Fantasy to Reality

One of the realities of pursuing a fantasy can rear its ugly head in the idea of real expectations. That is a big reason why I have always tried to be clear on what it is I am looking for when things become action after living inside my mind as thoughts for so long.

Chasing a fantasy can be quite daunting when you get right down to it. There are a lot of circumstances that occur which you no longer have any control over in your mind - such as how the other person will react to the situation, as well as the realization that we all have true flaws. From the physical to the sexual, our individual quirks are no longer hidden away in the paradise of the dream. The perfect scene that we have held in our imaginations for so long may not be how it really plays out.

And if that only strikes you as your panties hit the floor, you could be in for a very scary ride.

Like so many of you, I have fantasies that I have crafted in my very healthy imagination; and I know some of those will not come to fruition. I have also had the wonderful opportunity to pursue some really awesome ones ... which is why I am also cautious about getting too excited when the moment comes.

This past weekend, I found myself in deep discussion about some of this. I mentioned to a friend that someone I knew was looking for Santa to bring him and his wife a threesome.

I would hazard to say that this is a fair number of people's most popular fantasy - whether it's MFM or FMF. I know it ranks very highly on my own sexual bucket list; something I have blogged about a number of times.

Christmas and New Years seem to be when a lot of this kind of thing surfaces. People are caught up in the excitement of the season, or the reality of the need to change where life is heading. I've met a few people who have suffered through the pause that comes to life when the clock strikes midnight on December 31 and they vow to live and love on a higher level.

It's a complicated emotion when it hits - and from what I have seen, can result in some pretty disastrous situations. Especially if the same resolution is not on your partner's list of things to change in the coming months.

I think one of the better resolutions would be is that of vowing to communicate about your sexual fantasies a lot more. That way, the pressure of having to actually pursue one isn't as ridiculous. Plus, you may find some of those fantasies become realities a lot faster when you are able to have honest, insightful and truthful conversations with your partner. They may surprise you ... And lead you to something even more exciting and erotic than the visions in your head.

Andee     xoxo

30 Random Things For A Friday

Like a few other updates that have happened over the past few days, this one has its roots in a previous blog that I wrote on a different site. I think it’s still kind of fun and covers off a whole whack of “too much information” about me.

I thought this might be something light and fun for a Friday. You have probably seen a few of these “random facts” blogs, so I hope it’s not too boring. If nothing else, if it spurs you to ponder any curious questions about me, please send them my way. I am always looking for new ways to involve you in my blog, and also to write about ideas, topics and interests that appeal to you. Otherwise you are just stuck inside my own head – and that can be a dangerous place to find yourself on the best of days!

1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?
Married, quite happily! But occasionally playful in the right moments!

2) Are you happy with where you are?
Extremely, except for financially, but isn't that the case with most people?

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
No, I tend to be a bit more coy and cautious.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yes ... and more than once.

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
No, but with good communication and a mutual adventurous spirit, why cheat on your partner when you can explore together! ;-)

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
No. I would struggle to regain the trust and I think that would prevent the relationship from healing.

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
Several times ... but I am married after all.

8) Do you want children?
I already have two. Now we’re trying to adopt a dog.

9) How many?
The two I already have. Unless you meant the dog, then we will just stick with the one.

10) Would you consider adoption?
Yes. Especially of the dog.

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
Be straightforward, talking is always a good thing. As I get older, the more I recognize that “games” can quickly get off track. If you want an adult relationship, start out by being an adult. Save the games for between the sheets when everyone is horny and naked.

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
Am I hard to get? Hmmm ... I really prefer to play getting it hard.

13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
Completely. But most of my dates are with my husband, so it’s very safe to play the “game.” Fun, even. Especially when he is creative with the plans for the night!

14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
Yes.

15) Are you romantic?
Extremely.

16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
I believe you can ... but more times than not, I have seen it for the worse and not the better.

17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object where would it be?
In some incredible European castle.

18) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
Yes. Some of them are even good.

19) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
Yes.

20) Have you ever broken a heart?
Honestly, I don't know.

21) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
You wanna piece of me? But quite honestly, our relationship is such a way that I would rather just hold the camera and watch intently.

22) What would you say about your last ex?
Where's a speeding bus when you need one?

23) Favorite sex position?
Well, seriously ... do I need to pick just one? Anytime I'm getting some is a favourite position. But if I really need to pick just one, I'll say doggy style 'cause it feels so good and deep.

24) What turns you on the most?
The first thing I notice about a man that I have just met would be his hands. Then his smile. On a deeper note, I get turned on by a guy who can make me laugh, smile and appreciates my twisted sense of humour. Finally, if he gets the chance to bed me ... those hands better live up to all the expectations in my imagination! ;-)

25) Does size matter?
Sorry, but yes. But maybe not quite like what many guys think. Truth is, while I have never been with a guy like this, but too big can be a bad thing. You want something that fits, feels good. But having said that, no matter what, the guy needs to know how to use what he has.

26) Most times in one day?
Six

27) Most orgasms in one session?
I'm usually good for two, but then after that things tend to get a little numb as I am one of those women that needs a little extra help getting there.

27) What do you think about during sex?
Depends on the sex and the partner. Mostly I think about the sensations I'm feeling at the moment, and perhaps the events that led up to getting into that position. Rarely does my own mind wander away from what is really going on.

28) Ever had a threesome?
No, but I have had a foursome with my husband and another couple. That said, a MFM encounter is very high on my list of desires – and something I am working actively on achieving.

29) How often do you masturbate?
Four to five times per week if I'm getting regular sex that week. But like everyone else, some weeks the motivation just isn’t there, and others the motivation is really there!

30) Do you like oral?
Yes, I've been told it's one of my better bedroom skills by more than one guy ... and girl. In fact, I’ve blogged at length about it …

Anyway, hope you enjoy this little tongue and cheek bit of TMI for this week.

Andee     xoxo

 

Sex | True ... or Urban Legend

Every so often, when the mood strikes and the planets seem to be aligned, the conversation at work turns to something intriguing. This time, instead of regaling each other with stories about our wild and crazy weekends (mine almost always involves kids’ sports in the summer time ... and the winter time), things turned to sex stories.

Someone had mentioned the old “I heard ...” and proceeded to tell everyone sitting there about how the had learned that a certain couple they knew (not us) were involved in “the lifestyle.” This, for those of you who prefer the old goldfish bowl description, is best known as being swingers.

And, it’s often in those discussions that I find my tongue hurts from biting it, or I have to give a friendly boot to those in my life who know just a bit too much about what my weekends are occasionally like.

