Talking Dirty And Getting In Trouble

A number of years ago I had a blog on a much different kind of website. Unfortunately, that turned into a very disappointing experience, so I’m certainly not going to provide them with any kind of promo. But, even though it wasn’t a positive ending for me, I did manage to archive my blog entries from there before I moved on to something a lot more in tune with my ambitions and personality. So, as we eek through another week, I thought this would be something fun to share once again.

The subject remains the same, but I’ve certainly added to my track record since I first answered the question … consider it one of those “if I knew then, what I know now” predicaments.

Anyway, on that particular website, someone who I interacted with wanted to know what the best kind of trouble I got into while talking dirty. There are kind of two answers to that …

A few years ago, words led me into the act of turning fantasy into reality during our exploration into the swinging lifestyle. These days that part of the adventure is somewhat “on hold” as far too many other priorities have taken hold of our time – and imagination – and therefore we’re sitting it out for a while.

It wasn’t so much about “talking dirty” but a lot more innuendo mixed with more than a couple feel-good beverages is what led to our first real swinging situation. My husband and I were at a neighbour’s party when I got into a conversation with the husband of another couple that was there. The conversation started off innocent enough, but gradually grew more sexually-infused as we talked ... and drank.

I hadn’t realized it, but we spent a good couple of hours immersed in this kind of banter hinting at sex and sexual experiences when the subject turned to me getting my nipple ring – which I still had at the time. Naturally this came out as a bit of a shock to a couple of people, because on the surface, I really am a very “average” girl-next-door type. They were shocked – and intrigued – to learn about my hidden wild side. Next thing you know, I’m out in the garage (a couple people were having a cigarette), pulling up my top to show him (and the others who took time away from their smoke to have a peek). There was a great deal of continued conversation about how much fun it was to play with, the erotic sensations that go straight to my pussy, etc.

Lo’ behold, a couple weeks later my husband and I are in bed exploring with this couple and having an exceptionally naughty and orgasmic time.

Talking dirty is also the way I learned to appreciate anal sex and toy play at the same time.

Anal isn't something I give up too often – much to my husband’s frustration (sorry Honey!). But one night we were having a really good session after playing on the computer for a bit. I was on my hands and knees, thoroughly enjoying the moment...and we started talking about double penetration. My hubby was teasing me with his fingers from behind and getting me very into the whole fantasy of having two beautifully hard men taking me.

After tormenting me this way for a few minutes and making me confess that I would love to have two guys in me at the same time, he grabbed one of my toys and some lube and began to tease me again. With my butt sticking up in the air, he lubed himself up and slid into my ass, and told me to tell him how much I would like to be taken by two guys. I started rubbing my vibrator in the good spots, and then pushed it into me.

I can't describe just how incredible it felt to be completely filled ... but let me tell you ... my fantasy for a threesome with two mean was solidified at that point. I definitely knew that was one of the best ways to explore a little bit of "trouble."

To this day, my husband still takes me to that point in sex where my mind is swirling, desperate for release and then makes me confess some of my naughtiest thoughts.

Hope that brightens your day! I'm off to play in the shower now ;-)

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Vacation Sex

I'm sure you'll agree with me that sex is a key part of any decent adult vacation - whether it's the hook-up in Daytona for Spring Break, or a romantic tryst between long-term lovers in the Caribbean surf at sunset. There seems to be something that much more erotic about getting busy while the stress of reality is being washed away by some lovely tropical beverages.

Vegas Baby!

With that in mind, this week’s TMI Tuesday questions - submitted by virtualsin.wordpress.com - take us on a delightfully sexual holiday...

1. Do you have more sex or less when on vacation?
It used to be that I had way more sex when I went on vacation with my husband - but then we had kids and those kinds of trips disappeared. So, these days we just work harder at having vacation sex without getting caught.

2. Do you plan a vacation so that you will have an opportunity to have sex?
I can't say that we actually plan a vacation just for the sex, but I won't deny that we do everything we can to take advantage of the opportunity ... and keeping track of all the places I've gotten laid! A few years ago, when my husband was working in a different job and company, he used to travel several times a year - and every now and then I'd get to tag along. That was always a fun time for some seriously naughty interludes.

3. Have you ever planned a vacation in order to meet someone for sex?
No ... vacations for me (and now, for me and my husband) have not been built around the idea of a hook-up. There are times when I think it would be something exciting to try a lifestyle resort, such as Hedonism, but so far that remains just a fantasy - at least until my children have grown up enough to be trusted to be left alone.

4. Have you ever gone on a singles’ cruise or some other hookup-facilitating vacation?
Same as above ... no.

5. Have you had sex on a means of transportation other than a car: bus, train, airplane, cruise ship?
Since you took away all the really fun possibilities, the closest I can offer up as transportation is a bed that moves around on a hardwood floor.

6. Have you had outdoor sex on camping, hiking, skiing, boating vacation?
Camping and hiking, absolutely. In fact, I'd hazard to say, if there isn't at least on time on a camping trip when the sleeping bags get zipped together, then it's just not camping. Skiing for me has never graduated from the bunny slope ... although one of these days I'll definitely get back on the water and put some motion to the gunwales.

BONUS: Do you pack sex toys, lubes (3.4 oz bottles or less), etc when you fly? Do you think about TSA finding them? Has TSA ever found them and questioned you about your sexual aids or displayed them? Tell us about it.
No, as much as I love my toys and my sex fun, I'd be way too embarrassed to deal with an awkward security search.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Navigating Sex

As much as I might like to consider myself in the midst of a sexual adventure, sometimes it can be a very delicate balance between desire and disaster. But, regardless of what you might consider an "adventure," we have all found ourselves in those situations where feelings can be complicated and our sexual connections just not ... connecting.

Some interesting questions for this week's TMI Tuesday.

Answer yes or no:

• I regret my first kiss
• I miss my first love
• I married my first love
• I loved someone that didn’t love me

Hmm … don’t know if I would say any of these are extremely accurate, with the exception of marriage. I believe I have married my true love, but I also believe that we are capable of loving on many different levels.

My first kiss was pretty much what every young teen girl goes through, with a boy who just happened to be the boy of the moment. I've kissed quite a few since then, and a few girls along the way too!

