Fantasies | More Than A Private Dancer

I sure hope everyone had an awesome weekend. I've had my head buried in school books, so getting a chance to get my blog rolling on time has been a bit of a challenge.

I've also been asking if there's anything my readers would like me to write about, or touch on in my updates. I've been plugging away with my own perversions and thoughts so much, I haven't really paused to ask "What are you interested in?" Please leave me a note, comment or drop me an e-mail. I would like to keep building this blog with you in mind.

Back a few years ago, when I had a blog on a different site, this entry proved to be one of the most talked about at the time. In fact, my husband and a couple of my friends still mention it every now and then. I really enjoyed reading it again, and it certainly brought some definite ideas back to mind.

You say you're an exhibitionist. What is the craziest public display you would like to do if you knew you could get away with it?

I would try stripping on amateur night. Back at that time my husband had taken me to a strip club that featured women dancers for the first time. It was a real eye-opener, and really got me thinking. Things like nude beaches, clubs, etc., they’re a lot of fun, but the idea of being up on stage, in front of a crowd like that really gets me thinking. The club we went to has an amateur night, and from what I hear, is quite the party. It’s in a university town nearby, and all the talk is of girls from the school letting loose and trying to win some money. I’m not too sure, because it sounds so much like an urban myth, but it would be wild to try.

Sadly, my own insecurities and possible loss of employment don’t allow for me to really give it a try. If anyone found out, I think my employer would pretty much show me the door. As I have mentioned a few times, I work in a pretty conservative field, and it just wouldn’t be very good.

On top of that, I think I would like to lose 15 lbs before I even consider it. I’m not as “buff” as I was back a few years ago. I would definitely need to get in shape. I think my husband suspects, because he bought me the Carmen Electra Stripaerobics tapes for Christmas. I’ll know when I see the flyers for the strip club on the table ;~)

I also have to wonder about whether or not men would want to see a 36-year-old mother of two up on stage. I love the esteem boost that I get from all your messages on here and my social networking sites, but what I think in my own head as to what men would think of me might be a little more complimentary than the reality.

So I'm sticking to my comment about being more comfortable in my own skin before letting it loose on stage!

But then again...I certainly found my visit to a strip club quite thrilling too ;~)

UPDATE: For all of you who have been following my 30 Favourites in 30 Days, slip on over to my Twitter site to see how it all finished up. I'm now looking for some new ideas ... feel free to let me know what you might like to see!

Andee     xoxo

Promiscuity | What's In A Name

I was listening to a funny bit on the radio this morning about the most promiscuous names for men and women.

Not sure if I should be happy or hurt that neither of mine were on the list. You do know, guys, that I don’t go by “Andee” in my real life. That would just be weird for me. In fact, only one person refers to me that way outside of this kinky little online life … my best friend from Grade 1 who gave me the name because she could pronounce the one I was given at birth.

Oh, and one acquaintence that we know from one of the lifestyle clubs we go to … but she knew me more from Southern Charms because she was a Charm too a few years back.

And no, she does know where it has taken me 30 years later!

The top names for women:
1. Vanessa
2. Angela
3. Chantelle
4. Tamara
5. Sheila

The least:
1. Dorothy

One of the things I noticed is that most of the promiscuous names for women end with “a.” Hmm. Is there a pattern?

Can’t say my name ever prompted me to be promiscuous, but it has opened the door for some intriguing conversations … and no, sorry guys, I won’t be telling you what it really is.

On the men’s side, the most promiscuous is “Dave.” Funny, I thought it would have been “John.” (Bah-dah, bump, bah.)

I wonder if some parents set their children up for failure, or destiny, when picking a name … like Candy or Destiny … you know where I’m going with that. And let’s not get started on some celebrikids … Apple? Really? “Have you met cousin Lingonberry?”

I’ve always had a bit of a fascination with how people came to be named what they are. When I was pregnant with my own children it was a somewhat challenging process to find names that would be somewhat normal, not get them beat up in the schoolyard and still not be obvious that they were “passed down” like that boxer … what’s his name? Oh yeah, everyone in his family is George Foreman!

Mine came from someone my parents had met years earlier on a vacation and it stuck with them until the had me. Nothing crazy, I suppose. It isn’t particularly fitting given our ancestral background, but what the heck … sure beats being named after something like where I was conceived; Buick just isn’t real sexy for a girl!

Andee    xoxo

Games | Would You Rather?

Back to work is not so much fun … except when the conversation heads down a left turn. I know you must get the impression that my work place is an HR nightmare, given how much I say we talk about sex and flirt like mad - but the truth is, given the incredible stresses that exist, those subjects often come up as a simple method of distraction.

And of course, one of our favourite games is “Would you rather …”

Usually it starts out innocently enough; someone saw some documentary, or TV show where a guy eats live snakes, etc., and we get carried away with the “Would you rather …”

A couple weeks ago we had a good one where the one choice was would you rather go without sex, which led to the point - could you be happy without sex?

For me, I don’t think I truly could. Right now a big part of my world is my exploration. And while to many the idea of sex is completely separate from the idea of love, for me sex brings a level of intimacy that I find I need. Even in those moments when I am exploring with someone other than my partner, there is still a certain intimacy that fuels my imagination. It’s not “love” but rather a physical connection that brings about pleasure.

I dished the comeback to send everyone into an adolescent giggle with: Is masturbation still considered sex?

I know a few people who have reached such a dismal state in their own relationships that they claim they could do without getting it on, but I wonder if that is simply their frustration showing. I’d be willing to bet that there are some, if given that “Hall Pass,” would slip into bottomless state of debauchery to regain their sense of sexuality.

So while I am big believer in that you can love without sex, at this stage in my life, those physical moments - the passion, excitement and resulting mind-blowing climax - are very important to me.

Not to mention, without sex what the hell would I blog about?