Regardless, without rehashing the story of what has gone on in my own personal life over the past few months, truth be told, there aren’t very many wild and crazy sex tales for me to share. Even the few occasions when my husband and I tested the waters of swinging, it wasn’t anything like the stereotypes you might associate with it; no orange shag carpets, bean bag chairs, satin jumpsuits and guys with big cheesy moustaches. Just two overly excited married couples, a bit too much to drink, and our imaginations.

But the question in question was: “What is the wildest, most unbelievable sex story you have ever heard?”

I don’t know ... this is kind of where I always feel a bit naive and sheltered. Where I grew up, sex usually earned you a reputation. Then in college, it was a bit more experimentation; and though I shared a house with three guys, they knew well enough not to dish out too much of the sexual BS. None of them were exactly Casanovas.

Despite knowing these days that it was just our own small town version of the story, there was one of those urban legends going around back when I was in high school about a girl who tried the old "frozen hot dog" as a sex toy. As I am sure many of you have heard, the story goes about a girl who uses a ballpark frank to sexually pleasure herself, only to discover the hot dog breaks and has to go to ER to have it removed from her vagina.

At my school, the story began after one of those crazy bush parties that happened pretty much once a year. I remember the girl they said it was, and I still wonder if she ever knew, if she cared or if it left her with some sort of emotional pain.

The other story that I found kind of wild and unbelievable was one that was going around about one of the girl’s in my grade. It apparently happened after senior prom at one of the after parties. The girl, who had been drinking (these always revolve around too much alcohol), followed her friend and the friend’s boyfriend into one of the bedrooms at the house where the party was taking place. She then, rumour has it, successfully seduced the other girl and put on a display of lesbian sex not seen outside of movies about the Swedish Bikini Volleyball Team.

I think I am way more intrigued by this tale than the one about the hot dog, mostly because of my own bisexuality and how I would love to have the opportunity to ask the girl if that really did happen.

The thing about sex stories, I believe, is that few of us would tell the whole truth about our own experiences to people who are a regular part of our lives. In my own experience, I’m sure that quite a few people who be speechless to learn of the things I have done, even though none of them would prove to be the genesis of a trilogy of trashy erotic novels about bdsm, billionaires and red rooms. Despite the adventure I am having right now, there is little in my own sexual history that starts with “So, I met this football team after I won a wet t-shirt contest during Spring Break in Daytona ...”

But, who knows ... maybe someone out there is talking about this somewhat shy and quirky Canadian woman they know who has her own raunchy website and porn videos.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Comfort & Thrills of Sex

I always enjoy the weekly TMI Tuesday questions when they allow my imagination to run wild. This week we sneak in the back door, so to speak ... and look at the adventurous side of getting busy. In case you hadn't noticed, sex does happen to be one of my favourite subjects to blog about.

1. How do you feel about giving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?

     a. I love it.
     b. I enjoy it.
     c. I’m ok with it.
     d. I don’t really enjoy it.
     e. I don’t enjoy it at all.
     f. I have never given anal sex.
     g. I have never given anal sex, but would like to.

In my relationship with my husband, the idea of me giving anal sex is a bit of a stretch, although not impossible. From my perspective, I would say I'm c), from my husband's perspective it is a somewhat rare occurrence in our usual sexual antics. I could count on one hand the number of times ... although, the last time I was on the giving end, I used a nice little vibrator that sends these delicious tingles right through you; definitely a wonderful sensation as I took his rock-hard erection into my mouth.

2. How do you feel about receiving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)?

     a) I love it.
     b) I enjoy it.
     c) I’m ok with it.
     d) I don’t enjoy it at all.
     e) I have never received anal sex.
     f) I have never received anal sex, but would like to start.

Somewhere in between b) and c) ... anal sex is something that I have to be in the mood for - when it comes to penetration. I find the experience something that I really need to focus on relaxing for so that I can enjoy the sensation ... and always lots of lube. However, I love anal play being included as part of sex through the use of a small dildo or vibrator. Only when those are too far out of reach will I resort to the good ol' fashioned finger. The sensation is incredible and helps push my imagination into some very naughty places. I have never made it a secret that one of my biggest sexual fantasies is to have two hard men treat every opening in my body with orgasmic enthusiasm.

3. How do you feel about getting undressed in front of a new lover, for the first time, as he/she watches you?

     a) It’s a turn on for me.
     b) It turns me on a little bit.
     c) I like it, but only because it gets him/her going.
     d) It does nothing for me.
     e) I don’t like doing it because I am shy.
     f) I don’t like doing it because I think it’s immoral/improper.

Hmm...a tough question to answer, because I can't say that the "undressing" is specifically a turn on, but rather the result of being turned on. The one thing to keep in mind is that there are millions of men out there that have already seen me naked, thanks to my website ... so, by the time I actually draw someone into my sex life, I've long gotten past any sense of reluctance to reveal myself.

Although, I do need to point out that as I have gotten older and sexually wiser, I have certainly become a lot more comfortable with my body image. Few of us - if any - are perfect. It just takes a bit of maturity to allow that to sink in and recognize flaws can be sexy because they make us unique.

4. Do you express your sexual pleasure with moans, groans, sighs, and other noises (provided that you are actually turned on)?

     a) Yes, each time I have sex (90-100% of the time).
     b) Yes, on most occasions (70-89% of the time).
     c) Yes, on some occasions (40-69% of the time).
     d) Yes, on a few occasions (10-39% of the time).
     e) Yes, but only on special occasions (1-9% of the time).
     f) Never, not even when I am really turned on.

I would have to say a) best describes me. I find it very difficult to be completely quiet when it comes to sex. Having said that, I'm also not the type that the neighbours will complain about or giggle when they see me in the yard. I do think that it is important to express the pleasure your lover is giving you, otherwise how will they ever know they are hitting the right spots.

5. Do you talk to your partner in a sexually explicit way?

     a) Talking dirty is one of our favorite activities.
     b) Occasionally, I like to talk dirty with my partner, and I do it with ease.
     c) I talk dirty with my partner, but it feels awkward.
     d) I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged.
     e) I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but she/he isn’t into it.
     f) I don’t talk in such a way because I think it is inappropriate.
     g) I don’t talk in such a way because I can’t bring myself to do it.

Definitely b). When it comes to our sex life, depending on the intimacy of the moment, we will take our imaginations into some very erotic places with a little dirty talk. The mind is the best sex toy around, and when played with properly, it can make for some seriously hot sex.

6. What kind of animal do you most sound like when building to a climax?

     a) quiet little mouse
     b) low moaning wolf
     c) screeching beluga whale

Most of the time, I would say that I fall somewhere in between a) and b) ... in my reality, I have two young children at home and to make like an air raid siren would just not be appropriate. However, there are times when privacy is much more available, and I can really let myself go.

