occasional flashes of sexual confidence that exude from me. And I’m sure that, based on the kind of things I do share with them about my marriage, they might think I have a bit of a track record of experience.

Regardless, I am a big believer in quality sexual relations over quantity.

So, just to make things a bit fun, I have decided to turn my blog poll into your chance to “guess” the number of sexual partners I have had. I’m going to leave it wide open for you and say that I personally consider oral sex to be sex … besides, it helps with the stats.

Once the poll is done, I’ll confess all to you … plus it gives me a week to pad the numbers just in case!

Andee     xoxo

Fantasies | Can It Still Be One

Sorry that I haven't had something sexy to occupy your mind with in a couple days. Every now and then life seems to get in the way of all the naughty fun we have together. Anyway, I managed to sneak in a few minutes to taste my coffee and let my mind wander back into the place where we have the most fun: my imagination!

My first thought on this exceptionally wonderful day was to answer a question that has plagued couples for a very long time: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

But it occurred to me that I probably wouldn't notice how much wood a woodchuck could chuck, because I would be getting some wood as I wrapped my arms around a tree and hiked up my hem.

OK...just kidding.

A friend had asked me the other day about my fantasy, and now that some parts of it had become a reality, what did that mean for the fantasy overall. Would I now look for others, or would this one still be a fantasy?

I have many different fantasies when it comes to my sexual adventure. Some are just those crazy thoughts that occupy my mind on occasion, while others are more captivating - and potentially worth pursuing.

Just because I was able to spend an incredible hour with my Office Guy a couple weeks ago, experiencing the sexual tension between us come to a realistic moment - and while my husband looked on approvingly - doesn't mean that the thought of it all comes to a conclusion. There is still a great deal of the fantasy that I would like to explore.

The experience I did have answered a few of those questions that pop into my mind. But at the same time, like all great sexual experiences should do, it has left me with an even deeper wonder about my fantasy.

In a way, it is a bit like that chocolate cake I used as an analogy in my blog on Friday. Having a taste leaves you wanting to have another piece. Finding the point where you have had just enough in one sitting is the challenge. After dessert, you will want more, but you also understand that a little piece here and there is far more delightful.

In this particular fantasy, I have found a few answers and an awful lot of pleasure, but many thoughts remain.

What I don't know is if the opportunity will present itself again.

Andee    xoxo

Sex | Turning Fantasy Into Reality

First off, thanks to everyone for your comments and messages about my little rendezvous on Wednesday. Initially I had thought I would give myself a bit of time to let everything sink in a little deeper ... and see if there was any fallout or repercussions, but I know there's quite a few of you that are anxiously awaiting an update ...

I think it goes without saying that I was really nervous about how the day would play out. When you spend so much time dreaming up things between your ears, it can be hard for reality to live up to those expectations. I think anyone who has been through the idea of turning fantasy into reality would agree that often it does not turn out like the scripted idea you carry in your imagination.

By the time we checked into the hotel, I was pretty rattled. I still wasn't entirely sure that my Office Guy would show up - and even if he did, could we even go through with any of the notions I had in my head.

As planned, I emailed him to let him know the details ... and set to work on shooting some new updates for my website while we waited.

My heart damn near beat right out of my chest when I heard the knock. I greeted my friend at the door wearing nothing but my bra, panties, stockings and garterbelt. Not exactly what I had intended, but I had told my husband that I would open the door in whatever state of dress I had reached.

As my friend came into the little hallway of the hotel room, he gave me the once over, and one of those looks that said he approved. I could tell he was as nervous, so I kissed him in an effort to try to calm him down a little.

From there, I brought him into the main room to meet my husband, and enjoy a little small talk. While all of us were chatting, I was gently touching him, kissing him ... encouraging him to do the same to me. It felt incredible to have his hands on me ... even more so with the fact that my husband was just a few feet away, and approving of the whole experience. To have that kind of freedom in my mind to know this was really happening just added to my sexual excitement. My husband nestled into his little corner to sit back and enjoy the show, while my Office Guy and I finally got down to business.

