Porn | Why Do Guys Love It?

As you can, lately I've been trying to do a bit more 'marketing' for the 'business' side of my little sexual adventure; mostly because the other part of this whole experience has been encouraging me to get a little more active in that end.

I rarely try to present myself as some kind of 'salesperson' because I don't think I am very good at it. I've never felt comfortable "pushing" my website. It hasn't been my intention to turn the 'Andee' part of me into some kind of adult performer; just a nickname attached to my exploits. But it's kind of that old "Catch-22" cliche ... the sexual discovery and experiments are connected to my website, to my Facebook, to my Twitter, yada yada yada ...

From those little conversations we've had about that side of things, I have been trying to wrap my brain around the reasons why guys are into porn. What makes a man surf the Internet, or go old-school and buy an adult magazine or rent a DVD?

I Guess I should have asked ---^

From the feminine side of things, I have learned that my gender has greatly increased our indulgence in porn, and as I wrote yesterday, erotica. I'm sure some of the reasons between men and women must be similar. So this one, guys - and please forgive me - is a bit introspective (looked that one up).

1. Pornography is the fantasy that your spouse / lover isn't.

Not all relationships are open to the fantasies we have. Fantasies are healthy, some can be turned into reality, while others remain (delightfully) imaginative. Like I wrote about in my blog on erotic literature and sex stories, this takes our imaginations away to places we know may never be real, or encounters that will never happen. Seriously, I've reluctantly come to accept I will never have a threesome with Jennifer Aniston either.

2. Pornography is the sexual variety that doesn't exist in your relationship.

I admit that as my relationship grew with my husband that I was pretty naive. For a long time I assumed that a lot of the sexual exploration we did together (and alone) was part of a normal, healthy marriage. I then learned that there are an awful lot of vanilla relationships out there. I remember telling a couple friends about some bedroom items my husband bought for me: lingerie, toys, erotica ... I wish I could have captured the look on their faces. Not sure what the biggest shocker was: that I was into experimenting, or that he knew my size?

"You mean you don't wear fishnet thigh highs, stripper boots and leather bondage gear to bed?"

I began to understand that things like my website offer men the variety they wish their wives and girlfriends would try.

3. Pornography provides the immediate sexual release that a relationship may not offer.

How many of us come home after a long, stressful day. I know I do often, so to put out for a horny husband sometimes can be overwhelming. After many, many conversations about pornography, masturbation, etc., it made sense that sometimes we all need that quick, self-satisfying release. At first, I was like many women who couldn't understand why he would sit in front of the computer and pleasure himself ... until I developed a taste for it myself. Porn offers the inspiration and motivation, at least I see it that way.

4. Pornography provides comfort from loneliness and lack of physical connection.

You know, I've said it before: I'm very lucky. I have a partner that feeds my imagination, my soul, my family with love, kindness and attention. He has allowed me to discover a whole part of myself that many other people refuse to connect with in themselves. I also know there are a lot of people out there who long for someone in their life who will validate them in that way; or even just acknowledge them in the same house. Yes, even in a marriage, people can be very lonely. Sometimes - and based on some of the conversations and chats I've had with people - the kind of stuff I do online provides a moment of comfort and connection.

5. Pornography creates the 'whore complex' that your spouse / lover won't create for you.

I guess you could tie this one back to #1, but a bit deeper. A "fantasy" may not be strong enough to touch on the idea of this one. My husband and I have had a few debates on this. In a way, it may be the one I struggle with the most, because I can't control how some people interpret what I do online. Some like the idea of the 'whore' or 'slut' image that is created by what I write and photos I take. The fantasy becomes more of dominance and control ... and my husband suggests as one of the biggest reasons for the success of amateur porn: the fantasy of f^@$ing another man's wife. Our photos represent the dark side of sex that their wife doesn't.

Heady stuff ... and trust me, it took more than one train ride to and from work to figure this one out.

My husband says I am a bit of an anomaly when it comes to the subject, as I have long gotten past any feeling of disgust, guilt, shame or judgement over it. And while there is still an awful lot out there that shocks the hell out of me - and some that crosses a lot of lines of morality and decency - I have reached a point of intrigue and acceptance for what probably counts as 'mainstream.'

But I still wonder, more so now, what it is you guys see in what I do, and why you enjoy it ... and I guess, also why you don't?

Andee  xoxo