Bonus: Which do you prefer comfort sex or thrill-seeking sex? Why?

Comfort seekers value deep intimacy, quiet engagement and trust over time of familiar relationships. For them sex is best as a safe, loving nurturing space. Thrill seekers value wild energy, adventure and novelty; they are willing to try open relationships, testing themselves outside average sexual practices. These folks crave a place to push the boundaries of new experiences.*

*Adapted from Susan Mernit’s blog

Oh wow ... um ... almost impossible to pick, but I am going to lean towards comfort sex because it is more indicative of the intimate relationship I share with my husband. Our marriage is about that connection on a very deep and nurturing level, and it is the foundation of who we are as a couple. But, as you have been reading, the past few years have been about pushing the sexual envelope and exploring new thrills. This is an equally important experience because we have found the connection in our marriage that allows us to explore outside the traditional boundaries.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Fill In The Blanks

Hey guys, kind of a crazy week for me. Now that we're into the heart of vacation season, our already under-staffed, over-stressed department is even shorter on resources; so forgive me if my updates this week are a little sparse.

I know for me, outside of the grind that pays all the bills, summer is one of my most favourite seasons. I love lounging around in the sunshine, enjoying some beach time and more than a few fruity drinks with friends around the campfire on weekend nights. These days, given how busy my Little Men keep me with their own summer activities, those moments are even more precious.

But despite the insanity that is my schedule, I couldn't let Tuesday slip by without another TMI Tuesday entry.

Complete the sentences by filling in the blanks.

1. I could spend all day lounging on my deck but couldn’t stand five minutes on one of those buses you see from distant foreign lands with 100 people packed on them .

2. I would love to have a robot in my house to scrub my bathtub because no one else ever does.

3. The older you get the more sarcastic you get.

4. I want to have experienced my threesome when I have reached my 40th birthday .

5. My appetite for sexual experimentation and exploration can never be satisfied.

Bonus: If I were a hoarder, I would hoard sex toys - a girl can never have enough good quality sex toys to play with.

So, there you have it, another TMI Tuesday. Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!

Andee     xoxo

Random Thoughts For My Southern Friends

While I'm slaving away at work today, I know my friends south or the border will be enjoying their annual celebration of Independence. Although I shouldn't complain, we had our national holiday on Monday and I'm off on Friday.

For almost two years, you have followed my antics, fantasies, and adventures. You've been with me as I  opened the door wider on my bisexuality, and when I opened the door to an experience with a man other than my husband. I have tried to invite you into my world and share as much as possible, and have loved the connection I have made with everyone who has reached out, commented and jumped on the Andee bandwagon.

I'm very fortunate that I have had the support of my husband in everything that has come about from this. To know I have the opportunity to explore and experience a wealth of sexual desires, and test the limits of what most couples would consider beyond the boundaries, has been an incredible gift. It has also been a huge boost to my self-esteem and opened my mind and imagination to a wonderful world of sexual enlightenment.

So as I reflected on this, I started to think of some of the things that "independence" means to me. I know some of you will be celebrating in a political sense, but I'm offering a four thoughts from a personal and intimate sense for your Fourth of July. I hope you enjoy it.

• Being a woman. Not just being a member of the female gender, but being a woman, free to express my own thoughts, sexuality and sensuality. There are women around the world that are captives of repressive ideologies and closed-minded cultural beliefs. I'm free to think for myself, express myself and stand for what I believe in.
• Being a partner. I love being a wife to my husband because it is never a "stereotype." I'm married to my best friend, my equal and my soul mate. He puts me on a pedestal far too often, spoils me incessantly and treats me with respect and dignity.
• Being a sexual being. The freedom to continue producing my website and exploring a wide world of sexual thrills, desires and kinks. I love that I can share my deepest, naughtiest fantasies without being judged - and often being encouraged to actually pursue them.
• Being a flirt. A little in line with what is above, except flirting doesn't have to be anything sexual. In fact, the best flirting leaves more to the imagination than anything else.

I know there is so much more to being independent, but as much as it can be about what our political beliefs include in the West, it can also be extremely personal. I hope all my friends, American or not, can enjoy a little independence in their lives.

Andee     xoxo

Thoughts On A Sexy Sunday Morning

Before I get too deep into this, I need to openly confess that this is a question that I borrowed from my blogging friends Jack and Jill at Frisky in the 916. You should check out their blog for a very intriguing blend of sex blogging and erotica.

This past Friday, they had answered a question on "Have you ever wanted to try something sexually but haven't? What is it and why?"

I found the question rather appealing, because for me it touches on: a) my favourite subject and, b) isn't necessarily about traditional fantasy, but alludes to a moment or opportunity that was there at one time and passed.

For me the answer is a bit of a Part One and Part Two response. There are two equally lust-worthy thoughts that come to mind when thinking of this.

In my experience, I have had come very close to fulfilling my desire to have a threesome a few different times. When my husband and I first dabbled with the idea of swinging, we met a couple that became good friends and shared our willingness to explore and experiment. The wife in the couple was the subject of my Friday blog.

And while we played around with this couple, we had all agreed that taking the fun to a full-swing situation was not where we were at emotionally at the time. We still had a lot of curious thoughts we needed to work through without pushing the limits too quickly. Fun is fun, but not at the expense of regret and damage to a marriage just because the alcohol-induced courage is a little higher when sexually stimulated.

Along those lines of achieving my desire for a MFM also sits the more recent Hotel Rendezvous with my Office Guy. The stage was definitely set for some incredible sexual adventure, but again the moment needed to develop in a nature way. My husband and I had agreed that, in the heat of the moment should my experience with my Office Guy reach the point of no return and having him give me a good, hard fuck, I would be allowed to enjoy it all - as long as I followed the appropriate rules of safe sex. In hindsight, I'm not sure how capable I would have been at rolling a condom onto his hard cock ... but everything played out in such a way that the oral sex we shared proved to be the pinnacle of the experience ... and hopefully opened the door for more exploring down the road.

The second part that comes to mind in this question goes back to the time when I was so close to answering my bisexual curiosities, but couldn't because my lustful partner and I had indulged just a lot too much that night. If you are a long time reader of mine, you will remember the blog about the weekend I spent at a work-related conference with a female coworker. At that time in my life I was just beginning to explore my sexuality in a bigger way. My husband had encouraged me to be more open about my desires, my fantasies, my sexuality and I was definitely enjoying where the path was leading me.

