Sex | Quantity vs. Quality

I hope everyone is having an awesome start to their Halloween. I have to admit that this is one of my most favourites “holidays” of the year. As someone who believes strongly in the paranormal, I also enjoy the entertainment factor of everything spooky.

That said, I struggled a bit with today’s Miniskirt Monday. I tried to find something in the spirit of the day, so I hope you enjoy my offering. It's an older photo, but of course, if you want to see a whole collection of sexy skirts (and a lot less), please slip on over to my naughty secret and enjoy a little of what little I'm wearing.

This question is something that makes an appearance every now and then in my life, so I am taking today as my opportunity to revisit all the great thoughts and ideas around it.

Do you think the quality of sex or quantity of sex is more important? Why?

I’ll be honest, I believe the truth lay somewhere in between both. I think that frequent great sex is the secret to life…sex keeps us young and healthy. But I am also enough of a realist to understand that some days the libido struggles against the rest of the clutter in our minds and creates barriers to the perfect moment. And when that takes over, sometimes our minds and bodies just don't get into the moment as much.

That is the reality.

Given my own choice, I would take quality over quantity now that I have experienced a bit of what life has to offer.

Why? Because I have discovered the incredible joys of having a battery-operated boyfriend for those moments in between. And barring an available supply of the Energizer Bunnies, I learned a lot from the old jingle for the Yellow Pages and I let my fingers do the walking. So for me, if each moment of physical intimacy is mind-blowing...albeit seldom...at this point in life I could make it work.

BUT that is if I had no choice. Let's be honest, all of us would like to find the perfect balance between moments of delicious self-love and a good ol' fashioned, mattress-pounding conjugal screw!

Now, had this question been asked of me back when I was in my late teens and throughout my 20s, I would have really struggled with taking that perspective. I was much more into the pursuit of experience and I think I would have been more inclined to settle for a lot of bad sex just to keep getting some.

Andee     xoxo

Do I Need A Bucket List?

Quiet a while back I wrote a little blog about my sexual bucket list...things I wanted to accomplish in my sex life before I pass over to the great wonder. For the most part, it is still something that I want to pursue in my sexual adventure, but won't feel any sense of failure if certain parts don't happen.

Yesterday, as I was talking to my husband about an interview I had in the afternoon with a commercial booking agency, we ended up on the subject of bucket lists. He was saying how proud he was of me for putting myself out there and trying new things in life...saying this shortly after I told him that I thought I was crazy for even going to see about this stuff, especially since my acting career is limited to amateur porn movies and couple of murder mystery dinner theatre gigs years ago.

We talked about a lot of the people we know personally who live their life in the passenger seat, merely watching as so much passes them by. It's something we have both long agreed to never do, both as individuals and a couple. Beyond my website - which believe or not would be something on a bucket list if I had one - there are lots of things I push myself to try. Heck, this past summer I signed up for a women's hockey league and played goalie - never having played hockey before. It was exhilarating and liberating...and scary.

I ride my own motorcycle...another thing I hear from friends about how they could never do something like that. Why?

Anyway, my husband said if anything does come out of this recent venture, and I get cast in something, then it was another "item to check off the bucket list."

And it made me think. And the more the gears turned, the more I realized I don't really have a personal bucket list. I have my sexual one, but not a life one.

There are a lot of things I would like to do in life, and places I would like to see, but I've always kind of plugged along believing that if they happen, they will happen.

My husband laughed as I explained this to him, responding with "That's because you're not in your 40s yet. Wait until you're about 45 (hubby is), then you'll find yourself jumping out of perfectly good airplanes or climbing on some camel in the Egyptian desert."

Is a bucket list something that is reserved for people who think they need to catch up on what they missed in life?

At first I was thinking "Damn..." but the more it swirls around in my head the more I believe that I don't want a "bucket list." I want a life of excitement and adventure without it having to be planned. I don't want to have to schedule events in life just to account for time I spent in the passenger seat. For that matter, move over and let me drive!

So, the more I think about it, the more I know I'm on the right track...even when you take the sex out of the equation!

Andee     xoxo

Fantasy Friday | 'Say It Out Loud'

Hey guys...sorry, it kind of took longer than I anticipated to get things rolling today, but I had a little 'real-life' interlude to manage this afternoon.