Andee’s Threesome of Advice for Getting It On 

Sex is good. Good sex is better

1. Sex is good for you. Sex produces chemical reactions in the body that help keep us happy and healthy. And guys, it’s been argued that regular orgasms help prevent prostate cancer.  
2. Sex is good for the human race. Skip the orgasms, sex is about procreation and survival of our species. Without sex, there wouldn’t be a next generation. But forget skipping the orgasms; they help a woman get pregnant by creating sperm-loving spasms in the cervix. If she needs help, buy her a sex toy…makes “trying to get pregnant” fun! 
3. Sex is money. Money makes the world go round, Andee wants to have sex around the world … Ok, this thread in the threesome might not be a good reason for you to have sex. Unless you’re rich and having sex with me! 

 Andee     xoxo

Dating | 15 Ideas For Going Out With Me

Well, that was interesting. You know, I was really self-conscious about cutting all my hair off for this style. I was really worried about how it would look - and given how I know a lot of you guys like long hair on a woman. But I have been surprisingly surprised with the reactions.

And some have come from some very unusual sources. I got asked out on a date yesterday by someone at work. First I thought he was kidding around, then I clued in that this guy was very sincere about it. I think I was too shocked to be flattered or confused. This hasn’t happened in a very long time - especially because it wasn’t my husband that asked.

I can understand how this guy came to the point where he “popped the question.” For a number of shifts in my department, we are not allowed the wear any jewellery, so the obvious clue of my wedding bands is not always there.

Anyway … I had to say no. But it gave me something to take home and prompt the man at my house to take notice. So, for those of you out there that may want to take notice and need some good suggestions, here’s a little something I “borrowed” from one of my favourite trashy women’s magazines:

Andee’s Borrowed Dates

With great woman on your arm and a desire to be adventurous, there's no excuse for you not to go on a date. Here’s 15 ideas for memorable dates for any time of year that won't set you back more than $20 - spiced with my own take on them … and there’s not one that wouldn’t get you at least one step closer to my bedroom!

1. Find the best happy hour in town. Look through your newspaper or search online for local restaurants and bars with happy hours. Most places offer half-price food and drink specials, allowing you to get two drinks and share an appetizer for less than $20. Two drinks is enough to loosen up …
2. Go to a museum. Most museums either have free admission or offer free entry on certain days of the month. History is erotic, education is sexy. Show me you know something other than who won the 1974 Stanley Cup.
3. Visit your local zoo. Most zoos offer adult tickets for less than $10. Pack your own snacks and bottled water and have a mini picnic while you're there. And suck it up and hit all the really cute animals, because she’ll feel all cuddly after seeing a baby leopard.
4. If you’re not buried under a mountain of snow like Andee right now, go on a romantic hike. Bring a backpack and surprise your partner with a bottle of champagne, glasses and fresh strawberries. And if you find yourself alone in the forest with you date, remember: bears do more than just s#!t in the woods.
5. Go swimming at your local pool, lake or beach. Bring some water toys and have more fun than the kids. Laugh it up; because laughing is a significant aphrodisiac for women.
6. In the summer, beat the heat with an ice cream date. Take two scoops to the park, or take a walk downtown and go people watching. Voyeurism is very erotic.
7. Plan a cheap picnic. Go on a picnic at the beach, mountains or in your own backyard. Grab a blanket, pack a deli sandwich and a bottle of $5 wine. You might be surprised how much just a conversation can be a turn-on for a woman.
8. Take a blanket to the beach. Split your budget between a bottle of wine and cheese, then enjoy the sunset while you snuggle on a blanket. If it’s secluded enough, a late night swim might be in the cards … even better if you ‘forgot’ the swim suits.
9. Stroll through a botanical garden. Spend the day walking hand in hand through rose gardens and tropical rainforests, for less than $10 a ticket. Stop and smell the roses with her … literally and figuratively.
10. Be a kid again. Go bowling, play miniature golf, ride go-carts or play laser tag. I recently learned real golf … and if she’s game, that’s four hours in the great outdoors with lots of potential for lost balls!
11. Build a bonfire. All you need is some firewood, snacks and a drink of your choice. This is also a great opportunity to make 'smores. And that sticky goodness can be fun to lick off her fingers ;-)
12. Rent something. Go roller- or ice-skating, rent a two-seater bike and pedal through the park, or paddle a boat on a pond.
13. Go wine tasting. Most wineries charge around $5 for a tasting of five different wines - plus, you'll get to keep the glass as a souvenir of your date. Just be sincere with your intentions as you get her drunk!
14. Take a scenic drive. Pull over to have coffee and dessert at a nice cafe. Go parking somewhere and make-out like teenagers in the back seat. Sometime it leads to even better fun in the outdoors!
15. Rack 'em up at your local pool joint. With pool games costing just a few bucks, you might even have money left over to share a pitcher of beer. I love to shoot pool, especially if I’m wearing a sexy pair of boots and a favourite date-night skirt! I might even let you slide in behind me to show me that trick shot ;-)

There you go guys … borrowed dates Andee style. Go out, have fun, get some. Life should be all about that and not the stress we deal with 9-5.

Andee   xoxo

Porn | Why Do Guys Love It?

As you can, lately I've been trying to do a bit more 'marketing' for the 'business' side of my little sexual adventure; mostly because the other part of this whole experience has been encouraging me to get a little more active in that end.

I rarely try to present myself as some kind of 'salesperson' because I don't think I am very good at it. I've never felt comfortable "pushing" my website. It hasn't been my intention to turn the 'Andee' part of me into some kind of adult performer; just a nickname attached to my exploits. But it's kind of that old "Catch-22" cliche ... the sexual discovery and experiments are connected to my website, to my Facebook, to my Twitter, yada yada yada ...

From those little conversations we've had about that side of things, I have been trying to wrap my brain around the reasons why guys are into porn. What makes a man surf the Internet, or go old-school and buy an adult magazine or rent a DVD?

I Guess I should have asked ---^

From the feminine side of things, I have learned that my gender has greatly increased our indulgence in porn, and as I wrote yesterday, erotica. I'm sure some of the reasons between men and women must be similar. So this one, guys - and please forgive me - is a bit introspective (looked that one up).