The details of the whole experience can be found in this entry - Bisexuality | When It All Came Out. But to finish my thoughts here, the moment I would love to have back is the chance to complete that flirtatious and tormenting evening with what I really wanted to do: fulfill the opportunity for a passionate night with her; no husbands, just her and I alone naked and not as drunk as we were on the night when it could have all come together.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | My First Time Between Her Legs

This week sure took its time coming to an end. I guess because it is our holiday weekend up here for Canada Day that made it seem to be even longer. Regardless, I just have today to put in and then off for three glorious days!

As I was trying to think about what naughtiness I could get up to this weekend, I figured a good place to start would be going back to something I haven’t done in quite some time. I have let some of my Formspring questions go by the wayside, and so today I am picking one of the more explicit ones to get your Friday really steamed up.

“What was it like for you when you first went down on another woman?”

Oh, wow … how can I put that experience in words? Other than “Oh, wow!”

I’ll be honest, I was feeling a huge mix of excitement, fear, horniness … and if I’m not mistaken, a healthy dose of alcohol-induced bravery.

The one thing that remains in my mind today is how much I enjoyed how she tasted. I think that tends to be people’s biggest initial fear when doing something orally sexual for the first time. And it’s hard to explain why I had that notion, as by the time the opportunity presented itself, I was very sexually experienced.

The erotic nature of the moment was also heightened by the fact that both our husbands were watching.

After a healthy amount of foreplay between all of us, and her having already gotten a very good taste of me, it was my turn to finally answer some of the curiosities I had in my mind. I followed the same kind of idea that my own partners have done in that same position, slowly working my way down her body until I was directly between her spread thighs. I gently touched her with my fingers at first, getting my first very close look at her pussy.

I teased her for just a minute with my fingers before edging in close enough to touch her with my tongue. I ran the tip along both side of her moist cunt before setting in on her swollen clit. It didn’t take long for my fear of the unknown to disappear and my curiosities to be confirmed – I loved every second of it.

The more I worked her over with her mouth, the more she moaned these sexy little moans, then grabbed at my head. All of a sudden I totally got why my husband loved it when I reacted in the same fashion.

By the end of the whole experience, I was dripping from burying my tongue deep into her. And in my own mind, I knew this was something I would remember fondly – and seek to repeat many times over.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Is There Anything That Scares Me

You reach a certain point in life where there are not many things that will truly scare the crap out of you. Sure, we can point to the fastest, loopiest roller coaster at the amusement park and say “that scares the crap out of me,” but what about those experiences that don’t involve strapping yourself into something perched ever-so-precariously on a set of rails?

When I first set out to actually arrange my rendezvous with my Office Guy, I said “How many things are left in life that truly scares you?” It wasn’t about thrill rides, but rather thrill-seeking.

My sexual adventure has been building, evolving and taking left turns for almost a decade now. And in that time I have had the opportunity to change my bi-curiosity into recognizing my bisexuality. I have dipped my toes into “the lifestyle” and recognize there are still a lot of things I would like to continue to explore in that regard. And, as you have all read about over the past couple months, I explored an even bigger fantasy, turning it into a reality – and anxiously await the opportunity for a repeat.

I’m not sure where this thought came out though – maybe in one of the many conversations I have had with friends about the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy – but, “is there anything that still scares you in a sexual way?”

Yes, absolutely … but not in a Fifty Shades kind of way; but sort of, at the same time.

As I have explored more and more about what turns me on, and what are some of my own sexual kinks, likes and dislikes, there isn’t much left that I would like to try. There is an awful lot, as I mentioned, that I would like to try again, mind you. Overall, I’ve had an assortment of sexual acts performed on me, with me, for me, had a variety of things inserted here, there and damn-you-better-use-extra-lube-if-you’re-going-there, and ultimately discovered what gets me off.

I’m not scared by experimenting sexually. I might get butterflies and have a healthy combination of excitement and nerves, but overall I think I have done most of what can be done without involving pain and humiliation.

To a certain degree, what scares me the most about sex is discovering something that I can’t always have. For example: I have a huge desire to participate in a full-out MFM threesome. I can’t tell you how much of my sexual fantasy revolves around this idea – to the point where it occupies the top three spots on my sexual bucket list, just to be sure. My husband and I have dabbled around the opportunity to the point where it is kind of that “next step.” But what I am afraid of is that like a lot of fantasies, the reality of the moment could go one of two ways: either it fails to live up to the billing, or I love it so much that it becomes an obsession.

Right now, the object of my non-marital desire is mired in his own marital complications. And I’m not a woman who is going to seek out a third for my fantasy just to check it off the list. I want someone who I am  attracted to.

So, while my husband and I mutually enjoy this part of the adventure as things unfold, we have to recognize that the other person involved is doing so in a much more secretive and complicated fashion. And I’m afraid that I might just enjoy it a bit too much, and then watch it get even more complicated as time passes.

Another thought to add to the mix, there is part of me that is still scared by the idea of finding myself in a sexual situation where I have no control. Again, even in those brief and somewhat vanilla BDSM situations I have found myself, there has always been an element of security, knowing I could say “stop” in the event that I wasn’t enjoying it. I’m not sure what kind of situation I would ever find myself in without that being a reasonable understanding, but losing control is something that does scare me.

Andee     xoxo

Fantasies | Are You Ready To Share

I guess I have never really considered just how lucky I am to have a partner that I can share and talk about my sexual fantasies with. With my 38th birthday approaching this weekend - yes, that's right ... 38, he has been scheming and planning something. For the past two weeks I have found little notes tucked away in odd places, some with quotes and sayings that mean something special to us, and others with a bit of homework. Yes, so sometime before Saturday I need to write out some of my own personal fantasies - for what reason is yet to be seen. But I'm exceptionally curious.

The other day, when I was tweeting some of the nonsense that I find in trashy women’s magazines, one of my online friends sent me note about how they wished their wife would even admit to having one fantasy – never mind going into any graphic details.

Aside from being sympathetic, I was a little disappointed on his behalf. My fantasies are what keep my mind alive and distracted from the world around me. And it doesn’t hurt that it also brings a smile to my face and some excitement to my marriage.

My friend was looking for advice on what is the most important thing to keep in mind when sharing a sexual fantasy with your spouse.

I’m not an expert in this, so all I can really do is reflect on what worked for me … and some of the important considerations I believe help make the fantasy a positive. Let’s be honest, some people might be intimidated by the thoughts that swirl around in their partner’s head when it comes to sexual adventures.

The biggest thing is knowing that the lines of communication are open. The worst thing you can do is drop a fantasy on them at a moment when they aren’t expecting it. From a woman’s perspective, if you’re in the middle of some sweaty mattress dancing with me, blurting out that you have dreams about bending the miniskirt-wearing intern over the boardroom table might not be considered “good timing.”