I certainly don't miss my first "love" ... but wish I knew better at the time and would have been a bit more cautious about giving my heart away.

Do you consider yourself monogamous or polyamorous or some other category which you will explain or define for us now?
Mostly monogamous. We have dabbled in the swinger’s lifestyle and managed to explore sexually with other people – but we have never taken it beyond some hot, steamy moments and oral sex. Are these the opening doors of things still to come? I can’t say because, although my interest in continuing to explore is extremely high, it can be complicated when you are a finicky as me. However, we definitely don’t qualify for the polyamory category and can’t admit that we are active swingers. I suppose the category that would define us best is “sexual adventurers.” We love to explore, we love to test the limits, but at the same time we are wimpy and love the sense of security of being married and mostly monogamous.

Your partner is in the mood for sex and you are tired – what do you do?
   a) Start snoring. There is no way I’m giving it up tonight.
   b) Trade. You give me a massage…and we will see…
   c) That would never happen!
The only answer that really fits is c). But the truth is I am more for negotiations for a rain cheque. I might be tired tonight, but how about we set the alarm for a few minutes earlier in the morning?

Does your partner mind if you masturbate, in bed, while they are there?
I would say, about 50% of the time when I masturbate my husband is right there, watching and sometimes helping. I'm one of those women, as I have said a number of times, that needs a little help achieving orgasm. So, with that reality, our sex life tends to involve a fair bit of manual manipulation.

On the other side, I would love it if he would include me in more of watching him do the same, but that seems to be something he keeps to himself a great deal.

Describe your typical sexual romp:
   a) You are playful and tame
   b) You have occasionally introduced a few things like outfits and toys
   c) You love trying new things and shocking your partner
A bit of b) and a healthy dose of c). We’re beyond the “occasional” part of sex toys and naughty outfits – mostly due to the little naughty hobby we have on the side and the fact that I have a substantial collection of battery-operated marital aids, but I don’t think that our sex romps are always about trying new things. Having said that, I always love new things when sex is involved!

BONUS: What was your best ever masturbation experience? Why was it the best? Describe.
Wow, that is is tough one to answer. There's been some crazy moments for me, but I think one that stands out as one of the best is the first time that I masturbated on webcam. Masturbation tends to be a hugely private thing for me, but in the early days of my sexual adventure I was discovering a lot about the Internet and the kinkiness it can add to your evenings.

It was something that I found very exhilarating and liberating - as I had never done anything like that in front of anyone but my husband. I remember spending most of the evening teasing and tormenting with the guy I was chatting with, and watching him reveal himself to me. I was getting hornier as the night went on, and as my husband was working, it felt even naughtier.

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | Having An Out In Swinging

On the weekend I was having a bit an abbreviated online chat with a guy who has been a fairly regular follower of mine on Twitter and here. We were discussing the idea of “swinging” and my personal experiences with the lifestyle.

For the record, I’m probably not the best resource for an in-depth expose on the matter; just someone who has floundered here and there with trying to discover if it is something that appeals to me. I think I have made it relatively clear that “swinging” has been one of those not-so-satisfying adventures for me. And it’s not even the idea – because my desire is there, without a doubt. But for some reason, experimenting with other couples has just never worked out for my husband and I.

Regardless … my friend’s one question was what advice would I offer to couples who were just getting into the experience?

I thought about this for a while, because I don’t want to be negative. My own challenges are not necessarily what other people may experience, and as I mentioned, we still have a very curious desire to explore should the right opportunity arise. I’m not one to make any judgment on the lifestyle – just sigh about how our efforts seem to get derailed.

Plus, there is so much that could be said about exploring with the idea of introducing new people into your relationship. You need to consider on what level, and just what, you are comfortable with.

And so, assuming you have done all the talking, fantasizing, talking and talking with each other as a couple – and have reached the mutual decision that “swinging” may be worth exploring together – the best advice I would give is to make sure you have an “out.” An “out” is a safe word or phrase that could be used by either one of you to put the brakes on a situation that you don’t feel comfortable in.

For example, ours was “Let’s go for ice cream.” A simple expression that we understood meant we needed to cool things down.

This allows you some comfort in knowing that you have control over what you feel is OK as things progress. As much as some people want to mislead you into thinking otherwise, the truth is, you won’t know for sure what you are willing and capable of doing until you are in the moment. You might think you’re alright with the idea of some guy treating your wife like an amusement park on the hotel bed, but emotions can be funny things.

The same for men. It’s not easy for a man to be completely “into the moment” while another man is right there beside him also trying to be completely “into the moment.” I know men, despite their brashest bravado, can struggle with an erection when there is another penis in the room. Some guys have that subconscious homophobia to deal with.

And what if that other guy doesn’t share your inopportune flaccidity? What if he’s rocking some serious steel, your wife is drooling over the prospect of riding a new cowboy and you’re still trying to coax out any reaction you can from south of the border. Now suddenly he has two female playmates that might be more intrigued by the idea of a feminine tag-team and you’re left walking down the hall to get some more ice for their post-coitus beverages. Or vice versa …

Women are definitely at an advantage in this, as our bodies aren’t as quick to reveal our apprehension and nervousness. But that is not to say we don’t feel the same way. Conversely, imagine how we might feel if you are the one sporting the bull mastiff as soon as she doffs her bra? We have our own insecurities too.

There is a lot that can be positive about exploring new aspects of sex and relationships, provided everyone involved shares an understanding. Whether it is a desire to bring new people into the bedroom, or as simply as introducing a sex toy to the Tuesday night routine, sex is meant to be a pleasurable experience for all.

Communication and respect for each other’s desires and insecurities will go a long way to turning those fantasies in wonderful adventures.

Andee     xoxo

No Room For Sexual Bullying

A few days ago, one of my online friends wrote a blog about sexual bullying. And some of the points he made hit home with me about how some people find themselves in sexual situations – kinks and fetishes – when they are not ideas that necessarily appeal to them.

Like so many other ideas that swirl around in my often over-active imagination, I struggled to come to terms with how I personally felt on this subject. Today, in Canada, was a national awareness day on bullying. A lot of schools are hosting “pink day” to draw attention to the issue and holding assemblies to address the issue.