We laid down on the bed and made out for a couple minutes while he ran his hands over my body, eventually reaching down between my legs where he could feel how wet, turned on and ready I was for him. He had touched me there once before, during a little heated moment in his office last week - when I showed him I was wearing stockings to work ... but that touch was only through my panties. Well, we were at work! This time, my pussy was all his to explore.

He then moved down between my thighs so he was in position to lick me and set to work with his mouth ... One of the things that truly sent me over the edge was during this sensational pussy-licking, I glanced over at where my husband was sitting and watching intently. He gave me a little wink and smile ... and from there I knew my fantasy was everything I wanted it to be.

In no time, I was clutching at the sheets on the hotel bed, pushing against the headboard with my hands as I lay there on my back. The reality was unbelievable as I reached down between my stockinged legs and clutched at my friend's head. I think I may have muttered a few words between my moans as I surrendered to my desires. My Office Guy slid his long finger deep into me, stroking my g-spot as he continued with his amazingly talented tongue and proceeded to bring me to an incredible orgasm.

I have explored a little with other men in my sexual adventure, but he was the first man - other than my husband - in over 20 years to make me cum that way. I'm not one that easily reaches orgasms - even more so after having children - and often enjoy a little extra help in getting there, so this was an amazing surprise.

I couldn't do much for a few minutes. I just lay there, my body quivering, my pussy tingling and my mind swimming with a sense of delight I can barely explain. My orgasm wasn't just this physical result, it was a moment that rocked my whole sexual adventure. It left me lying there ... and thinking back time and time again that I want to experience that all over again ... and again.

Then it was my turn to repay the favour. I rolled him onto his back and straddled him. We kissed for a moment, so I could taste myself on his lips and tongue. I might have mentioned about how I also enjoy the taste of pussy ...

I took him into my mouth - an equally incredible moment that I had been fantasizing about for a long time. I proceeded to lick, suck, stroke and enjoy his dick until he let go onto my tongue. Equally so, he became the first man I have let cum in my mouth since I was a teenage girl doing some very naughty things at a young age.

I had thought over and over in my mind how things would end. Would I just let him cum in my mouth, would we progress from oral to intercourse? I didn't know ... and in the moments after, I didn't care. My fantasy had become an awesome reality.

Sadly, like all good things, there had to be an end to the moment, as my Office Guy needed to leave for other obligations. I'm anxious to chat with him, relive the excitement and almost indescribable pleasure he gave me.

And, the question remains if there will be a second time ... I can only hope there will be.

... I'm not sure about the question if I will be able to behave at work.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | I Might Be Game Now

Well, it's finally here. I know many of you think "What? Hump Day?" And you would be right ... or at least there is a very nervous and excited part of me that would hope so. For anyone who has toiled with me over the past few days, and managed to still hang around after my tweets, blogs and ramblings about what today means for me, I think you'll see the connection in this post to all that.

For those that haven't, a brief recap in a very short version: today, if all the planets align in my favour, I will finally be able to turn a fantasy I have held for some time into a reality. A male friend, who I have flirted with, teased and tormented for the past several months has agreed to meet me today, away from work (and under the voyeuristic eye of my husband) for something "more."

Midweek may seem odd choice for a rendezvous to some people, but the reality is that the planning has taken a fair bit of careful coordination as to not make everyone's real life obligations too complicated.

And as I write this, I still can't be assured that my friend will actually make the leap with me. Despite the conversations and emails between us, there are a lot of realistic pressures and complications to it all.

So when I was brainstorming what I might occupy my mind with this morning, in an effort to calm my nerves, restrain some of the excitement and trying not to over-think the opportunity, this question from a TMI Tuesday idea from way back struck a chord:

If the opportunity arose, what would you like to do to someone else that you have never been game to try before?

This is very intriguing for me to dwell upon because, quite frankly, I am taking a huge leap and risk with everything that I have laid out so far. If today unfolds as I imagine in my mind, it will be the biggest step I have taken in my sexual adventure since I started. It's one thing to experiment and solve a few curiosities about being bisexual, but to me there seems to be a slight emotional and physical difference in spending time with another woman. The social pressures aren't exactly the same; because let's be honest, our society is willing to accept the notion of two women enjoying a sexual experience together.