In thinking back on how we’ve gotten to the point in our own relationship, the one thing my husband did an awful lot of was asking questions. And then asking more questions. And he never seemed to respond to my answers with any kind of judgment or commentary, he just asked more questions. Eventually it became a whole world of talking about what turned me on – and doing little things that made me realize he actually listened.

Of course, that wasn’t just based on sexual fantasies. It’s the same approach he has used for so much of what he has brought into our relationship. We constantly talk, we constantly text … we often sext. The doors are open for sharing.

I admit there are still some things I keep pretty close to my chest and he has yet to learn. But all in good time.

The other thing is having a really good idea about how your spouse will react to your fantasy. It’s really important to understand that they may not share that same idea with you. She might not like the miniskirt-wearing intern, and that could lead to some jealousy. Better to test the waters by taking small elements out of your fantasy. For example, I know you want to nail that little hottie while her miniskirt is hiked up and her four-inch stilettos are digging into the carpet … but the underlying thought is sex in the office. Why not begin with asking questions or painting a verbal picture of doing that act with your spouse … let that simmer and then gradually introduce the idea of either “getting caught by the hottie intern” or “what if you’re not there …”

You might even find that she doesn’t want you to have the miniskirt-wearing intern … because she wants you to watch her with the miniskirt-wearing intern.

Like all good stories, fantasies need to be built up.

One of the biggest disappointments I think I feel when I learn from my friends that their husbands have no clue as to their sexual fantasies is because they are afraid of being judged for them.

Maybe this is where I have it good. My husband is constantly asking me about mine … to the point where I think I might have to start making crazy things up just to keep him satisfied. No, truthfully, being able to talk about what turns you on from a fantasy point of view is very liberating and is something I wish more couples would do with each other.

Too many people see sexual fantasies as an indication of their own shortcomings: if I was a better lover, she wouldn’t have this thing for the UPS Delivery Guy. That’s so not true. Fantasies are a healthy part of being alive and being a sexual being. The challenge is to accept that more times than not, they aren’t literal desires, but rather hints of wanting some sort of new adventure.

Now, let’s acknowledge that some fantasies can be true. When I began to share with my husband about my desires for a little sexual adventure and more physical flirting with my Office Guy, I really meant with one specific man. My husband had long known that I fantasized about experiencing something with another man – always with him present – but it just evolved into a reality with this one.

However, it wasn’t just about me blurting out randomly. My hubby has spent a long time getting to know who I am, my deepest desires and wildest dreams. It’s been an investment and a world of encouragement. And he has had to learn to let go of some jealousies along the way. Most importantly, we have learned – together – that we want as much from life as we can get.

Are some things worth the hang-ups? I’m afraid you have to answer that yourself.

Andee     xoxo 

Sex | Seriously, It's Just A Number

Every now and then, I hear the occasional “bit of advice” about not asking about a person’s sexual history. I guess I am a bit of an unusual case because, honestly, I want to know … and please feel free to use some graphic descriptions. I see it as an important part of who my partner is. These were experiences that were real and important to them at a point in their life. On top of that, who’s to judge whether or not I might learn something from it that might help me bring them more happiness.

When I saw a few messages this week when I checked my email, I figured what would be better than to expose some intimate detail about my own history. So, here’s a Formspring Friday question that I certainly liked on the subject of sexual mileage:

Do you think your friends would guess that you have slept with more or less people than you actually have?

For anyone who knows me – the real me behind Andee – they would probably guess pretty darn close to the truth. My circle of close friends know my husband and I have been in a very committed relationship for a long time … 22 years, in fact. They also know my age, which when using simple math would tell them that I was pretty young when I started dating him. The assumption would be that, given my age when we started dating, it would have taken me out of the dating pool for part of high school and all of college.

Assuming I also behaved 100% while maintaining a long-distance relationship for almost two years.

Having said that, I think that a good number of them would under-guess the truth because they may not really know about some of the sexual antics that my hubby and I have enjoyed: assuming that we’re not going to say sex only has to be intercourse between a man and a woman. There have been a few very enjoyable nights and afternoons of healthy, sweaty sexual activity that just didn’t reach the point of traditional intercourse between me and another man.

So that might cloud the issue. I know that for some of my friends south of the border, there has been some debate on whether or not a little oral action qualifies as “sexual relations.” But what’s a blowjob or pussy-licking between friends, right?

And do women count as sexual partners?

Ooh, the depth of it all!

Now, I think that some of my other more casual friends and coworkers might over-estimate the number of sexual partners I have had, given the occasional flashes of sexual confidence that exude from me. And I’m sure that, based on the kind of things I do share with them about my marriage, they might think I have a bit of a track record of experience.

Regardless, I am a big believer in quality sexual relations over quantity.

So, just to make things a bit fun, I have decided to turn my blog poll into your chance to “guess” the number of sexual partners I have had. I’m going to leave it wide open for you and say that I personally consider oral sex to be sex … besides, it helps with the stats.

Once the poll is done, I’ll confess all to you … plus it gives me a week to pad the numbers just in case!

Andee     xoxo

Five Of This ... Five Of That

It’s one of those things I sometimes encounter when I am having a conversation with people who know about my dual life. Despite the reality of who I really am – and the so-not-what-you-think aspect of that – there are still a lot of assumptions that my life is so much more exciting and adventurous than it is.

My husband and I started this, as I have said more than a few times, as a way to grow together and experience what life could offer. Our inhibitions never really disappeared, just parts of our bravery emerged. And while my blog is the one place where I share all of that, I try hard not to bore you with the routine of being a regular woman … I hate the word “normal.” There are still many things I would love to experience in my life, and I have my doubts some of them will ever happen, but the journey is the purpose of it all.

And those things that don’t happen? That’s what dreams and fantasies are for.

A while ago I was chatting with a friend who knows both sides of my life and they made suggestion that they were interested in trying something new in life and, in a way, scoffed a little that I must think they were silly for wanting to, given the “experiences” I have. I was a little caught off guard at their assumption, but it got me to thinking about something I had been sent as part of a series of questions one of my usual “guys” wanted to know.

For the sake of making it more in tune with my blog, I’ve decided to dispel some of the myths in a collection of sexy haves and have nots in my life … so far.

5 things I have done that other people probably have not

1. The obvious – my website

While there are other women (and men) out there that have adult websites, I honestly believe that it does not rank high on the list of many people’s bucket lists. Out of everyone I know offline, none of them has one. And even though I am 10 years into having my own, I still struggle with the concept every now and then. Instead of looking at it as a guilty pleasure, it is more of pleasure that comes with some guilt.