As a mother of a son who endured several years of bullying in the school system, I kind of scoff at things like this. Often they really just serve to magnify the issue – especially when the bullies generally aren’t the ones wearing pink, and the ones being bullied are now an even more visible target. Plus, having survived the experience with my child, I can tell you that it’s also not just the kids who are the bullies. Teachers and administrators quite easily step into the role.

But that wasn’t really where we were going. Jon’s commentary focused more on the sexual element of bullying at the adult level.

I think there is more depth to the idea of sexual bullying than just agreeing to be involved in a scenario, role-play or kink to satisfy the request/demand of a lover. While there are people in committed relationships “going along” with various requests to maintain harmony in the relationship, society also works against their ability to speak out.

Sexual bullying, quite frankly, exists within the confines of “normal” society.

It’s not only the sexual harassment of others or the violence of rape and assault – although those are the most graphic examples of sexual bullying. But even in the subtleties of like what I was saying about yesterday over how some women with sincere bisexual curiosities are afraid to come out, the pressures in our culture conspire to alienate us for our sexual desires, lest we be "weird."

My friend Jon wrote about how "Talk shows trot fetishists out to get desired gasps and nervous tittering all the time. Even documentary or reality shows about sexual communities usually present a "look at the freaks" portrayal. It is no wonder that most people do not want to come out with their sexual identities—they are bullied by the world at large not to."

I also see it when popular magazines continue to perpetuate the idea of sexual bullying with the advice spewed out in columns by Carrie Bradshaw wannabes – “How to Please Your Man” and “Why You Don’t Have An Orgasm” – force us into believing we have serious character flaws and are less than adequate when it comes to the bedroom. The offer up advice that tells us how we should behave if we want to keep that guy happy, what we are expected to do any time he asks; and if we don’t, heaven help our miserable soul.

It’s the same message as to why our closet should only house Laboutin stilettos and Lacroix LBDs in Size 0 ... because if you don’t have that perfect little outfit you can whip out on any given Friday, you’re just not “sexy.”

Too often these ridiculous pontifications suggest that it is our responsibility to give in, forget our own needs and get down on our knees and just swallow, damn it. And if you suck at sucking, you better make sure you can distract your man with your collection of hot and seductive lingerie.

Sexual exploration is meant to be a path to discovering what it is that gets us off; not what we should be doing to get them off. It’s one thing to offer up a “surprise” every now and then by slipping into some risqué lingerie that takes you way out of your comfort zone – but it’s another to endure continual “expectations” without any consideration for your willingness and emotional needs.

When you find a partner willing to meet you on the same path, accept compromise and offer encouragement you realize the “advice” has been all wrong. Frankly, sex isn’t supposed to be about the other person; it’s best when it’s about an incredible union.

Andee     xoxo

Looking For The Emotional Connection

There’s a small part of me that is amazed at how some people can just get down to business for the sake of getting down to business. Perhaps it is my sexual history, and that I have always been in a somewhat monogamous situation since I was 15. Or maybe it’s just because I have a slightly romantic outlook on sex.

When it comes to intercourse, one of the most important factors for me is having an emotional connection. I think that is why I haven’t always been the greatest participant our “swinging experiment.” I just couldn’t get into the idea of separating the act from the feelings – and I don’t mean the physical sensations.

Defining what “emotional connection” means seems to be one of the biggest challenges in the ongoing debate between Mars and Venus. Men use sex to create deeper emotional connections with their partners, while women need to feel that connection in order to be sexually involved. Naturally, take these as slight generalizations, but they seem to be a fairly common perspective.

For me, the emotional connection isn’t this great epiphany … in fact, it means more about whether or not I like the person that is becoming involved in my sexual experience. Do I like them as a person? Do I find them to be someone who I could be friends with beyond the bed? Do understand their perspective on the same kind of values I hold outside of sex? Are they only motivated to get into my panties, or would they give me the time of day knowing that may never happen?

In other words, do they see me as only a receptacle for their erection, or do they actually give a shit about me as a person?

An emotional connection doesn’t have to be about love, romance and red roses. And it isn’t to be confused with physical attraction. It just has to be something more than an animalist, no-name fuck in a bathroom stall after a few drinks at a nightclub.

Is some of it tied to my upbringing and strong Catholic morals? Probably … and there’s likely a connection to the messages that society pushes onto us – women aren’t meant for “casual, meaningless sex.” Well, only if you want to be labeled in some unflattering way.

That said; one-night stands still leave me with many curious thoughts. I’ve never had one … never really had a great opportunity to fulfill one; well, not that I’m ready to admit too. But I am fascinated at how some people I know have found themselves in these moments and have no regrets over them. Seemingly there is a whole realm of psychology behind how this can be; and I have no doubt the same shrinks would have a field day with some of my sexual desires.

For me there is a very naughty appeal to the fantasy of “stranger sex.” It’s another leading fantasy many women have; where they encounter a handsome stranger and share an incredible moment of life-changing intimacy. But the fantasy isn’t about meeting a mysterious stranger; the fantasy is about a desire for newness and discovery. It’s about letting go of the safety net and falling into a situation within our minds where we are still very much in control of the outcome.

And I think that is where I frustrate my husband sometimes … especially when it comes to the idea of exploring more in the swinging lifestyle. As exciting as the idea of it is, I lean much more to the voyeuristic side of the lifestyle and can’t see myself going along for some random meeting where we all know the true objective.

I guess I’m still trying to discover the whole “sex for the sake of sex” ideal, rather than a moment of intimacy with both a mental and physical reward.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | The Unexpected Moments

There is something to be said about still being able to be surprised sexually at this stage in my life. It's not that I have a wealth of experience compared to some of the people I read about online, but knowing what a lot of the people in my offline life think, I've done a lot. And while I know there are so many things yet to be discovered, and many things that I would love to do all over again, what really gets me going are the spontaneous sex acts that still pop up every now and then.

To me, there is something really erotic about a sexual moment that is completely unplanned.

With that in mind, when this question popped up a while back, I thought it would make for an intriguing Formspring Friday update.

What was the most unexpected sexual experience you've ever had?

There's a few spontaneous quickies that easily come to mind, but the biggest unexpected sexual event in my life has to be the time when my husband and I literally could not wait to get home to get busy and we ended up parking on the side of a quiet dirt road and having sex in the cornfield.