1. Pornography is the fantasy that your spouse / lover isn't.

Not all relationships are open to the fantasies we have. Fantasies are healthy, some can be turned into reality, while others remain (delightfully) imaginative. Like I wrote about in my blog on erotic literature and sex stories, this takes our imaginations away to places we know may never be real, or encounters that will never happen. Seriously, I've reluctantly come to accept I will never have a threesome with Jennifer Aniston either.

2. Pornography is the sexual variety that doesn't exist in your relationship.

I admit that as my relationship grew with my husband that I was pretty naive. For a long time I assumed that a lot of the sexual exploration we did together (and alone) was part of a normal, healthy marriage. I then learned that there are an awful lot of vanilla relationships out there. I remember telling a couple friends about some bedroom items my husband bought for me: lingerie, toys, erotica ... I wish I could have captured the look on their faces. Not sure what the biggest shocker was: that I was into experimenting, or that he knew my size?

"You mean you don't wear fishnet thigh highs, stripper boots and leather bondage gear to bed?"

I began to understand that things like my website offer men the variety they wish their wives and girlfriends would try.

3. Pornography provides the immediate sexual release that a relationship may not offer.

How many of us come home after a long, stressful day. I know I do often, so to put out for a horny husband sometimes can be overwhelming. After many, many conversations about pornography, masturbation, etc., it made sense that sometimes we all need that quick, self-satisfying release. At first, I was like many women who couldn't understand why he would sit in front of the computer and pleasure himself ... until I developed a taste for it myself. Porn offers the inspiration and motivation, at least I see it that way.

4. Pornography provides comfort from loneliness and lack of physical connection.

You know, I've said it before: I'm very lucky. I have a partner that feeds my imagination, my soul, my family with love, kindness and attention. He has allowed me to discover a whole part of myself that many other people refuse to connect with in themselves. I also know there are a lot of people out there who long for someone in their life who will validate them in that way; or even just acknowledge them in the same house. Yes, even in a marriage, people can be very lonely. Sometimes - and based on some of the conversations and chats I've had with people - the kind of stuff I do online provides a moment of comfort and connection.

5. Pornography creates the 'whore complex' that your spouse / lover won't create for you.

I guess you could tie this one back to #1, but a bit deeper. A "fantasy" may not be strong enough to touch on the idea of this one. My husband and I have had a few debates on this. In a way, it may be the one I struggle with the most, because I can't control how some people interpret what I do online. Some like the idea of the 'whore' or 'slut' image that is created by what I write and photos I take. The fantasy becomes more of dominance and control ... and my husband suggests as one of the biggest reasons for the success of amateur porn: the fantasy of f^@$ing another man's wife. Our photos represent the dark side of sex that their wife doesn't.

Heady stuff ... and trust me, it took more than one train ride to and from work to figure this one out.

My husband says I am a bit of an anomaly when it comes to the subject, as I have long gotten past any feeling of disgust, guilt, shame or judgement over it. And while there is still an awful lot out there that shocks the hell out of me - and some that crosses a lot of lines of morality and decency - I have reached a point of intrigue and acceptance for what probably counts as 'mainstream.'

But I still wonder, more so now, what it is you guys see in what I do, and why you enjoy it ... and I guess, also why you don't?

Andee  xoxo

Erotica | A Good Read And Great Sex

I hope everyone had an awesome long weekend. I think most of us in North America had Monday off … ?

Day 24 - Velvet LBD

I spent a good part of the weekend with my head buried in school books. But I had the occasional opportunity to chat with some friends online and what-not. One special friend took me for a little virtual shopping - and you guys are going to absolutely love the results. I know he likes to spoil the special friends in his life, and it is very much appreciated - but I also hope he likes knowing the impact of what his desires have on a whole bunch of others. Trust me guys, those updates will rock your imagination!

Another friend was asking me this past weekend about what makes good “reading” for me when I am looking for something a little more sexually charged. Um … my blog? LOL

Ok, that might seem a bit too self-absorbed and I’m not really that way. We chatting about erotica and if I would ever try to put something like that to work in my blog; writing more about my fantasies from an erotic angle than just dishing like I have been “diary” style.

Day 23 - Animal Instincts

Still don’t know if I have an answer …

But when it comes to the idea of erotica, I think I have said before that I’m not really a “visual” person. For my imagination to really run away, I like a good story. Now, that’s not to say that I’m not turned on by watching … goodness, no. I love watching am have become a huge voyeur, especially now that my husband and I have been exploring a bit of fun as a couple with others.

But when I need to escape from the pressures of the day and want to nudge my imagination into a whole new place, a well-written piece of erotica will always do it for me. According to a survey performed by the Romance Writers of America (you know me and my surveys!), over 90 per cent of romance and erotica readers are women between 31 and 49 years old. I fit right in!

Day 22 - CFM Boots

My first exposure to erotica came along like so many others: I discovered my older brother’s stash of magazines in our barn, and among them was Penthouse. The letters section was amusing, to say the least. A couple even made me wish I was a student at a small Midwestern college who never thought it would happen to her …

Over time - mostly the past decade as my adventure has unfolded - I have discovered a few better places for erotica than some of those silly “letters.” My husband introduced me to stories for women by women with a series of books he got me for Christmas. And then we also discovered a website with thousands of stories - literotica.com. One Christmas my darling hubby recruited a few of the regular contributors to the site to write some custom stories for me. He then printed out what they had written and made a book for me.

Day 21 - Soft & Sexy

Those pages are now well worn ...

From what I’ve discovered on the subject, because the Internet offers a great deal of privacy and anonymity, women can enjoy erotica without the raised eyebrows that a book cover might create. I can just imagine sitting on the train for my daily commute with some sultry title in hand … then again, it might liven it up altogether! Hmm, maybe I should build a story around that very idea? Or is that too Penthouse Letters?

According to my trusty bookmark to Wikipedia: “In 2003, Neilsen Netratings noted that more than a quarter of all porn surfers were female. The first women's erotica subscription-based website, Purve, was launched in 1998.” I’m almost certain that figure is much higher today.

Day 20 - Hip Chick

The great thing about erotica is that these stories take us beyond the bedroom and into our fantasies, where we get laid on business trips, or at the Halloween masquerade party. In true erotica the sex scenes are there for the purpose of character development; unlike pornography, which does not have a plot line.