2. Almost as obvious – sex videos … for sale

There are lots of things I’ve read about couples making their own sex videos … and probably anyone with a good camcorder has raised a curious eyebrow as a kinky idea popped into their head. But I can’t say there are a lot of people out there that make amateur sex videos for sale like we do. Sure, there’s a healthy, sexually-involved community surrounding the idea, but just don’t think it’s a leading activity on most people’s Saturday nights.

3. Danced topless

Something slightly tamer than the first two … and I am not talking about a quick little alcohol-inspired flash at some college bar. I am talking about honest-to-goodness “not a stitch above the waist” topless dance … on a few different occasions. The first time was at a club my husband and I used to go to, designed for people “in the lifestyle.” Another time was at a similar club, but with the woman half of a couple that we had met and hung out with a few times. She did have nice, small breasts … and the dances we shared were a lot of fun.

4. Had a foursome

Threesomes rank very high on people’s fantasy lists, yet most information I have seen on the reality behind the fantasy is that less than 10% of couples have actually shared the sheets with other people. That said, my experiences weren’t the earth-shattering MFM steamy, orgasmic wildness I would love to experience. They were some interesting moments in time with a couple of friends that opened the door to even more ideas of what I would like in my sexual adventure. And so, even with a foursome technically checked off, the fantasy remains very, very high on my bucket list of sexual desires. Not that I really have a bucket list, but damn I’d love the threesome/foursome/groupsome/gropesome again.

5. Share oral with a coworker

Wow … what to share here, other than “go read about it.”

5 things I haven't done that other people probably have

1. Gone skinny dipping

Yes, one of those simple summer activities of youth … yet I have never dropped the bikini and gone skinny dipping. Been naked in a few hot tubs, but never at the beach.

2. Had a one-night stand

This one torments me a little; in a way I’m proud that all of my sexual experiences have been the result of a stable relationship, but at the same time I wonder about the excitement and energy surrounding an unplanned, almost anonymous hook-up.

3. Had my heart truly broken

In this I mean that my relationships have all panned out the way they should. Any of them before my marriage ended with some disappointment, but not the weeks/months/years of doubt and emotional anguish of being “crushed” by their failure. In a way I hope to never add this to my list of experiences, but life is full of curveballs and there is no doubt that each and every one of us will go through relationship heartbreak of one form or another.

4. Smoked

There are some very strong reasons in my personal life as to why I have never – and will never – pick up a cigarette. I might admit to a tiny little experimentation with pot, but light years away from habitual – or even saying ‘experienced.’

5. Blind Date/Set-up Date/Online Date

Maybe a bit of a reach, because I know lots of people that have not been on “official” blind dates, but have been introduced to someone via “double dates” and “group dates.” My first few boyfriends were guys I knew from school. Then, when I was still a teenager, I met the man who would become my husband. We met on a soccer field … since then all my dates outside my relationship with him have been (as you saw above) foursomes and a delightful afternoon rendezvous.

So, there you go … a few more things I’m sure you absolutely were dying to know about me. I’m curious though. I wracked my brain on trying to figure out some of the sexy things that I have and have not done – what is there that I might have overlooked? What are some of the things you have done that you think others may not have? Would love to compare notes.

Andee xoxo 

Sex | Andee's Quick Six For Sex

One of the guys that emails me every now and then had asked if I would write some more sexy stuff … actually, if I would write more about actual sex. Given that it is one of my most favourite subjects, I have decided to dedicate today to some steamy, fast-paced, hike up the hem, do me quick sex.

With this in mind, I also took some liberties in assembling today’s fun because, as great as sex is, it can be a whole lot hotter when it happens in the most unusual locations … and maybe not so unusual if you are adventurous like me. I’ve picked what I consider realistic for me … you may have other ideas so feel free to share your own; I’m always game for getting some somewhere.

Andee’s Quick Six For Sex

1. The Bathroom

Normally this would rank as a “well, that’s not very unusual…” except what I mean is in the bathroom – at a party. And preferably one you are not hosting. Could be hotter if you managed to do this with, say, someone other than your traditional partner? I’m not advocating infidelity, but let the fantasy stand as something steamy, fast and almost anonymous. My kind of quickie ... with the right person!

2. The Washroom

I can never remember if my American friends call them washrooms or restrooms, but I’m thinking the office loo: slip away for a mid-afternoon interlude where he slips it out of his suit pants and under the hem of my pencil skirt. I can’t tell you how many of my own personal fuck fantasies touch on this one. The fact my husband encourages me to test my fashion sense with sexy stockings and garters hasn’t helped cool the heat here either.

3. Hotel Hot Tub

Yes, there is a certain ick factor here, because if you are busy sliding it into me while I am sitting on your lap, it probably means someone else has thought of the same thing … and I’m not sure when the pool staff changed the water. Anyway, I can’t tell you how horny it makes me when I am in the hot tub and there are people around…and then someone (ok, my husband … mostly) slides a hand down between my legs and under the seam of my bathing suit. A mixture of voyeurism, exhibitionism and hormones can be very explosive.

4. Highway Rest Stop

Sure, a bit cliché … but a lot more exciting than getting hot and bothered in the backseat on a secluded country road. Rest areas are generally busy … and patrolled. Just how quick can you draw that pistol cowboy; the sheriff might not be far behind!

5. A Walk In The Park

I love sex outdoors. There is something more free and naughty about doing it in wide open spaces. Lest we think I’m talking about the playground … there is something erotic about going for a nice little trail hike and instead of getting off the beaten track, why let me get you off! The hiking boots may not be as sexy as those date-night stilettos, but you’ll soon overlook my fashion faux pas.

6. Corridor Club

As far as I know, and I’m willing to be naïve here, this is one that seems to be fairly unique to where I live. Much like the famous Mile High Club, the Corridor Club involves two horny people getting it on in the toilet of public transportation. On the upside, some of the train cars on my commuter train have large enough space to accommodate two people in an almost comfortable quickie position – unlike airplane toilets.

Bonus:

My Best Quickie

At first I thought I would need to think about this for a long time, but there is one example of quickie sex that still stands out in my mind as the hottest so far.

During the early days of my sexual adventure, my husband and I explored the idea of “swinging” and what it might be like to find another couple to join us in the bedroom. After a bit of research, we found a lifestyle club not far from where we lived, booked our tickets for one of the dances and set about trying to calm the nerves over making the leap. We had no idea what to expect, and the days leading up to it were filled with a mixture of sexual excitement and downright fear.

FROM THE ACTUAL NIGHT

On the night in question, we headed out … and upon arrival at the club, proceeded to drive around the block a couple times to build up our courage to actually go inside. Once we did, we realized how silly all our notions had been as the club turned out to be pretty much a regular club – except everyone was so much more intriguing. There were people in just about any state of dress you can imagine. Mostly, we were riveted to this one woman with a killer body wearing nothing but high heels and a white thong. Wow, she was sexy. I was amazed at how comfortable and sexually confident she was at being so … exposed.