To take a much different path and seek out a sexual encounter with a man that is not my husband is something that challenges a great many of society's mores. I know it is the kind of idea that makes a lot of men shudder and it's something that I am willing to bet the majority of women fantasize about, right along with me. For men, sex is still a conquest; for women, the same "conquest" earns her a reputation as "easy."

And there are some people who see this is not a big deal; but I hazard to say that given a comparison between a bisexual situation between two woman and a oft-construed extramarital sexual experience between a married woman and not her husband, more people are going to say the girl-on-girl thing is OK.

Regardless, for my own sexual adventure this is a huge turning point. I honestly can't say that it hasn't been a case of me "not being game" to involve another man in my sex life as much as it has been finding the man that will fit into my fantasy. And by that I don't mean some hulking Adonis with orgasm-inducing talents beyond all conceivable thought. I mean a man that appeals to me sexually and intellectually - and has a whole bunch of strings elsewhere so this is nothing more than a fun encounter. I'm not looking to replace anything in my life, just something that will enhance the sexual fun.

As someone who is not exactly the wildest extrovert, hooking up with others at places like the swingers clubs we have been to, or joining an online dating community for couples, isn't where my adventure sits. The personal connection is important to me, because I need to feel the attraction and interest for me to come this far out of my shell.

That has taken time.

And as for how this situation came about, that part of life's adventure hasn't been as fun. I'm very happy in my marriage. I'm lucky in that I married my best friend and soulmate - and someone who is willing to let me have my moment of fantasy and desire. We have explored and experienced so much together - away from the kind of things I share on here. Like so many of you, we have seen a lot of things happen around us that have, in a strange way, opened the doors to this kind of sexual encounter ... the kind of things that make question the silly hang-ups and petty jealousies.

I've touched on it before, but life's experience brings you devastating moments of pain and deep loss AND moments of tremendous joy and incredible reward. Every step along both sides of that experience is what leads us to question our lot in life, and challenge the regrets we don't want to carry. That is where we find ourselves as a couple today. We don't want to be the "couple next door." The couple next door to us fight and yell at each other; other couples we've seen end their marriage, and others yet again, you wonder why they bother.

I think I've said it so much the past few weeks as all of this has gathered speed that it has become a bit cliché - life doesn't have a passenger seat.

Today, I just hope it has a nice stick-shift!

Now, having exposed my soul a little less than I hope to expose my body in a few hours, I can ponder a brief "OK Andee, after this, what is next on that list of things you might be game for?"

Easy ... if it all goes according to my fantasy today:

Oral sex in his office. Just once.

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | An Affair Of The ....

I'm always thrilled when some of my rambling tweets are intriguing enough for you to pay attention to...and not to mention when I actually get to ramble on about something you want to know!

I know, my life away from my blog must be just riveting!

Anyway, I wrote something the other day about how half of emotional affairs evolve into sexual affairs. My facts on the subject were based on one of those relationship surveys I happened to read in one of the trashy women's magazine that tend to frustrate and amuse me so much.

My Twitter friend Paul (@PAscsupporter) wanted to know what I thought was "worse" when it came to affairs between men and women: emotional or sexual?

This particular subject is especially challenging for me, as I sincerely think there are two very distinct schools of thought on this particular subject, if not three! We have those who are involved in seeking something beyond their marriage with someone, we have the spouse who is being "cheated on" and then we will have those that believe subjects like this can't be defined in crystal clear terms.

Then there is the people who debate the issue of whether or not humans - and living creatures - are meant to be monogamous.

That's just scratching the surface. Because like so many things when it comes to relationships between men and women, this can be an exceptionally complex and confusing subject.

A number of studies on the subject have shown that men's affairs tend to be more sexual, while women's tend to be more emotional. But, as with so many things when it comes to relationships, marriage and the limits people set within them, it can be difficult to pin down exactly what might define an "affair" and not every one can be hemmed into a narrow category.

But, digging into my trusty resources for a definition before we go too far:

An emotional affair can be defined as follows:
"A relationship between a person and someone other than (their) spouse (or lover) that has an impact on the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage. The role of an affair is to create emotional distance in the marriage." In this view, neither sexual intercourse nor physical affection is necessary to impact the committed relationships of those involved in the affair. It is held that an emotional affair can injure a committed relationship more than a one night stand or other casual sexual encounters.