For me a well-written story has a plot and characters I can connect with. I don’t really go in for too much of the science fiction, or over-written heaving bosoms of period romance. I get into storylines where I can put myself in the main role, and wrap my brain around the ideas of what is happening. It doesn’t matter if it’s a “erotic encounter” type, cheating, same sex, or even a bit of non-consensual themes, if it is remotely believable, then I’m into it. Some of my personal favourite themes run along the lines of erotic encounters, either that unexpected business trip fantasy, or night club/party encounters where there is some obvious voyeurism as my husband (or others) watch the whole thing unfold as I lose my inhibitions.

Now that is what gets into my imagination! Care the share what goes on between your ears?

Andee      xoxo

Porn | Five Reasons Why We Do It

So, the discussion came up about why “so many women” are now doing “amateur porn.” It seriously had nothing to do with me, but rather a local news story about a couple that had been “caught” and “outed” for all the naughtiness that went on behind their closed doors. Sometimes prying eyes aren’t just peeping toms.

Anyway, I threw in my two-bits about how it should not really be anyone’s business …. but then I learned that one of my co-workers is a true-blue moralist and thinks the government should be legislating stiff penalties to these degenerates. Hmm, prison just for getting naked in front of the camera? Harsh.

There is a ton of negativity out there regarding pornography. In fact, when I first sat down to put some of this into a blog, all I found on the Internet was negative things about the industry. There's a ton of uptight people out there with computers! It seems like no one can even enjoy it as a source of pleasure.

But it got me thinking about the reasons why we - you are free to insert “I” in these references, as I am one - include “pornography” in our list of hobbies and weekend exploits.

Here are the Top 5 on my list:

Confidence

Women have come a long way from the days of June Cleaver and wearing pearls with an apron. We have managed to come out from the stereotypes and the pursuit of a lot of things - not just amateur porn - is because we can. Being sexy is no longer reserved for just those models in Vogue. A lot of have taken up the challenge that the unachievable body image we see in fashion magazines is not realistic and we can be relevant, sexy and naughty. In a way, it’s the electronic age version of the 1960s’ bra burning. Those of us with sites like mine haven’t been ‘coerced’ into it … we’re doing because we like it too.

Andee - Your Sexy Northern Porn Star?

Access

Not that long ago - I’d even say not much more than a decade - we didn’t have all the tools at our disposal to make it as easy as it is. Nowadays, with the super high-res cameras and high-def video recorders, we can produce some pretty decent stuff. There are thousands of websites just a click away, so the choice in almost infinite. And there is just about every genre out there. So if you’re not the skinny Barbie-type, you can find your own little niche and feel that there is something out there to make everyone feel sexy and desirable.

Appeal

I might be way off base, and a big part of this one comes from my husband, but the audience for “amateur porn” has grown. I think a lot of guys have grown up with the Playboy-type of porn, but realize as they have gotten older how unrealistic that is. The reason so few women ever achieve centerfold status is because so few meet the criteria laid down by the magazine. Amateur porn has become the more realistic version, with your wife, girlfriend, neighbour or co-worker.

Economics

The porn industry is a billion dollar business - and a lot of us kinda feel like we would like our share. Truth is, some women can make an incredible amount of money without ever doing a mainstream video or glossy magazine. Besides, after spending all day in a somewhat meaningless routine, it can be an incredible release to come home and fall into a secret life and get paid for getting naked.

And finally …

You might think something like “sex” would be in here somewhere, but the real truth is: taking naughty photos beats the hell out of stamp-collecting. (No offence to those that do, by the way. Like stamps, I also enjoy a little lick every now and then!)

Andee

xoxo

Who Knows What You're Up To?

Hey guys, hope you’re all doing well. The weather is breaking here just a bit this week, with some warmer temperatures … but it is still winter. To help keep things steamy, I have a brand new update online today. I hope you stop by and check it out. It’s the first official “porn reveal” of my new haircut! ;-)

This Thursday is a bit of a Q&A, with questions that seem to come up every now and then when I get into chatting with online friends, and it’s something that I continually struggle with - partly the fear of being found out, and partly the torment of not being able to say "you should see how I spent last night!"

Day 19 - Guaranteed Lay

Do any of your family or friends know of your extracurricular hobby?

Only a very select few of my friends know about my site - and almost none that have children my kids are friends with. I'm very choosy about who I tell. It has to be someone who I have a great deal of trust in. Even if they are really good friends, I have to decide if I want them to know and see me that way because my experience has shown it changes how they treat me.

I have one good friend who is very uncomfortable with the subject and will change the subject or find something to do, even if it isn't about me directly. The funny thing is, she hangs out with a friend of mine who is totally cool with it and often likes to ask questions. Makes for a pretty bizarre moment when we‘re all together. But even though she knows, I trust her not to pass judgement on how or why and I respect her wishes to not go into any kinky details.

And then there are the little innuendoes I can throw out there to amuse myself in a group of people that have no idea about it - there has been many a flirtatious comment laid out on the table at work with my Office Guys to leave them with naughty impressions. I may be naïve about it, but I like to think they have no real clue that when I answer their questions about “How was the weekend?” with honest-to-goodness truths about swinger clubs or light bondage and sex toys.

No one has painted a scarlet letter on me just yet, anyway.

If so, do they accept you, or, have you lost friends because they disapprove of your lifestyle?

Their reactions have been very different for those that know. Some just avoid the subject, some think it's pretty cool and some tell me they wish they had the courage to do it. I've not lost any friends because of it, but I think that is because I am so choosy about who I let in on my little secret. On the other side, some friends - as you have read in an earlier blog - have certainly become a completely different kind of friend because of our lifestyle.

Now then, on the downside, I have a cousin who uncovered my sister's website through another person who had a really big mouth. In turn, they found out about my site and felt it was their place in life to inform my parents and entire extended family about what we were up to. I had chosen to tell my parents out of respect, so they wouldn't get sideswiped should this very situation occur. At my age, I wasn't looking for their approval, just didn't want them to find out from someone but me.