Watching her dance was definitely a turn-on … and then later in the evening, we sat and watched as she went down on her girlfriend at their table while the guys they were with sat back so nonchalantly. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

Anyway, my husband and I took to the dance floor, and after a few songs, we had soon “forgotten” about everyone around us. A really sexy slow song came on, and we just kind of danced and kissed through the whole thing. As we did, my husband slipped my dress off my shoulders and down to my waist. I was there on the dance floor with my breasts complete exposed. It was exhilarating and scary at the same time.

By the time we had to leave to go home, both of us were so incredibly horny. I stripped off my panties in the front seat of the car and proceeded to finger myself to orgasm twice. I thought for sure my husband would drive off the road. Instead, he found a secluded back road and pulled over at the edge of a cornfield. Since it was summer time, and a beautiful evening, we slipped around to the back of the car and he hiked up my dress from behind, unzipped his pants and pounded me hard.

The next morning, when I went outside, I could see my hand prints on the hatch of the car … I left them there as long as Mother Nature let me as a reminder of that night. I still get a little horny anytime I have to drive past a cornfield!

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Sex On Fire

As you know, every now and then I spend a little bit of time exploring some of my thoughts to already established questions. As part of the TMI Tuesday concept, it makes it a little easier when you have an idea to explore - especially during those blogger-block moments.

Anyway, this week it was the headline that caught my attention, and I hope you will find my answers to the TMI questions to be intriguing.

This week’s TMI Tuesday questions focus on sexual desire.

Answer the question: What makes you hot?
This is kind of a tough one for me because there are a number of things that really make my mind and libido wake up even before the sexual contact begins. I have a thing for men's hands, and they are usually the first thing I notice when I meet a guy. Something else that makes me notice a man is his cologne. Both my husband and my Office Guy wear cologne that make my mouth water.

When it comes to the more sexual moments, what really gets me going is a man that knows how to use those hands to make me yearn for something even more!

What is it that you want, when you look at porn?
    a. To feel happy
    b. To learn
    c. To relax, relieve tension
    d. To orgasm
I can't say that it is any of these really. Looking at porn for me borders on curiosity and research for my own website. I'm not on to use it as a stimuli for an orgasm, nor does my personal happiness revolve around it. So by default it has to be b) to learn.
 
You’ve been asked to be a part of a porn movie production. Which job will you do? Why did you select that?
   a. The star of the porn film – Doug Hardwicke or Fachina Istite
   b. The director – staging the scenes and directing the actors, lighting, camera shots, etc.
   c. The fluffer – you’re in charge of keeping the actors “excited” about their work
   d. The camera person getting all the tight, up in there, close shots
I'm going to say b). I already have my own porn videos available. I wouldn't mind the role of fluffer because I love oral sex, but I would not like having to "surrender" the actor before I had finished him off. Finishing a nice blow job is important to me. As for being the camera person ... I think I could get into that except I would be afraid that I would stop filming and jump in if things got too hot!

Right this very moment you are horny and are looking for a casual hookup for sex. Under which, of the following headings, would you place your ad? (w=woman, m=man, t=transexual/transvestite)
w4m, m4w, m4m, w4w, t4m, m4t, w4t, t4w, t4mw, mw4t, mw4mw, mw4w, mw4m, w4mw, m4mw, w4ww, m4mm, ww4m mm4w m4ww, w4mm

Another toughie ... but probably my choice would be w4mm. Let's be honest, if I get to choose my horny casual hookup, I'm going for the fabulous threesome I have always wanted.  

From now on, ’til the end of time you will be able to experience sexual pleasure via a single method. From the list below, choose that method. Why did you make that choice?
    a. Vaginal penetration
    b. Anal penetration
    c. Masturbation with your fingers/hand
    d. Masturbation with a single favorite sex toy. What is the toy?
    e. Being masturbated (e.g. fingered, hand-job) by the fingers/hands of another person
    f. Body Touching from another – full body massage, caressing, kneading, licking, sucking, biting, etc. but no insertion of anything in any orifices.
    g. Oral sex
Easy choice for me on this one: a). I used to be able to orgasm from penetrative sex, but when I had my children, things changed down there and it has been an adjustment to get used to not having that much sexual thrill from straight on vaginal penetration. My thrill in oral sex has always been giving it, and then, if I get to orgasm via penetration, they do have great sex toys that make it work too!

Bonus: What’s the sexiest thing you did this past weekend? Got any pics or a vid?
Hmm ... washed some of my panties? Sorry, not even close to being a sexy weekend, between working and housework. Although, I'm sure that is a fetish somewhere.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Know Your Limits

So thrilled that the end of the week is here once again...except that I have to work tomorrow...price I pay for a day off last week.

Recently I noticed that a couple of my usual reads had been doing this blog called Formspring Fridays, where they would randomly answer some of the questions they had been sent on the site. And since this past week has not been a wildly relaxing one for me, I thought what better way to spend sometime with all of you by letting you in on my thoughts.

Have you ever been in a situation where you were not comfortable complying with the adventurous request of a lover?

Without question, my whole experience here has been about my own personal journey. In sharing with you, the idea has been to focus on the naughty thoughts, deepest desires and lustful moments that have come my way. This blog thing has been an incredible outlet for me to share what is on my mind and in my fantasies.

But, there are parts of my adventure that I can't share. For very obvious reasons, the guilty remain protected by a publication ban. Plus the nicknames I give them make it so much more intriguing - especially for anyone who knows that I do this and may be following along.

I am sure many of you have your various limits on what you are willing to do when it comes to sexual situations.

I think the easiest example for me to share on this goes back to the first time my hubby and I decided to play around with another couple. These were people that were friends and we had discussed the idea of a little bedroom play with them and came up with a plan. The night we had agreed upon, we all went out dinner and then back to their house for a few drinks.

As the night went along, we decided to get in to their hot tub together. Things heated up to the point where I ended up sitting on our male friend's lap, kissing him. Everyone was naked, and he was obviously turned on by the moment. It was a good time to slow things down just a little, so I slipped off his lap - and away from the erection that had been poking ever so close to my pussy.

So not to bring the whole night to a grinding halt, my hubby encouraged me to turn my attention to our female friend. She and I kissed and touched each other quite a bit, but as the guys were really enjoying the show, it was just the right time to suggest things cool down just a little. There was no sense in taking too many risks too soon with our foursome playtime.

And in the long run, it was the right decision at the time...even if theguys had to wait a few weeks before they would get to see her and I enjoy each other orally.