And, I don't think I really need to describe what a sexual affair is ... do I?

So now we know the difference between in the heart and in the panties, let's get to the nitty-gritty.

Women tend to be more emotionally invested - as a generalization - so it makes sense that women would gravitate more to something that appeals to us on a different level. Whether it's a sense of "still having it after all these years" to looking for emotional fulfillment that may no longer exist in their marriage, there are any number of reasons why women are often identified as being in emotional affairs. We need the affair to fill an emotional need, a void that exists and a feeling of being "special."

Women are more likely to become involved with someone they are attracted to beyond the physical, and want to see more than once in order to satisfy those emotional needs. We're just not as inclined to go purely for the physical gratification.

Men - again as a generalization - tend to look for the physical needs they no longer have fulfilled at home. Perhaps their wives won't do certain sexual acts, or no longer turn them on, or no longer have the passion and desire for some mattress dancing. Men seem to look for something that is more "animalistic" and hits on their need to get some action. And even though I learned from a personal friend that men do want to have their emotional needs fulfilled, the available statistics don't seem to support an argument for men primarily seeking emotional affairs.

But Paul's question was, which is worse?

If I had to pick one, I would have to say an emotional affair is worse. Some physical moments can be overcome, shared, forgiven ... even celebrated if you don't have too many sexual hang-ups in your life, but it seems that (if we follow the definition above) the elements of an emotional affair run so much deeper.

I think we can allow ourselves moments of physical pleasure without over-thinking the whole situation. It appeals to a more basic human instinct. Whether it's a drunken kiss at an Office Party or a Spring Break fling in his hotel room, these are physical moments that don't always equate to who we really are. The emotional side of the argument runs deeper within our psyche, and that is where, I think, the true crux of the matter lay: by opening your internal intimacy to another person you are "cheating" the person you vowed to love and honour IF you do so without inviting your marital partner into the whole sexual experience.

However, in all of this, I think I have found the best way to define exactly where my life is at now: a romantic friendship, which refers to both very close but non-sexual relationship and at times physical relationship between friends, often involving a degree of physical closeness beyond that which is common in modern society.

Now, shut up and kiss me ;-)

Andee     xoxo

Lighting A Fire ... Or Playing With One

If you follow me on Twitter, you'll recall that last week I was having an incredibly erotic time sexting back and forth with my husband. For one of my "resolutions" this year, I have been trying very hard to ramp up my overall mood and appearance at work by wearing outfits that don’t always make it out of my closet. I am a firm believer in if you look good, you will feel good, but also I need to reminded of that every now and then. The stress of my recent exam and my general work environment had been getting me down and it's human nature to fall into a rut.

As a woman it is very important to know where you stand in terms of your own sex appeal and how that relates to the rules of engagement with members of the opposite sex. And what I mean by that, is knowing whether or not you are one of those women men peg as having "a great personality" or one who is "drool-worthy." And we can't deny those standards exist in our society. Spend a night watching television and count the number of diet aid commercials, or programs designed to help you achieve your "weight loss goals." There is health and there is attraction. Physical attraction plays a huge role in the world around us, from relationships in our bedrooms to success in the boardroom.

We can't deny that.

One of the big reasons behind this whole adventure has been me exploring and experimenting with my own sex appeal, and discovering that I “still have it” despite being with the same man for 20 years. And it goes way beyond the secret life that is my website ... because the Internet, for all it's fun, doesn't bring me that same sense of being desired. My naughty photos are really just what they are: a moment captured in time for an anonymous audience to enjoy.

My current adventures, away from the Internet, are about "validating" me as a woman - and a sexual one. It may seem egotistical; perhaps even vain and self-absorbed - which is something I am so not. So much of this experience has been from the prodding and encouragement of the man I have spent all those years with; which I'm sure must seem rather strange to many.

But, as with any kind of adventure, at some point though, you have to accept the accomplishment (or failure) and move on to something else. It’s the difference between lighting a fire or playing with one. It’s a fine line and often a difficult one to identify - especially when other people are involved and may have their own perspective on the same matter. That's just part of the danger when you invite others into you sexual imagination.