Some people in life need to tear other people down to make themselves look better. But really, it highlights just how pathetic their lives must be. I think it's more sad that they don't have a strong relationship with their spouse, and explore this kind of adult fun.

Have any of your women friends inquired about how they could discretely get into this hobby?

A few years ago, my sister found out about it and she got into experimenting with her own thing on the Internet. She has since quit for her own reasons. Another “lifestyle couple” we know also experimented with a site on Southern Charms, but have also since quit … but it can be a commitment of time and effort that isn’t for everyone; especially if you lead a busy real life.

But otherwise most of them are more worried about the consequences of being out there if they do try something naughty online. The fact that there are a lot of people who aren't as open-minded means the reality is I could lose my job because of it. This is something they worry about, and therefore won‘t even consider the risks. Some aren't so sure that is where their own relationship is at that kind of stage either.

For me, there is no doubt that a lot of things in my life will be different down the road. My political ambitions are pretty much out the window, as is my future as a Hollywood A-Lister. It seems only the B and C list celebs have their own sex tapes, and goodness knows I have dozens already and I’m not quite done!

Kidding aside, the reality of having an adult website - even if I choose to stop - means that the fear of being “outted” remains over my head. For whatever reason, the pursuit of sexual pleasure and the indulgence in “pornography” remain as very serious taboos in our society. Until we change our approach to what consenting adults choose to do, and invite other consenting adults to enjoy the moments with them, well … it just has to stay as one of my “dark secrets.”

That said, in the grand scheme of things, I think the benefits outweigh the negatives, as it has been worth it because my husband and I are so much closer and have a great relationship. I wouldn't trade that for anything … not to mention all the incredible sex I've had because of the photo sessions too ;-)

Andee

xoxo

Pornography | Or Just My Sexual Journey

Got into a little debate the other day with my sister - who knows all about my website (she used to have her own as well!) - about the idea of "pornography" versus "documentary."

Day 17 - Cum Fly With Me

I don't particularly see what I am doing on my website as "porn." To me, porn is the magazines, websites and videos done by professional actresses and actors, with the only purpose of making money. According to my trusty link to wikipedia, "Pornography or porn is the portrayal of explicit sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual excitement and erotic satisfaction. A pornographic model poses for pornographic photographs. A pornographic actor or porn star performs in pornographic films. In cases where limited dramatic skills are involved, a performer in pornographic films may be called a pornographic model."

Now, I'm not naive enough to suggest that my site is not about paying to see sexual images of me; and the fact I do make some money at it may remove me from the truest definition of amateur. In fact, amateur "porn" is one of the most profitable genres - especially with the advent of digital cameras, video recorders and broad access to the Internet.

Day 18 - A Colourful Contrast

But I see what I am doing on my adult site, my blog, my videos as more of a "documentary" of my sexual exploration. I'm on this journey to discover a whole new part of me that is slowly bubbling to the surface and I have invited you along with me. A lot of what you are seeing isn't me trying to be something I'm not; it's something that I am that is now coming out into the open.

Unlike the "Playboy" type of pornography, the thoughts, fantasies and experiences included in the whole Internet world of Andee is very real. These are my thoughts, desires and adventures.

Of course, by definition, I am probably contradicting the whole thing - but isn't it more important (and hopefully exciting) for you to come along for the ride with me, as I explore and uncover new sexual desires. This way you get to be part of a real fantasy, instead of something carefully staged with professional lighting, make-up and settings. When I invite you into my bedroom, you are really there in my bedroom, where my fantasies take shape.

And I still bet that's an awful lot more fun!
Andee
xoxo

Decisions | Challenged by Temptation

So, as I told you I was away for the weekend - with a hotel full of minor hockey players ramped up on root beer and vending machine jelly beans. Not the best of weekends for romance and naughtiness.

Day 15 - On The Fringe

But going to a hotel for a weekend - even with children in tow - always seems to be a good motivator for conversations around exploration and adventure. I guess the atmosphere helps fuel the imagination and memories for experiences already passed.

We had a very intriguing conversation about what our “lifestyle” choice might hold going forward. Occasionally we like to take the chance to be as open and honest as we can to understand where each of us is at with our thinking.

I’ve been at a point for the last little while where I am having some internal arguments about our initial agreement to keep things in a more 'soft swap' way. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t challenged during those few moments a couple weeks ago…where everything was literally right there and a simple shuffle on his lap would have taken me from being someone who does soft swap to full.

I wonder if he sensed my temptation?

Day 16 - Office Casual

There was something so exciting, intriguing and tormenting about the moment. I found it was taking everything I had to resist temptation...the desire to feel, even for a fleeting moment, someone new in such an intimate way.

And I remain somewhat conflicted - which many would say is a sign that I am not ready for anything … um … deeper. But I don’t think that is really my conflict. I am not as focused on my own personal pleasure in the idea, as I am about that of my husband. I wonder if the moment will ever come when together we discover a whole new set of 'rules' in the ongoing pursuit of adventure.
Andee
xoxo

PS:  Here and my Twitter account will be the only place you will enjoy the views of my 30 in 30 venture.

The Mane | What Is It About Long Hair

Well guys, I’m away this weekend but I promise I will try to hook up somewhere along the way to keep my 30 Favourites in 30 Days rolling along. Here's Day 14 for you!

And as much as your imagination wants to run wild with the prospect of me being on the town for a couple nights - it is sadly that time of year when more and more of our weekends are consumed by hockey tournaments for my little men.

Day 14 - Is Short Sexy Too?

That said, I’m hoping to get at least one new photo update shot. I’m dying to show off the next stage of my hairstyle. It’s a big departure for me because it is now very short. And it’s also a bit of a challenge for me in terms of how I feel about my looks. I was telling my husband earlier this week about how I have noticed that while I had long hair I would catch men stealing a little glance. Then after I lopped off more than half the length, there weren’t nearly as many glances … now that it is uber short, I’m wondering what the reaction will now be?

Just to ease my esteem a little, the very next day he told that he tried to look at as many women with short hair as he could - just in case they felt the same way. Very funny.