Sure, it may not rate as wild and crazy as going at it on the elevator ride to the top of the Eiffel Tower, or having my skirt lifted from behind in the middle of a concert while the crowd rocked out to some hair metal. But for me it marks the real beginning of my sexual adventure ... the point in time when all the pillow talk and heat-of-the-moment fantasies turned into reality.

I've blogged about it before, but as a refresher ...

We had made all the plans to visit a lifestyle club after doing some research and careful planning. The night turned out to be quite hot - including me dancing topless in a crowd of people. That was a huge leap for me in my discovery. After having the time of our life at the club, we headed towards home. It was in the car when we realized just how horny we both were - now away from the music and crowd and able to talk about things. I was so turned on that it didn't take much for me to lift up the hem of my tiny dress and proceed to masturbate myself to two quick orgasms.

It was more than my poor husband could take ... he found a remote side road, backed our car into a field lane and then proceeded to drill me hard from behind. I left the handprints on the back windshield for weeks as a reminder of our naughtiness.

Sure, not as crazy as a lot of other people's experiences, but for me at that point of time in my life and marriage, this was a huge step towards a whole new level of intimacy in my relationship with my husband and myself. I learned so much about myself during that experience - which is what made it that much more unexpected.

On a more strictly-sexual level, the most recent unexpected moment came this summer following a coworker's stag and doe party. My husband had been toying with me all day about wearing a sexy little skirt and going commando. Knowing this was a party where people I worked with would be, I was reluctant to fulfill his wish outright. Close to the end of the evening, I slipped into the ladies room, removed the tiny panties I had been wearing and upon returning to our table, slipped them into his pocket.

In the elevator ride down to the parking lot, we enjoyed a very passionate kiss and quick fondle. I was expecting a bit of a playful ride home - much like the earlier description of me masturbating in the front seat as we cruised along. As we got to our truck, my husband pulled me along to the back and picked up on the kissing. As he did, he slid his hand under my skirt and began to play with my wet pussy.

Then, unexpectedly, he dropped to his knees, hiked up my skirt and proceeded to lick me thoroughly. After several minutes, he stood up and kissed me deeply so I could get a very delicious taste of me on him. Just as I figured I was going to get another good pounding from behind, the interior light from a car parked a few down from us came on. I'm not sure how long - or even if he was - sitting in the driver's seat, but part of me still gets a little excited by the idea that we may have given him a great late night show.

Once we got home, I led my date down the side of the house and then gave him a blowjob as a little extra something to end the night.

Andee     xoxo

Hall Pass | Not In The Traditional Sense

Like a lot of people, I have certain ... um ... desires about expanding my list of sexual conquests. It's a healthy fascination, because the human brain needs to be stimulated, as does the female imagination. At the same time, that doesn't necessarily mean that I am continually on the prowl to fulfill that desire. At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So, every now and then I receive an intriguing question from someone that allows me to explore some of those imagination-stimulating ideas and share them with you.

Do you have a ‘hall pass?’

Kinda sorta ... depends a lot on your real definition of a "hall pass," and even then with conditions attached. In my case, it’s just a complicated sort of predicament.

Of course, this idea moved to the forefront of our culture after a really bad movie a couple years back, in which a group of married men were given a “hall pass” by their wives. I won’t go too deeply into the storyline ... I think the fact it bombed at the cinemas pretty much tells the tale best. A silly premise based on an expression in use since the 1960s.

But, in urban terminology (hey, I looked it up, OK) a “hall pass” is time off from being in a marriage. It’s one spouse granting permission to the other to go about the length of the “hall pass” as if they were single. It's the foundation of "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" mentality, except with a hint of permission. So in that sense, I don’t have one, nor do I want one. I love my husband, I love being married and I love sharing the adventure with him. So to deny him the opportunity to share in that would be beyond me.

Now, all that said, there is a sort of intriguing agreement in place within our relationship: while we don’t consider ourselves “swingers” by any traditional definition, there are a couple open doors should the right opportunity surface for us to introduce another person into our sex life. And, if you have followed along for a while, you know that this has been a big part of my adventure.

Andee     xoxo

Life On The Silver Screen

Around here the celebrity buzz is gaining a lot of steam, with the international film festival set to begin and movie star sightings on the rise. One of the films being featured by Canadian actress/director Sarah Polley is a revealing story about family secrets, and such. The idea behind having your life and family secrets being exposed to the big screen made for some interesting conversation this past weekend with some of my coworkers.

Naturally I was reluctant to reveal too much about the secrets I keep tucked away in my boudoir. Some things are just better left not disclosed to the people I have to face every day.

If your life was turned into a movie, what scene would you be embarrassed to see on the big screen?
Despite what you might think about all the swirling sexual insanity that has become my adventure for the past decade, probably the one thing that would embarrass me the most would be a somewhat realistic recreation of my wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I love being married to my best friend, and life is never boring, but back then I was so young and immature; hardly prepared or mindful of what would lay ahead.

Part of the “romance” is the innocence and naivety, but like those horrible high school photos we all like to hide, what we see is a young bride with a huge misconception of the world. At that age we think we are so much older and prepared for life than we really are. Then as we begin to experience life, all those youthful notions turn into knowledge of how it really is.

Probably the other moment in my life that I would like to rewrite for a much more exciting Hollywood version would be turning the awkwardness of me discovering my bisexuality into a scene that isn’t as close the reality.

It was something I had long mulled over in my mind, but when the opportunity was right there, everything went south … and not in the good way. As you have read on here before, all the curiosity and desire staggered around after she and I both had too much to drink.

What scene would get it an ‘R’ rating?
Oh goodness, to narrow it down ...

Um, as much as I would like to say things have not been a tornado of emotional confusion and sexual torment, but just about any time in the past year I've worn a dress to work. Some days haven’t been all that naughty, but given that the days when I dress up, there are ulterior motives.

And then there is the reality surrounding most of the dates I've had in the past decade. One of the realities of my life is that I am a very sexual and adventurous person, and my shy, conservative persona is less of the truth than what people might think. When my husband and I plan a night out, if it’s not something specific like a family event, we look to explore and excite in whole new ways.