There are lots of days when I wonder where all of this is heading. How close to the flames can you stand before everything reaches the flashpoint?

I'm starting to think that idea is what is fueling this whole adventure; more than just a sense of playful fun these days. Discovery can be one of those things that can come in either an expected way, or with an element of danger and risk. The closer you get to bigger discoveries - or the ones you truly lust for - the hotter the flames. You're only hope is that those flames are the ones of lust and excitement that can be tamed ... and not the ones that will burn out of control and leave permanent scars.

Andee     xoxo

Threesomes | A Scientific Situation

I was having this thought the other day, shortly after a rather delightfully raucous session with my hubby and one of my favourite toys - are women more predisposed to threesomes than men? When you really begin to think about it, we have the necessary physical design to entertain in that fashion.

Of course, I expect a lot of guys to immediately reject the idea, based primarily on their belief that a threesome strictly involves one man and two lithe members of the Swedish bikini volleyball team.

And men - when push comes to shove - tend to be more wary of performance anxiety when another man is present and adhere to the idea that they should be the sole sexual object when it comes to additional partners in the moment.

I haven’t made it much of a secret about my own desires - Lord knows, I’ve blogged and tweeted about them almost incessantly - but those aside, as I was watching the video replay (yes, there is video!) of this past week’s moment I couldn’t help think that it seemed so much more natural that way.

And it seems that there may be some scientific evidence to support my assumption.

Not that long ago I was reading about a study that showed how men, as a species, are driven to a higher level of genetic competition during the mating process when they are consciously aware of another male. Some of this relates to a scientific position known as (cue the geek theme) Bateman’s Principle. It was in this theory where researcher Angus Bateman connected a position of female reproduction capability to the male ability to impregnate endlessly. His theory - while far from perfect - suggests that a woman can only have so many offspring, whereas a male can, ultimately, produce infinite. Bateman’s Principle implies that females are choosy because there is little advantage for her to mate with multiple males. It boils down to the level of female promiscuity and mate selection on her end … meaning men must compete to mate with that female.

Yeah, you can look it all up before I get too comfy in my librarian glasses and lab coat.

Now, setting aside the human sexual evolution, what this means for someone like me is how those natural instincts translate into more satisfying sex. When the man is aware of the competition, his performance improves.

Women, without having to revisit Grade 9 health class, have the necessary bits to sexually accommodate more than one partner at a time - given you accept oral sex as being a means of sexual accommodation. That said, I have yet to have a man complain about me giving him a blow job; so I make this assumption partly founded on personal research.

Either way, it still sounds like a winning proposition from my end.

But I remain curious, and not just from my sexual point of view, over the concept of a threesome. The dynamics and emotional investment are somewhat frightening and exciting at the same time - like riding an amusement park roller coaster, except without clothes.

Andee     xoxo

The Very Touchy Subject Of Infidelity

This is always one of the touchiest subjects to get into. There can be so much suspicion, raw emotion and anger involved, especially when some people aren’t exactly to admit to it.

Infidelity …

I first blogged about it back in January, with a hint of sarcasm inserted to lighten it up.

I suppose it is one of those topics that anyone who has been in a serious relationship has addressed at one point. Even if it hasn’t been in the heat of the moment, it’s still something that comes up in conversation eventually.

I’m no different; especially since there seems to be some raised eyebrows in my personal life. So when the conversation turned to the idea of whether or not “men are hard-wired to cheat,” I kind of put my mind to work to come up with what has been a pretty challenging blog to write for you.

Infidelity in a relationship isn’t as black and white as some people want to believe, and for each couple, the degree of “freedom” can vary. What may generate jealousy in some relationships might be the fuel for fantasy in others. And based on statistics that show a vast majority of married adults admit to having fantasies that involve someone other than a spouse, the real key is understanding what is accepted and what crosses the line.

The other complicated part of figuring out infidelity is whether the “affair” is physical, emotional or a bit of both.

Personally, I have learned a lot of new things over the past several months about infidelity and had a few of my own preconceived notions shattered.