Anyway, as promised in my blog from Monday, I have a very intriguing Fantasy Friday today. It's not so much about one of the fantasy moments of making love on a secluded beach as the tide rolls in (that is a real fantasy of mine, by the way). But it touches on a very real erotic experience and exposes some very real erotic thoughts and sexual energy that is really me ... and not just the "Sexy Northern Angel" chick you may have seen online or read about in her blog. Sure, it's founded on fantasy, and a situation that is not likely to occur for reasons other than like to one above (lacking a secluded beach in Canada during Autumn), but these are the raw, hot thoughts to swirl around regularly.

For you guys that love a woman in high heels and stockings, then you have probably shared this very thought. And, for anyone who has had some naughty thoughts about someone other than their spouse ... well, my husband discovered just how powerful and erotic it can be to take my mind down a very vulnerable path and pressed me to expose more than just the delightful excitement between my legs.

I hope you will join me for another hot Fantasy Friday!

Andee     xoxo

 

Porn | It Can Be Good For Relationships

As you know, in some of my previous blogs I have been an advocate for pornography in relationships. I don't see it as the great evil and "straight to hell" factor in life. Of course, when you are someone who has an adult website and a series of sex videos, it's kind of hard not to be.

But that is when it is not a complete obsession.

I mean, I hope that when you feel the need, or slight obsession, that I can be a part of it. But at the same time, my naughty little secret is intended to be something that is seen as entertainment and certainly not a deviant part of society and responsible for the downfall of western civilization as we know it.

Yesterday I was reading an article on the Internet about how porn can play a healthy role in a relationship and I had that brief moment of vindication. I do believe that certain kinds of porn can be very useful in helping couples establish a starting point for discussing fantasies, desires, etc.

For example, I knew my husband was a long-time porn enthusiast. I also knew he had a naughty collection on our home computer. One night, when we were having a bit of fun, he pulled out the laptop and opened up some pictures of a threesome scene as he did me from behind. As the sex heated up, he was also fucking my mind, putting my imagination into that scene. Kinky for me at the moment, but he had tapped into one of my biggest fantasies and allowed me to really open up to him about my thoughts.

And over time we have gone back to this same way of sharing and exploring together...sometimes casually using porn to hint at new fantasies.

"The biggest misconception about porn is that it's always degrading and shameful," says Teesha Morgan, a sex therapist in Vancouver. "However, it can also empower women to take control of their sexuality." This isn't to say porn can't cause relationship problems. And this really isn't to say that everyone should watch it, especially if you'd rather not. But if you're so inclined, finding porn you enjoy watching can really heat up your sex life"

The article further states: With the ubiquity of steamy on-demand videos and websites catering to every kink conceivable, porn is more mainstream and more easily (and anonymously) accessible than ever - and guys aren't the only ones tuning in. A study published in 2008 found that nearly one in three women aged 18 to 26 reported using porn (compared to nearly nine in 10 guys in the same age group). Its popularity might be even higher among slightly older women, suggests Debby Herbenick, a research scientist and associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University in Bloomington. "I do think, like a lot of things about sex, porn use becomes more common in the mid-20s and 30s - related in part to being in a long-term relationship and wanting to keep things fresh."

And there is certainly nothing wrong with keeping things fresh!

Andee     xoxo

Just An Average Couple

For anyone who also follows me on Twitter, you already know that on the weekend my husband and I headed downtown for the Everything To Do With Sex Show. It's a consumer trade show that we attend pretty much every year, pick up a couple new outfits and fun things for the bedroom, and all that good stuff.

Panties? Or no panties?

This year was especially entertaining...but that had more to do with the ride home than the show itself. More on that later...

One of the comments I made to him, as we walked the aisles of the show - and good on the organizers because it was quiet busy this year - was that, for whatever reason, I noticed how everyone there was just an average couple like us. Young and old, hot and sexy - and not. And I'm sure there are a few with secrets like mine, but otherwise it was a group of everyday people exploring and sharing their sexual health.