For example, one of the last times we went out, I ended up pressed up against the back of my truck in the dark parking lot having my pussy licked. My husband pushed the hem of my jean skirt up to my waist and knelt between my legs. It was only after a few minutes into the whole moment that we realized there was someone sitting in their truck parked a few spots over. Hopefully they enjoyed the show.

On the way home, I was still so incredibly turned on, so I took matters into my own hands and proceeded to distract my husband by masturbating in the front seat. No worries though, before we got home, we stopped and I gave him a blow job.

Yeah, probably not something that would rank as a PG kind of scene ... but pretty much a typical date for us.

Andee     xoxo

What Still Makes Me Blush?

I’d like to say that I started out with good intentions to make this a Formspring Friday kind of deal, but instead I chose to go with a question I had been asked that appealed more to the Fantasy Friday side of me. That said, I don’t think you’ll be disappointed that I made you wait until Monday for a good blog update about masturbation!

This one made me think for a while – mostly because in my ongoing sexual adventure, I have become very sex-positive and more aware of some of my own kinks. I definitely know that I have grown, matured so to speak, and gained a whole new outlook on who I am and what I want from my life both personally and sexually.

What is the one thing you have done sexually that still makes you blush when you think about it?

There are a lot of things that turn me on like crazy when I think back on them; from all the new experiences at the beginning of this, through to events like this past weekend when hubby and I went out on a hot date and did some naughty things. But there is one event that still makes me blush whenever I think back on it:

The first time I masturbated to orgasm in front of other people – who were in the room, not on webcam, or anything like that.

To me, as much as I love masturbating, it still is something that I consider to be a very personal and intimate act; even more so than having sex while another couple is in the room. The idea of the webcam shows still maintains a level of anonymity. It’s just another person watching me, but not really knowing who I really am – knowing the real person behind “Andee.” But to complete the act while others are right there, watching me bring myself to that point of no return; that is kinky.

The time that comes to mind is from when my husband and I were newly experimenting with the idea of soft swapping. We had become good friends with this couple, and over a few weeks and get-togethers, eventually made our way into the bedroom for some fun and games. And despite what all those steamy porn movies would like to have you believe otherwise, sex when there are more than two people involved doesn’t always reach a crescendo at the same time …

As all these wonderful new moments transpired among the four of us, things had reached a point where the wife of the other couple made her way back to giving her husband a blowjob. As I lay there watching, I started to touch myself – almost subconsciously – because it was the first time I had witnessed someone do that in person. It was an incredible turn on. As she got more into what she was doing, I got more and more into what I was doing.

In no time, I had completely lost myself in my own sensations, put my head back, closed my eyes and continued to masturbate. It never occurred to me that what I was doing was turning them on to the point where he came in her mouth, and then together watched as I played furiously with myself. It didn’t seem that it went on for all that long, but when I finally came down after what must have been my third orgasm in the evening, I looked over to see three smiling faces.

Later on my husband expressed how surprised he was over how much I had gotten into playing with myself, and he and the other couple loved watching me bring myself to orgasm.

To this day, thinking back on that still makes me blush. I guess partly because I have not been able to repeat the act, but also because of just how intimate something like that can be and sharing it was a huge leap for me.

Andee     xoxo

Trying To Define 'Sexy'

What is “sexy?”

In broad terms, it has to be something different for everyone. What turns my head is different from what turns my husband’s … and the same with people’s libidos. What gets one person all hot and bothered may turn off someone else.

For a lot of people, the idea of what is sexy can be defined as a style and attitude, combined with a strong sense of confidence. For others, it is as simple as a look. Mostly, sexy is personal and sometimes very hard to define. Clothing can be sexy, and yet naked can be sexy. Intelligence can be sexy … knowledge can be sexy … innocence can be sexy.

There are so many variables in defining 'sexy.'

Sexy, for me, is mostly an attitude and approach to life. There are specific things that I believe contribute to “sexy” – such as certain outfits, actions and words – but overall, these are things that inspire the attitude within me to feel “sexy.” A dress can make me feel “sexy” on some days and “frumpy” on others. Sexy can be very complex, or very simplistic, depending on my overall frame of mind and willingness to be expressive, confident and slightly extroverted.

Recently someone asked "when do I feel most sexy." A tough question, because there are many different variables involved – including occasions when I consciously set out to create the opportunity. Overall, there are a few factors that help create the perfect mood in me:

1. When someone who is not obligated to make a comment, compliments me.
Husbands, boyfriends, fathers, mothers – they are all supposed to tell us wonderful things about us. That’s what family and lovers are there to do, boost our morale and our egos, and be our personal champions regardless of our shortcomings … among a lot of other things. They have a sense of obligation to be supportive.

What really makes me feel sexy is when I have made an effort to present myself in the best physical and emotional spirit of the day, and someone not directly associated with my family life notices. For example, if I have planned a particular outfit for the day, and have gotten my mind into the idea of playing a flirty distraction, I get a huge boost when the guys at work play along with me. It’s a great boost when I catch them looking at me, notice the twinkle or even the slight raising on an eyebrow in approval.

It’s also knowing you won’t be overly judged for your demeanor and appearance; that somehow they expect nothing less from you but to be that vision of confidence and desire. It might be the slight hint of vanity, but as a woman, I enjoy it tremendously when I get an unexpected compliment from a man (and the occasional woman). Even more so, when you begin to understand that you still have the sexual attraction to turn someone’s head.

2. When someone has made an honest and concerted effort to boost my ego without being prompted.
I think everyone would agree that when you feel good about yourself, it is a lot easier to let your sexy attitude emerge from the shadows.

3. When I catch a man checking me out.
Of course this has to come with a disclaimer, in that there are occasions when being the object of some guy’s random ogling can be a bit unnerving. What I am suggesting here is that, when I have put forth an effort to try to appear attractive, alive and vivacious, it’s a very sexy feeling to catch a guy giving me the double-take in the hallway.

Again, this goes right to heart of the matter of when a woman begins to feel she is passing her prime, the boost we get from discovering that men still want to take notice. For me personally, I refuse to surrender to the attitude that a woman needs to “settle.” I want to put in the effort to look nice, to feel good about myself and, without a doubt, feel like I could be the object of someone’s desire – someone that isn’t already on my radar as such, like my husband. And then, it doesn’t hurt to keep his interest up as well – because, apparently, competition for a woman’s attention can be very motivating for a man. And I like sexually motivated men!