It used to be somewhat accepted that men cheated based on a very stereotypical testosterone-fuelled need for conquest. Men slept with many women because that is what was expected of a “man.” Women, on the other hand, were mostly expected to be “good girls.” A guy was viewed as a stud based on the number of his sexual conquests, whereas a woman was viewed as a slut if she dabbled beyond second base.

Pretty much the accepted standards, right? Then it was explained to me that, believe or not, men also cheat to fulfill an emotional need. It just wasn’t socially acceptable to say they needed to feel desired and attractive. To do so almost violated the locker room code of what it means to be a "man."

And more women are cheating to fulfill a physical need; hence the birth of the “cougar.” Women began to reject society's position that they had to settle for a less-than-satisfying love life and embraced their own ability to achieve a "conquest." Modern thinking erased some of the old standards as to why people are stepping outside of marriage.

One perspective I read on this described the situation in such a way: “Many people prefer not to define what counts as cheating because by keeping the rules vague and ambiguous, it makes it easier to cheat. If you don’t know what the rules are, you really can’t break them – or so people like to think."

What does still stand, according to some of the studies I read when putting my mind to work on this one, is that there is a difference in how men and women cheat. Men still remain the leaders in physical, one-night stands, while we are more likely to embrace emotional affairs.

And as such, because women are more likely to have an emotional affair, “cheating wives tend to cheat with someone who is part of their social group – a friend or co-worker. Women are also more likely to draw positive inferences about their physical appearance when they are cheating: I'm still attractive, I'm still desirable, etc.”

“Human behaviour is not always governed by the fact that wedding vows were taken and that promises were made. The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely ever a rational choice; instead most infidelity occurs, not because it is planned, but because people find themselves in situations where their emotions overwhelm them. When placed in the right situation (or wrong situation, in this case), our emotions can prompt us to act in ways which are counter to our beliefs.”

It can begin as simple as flirtatious conversation, then evolve to random, seemingly harmless body contact – maybe the ‘friendly’ neck rub or ‘thanks for the advice’ hug. From there, the traditional relationship ‘guards’ come down and emotions cloud the platonic friendship.

The question becomes: Does it evolve to the point where it becomes the focus and highlight of the day when you see that person; or perhaps you change your routine to ensure you cross paths?

Perhaps the innuendo picks up in the daily banter to the point where you once shared information about this friendship with your spouse, you now begin to avoid mentioning that friend’s name at home or changing the subject if your spouse asks about them.

Maybe you begin to confide more personal things to this new, exciting, interesting friend, or begin to accept their perspective on things as being more agreeable or insightful than your spouse. It may get to the point where you find their stories more refreshing than those which have defined your own marriage; they hit on those points of "I wish ..." and take the imagination away from the doldrums of returning home to find a perpetual reminder of stale relationship reality.

Then there is Tiger’s downfall – the cell phone. Does it reach the point where you find yourself sending your friend private e-mails or suggestive text messages, then mass delete all history? Tiger apparently forgot that part …

To many, that is pretty much an affair. The physical sex just hasn’t happened yet. Most studies on the subject suggest it will – to the tune of 73% of emotional affairs evolving to include some sort of physical sexual interaction, from kissing through to clandestine rendezvous.

One need only look to the divorce rate today to see that many people find someone more appealing and more interesting – even someone they love more than their spouse – after they are already married.

So, are men hard-wired to cheat?

I don’t think it’s as simple as that anymore. I think women are just as capable of being the aggressors and initiators when it comes to extra-marital activities. Women have shed the “good girl” requirement in favour of personal fulfillment and pursuit of renewed romantic excitement when a marriage has become routine. Whether that bodes well for the future, I can’t say. But as we can see in the younger generations, there seems to be a lot more flexibility in commitment than ever before.

Andee     xoxo

Do Sex Fantasies Make You Feel Guilty?

The one thing that my blog has allowed me to do is open up to both myself and my husband about some of the sexual fantasies that swirl around in my head. Like many of you, I have those ones that rank as safe and somewhat standard. Ideas like making love on a secluded beach under a setting sun; a fantasy where you can paint the mental picture without testing your partner’s willingness to share in that fantasy too much.

It’s safe and hints at the romantic that a woman is supposed to be.