What is it about long hair that attracts a man’s attention so much? Is it because that it is the one (almost) guaranteed way to identify a woman?

Andee

xoxo

Role Play | I'm Just Not An Actress

Every now and then I get a request from a fan if I will get on the webcam and do a little role playing.

This is one area that in the nine years I have been doing my website that I have pretty much stayed away from. I suppose you could argue that the whole idea behind my little online secret is one big role play, but I’ve never considered it to be.

Day 13 - An Easier Role To Play

I can’t remember what we were watching when my hubby and I got into a deep discussion about it - it was one of those reality travel shows with this guy who goes around the whole in gets into all these bizarre sex experiences … anyway, an intriguing show. It was during the one episode where we started to talk about what some people are into, and some of the e-mails I get.

I’ve never considered myself an actress. And once my site really got rolling along, I even stopped thinking of it as ‘modelling.’ For me it just morphed into a kinky little sexual adventure, with a bit of financial reward, that fed my self-esteem as I got older and started to wonder about myself. I don’t think I’m an exceptionally vain person, although the more I blog the more I see that the idea is pretty self-absorbed.

Am I actually role playing with what I am doing online? It’s like I said in an earlier post, we do create this visual fantasy with the photo sessions; be it a schoolgirl, French maid or something else. But in my mind, while it is role playing, it is not in full context … they are just pictures.

I struggle a bit with the videos. As much fun as they are to make, they are equally as awkward. I tend to be very self-conscious and I get caught up in how silly I must look. Difficult because to keep my exploits going forward, video is more and more the way things are.

Most of what you guys see is not really who I am … it’s part of the person I am in my mind and in my pursuit of experience. But I do think of myself as someone who, in real face-to-face life, lacks the same kind of confidence that the “Andee” side of me reveals online. I do have my moments - and while you guys think all those sexual conquests of me exploring with my friend are what I am about - I don’t often reveal the sheer terror that goes with them. Yes, I loved the experience a few weekends ago with our friends, and the incredible sensations it brought - but while things were heating up and boiling over, I was almost petrified to the point of throwing up.

For me to be the kind of person who can pull off role playing, I would need to overcome being so self-conscious and my sense of thinking how ridiculous I must come across as. To play a role in a stage play is one thing, but to get on chat or webcam and role play in a sexual sense is something I just don’t think I could do in a serious sense.

Andee

xoxo

Romance | Not In This Ol' Town

There was a lot of talk yesterday about the list of the Most Romantic Cities in Canada. Kind of interesting, considering the criteria for picking them was based on the sales of romance novels, relationship self-help books, mood music by Michael Buble and DVDs. I guess you could say I’m a bit cynical over the whole thing, because to me if you are buying all those things, then it might be perceived as you not having enough romance in your life.

Now, I am certainly no expert on romance … and the small town I live in is nothing more than a shadow of a couple places that didn’t rank very high. That said, some might think my town is one of the most “pornographic” in Canada - given the naughtiness that some of the residents get up to! ;-)

It only sucks that there is a shortage of AA batteries at the grocery store on the weekends.

Day 12 - Canadian Lingerie

Anyway, enough silliness … but I do find it interesting that certain places ranked high on the list. The number one city was Victoria - a gorgeous place on Vancouver Island, way out west. I can agree with that selection, mostly because it is one of those destinations that offers more of the best than of the worst.

Here in the snowbound centre of the universe - or so it gets labelled by many - there’s not a lot to suggest that we’re a true “romantic” destination. Want to kiss on the observation deck of our famous CN Tower … it will cost you almost $50 for you and your smooch-worthy partner just to lock lips high above the angry crowds. Watch the sunset by the lake? Do it soon because the condo developments will soon close the concrete curtain.

Some are suggesting that most couples in the city are just too busy to buy romance novels and Michael Buble background crooning … I think the fact is we are far too uptight to be romantics. This winter it hardly seems like we can even show some decency to each other, never mind romantic affection.

On top of that, we are lacking that real “world appeal” to create that romantic mood places like Paris, Rome, London or Sydney hold.

Unless you happen to be a hockey fan…because the one thing in Canada that will bring out emotion in a man and make him fall in love makes it home here - the Stanley Cup. The guys at work say there’s nothing more romantic than a woman who loves our national sport. I know it was a bit of stretch, but I do have this great photo of me in a Team Canada hockey shirt … and there is nothing more romantic than the idea of 21 buff naked guys in a dressing room, with great hands and stiff shafts. For that I might even overlook the fact that there’s probably only one full set of teeth among them!

Andee

xoxo

Panties | Yes, We Show Them Off

I got into a bit of a fun conversation the other night with a male friend about the whole Panty Strategy again. He said he was a little surprised to learn that there was an actual plan behind our knickers - other than when it was a necessary thing (black panties, white pants!)

Day 11 - A Peek At My Panties

I was having a very good time teasing him over the idea that sometimes we will knowingly give you guys the opportunity for a peek at our underwear. Of course, the bra seems to be far too obvious - most young girls now believe it is the actual top and not the foundation of a nice rack. But never mind that …

So, as I was having a fun little time, the guy who gets to see my panties anytime he wants (he just needs to ask a little bit more frequently) tells me that I was dishing far too much “secret girl knowledge.”

It spoils the illusion, he says.

“Ha!” I say … because I know that most guys can’t resist the temptation to look when you see a hint of panty, even for a millisecond, if the opportunity is there.

So, I told them both there have been times … and still times … when I am well aware that guys will see tomorrow’s laundry. Some of the skirts that I seem to have acquired (thanks to my fashion-forward husband who thinks the mother of his children can pull off the pole-dancer look) are simply just too risqué for the occasional panty peek to not happen. This isn’t a work-related style, but definitely night club.

There are the times when, while wearing a skirt, we can position ourselves in such a way that it becomes a delightful game to see if a guy can hold his look above our shoulders. Seriously, do you think Sharon Stone invented that move?