4. When my husband invests a huge amount of time flirting with me in whatever way he can.
By far, the biggest reason I feel sexy is when my husband puts in an effort to make me feel good about myself. And this is always about those times when I am dressed up, or teasing him back about the guy who I caught looking through the glass door in the cafeteria the day I wore a certain dress to work, etc. This is about when I know he is thinking of me in all the right ways – and letting me know that he is.

5. When I see that look in my lover’s eye that tells me they are “lost” around me.
Maybe this is more about the sexual power that comes from knowing that in that moment, when I can see my lover become a drooling, sexually aroused mass of putty in my hands, I can have my way exactly as I want it.

6. When I slip on that dress and those shoes.
Like all women, I have a go-to outfit that I know will produce all the attention I want for that moment. It used to be this great black top and little skirt with a pair of funky boots … and then my brown button-up with a suede skirt and boots. These days I have been incredibly spoiled by a husband that works very hard at making me feel sexy. Part of that has been his sense of fashion and encouraging me to break out of my somewhat conservative/casual routine. I now have a few different dresses that I know when I slip them on, he will give me that certain look which sends a flutter right down to my pussy … and then ship me off to work where I know the guys will spend a good part of their time treating me like a delightful distraction.

More times than not, I usually end the day lying on my back, sweaty and naked listening to my equally sweaty and naked husband saying, “That’s what you get for dressing up like that for work” and “You are so naughty for teasing those guys like that.”

Uh huh … you know it!

Andee     xoxo

Random Thoughts For My Southern Friends

While I'm slaving away at work today, I know my friends south or the border will be enjoying their annual celebration of Independence. Although I shouldn't complain, we had our national holiday on Monday and I'm off on Friday.

For almost two years, you have followed my antics, fantasies, and adventures. You've been with me as I  opened the door wider on my bisexuality, and when I opened the door to an experience with a man other than my husband. I have tried to invite you into my world and share as much as possible, and have loved the connection I have made with everyone who has reached out, commented and jumped on the Andee bandwagon.

I'm very fortunate that I have had the support of my husband in everything that has come about from this. To know I have the opportunity to explore and experience a wealth of sexual desires, and test the limits of what most couples would consider beyond the boundaries, has been an incredible gift. It has also been a huge boost to my self-esteem and opened my mind and imagination to a wonderful world of sexual enlightenment.

So as I reflected on this, I started to think of some of the things that "independence" means to me. I know some of you will be celebrating in a political sense, but I'm offering a four thoughts from a personal and intimate sense for your Fourth of July. I hope you enjoy it.

• Being a woman. Not just being a member of the female gender, but being a woman, free to express my own thoughts, sexuality and sensuality. There are women around the world that are captives of repressive ideologies and closed-minded cultural beliefs. I'm free to think for myself, express myself and stand for what I believe in.
• Being a partner. I love being a wife to my husband because it is never a "stereotype." I'm married to my best friend, my equal and my soul mate. He puts me on a pedestal far too often, spoils me incessantly and treats me with respect and dignity.
• Being a sexual being. The freedom to continue producing my website and exploring a wide world of sexual thrills, desires and kinks. I love that I can share my deepest, naughtiest fantasies without being judged - and often being encouraged to actually pursue them.
• Being a flirt. A little in line with what is above, except flirting doesn't have to be anything sexual. In fact, the best flirting leaves more to the imagination than anything else.

I know there is so much more to being independent, but as much as it can be about what our political beliefs include in the West, it can also be extremely personal. I hope all my friends, American or not, can enjoy a little independence in their lives.

Andee     xoxo

Thoughts On A Sexy Sunday Morning

Before I get too deep into this, I need to openly confess that this is a question that I borrowed from my blogging friends Jack and Jill at Frisky in the 916. You should check out their blog for a very intriguing blend of sex blogging and erotica.

This past Friday, they had answered a question on "Have you ever wanted to try something sexually but haven't? What is it and why?"

I found the question rather appealing, because for me it touches on: a) my favourite subject and, b) isn't necessarily about traditional fantasy, but alludes to a moment or opportunity that was there at one time and passed.

For me the answer is a bit of a Part One and Part Two response. There are two equally lust-worthy thoughts that come to mind when thinking of this.

In my experience, I have had come very close to fulfilling my desire to have a threesome a few different times. When my husband and I first dabbled with the idea of swinging, we met a couple that became good friends and shared our willingness to explore and experiment. The wife in the couple was the subject of my Friday blog.

And while we played around with this couple, we had all agreed that taking the fun to a full-swing situation was not where we were at emotionally at the time. We still had a lot of curious thoughts we needed to work through without pushing the limits too quickly. Fun is fun, but not at the expense of regret and damage to a marriage just because the alcohol-induced courage is a little higher when sexually stimulated.

Along those lines of achieving my desire for a MFM also sits the more recent Hotel Rendezvous with my Office Guy. The stage was definitely set for some incredible sexual adventure, but again the moment needed to develop in a nature way. My husband and I had agreed that, in the heat of the moment should my experience with my Office Guy reach the point of no return and having him give me a good, hard fuck, I would be allowed to enjoy it all - as long as I followed the appropriate rules of safe sex. In hindsight, I'm not sure how capable I would have been at rolling a condom onto his hard cock ... but everything played out in such a way that the oral sex we shared proved to be the pinnacle of the experience ... and hopefully opened the door for more exploring down the road.

The second part that comes to mind in this question goes back to the time when I was so close to answering my bisexual curiosities, but couldn't because my lustful partner and I had indulged just a lot too much that night. If you are a long time reader of mine, you will remember the blog about the weekend I spent at a work-related conference with a female coworker. At that time in my life I was just beginning to explore my sexuality in a bigger way. My husband had encouraged me to be more open about my desires, my fantasies, my sexuality and I was definitely enjoying where the path was leading me.

The details of the whole experience can be found in this entry - Bisexuality | When It All Came Out. But to finish my thoughts here, the moment I would love to have back is the chance to complete that flirtatious and tormenting evening with what I really wanted to do: fulfill the opportunity for a passionate night with her; no husbands, just her and I alone naked and not as drunk as we were on the night when it could have all come together.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | My First Time Between Her Legs

This week sure took its time coming to an end. I guess because it is our holiday weekend up here for Canada Day that made it seem to be even longer. Regardless, I just have today to put in and then off for three glorious days!