FREE Sex Fantasy With Every Coupon

What I have discovered in my life, my sexual psyche and imagination as I have grown older is a whole deeper level of desire, passion and dreams. I’m certain that the connection to all this is how, as we grow older, we become more comfortable with who we are and are able to “find ourselves” more easily.

But that isn’t to suggest it is a complete free-for-all around my house. On the contrary. There is still an awful lot that I am beginning to discover and try to understand.

So when these questions were presented to me recently, it gave me a few good things to think over and really get inside my own head:

Do you ever feel guilty, embarrassed or secretive about your sexual fantasies? 

I believe we all have a little voice in the back of our head that tells us that some things are just not ‘normal’ for whomever we are: married mom, college girl starting out in serious relationships, bi-curious woman, etc. Unfortunately for most of us our upbringing has instilled certain “morals” surrounding sexuality. Our society is more open to violence than we are sex; and as such, we continue to assign judgment to people who explore, experiment and experience.

Coming out with a fantasy is a difficult task in a relationship because it means opening yourself to a level of vulnerability. Hopefully in your relationship, you have a high level of trust and the ability to see that fantasy is just that - a crazy notion that occupies some space within the imagination. Because we have certain thoughts doesn’t mean we are ready to take off like Thelma and Louise. It just means we have a healthy libido and are able to connect our minds to our sexual desires.

I think people are more afraid of their own sexual fantasies because they fear being judged more than they fear the effort it would take to try something.

Now, being nudged off the soap box, goodness, yes there are some sexual fantasies that I do feel guilty about, and some that both shock and embarrass me. My husband knows many of mine, but I sure as heck won’t say he knows all…especially since there are some that I am trying to understand on my own, and what they mean.

And then some of my fantasies are fleeting dreams that only make me go “Wow, that was unexpected!” But we can’t begin to get hung up on how our minds work when we are asleep and dreaming. I simply enjoy the new ideas and will occasionally revisit those thoughts when I am alone and awake…if you know what I mean.

More so, thankfully, I see those as a healthy sign that my mind is always going in new directions.

Keeping secrets, for the most part, is not something that I like to do. It doesn’t mean I don’t…and I’m not naïve enough to think that my husband doesn’t have a few of his own. However, I’m sure just like many of you, there are thoughts that I have that I recognize as being something that would not appeal to him on the same level … sexual thoughts about people and situations that wouldn’t indulge his own imagination. We’ve been together long enough for me to know what gets him going and what will lead to some awkward conversations.

But when push comes to shove, I will let him in on some of those…if even just a very small component just to keep him guessing. Kind of like my recent fantasy about one of my Office Guys and his girlfriend.

How much do other people’s opinions affect your sex life?

The easy answer is “only a little” but the truth is closer to “a lot.”

Let me explain:

As many of you have read, I am someone who is really trying to set out on this sexual adventure, trying new experiences and exploring new levels of my own sexuality. And I am having a lot of fun.

But, the truth of it all is, with the exception of my husband, my sister and one Office Guy, no one knows the real woman behind this. My online persona of Andee is who you get to spend your time with. I have to keep my real identity (like many of you) as hidden as I can because if people knew who I really was, the social and career consequences would be disastrous.

As I mentioned earlier, our society is more accepting of brutal violence than the more healthy act of sex. Each evening on the news we can video after video of people doing the most horrific things to each other, but an act of love and sexual expression is censored.

I could be a convicted felon, serve my time, be freed from jail and then be elected to government without judgment. But if I was to run in an election today, my naughty little hobby would become front page fodder from coast to coast. Hmm…habitual drunk driver or housewife with an adult website, who is more dangerous to society?

Unfortunately, most people think the sexually active housewife is…

So that really determines more of who I share my sex life with.

However, that is about me being open to sharing what goes on with me in a sexual way. When it comes to the actual pursuit of sex, the only other person’s opinion that affects what I do is that of my husband. I may be someone who is out there, trying new things, experiencing the rush of life in a good way, but I would never do something that would be an emotional battle for him. Cheating, secretive dates with other guys, sexual situations without him knowing - none of that. But that's just common respect; something else that seems to be lacking in our society.