In a strange way, I thought that was a really good sign that there are couples out there that want to enjoy their own sexual adventures, and are willing to openly talk about the things that turn them on - like a little role-playing, or sex toys or (naughty girlish giggle) bondage. It made me feel more comfortable in my own desires - not that I needed to, but I think you know what I mean. When you set out on this kind of adventure, be it to discover your own sexuality, accept your fantasies or try to make them realities, you sometimes have that sense of "am I the only one?"

Of course, the big question is: What did Andee get?

Well, the outfits will allow me to play out a few new sexy updates with more of a storyline behind them. That seems to be something you guys enjoy more when it comes to a photo set. I will keep you thinking on what those outfits are until they make an appearance on my website.

But perhaps the biggest leap for me is that after years of exploring with nice "somewhat realistic fake penises," I bought my first glass dildo. In past I was a little reluctant to try glass, just because it seems to be a bit of the unknown for me...the durability I mean. Rubber dildos can fly around the bedroom, bounce off the floor or night stand and not get damaged. Glass? I guess I will just have to be a bit more cautious ;-)

And nothing is ever tame with me...my husband told me as we were heading down to the show that he was looking for something to replace the little vibrating backdoor toy that makes an appearance every now and them when I want that incredible sensation in both. So, now I am the horny owner of a glass anal toy...product review to follow at a later date!

Now, back to the car ride home. Before we left the show, I slipped into the bathroom and removed my panties. I had intended just to tease my hubby a little, thinking we would get all worked up and by the time we get home be ready for some wild sex. Wouldn't you know that downtown traffic on a Saturday was insane...and it took almost two hours just to get out onto the expressway.

At first, my husband was teasing me by gently stroking my thigh just at the hem of my skirt. I wasn't sure if he suspected anything about my lack of panties, but it was driving me crazy waiting for his hand to get high enough up. This went on for a good 20 minutes before he finally slipped his hand all the way up. By then I was already turned on, and it was very obvious...and it's moments like this when I love the Brazilian waxing.

So, as traffic barely turtles along, he starts really playing with my pussy. And he's not one to just sit and nonchalantly fondle me...he likes to mess with my mind at the same time, telling me as people are walking past on the sidewalk, just a couple feet from our vehicle. Then he wonders out loud if the people in the car beside us can see in...all those thoughts and ideas that hits on my exhibitionist thrill.

This goes on...I kid you not...for a good hour. And we only went a couple city blocks with people everywhere outside the car. So, by the time we hit the expressway, I've had it. I am so horny and turned on that I need some serious relief.

One of the little things we had bought is a mini-hitachi. We got it because it is small and very quiet...something I need for a little later adventure...but it was out of the package and onto my pussy in a hurry. And to add to it, I'm pretty sure one truck driver got a nice peek. It had to be obvious something was going on, when you see a woman with both stilettos pressed against the windshield.

I'll save my after-party sex experience with you in an upcoming Fantasy Friday, but just so you know, the sex fun did not stop with an orgasm at 100km/h...

Speaking of stilettos, don't miss today's Miniskirt Monday update...sexy gold sequin top and tiny white mini.

Andee     xoxo

Fantasy Friday | The Hotel Lounge

I think a lot of women have the fantasy about a singles bar pickup. Not so much about the cheesy lines a guy uses, but sort of around the idea on meeting a mysterious and delicious stranger at a bar, sharing some innuendo-filled conversation and then a nightcap somewhere private.

For me, this fantasy has been one of those that has dangled closely to the edge of reality. And so, with my own personal experience just a hint of bravery away from actually happening, it means this is something very fresh and exciting for me.

It is also something that has allowed me to lay in bed some nights, close my eyes and let my fingers do some serious business to the naughty bits of my body.

I hope you will slip over to my Fantasy Friday page and maybe even imagine yourself in the role of mysterious stranger at the hotel lounge!
Andee     xoxo

Showing Some Support...And a Lot of Leg!

I had different blogging plans this morning...so those may appear later this evening, after work. But as I was having my morning coffee, a Twitter friend of mine sent me a note in response to my Thigh High Thursday post today. Over in the U.K., today is National Stockings Day, where women are encouraged to wear stockings to show support for cancer awareness.

