October 13, 2011

Are You Turning Off Your Spouse?

Some days, life gets kind of exciting and edgy. You know, those dirty thoughts go through your mind at lightning speed, moments of bravery push the flirtation a bit further, hints of naughty secrets and being caught in them...

Yep, just like Ferris Bueller says: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

When it comes to some of the crazy things I do and situations I find myself in, I kind of sit back and explain it away with a simple statement: My marriage has forced me to explore my boundaries and find sexual liberation.

Now, it's not as pointed as that. There are many wonderful things that lay underneath that statement.

I have always said that I had not met and married my husband, I would have never experienced half of what I have - in both a sexual and life sense. He has opened my mind to a lot of adventures that I didn’t imagine would come my way…and at the same time, pushed my limits and challenged me to discover parts of my sexuality that have been kind of tucked away deep in the back of my mind.

Of course, I don’t think that is very different from other couples, but what I am seeing more and more - as we watch relationships fall apart around us - that quite a few people ever begin the adventure.

For example, as many of you have followed along lately, there is a co-worker in my real life that I have introduced to a small part of my naughty secret. And at the same time, someone who has become a very flirtatious friend, which brings about a delicious amount of distraction to an otherwise routine kind of day. And…other things too.

While this goes on regularly, I do share a good part of it with my husband. He knows the thoughts that float around in my head…well, what he needs to know, anyway.

But, we use moments like this in our own relationship to keep the flame burning, so to speak. We introduce each other to what captures our imagination and sexual desires, whereas I believe a lot of spouses would be too scared to bring it up.

Keeping an open mind and being careful how you convey that to your spouse is a huge part of the adventure together. Personally I think a lot of wives - without even knowing it - shut their husbands down, slamming the door on a whole world she doesn’t know could be fun. Something like going to an adult club, or even a sex show (not a ‘sex’ show, but a trade show for adults where you can see all the new toys and outfits and fun stuff like that).

For whatever reason - jealousy, fear, insecurity - they follow the easy answer of “not a chance, buster.” And that kind of attitude leaves him thinking of her as a bit of a cold fish; frigid, missionary-position sex on weekdays not ending in ‘y.’

And that’s a shame.
Andee     xoxo

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