With the right amount of alcohol-fuelled bravery, it’s nothing I haven’t done before. A few years back, when I was out with a couple of my friends, we were sitting in a pretty low-key lounge near a group of guys. I was wearing one of my favourite skirts and a pair of boots - and a pair of intentionally chosen panties. A little shuffle on the seat, the occasional “accidental” separation of my knees … yeah … we soon weren’t paying for the drinks.

My hubby still loves that story … maybe some day I’ll tell you the whole bit.

And that little flash from behind when I bend down and the waistband above my butt gets pulled down enough for you to catch a glimpse of my Victoria Secrets micro-fibre bikinis? Something my Office Guys try to hide from me noticing …

You think I don’t know? I’d turn sideways from you if I was wearing my sensible cotton Hanes that day.

Andee

xoxo

Exhibitionism | Spicing Up My Marriage

I can say that I never really imagined myself, as I was growing up, to be an exhibitionist. Growing up in a small town meant that one little misstep would leave your reputation in tatters for years. I know many people that to this day are still saddled with certain things that happened way back when - and not even really horrific things either, just a drunken mistake or two.

But, reading back at some of the more popular posts on my blog, I discovered that you guys enjoyed my thoughts on Why I Pose for an adult website.

Day 10 - Window Dressing or Flashing?

And while I won’t revisit all my thoughts there, I can say that the one thing that I really do appreciate from the past nine years has been the “freedom” to create a whole fantasy for both my husband and myself. You see, when you get right down to it, that is the real reason why you get to see (and hopefully enjoy) me in various stages of undress. To be able to express myself in a sexual way, and stimulate his imagination and desire, is liberating. My website serves as both the reason for, and healthy perversion of, that intimacy we have created in our marriage.

I realize that there are many reasons why my secret life remains that way, so to say it is liberating can be contradictory. But to share those moments, when he is intently focused on me … and I can see just how much that focus is intense … well …

As I have grown older and developed a little less of a concern over what other people think, I have found that being comfortable with my body, and knowing that many of you are also comfortable with my body, is a great feeling. I’m OK with all the healthy sexual reactions that guys tell me about in chats or e-mails.

Exhibitionism isn’t necessarily a purely sexual thing - although modern society has made it that way. It is a celebration of who we are in a physical and somewhat spiritual way. No, I’m not going to get all weird with you over spirituality - but I think you get what I mean. Exhibitionism to me is about being able to shed those constraints our day to day lives put on us, the social mores and workplace political correctness.

The whole experience has been a way for me to maintain a strong sexual nature to my marriage, and I don’t mind saying it has been part of the “hard work” that has allowed me to maintain that relationship for almost two decades. I wonder if more women got naked for their man in a somewhat imaginative way - a hint of role playing, a hint of Playboy - then maybe there might be less relationship carnage along the path.

Will you see me frolicking at a Nudist Colony anytime soon? No, but if the opportunity arises I’ll be a lot more willing to drop my top at a clothing-optional beach in the Caribbean! All I need is someone to take me … ?

Andee

xoxo

Attraction | Yes, I Notice Women Too

So the rumour has it that there is a football game on today … ?

I know so many of you will be entrenched in watching a bunch of men in really tight pants pile on top of each other, occasionally slapping each other on the ass - but I think your husbands will be more interested in the score of the game today!

Also a good day for me to catch my blog readers up on my 30 Favourites in 30 Days project ... so since two teams take to the field today, there's two photos for you as a pre-game report! And you think I know nothing about your favourite sport ...

Anyway, as I total misinterpret a game of football as some homo-erotic event, it brings up a really good question for me to answer today that a couple of guys have asked me while chatting about my personal homo-erotic events ... except as women we just refer them as sharing a hotel room while away at work conferences!

You have said that you are a "practicing bisexual." When you look at a woman’s body, what is it that appeals to you?

Day 7 - Gold in Montreal

In all honesty, probably the same things that guys like. But I’m also the kind of person who gets turned on by personality more than appearance. The person's inner beauty is so much more important to me. However, that’s not to say I’m not blind when it comes to attractive people of either sex.

I like someone with style...someone who knows how to dress to compliment their body shape, age and personality. Like most of you, I tend to be drawn more to notice women that are nicely dressed. The frumpy look just frustrates me.

I’m a mouth person. I’m drawn to people’s lips, teeth, gums. Hygiene goes without saying. But when I find myself attracted to a person, guy or girl, I find myself thinking about how they kiss, how their lips feel. A nice mouth is the number one thing I notice.

I think I’ve also learned from my husband to appreciate slender women. He likes people who are relatively fit – not necessarily buff – but healthy. When we talk about women we see at a club or at the mall, we always comment on their breasts, legs, hair. I like long hair on women. I don’t do short hair very well, so I think that’s where I get that preference from. Not to mention, I’m curious about how it would feel to have it tickling my thighs, or wrapping my fingers into it. These are the things I like to be done to me, so I wonder how it would be if it was reversed.

Day 8 - A Good Bra & Tight Pants

When we go to clubs, I like to dress sexy – very sexy – short skirts, close-fitting clothes. I spend so much of my real life in conservative work clothes that I like to let loose…and I like to be noticed…and since my husband buys me an awful lot of non-work clothes, I tend to dress for him. At work, when I'm on the right shift, I try as much as I can to take advantage of the opportunity to dress nicely. And it's not an awful different as to what I notice about them. When we’re out, I notice women in sexy outfits – if they have really nice legs, if they have great tits (or a GREAT bra, at least!).

I like to watch how they move, how they dance. What kind of messages they may be giving out on the dance floor. I’m a real voyeur and I often find myself getting turned on by watching other people be sexy.

In my experience of exploring my bi-curiousity/bisexuality, what really turned me on about the girlfriend I was with at the time (a story I shared earlier), was she has great breasts. Nice and perky, not too big...and my gawd, she has wonderful nipples. I think back quite a bit on that brief moment, and it always usually leads to jumping my hubby, or breaking out B.O.B. (my battery-operated boyfriend). That whole moment left me with a huge desire to explore even more...and definitely on the path of "practicing."