As I was trying to think about what naughtiness I could get up to this weekend, I figured a good place to start would be going back to something I haven’t done in quite some time. I have let some of my Formspring questions go by the wayside, and so today I am picking one of the more explicit ones to get your Friday really steamed up.

“What was it like for you when you first went down on another woman?”

Oh, wow … how can I put that experience in words? Other than “Oh, wow!”

I’ll be honest, I was feeling a huge mix of excitement, fear, horniness … and if I’m not mistaken, a healthy dose of alcohol-induced bravery.

The one thing that remains in my mind today is how much I enjoyed how she tasted. I think that tends to be people’s biggest initial fear when doing something orally sexual for the first time. And it’s hard to explain why I had that notion, as by the time the opportunity presented itself, I was very sexually experienced.

The erotic nature of the moment was also heightened by the fact that both our husbands were watching.

After a healthy amount of foreplay between all of us, and her having already gotten a very good taste of me, it was my turn to finally answer some of the curiosities I had in my mind. I followed the same kind of idea that my own partners have done in that same position, slowly working my way down her body until I was directly between her spread thighs. I gently touched her with my fingers at first, getting my first very close look at her pussy.

I teased her for just a minute with my fingers before edging in close enough to touch her with my tongue. I ran the tip along both side of her moist cunt before setting in on her swollen clit. It didn’t take long for my fear of the unknown to disappear and my curiosities to be confirmed – I loved every second of it.

The more I worked her over with her mouth, the more she moaned these sexy little moans, then grabbed at my head. All of a sudden I totally got why my husband loved it when I reacted in the same fashion.

By the end of the whole experience, I was dripping from burying my tongue deep into her. And in my own mind, I knew this was something I would remember fondly – and seek to repeat many times over.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Is There Anything That Scares Me

You reach a certain point in life where there are not many things that will truly scare the crap out of you. Sure, we can point to the fastest, loopiest roller coaster at the amusement park and say “that scares the crap out of me,” but what about those experiences that don’t involve strapping yourself into something perched ever-so-precariously on a set of rails?

When I first set out to actually arrange my rendezvous with my Office Guy, I said “How many things are left in life that truly scares you?” It wasn’t about thrill rides, but rather thrill-seeking.

My sexual adventure has been building, evolving and taking left turns for almost a decade now. And in that time I have had the opportunity to change my bi-curiosity into recognizing my bisexuality. I have dipped my toes into “the lifestyle” and recognize there are still a lot of things I would like to continue to explore in that regard. And, as you have all read about over the past couple months, I explored an even bigger fantasy, turning it into a reality – and anxiously await the opportunity for a repeat.

I’m not sure where this thought came out though – maybe in one of the many conversations I have had with friends about the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy – but, “is there anything that still scares you in a sexual way?”

Yes, absolutely … but not in a Fifty Shades kind of way; but sort of, at the same time.

As I have explored more and more about what turns me on, and what are some of my own sexual kinks, likes and dislikes, there isn’t much left that I would like to try. There is an awful lot, as I mentioned, that I would like to try again, mind you. Overall, I’ve had an assortment of sexual acts performed on me, with me, for me, had a variety of things inserted here, there and damn-you-better-use-extra-lube-if-you’re-going-there, and ultimately discovered what gets me off.

I’m not scared by experimenting sexually. I might get butterflies and have a healthy combination of excitement and nerves, but overall I think I have done most of what can be done without involving pain and humiliation.

To a certain degree, what scares me the most about sex is discovering something that I can’t always have. For example: I have a huge desire to participate in a full-out MFM threesome. I can’t tell you how much of my sexual fantasy revolves around this idea – to the point where it occupies the top three spots on my sexual bucket list, just to be sure. My husband and I have dabbled around the opportunity to the point where it is kind of that “next step.” But what I am afraid of is that like a lot of fantasies, the reality of the moment could go one of two ways: either it fails to live up to the billing, or I love it so much that it becomes an obsession.

Right now, the object of my non-marital desire is mired in his own marital complications. And I’m not a woman who is going to seek out a third for my fantasy just to check it off the list. I want someone who I am  attracted to.

So, while my husband and I mutually enjoy this part of the adventure as things unfold, we have to recognize that the other person involved is doing so in a much more secretive and complicated fashion. And I’m afraid that I might just enjoy it a bit too much, and then watch it get even more complicated as time passes.

Another thought to add to the mix, there is part of me that is still scared by the idea of finding myself in a sexual situation where I have no control. Again, even in those brief and somewhat vanilla BDSM situations I have found myself, there has always been an element of security, knowing I could say “stop” in the event that I wasn’t enjoying it. I’m not sure what kind of situation I would ever find myself in without that being a reasonable understanding, but losing control is something that does scare me.

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | Giving In Just Because ...

This past weekend, I spent some time away with my family doing some of the Mom things that being a Mom brings. Of course, it was also the time to connect with some people that we socialize with on a different level – and enjoy different conversations ripe with smirks and knowing looks between my husband and I when other people say things that make us think “if they only knew.”

Our favourite was when one of the other Moms was talking about this couple they knew and how this couple had attended a “swingers club” in our particular city. Naturally, my husband enjoyed that … “In our town? Really? How kinky…”

Uh huh … just bite your tongue honey. And then get the names.

I often wonder if when they are talking about things like that, if they are throwing the idea out there and waiting to see who appears shocked and who appears intrigued. And then I also listen intently to try to determine who much information they actually know about what swingers clubs are really like. Most people have a very naïve understanding of them; believing that they are true Sodom and Gomorrahs – with a wall to wall orgy taking place.

If that was the case, I know we would be there every damn weekend! And, it’s not like I can ever really correct them and explain that clubs just aren’t allowed to be these wild, sexual parties and maintain their liquor licence in Ontario … and that most people don’t play that way either.

In the end, it didn’t really matter other than for amusement, because they weren’t really our type anyway.