My sex life has actually been more enhanced by his opinion than restricted. I have said before, and will say it again, had I not met my husband and married him, I doubt very much that I would have done half of the things I have done so far. He has encouraged me to explore my sexuality in a positive way, been supportive of my bisexual desires, and allowed me to become bolder in who I am as a sexual woman. He has also, in a way, positively prodded me into pushing the envelop every now and then.

And our conversations can be the most incredible mind-fuck...

So, people’s opinions are what keep me in the closet about my sex life, and perhaps limit the opportunities that I create (i.e.: more bisexual moments) but I will still get it in every hole while I am there despite what people say about the hazards of oral, anal and every-which-way sex!

Andee     xoxo

 

My Blog Is My Sex Journal

Someone asked me about finding the courage to open up to my husband about a lot the crazy ideas that go on in my mind. When you do look back at the things that I have written here, and on my Twitter, you begin to see that we do have a somewhat unusual relationship when it comes to be open with sex.

Our relationship didn't exactly begin this way. We were like every other couple next door. We had our ups and downs, good moments and, unfortunately, our bad moments. There was a time, in the first couple years of our relationship, when it even looked like things would end up like the other 51 per cent of marriages...

But we did something more bizarre than a lot of other couples would ever think: we worked at it...and worked at it...and worked at it.

One of the first things we did was sit down with a big bottle of wine and talked...naked.

THINGS I COULDN'T SAY

I still remember the first time my husband asked me if I would consider writing a sex journal. It was one of the ideas we had learned from a book we had read, and as we're both big on the writing and reading, it seemed kind of fun. It was also the idea of sharing ideas that I was still a little nervous about saying face-to-face. At that point I wasn't ready to dish on such fantasies of wild and orgasmic threesomes, exploring with another woman...or even launching a website (although that did come out of these moments). Writing down sexual thoughts would open the door to being able to introduce new adventures into our sex life.

Now, truth be told, it was also a huge struggle as I tried to discover the confidence and ways to express the naughty things that went on in my head, but it was a good start. And like a lot of things, that sex journal didn't really last. I think it's still sitting around somewhere with a lot of empty pages. But that isn't to say I gave up on the naughty thoughts, I just found the confidence to talk about them instead of writing them down.

Jump ahead from those days to one year ago...

My blog has become that sex journal I started. I admit it was kind of strange at first, but then it quickly grew into an obsession. These days it has become such an extension of my imagination that I feel truly guilty when I go a couple days without blogging.

And, so I won't suggest this is the answer...BUT...what I am seeing is how the idea of writing about my sexual adventure has allowed it to evolve. And the conversations that go with the writing and reading...um...you can use your imagination there.

Andee     xoxo

 

Relationships | Is It Just Dinner?

This morning, as I was on my way to dropping off my Little Men at their summer day camp, the morning show hosts on the radio were doing their bit called "Group Therapy." It's a bit of common gag, it seems. The listeners send in a scenario specific to their relationships, and the radio hosts discuss and analyze it.

Today the subject was: a male coworker, visiting on business from out of town, had asked a female coworker out for a dinner meeting - both are married. The husband on the female employee had some red flags go up with this request and suspected that something else was going on.

I always find these things amusing, because more often than not, it reveals a much deeper issue with people's relationship that just the simple question on hand.

What reason would their really be for such jealousy on the husband's behalf? Is he afraid that this coworker has such an expert grasp on seducing women, that he will be able to bed his coworker?

If that is truly his concern, then he obviously does not know his own wife very well ... nor have a shred of trust for her.

Now, the other day I blogged about how I can, on occasion, be oblivious to the sexual advances of some guys. I tend to look at relationships with other men as friendships, mostly because I am not one to be intimidated by having a platonic friendship. I seem to find men in my life that are easy to talk to, share some of the same interests that I have - and being I'm not an overly girly-girl and like sports and being active, it helps. I'd much rather trash-talk hockey or baseball than gossip about what shoes someone may be wearing.

But just because some of us are able to relate to members of the opposite sex - people we are not married to - does that automatically put us in line to be a bed-post notch? Do guys assume that we are such a weaker sex that a glass of wine and some lobster bisque is going to make us shed all inhibitions in life and jump into the sack by the time the dessert menu lands on the tablecloth?

Andee     xoxo