Andee

xoxo

Confidence | It Is A Sexy Quality

Well that was just marvelous, started my day off late because some buffoon doesn’t know how to slow down when the roads are bad - “Hey Lunch Box, it snowed yesterday!” Missed my usual train and am now stuck on the milk run. My boss isn’t going to be too happy …

On the upside, listening to the guys on the radio this morning made me think. They were discussing a recent study from Queens College that found that men prefer to date a woman who lacks a little confidence and reveals her insecurities. I swear the guy in the car next to me thought I was nuts - watching me jabbering away in disgust and arguing. Good thing it’s not summer, or else he would have heard me too!

Day 6 - Go-Go Boots

Back in high school I had this friend who was very smart - she was also very pretty. Outside of class she would act like the dumbest fool around. It used to drive me nuts that she would pull off 98s in math, but pretend she couldn’t remember what happened in the cafeteria last week - when there were some eligible guys around. It was so obvious that she was playing all this up … did I mention it drove me nuts.

Today she’s a teacher …

I can see why some guys would be attracted to women who don’t reveal a lot of confidence, but only in a sense that it makes them feel superior to their dates. Perhaps the issue isn’t with women having confidence in themselves and who they are, but rather with the guys who don’t have the same within themselves. Perhaps it makes them feel a sense of power, or manliness … when in fact, I think it reveals a big flaw in their character.

As I am not dating, nor am I a guy, I can’t say that I find a woman who reveals too much of her insecurities very attractive. I might come across as the shrinking violet sometimes, but that’s not an actual personality trait - it’s so I can keep them guessing!

Now, let’s be fair, we all go through various stages in our lives. It’s called maturity. As we evolve into the people we are as adults, sure there are many questions and fears along the way. You might even want to say that my initial leap into the whole Internet porn thing was a sign of insecurity; a way to seek approval and acceptance from men outside my relationship.

But you would be wrong … my initial leap was the result of me not knowing which side of a dare to take with my husband. I’ve been deliciously “losing” the same bet for close to 10 years now…and I’m pretty confident I will continue along that path for a while yet.

A lot of the men that I have known, and chatted with online, have said that they find “confidence” is more of a turn-on than anything else. So it leaves me wondering where this new “information” is coming from? Really guys, do you find insecurity that much of a turn-on? Or does it really translate into “high-maintenance?” 

Andee

xoxo

The Other Part Of My New Friend

OK ... well, a couples days later, a slew of batteries, and Andee walking a lot like the Lone Ranger getting off Trigger after a long ride, I'm finally settling in the write the last part of all the naughtiness I started last week. When I wrote last, I was telling you about sitting in the hot tub, on the lap of Lisa's husband and the surprises that came with it...

I have to admit, it was a very confusing moment emotionally. Not that psychological confusion, but more that sexual argument you sometimes have in your own mind. I was incredibly turned on, and seriously having a conscious debate with myself over the issue between my legs. Here was this guy with an incredible hard-on pressed against my very horny pussy. I could have quite easily allowed him to slip into me and no one except he and I would have ever known otherwise.

Day 5 - Panties Around My Ankles

The past few days I have been struggling with the thoughts of was this a missed opportunity? With things they way they went, was there an open door that I should have taken? I guess I won't really know. Then I begin to wonder the same about my own husband and Lisa ... was the situation the same emotional conflict?

I'm still trying to discover if I have the bravery to ask ... but I guess that's all done now anyway ;-)

Sometimes blogging is just the greatest way to have a talk with your spouse ... in a cryptic kind of fashion!

Anyway, we continued to make out and get into some serious kissing while I was sitting in his lap. Sometime into a very deep kiss I felt Lisa's hand on my nether regions ... she was running her hand across my butt and slowly, with each rub, towards my pussy. Then she found her husband's rock hard cock and pulled it kind of back, so that he wasn't sliding along my pussy so much anymore. She stroked him up and down - which was an incredible sensation for me ... so close to my own heat that I was left wondering/wanting her to guide him elsewhere. After a bit, she left him alone and - all the while still kissing my husband - she moved her fingers towards my pussy and began to tease me again. This carried on for a few minutes.

I wonder now if she was trying, in a deliciously devious way to see if her husband had entered me or not ...

Ultimately, I think all of us had reached the point where the teasing had to stop ... Lisa and I switched again so that we were back with our own husbands. When I slipped onto my own husband's lap, I guided things to where they should be ... I can't say if it was the same for our friends, I was way too absorbed in actually getting some after this outrageous torture.

After we managed to reach the proper end to that, I slipped off of his lap so that I was between him and Lisa and her husband. Lisa and I picked up where we had left off, with the kissing and fondling, and I do have to say, I think I have more questions now than ever before.

But one thing I am certain of ... recession or not, buy stocks in Duracell. My purchases alone will keep them in business for quite a while!

Andee

xoxo

Broken Nut | That's Gotta Hurt ... ?

My husband broke a nut.

Oh, it's sooo not what you think.

My hubby was a very sad guy last week when he returned from his latest business excursion ... the nut on his favourite guitar broke while he was changing the strings. Luckily he was able to get it into the music shop on the weekend and they had it fixed today, so off he goes into Snomageddon 2011 to the shop to fetch it. He calls into work as a snow day, but will risk life, limb and automobile for that?!

Anyway, now he has a brand new nut and he's just strumming away in his own little corner.

Day 4 - Hot Summer Nights

What the heck is a nut? Well, I asked the same thing ... and trust me, my mind was in the gutter too at the time ... but apparently it's the little piece on the neck of the guitar that holds the strings in place. Well, don't you learn new things every day! Some are plastic, some are bone - yes, same naughty thoughts there too.

That being said ... well, he's now occupied - so I have time on my hands to scroll through my archives again and find even more updates for my 30 Favourites in 30 Days. Might even get a blog or two written! Who says blizzards can be productive?

Oh, and Happy Groundhog Day …

A big THANK YOU to my special friends for all your great comments. I’m really flattered that you are enjoying these little updates and the walk down memory lane with me.

And … sorry … but I promised that all this time spent on my blogs, tweets and face booking would be about that crazy little thing called “self-promotion.“ So please don't forget to check out my website guys!

Andee

xoxo