One of the other topics that came up – as we were all sitting in the hotel hallway enjoying a few/several adult drinks as our kids slept in the rooms – was about moments when you are just not in the mood: such as trying to get busy in the hotel room while away for these kind of weekends. Kind of an odd polar opposite to the more intriguing conversation about swingers clubs, but nonetheless, always amusing to hear other women complain about having to “give it up just because we’re away for the weekend.”

And from that spun the broader conversation of being accommodating and having sex when you don't really want to … definitely not a fit with the swinging conversation that started this whole debate!

Personally, in a healthy relationship compromise isn’t just about who vacuums and who feeds the cats. It involves an awful lot of give and take on many levels; from family vacations, career aspirations and, every now and then, sex. You have to expect that when you share your life and space with someone, both of you are not going to always be on the same sexual clock.

While I can’t provide an exact moment of when I gave in for sex just for the sake of having him leave me alone, I am sure there have been times when my libido wasn’t exactly peeking. That is a natural thing, though. As much as I enjoy – and invite you all in to read, see and learn – my sex life, it’s not a constant state of mind. Like everyone else, I get bogged down with work, family life, social demands and things in general. All of which occasionally conspire to cool it down in the bedroom.

But, I know I’m not someone who complains about being the object of his desire – and maybe that is more from where the complaints were coming from in this conversation; that the sex was selfish and one-sided. If that’s the case, then there is something much deeper at the root of your sexual problems as a couple.

As for me this weekend, I just told my husband to be quiet and then bit my lip through most of it. But since I was the one who stuck my hand into his pajamas, I can’t say I wasn’t really looking to give it up just because he wanted it … and I can tell he wasn’t complaining either.

Andee     xoxo

It’s Not How You Hide It ...

My mind hasn’t really been focused on a lot of the fun stuff the past few days … far too much dust being shaken out of the deep, dark corners of it and I haven’t felt much inspiration to sequester myself into the corner of the couch with a cold vodka cooler and dish on interesting things like sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll.

So, while I was trying to think about what I need to be writing about this week, I happened to catch the headline for an online feature about discovering if you are just chatting or cheating. I thought mostly you would already know whether or not you are cheating, and jumped into the article with a healthy dose of sober cynicism.

As I read the piece, I delightfully found that it wasn’t just a rehash of the usual trashy women’s magazine tidbits on “signs you may be cheating.” Close, but fortunately there were a few intriguing perspectives on the psychology of what may be considered unfaithful response behavior to what you may not even see as “cheating.”

Without a doubt, all the gadgets and toys we have at our fingertips make communicating much easier – and there’s no question that for some of us, they remove the barriers of shyness and social awkwardness. Texting and email provide the opportunity to share, suggest and say things that would normally make us blush in a face-to-face moment.

But at the same time, all these things open a Pandora’s box of hidden temptation and escapism from what may seemingly feel like a “routine” relationship in our offline lives. As such, the biggest and most obvious factor is not so much about what you are doing – but how you hide it from your partner, and why you may not let them in on what is going on.

Secrecy

“Experts agree that secrecy is the number one sign that your chatting may amount to cheating. If you close computer windows when your lover walks in, delete your browsing history or erase messages and emails, you may want to consider whether or not you're being honest with your partner (and yourself) about your online relationships.

“But some degree of privacy is natural, so how do you know if your secrecy is a sign of infidelity?

“According to infidelity expert Katherine Hertlein, it's really about how your partner would react if they knew what you were up to. ‘If your private chat was revealed and your partner would feel hurt by both the content of it and the fact that you purposely concealed it, you're probably bordering on unhealthy secrecy.’

“Dr. Sheri Myers, author of Chatting or Cheating, agrees. ‘Being secretive is a sign that you're having an affair. Flirtation can be fun and it's harmless if it's out in the open. The dangerous part is when it crosses the line into secrecy. Flirtatious text messages, self-revealing chats, and intimate confessions can fuel a unique cocktail of brain chemistry that can turn a platonic friendship into an addictive, all-consuming affair of the heart.’

“If you find yourself being secretive about an online friendship, it may be time to take a step back and ask yourself what toll this friendship is taking on your primary relationship.”

Is there a clear solution to finding a balance between the excitement beyond the traditional boundaries of marriage and blowing it all up for the sake of answering the eternal “what if” question? Not really.

Where we can gain a lot of ground towards the open door is through constant communication with our partner.

I’m no expert, but a lot of this does ring true in my own life. I have a great deal of freedom to explore and flirt, however I also understand that it can be a very precarious balancing act. It can be very easy to get caught up in the excitement and forget yourself in the moment. Then, when the dust settles you begin to see that perhaps there were some things that should have been shared/discussed/thought-out. What may have been to one person an insignificant exchange of texts or emails, may be seen as something deeper by the partner left out of the moment.

Which brings us to the emotional aspect of it all …

Emotional Get-off

“Research suggests that the mere thought of receiving an email or text message can create a natural high for regular text and email users, as our dopamine levels spike. It follows that the thought of receiving a potential flirtatious message would also create an instant high and the desire to seek more gratification. Recognizing the difference between excitement for the unknown and the desire for emotional and intimate fulfillment is essential.

“’Though your sexy chats may produce a sense of relief and pleasure,’ Dr. Sheri warns that you may be idealizing your online relationship on account of chemical changes in the brain. ‘Biochemical research has shown that the effect of these love chemicals is twofold: they are released in response to your friend, and they bond you to him or her.’”

I have dabbled a great deal online – especially in the last 10 years as I began to explore more about my sexual interests and as my website grew into what it is today. Along the way I have chatted with many great guys, a few women and a few … well, let’s just call them “intriguing individuals.” Naturally, a number of those conversations and emails have been of a sexual nature and the door has always been open for my partner to ask – even participate – in them.

I admit it was fun and exciting in the beginning stages, but as we discover with certain things in life, routine can settle in and the thrill diminishes. These days my online chatting has been limited to a few very good friends – and, of course, the fun nonsense that has emerged from Twitter and my blog.

But I believe a lot of that can be carefully managed by being open with your partner – and including them in the excitement that it creates. Because it is very true, that when things get hot, heavy and sexually-charged, we all tend to become more inwardly-focused and possessive of our own satisfaction. And that can lead to the secrecy of it all, which will quickly bring about the polar opposites of emotion: hurt and betrayal.

Andee     xoxo