Now, as someone who has been personally touched by cancer I could not resist the opportunity to lend a little peek to the cause. Unfortunately, I can't actually participate in the event today as my shift is not suited for something so sexy...sitting in a lab looking like an astronaut just won't get the heart pumping for most of you guys. (Although I am sure it is a fetish somewhere)

Andee     xoxo

Letting Go Of Sexual Hangups

I’m not sure if anyone else thinks this way, but as I get older I start to question some of those attitudes and ideas that I held close when I was younger; certain emotional handcuffs like petty jealousies and the mentality of “I would never do that.”

I guess, in a way, I have reached a point in life when I have to consciously shed hangups.

And I won’t say it’s easy. I know that everyone has some sort of sexual hangups, whether they are related to certain sex acts or freely loving their partner and letting the trust in the relationship take over. (Of course, one slight breech in that and all will fall apart anyway) For me, I don’t an awful lot of them - which makes for the first problem. But of the few I do, having to let go of something that I have clung to for a fairly long time is a challenge.

A big part of what has been leading up to this, and that’s not to say there has been one big “a ha!” moment, is that as I get older, I come to accept and see just how silly some of those have been. And the more that I am able to let them go, the more fun and satisfaction emerges in my sex life; not to mention the great exploration in my fantasies!

For the past few days I have been tweeting about my hot plans for this weekend. Ok, my plans may not be the “swinging from the chandelier threesome” that I occasionally fantasize about, but they still involve what seems to be a lingering taboo - sex. My husband and I have made some sexy arrangements for a nice dinner date and going to the Everything About Sex Show that is coming to town. When I mentioned this to a couple people, I got the “oh ick” reaction.

What I have learned in this sexual journey is that when you open your mind and challenge the conventions that other people establish, life can be an exceptionally exciting (insert ‘orgasmic’ if you like) experience. It frustrates me when other people expect me to share their hangups about something like sex...especially when this is more like a shopping trip/consumer trade show than an actual sex show.

Our society has the uncanny ability to assign the terms “normal” and “perverted” extremely quickly; but where does the criteria come from? Who establishes the idea of what is “normal” when it comes to sex?

Hang ups come from when we place what others think, or may think, about how we act and the pleasure we may obtain from some really dirty, naughty, leave me sore in the morning, kind of sex.

So, I think I am trading some of my silly notions that once held me back from my sexual adventure for a new one: a hang up on worrying about all the toe-curling sex so many others are missing out on.

Andee     xoxo

Auto Erotic | More Thoughs On Car Sex

Today, in my Fantasy Fridays section, I am taking you all for a little car ride. One of the really erotic and exciting things that I have done in my past has been giving a guy a blowjob while he was driving.

I know I have shared that story in a previous blog, but today my mind is going down the dirty road of actually getting into the fast lane while someone is behind the wheel.

I don't know what it is about sex and automobiles that seems so erotic. Perhaps it is because when we were young, that was about the only place we could get laid. I can't say that it was the place where I lost my virginity, but I suspect quite a few of you did.

Anyway, hope you slip over to my Fantasy Fridays and get inside the thoughts, dreams and ideas that make my panties wet!

Andee     xoxo

 

Are You Turning Off Your Spouse?

Some days, life gets kind of exciting and edgy. You know, those dirty thoughts go through your mind at lightning speed, moments of bravery push the flirtation a bit further, hints of naughty secrets and being caught in them...

Yep, just like Ferris Bueller says: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

When it comes to some of the crazy things I do and situations I find myself in, I kind of sit back and explain it away with a simple statement: My marriage has forced me to explore my boundaries and find sexual liberation.

Now, it's not as pointed as that. There are many wonderful things that lay underneath that statement.

I have always said that I had not met and married my husband, I would have never experienced half of what I have - in both a sexual and life sense. He has opened my mind to a lot of adventures that I didn’t imagine would come my way…and at the same time, pushed my limits and challenged me to discover parts of my sexuality that have been kind of tucked away deep in the back of my mind.

Of course, I don’t think that is very different from other couples, but what I am seeing more and more - as we watch relationships fall apart around us - that quite a few people ever begin the adventure.

For example, as many of you have followed along lately, there is a co-worker in my real life that I have introduced to a small part of my naughty secret. And at the same time, someone who has become a very flirtatious friend, which brings about a delicious amount of distraction to an otherwise routine kind of day. And…other things too.

While this goes on regularly, I do share a good part of it with my husband. He knows the thoughts that float around in my head…well, what he needs to know, anyway.

But, we use moments like this in our own relationship to keep the flame burning, so to speak. We introduce each other to what captures our imagination and sexual desires, whereas I believe a lot of spouses would be too scared to bring it up.

Keeping an open mind and being careful how you convey that to your spouse is a huge part of the adventure together. Personally I think a lot of wives - without even knowing it - shut their husbands down, slamming the door on a whole world she doesn’t know could be fun. Something like going to an adult club, or even a sex show (not a ‘sex’ show, but a trade show for adults where you can see all the new toys and outfits and fun stuff like that).

For whatever reason - jealousy, fear, insecurity - they follow the easy answer of “not a chance, buster.” And that kind of attitude leaves him thinking of her as a bit of a cold fish; frigid, missionary-position sex on weekdays not ending in ‘y.’

And that’s a shame.

Andee     xoxo

My Blog Is My Sex Journal

Someone asked me about finding the courage to open up to my husband about a lot the crazy ideas that go on in my mind. When you do look back at the things that I have written here, and on my Twitter, you begin to see that we do have a somewhat unusual relationship when it comes to be open with sex.

Our relationship didn't exactly begin this way. We were like every other couple next door. We had our ups and downs, good moments and, unfortunately, our bad moments. There was a time, in the first couple years of our relationship, when it even looked like things would end up like the other 51 per cent of marriages...

But we did something more bizarre than a lot of other couples would ever think: we worked at it...and worked at it...and worked at it.

One of the first things we did was sit down with a big bottle of wine and talked...naked.

THINGS I COULDN'T SAY

I still remember the first time my husband asked me if I would consider writing a sex journal. It was one of the ideas we had learned from a book we had read, and as we're both big on the writing and reading, it seemed kind of fun. It was also the idea of sharing ideas that I was still a little nervous about saying face-to-face. At that point I wasn't ready to dish on such fantasies of wild and orgasmic threesomes, exploring with another woman...or even launching a website (although that did come out of these moments). Writing down sexual thoughts would open the door to being able to introduce new adventures into our sex life.

Now, truth be told, it was also a huge struggle as I tried to discover the confidence and ways to express the naughty things that went on in my head, but it was a good start. And like a lot of things, that sex journal didn't really last. I think it's still sitting around somewhere with a lot of empty pages. But that isn't to say I gave up on the naughty thoughts, I just found the confidence to talk about them instead of writing them down.

Jump ahead from those days to one year ago...

My blog has become that sex journal I started. I admit it was kind of strange at first, but then it quickly grew into an obsession. These days it has become such an extension of my imagination that I feel truly guilty when I go a couple days without blogging.

And, so I won't suggest this is the answer...BUT...what I am seeing is how the idea of writing about my sexual adventure has allowed it to evolve. And the conversations that go with the writing and reading...um...you can use your imagination there.

Andee     xoxo

 

Sex | The 30-day Challenge

You know that I have this thing for trashy women’s magazines. I love the distraction that they offer, and sometimes I think I need the cynic in me stirred up a bit. But to be fair, every now and then these magazines come up with some interesting and intriguing ideas.

Just the other day I was reading an article on strategies to avoid the “cheating temptation” in your relationship. I could go on at length with my own perspective, but I think you know where I would go with that - especially since I have touched on it before in some of my blogs. And no, I wasn't reading the article for personal direction.

However, in this recent article, there was some advice that made me sit there and go “hmm…”

The article was suggesting couples try a 30-day sex challenge to keep things steamy - and supposedly prevent sexual straying:

“Whether your sex life is currently hot or not, commit to naughty time 30 days in a row. And don't just stick to your standard routines either: Use this challenge to, well, challenge yourselves. Consider visits to sex shops for toy purchases, thumbing through kama sutra manuals for new position inspiration, experimenting with lotions and potions, watching porn together and more!”

Well, now you’re talking.

I'm seriously considering trying something like this in my own relationship, but not because I think it needs any kind of relationship repair, but because if I can get busy for 30 straight days...well, why the heck not!

So, now I turn to you guys - and let's try to come up with some real ideas here - what things should I include over a span of 30 days that is different every day?

Andee     xoxo