And even with my current situation with my Office Guy. I know that each time I take a few minutes to stop by and visit him in his office, the risk is there for throwing caution to the wind and surrendering to my lust.

I mean, seriously, sharing a steamy kiss in his office as he presses his obvious erection against me...it would have only taken one little tug on my panties and a quick zip of his pants and things could have been much different. And as sure as I am that my friend would be a willing playmate, I also understand the reality of keeping our sanity at times like that.

There are better ways to share that desire.

I know there are probably other times when I felt hesitant to jump into a sexual moment, and without question, as my adventure continues there will be others.

But that's what makes the journey interesting.

Andee     xoxo

Fantasies | Can It Still Be One

Sorry that I haven't had something sexy to occupy your mind with in a couple days. Every now and then life seems to get in the way of all the naughty fun we have together. Anyway, I managed to sneak in a few minutes to taste my coffee and let my mind wander back into the place where we have the most fun: my imagination!

My first thought on this exceptionally wonderful day was to answer a question that has plagued couples for a very long time: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

But it occurred to me that I probably wouldn't notice how much wood a woodchuck could chuck, because I would be getting some wood as I wrapped my arms around a tree and hiked up my hem.

OK...just kidding.

A friend had asked me the other day about my fantasy, and now that some parts of it had become a reality, what did that mean for the fantasy overall. Would I now look for others, or would this one still be a fantasy?

I have many different fantasies when it comes to my sexual adventure. Some are just those crazy thoughts that occupy my mind on occasion, while others are more captivating - and potentially worth pursuing.

Just because I was able to spend an incredible hour with my Office Guy a couple weeks ago, experiencing the sexual tension between us come to a realistic moment - and while my husband looked on approvingly - doesn't mean that the thought of it all comes to a conclusion. There is still a great deal of the fantasy that I would like to explore.

The experience I did have answered a few of those questions that pop into my mind. But at the same time, like all great sexual experiences should do, it has left me with an even deeper wonder about my fantasy.

In a way, it is a bit like that chocolate cake I used as an analogy in my blog on Friday. Having a taste leaves you wanting to have another piece. Finding the point where you have had just enough in one sitting is the challenge. After dessert, you will want more, but you also understand that a little piece here and there is far more delightful.

In this particular fantasy, I have found a few answers and an awful lot of pleasure, but many thoughts remain.

What I don't know is if the opportunity will present itself again.

Andee    xoxo

Fantasies | What Men Really Want ... ?

Surely you guys are getting bored with all the blogging lately about sexual fantasies, but it's been hard to get so many of these thoughts out of my head.

But, despite all that, it has also given me a great opportunity to learn a lot more about what makes us tick when it comes to the reality of a fantasy. We all have those thoughts that will just never be anything more than a bit of brain flirting ... I mean, I can turn my fantasy about my Office Guy into a reality, but I doubt very much that my threesome with Jennifer Aniston is ever going to materialize.

So what is it that we really fantasize about when it comes to achievable goals? First up is a little piece of an article I found when I was trying to figure out what it is that you men really think about when it comes to some realistic action.

Call it daydreaming, call it fantasizing ... call it a very healthy pastime! 

With a little embellishment from me – after a intriguing couple of months learning all about what turns guys on – the top five things that men really fantasize about – and that will keep him rushing back for home cooking, rather than hitting the local bar for take-out sushi.

Blow The Man Down
Unexpected, non-reciprocal oral sex. Men want head. They just don’t ask for blowjobs as often as they would, because they think you’ll demand immediate sexual gratification in return. Plus, they are worried you’ll turn them down. So, every so often when he doesn’t expect it, walk up to him, give him a kiss, get down on your knees, give him a blowjob, then zip him back up and go back to what you were doing – without saying a word. He’ll think you love his cock and you are the best partner he’s ever had in his entire life.

Andee's thoughts: I asked my husband about this because he is constantly telling me about how incredible my oral talents are. He said this is probably the one thing that occupies his mind when we are apart, and of all the places he can imagine me giving him one.

Bring A Friend
Thinking about you with another woman. No, you don’t have to actually eat the furry chalice in front of him or seduce one of your girlfriends. He just wants to be able to think about you doing so. Therefore, when you are in bed or want to get him into bed, tell him about a time you “experimented” in college tripping the clit fantastic. Don’t worry if you never actually did so. This is a time when it’s completely OK to lie to him. Just make sure you invent a person and don’t talk about someone he’s going to run into in real life. If talking about this makes him want you to try it again, simply tell him that once you had sex with him, you realized that dick was the only thing you ever wanted. Then, give him a blowjob.

Andee's thoughts: I would never encourage telling a lie to my partner in bed, for fear that he ever learned it, he would question everything – including the honestly amazing stuff. Well, unless you can tell an incredible story about what you would do to Jennifer Aniston without using your hands! Seriously, find someone to experiment with just once in your life; make it a bucket list item. You might be surprised just how delicious it actually is to make another woman clutch at the mattress and arch her back all because of what you can do with your tongue!

'You're Such A Stud!'
Believing you are always thinking about sex with him. He wants to think that he is such a stud that you are doing nothing with your life other than thinking about his dick. Really. This is an easy fantasy to satisfy. A couple times a day, send him a dirty text message. If you are daring, send him a dirty picture to his cell phone. Can’t think of what to say in your dirty text message? Here’s a few suggestions: “I can’t wait to suck your cock” and “God, I keep thinking about when I sucked your cock last night” and “I’m wet thinking about sucking your cock.” I think you see where this is going.

Andee's thoughts: I'm not sure it is necessarily about the "sex with him" or just the simple fact that I am totally into getting some, flirting like mad and cranking up the relationship heat with some very erotic and naughty sexts. In the end, I don't care – if I have his undivided sexual attention, then I know it's going to be a great day. Of course, I do try to be a bit more creative and cryptic!

Come Here Often?
Picking up a girl in a bar and scoring a quickie. When dudes are hanging out, they talk about two things: Sports and “that one time I scored when I met that girl in the bar and she took me to the bathroom/alley/backseat of my car/whatever.” Most of the time the dudes are talking shit – but that doesn’t matter. They talk about it because it’s what they want. So, make it happen. Set up a scenario where you get to a bar early, he shows up and you two act like strangers and you let him pick you up. You’ll get bonus points if you are flirting with another guy when he shows up and then you blow off the other guy in favor of him. Then, after letting him buy you a few drinks and chatting you up, take him into the bathroom, alley or the backseat of his car and give him a blow job.

Andee's thoughts: I actually love this one because it is a very easy and achievable fantasy for couples who want to add just a little spice to their marriage. The biggest leap is having the courage to get to the bar alone and early ... but if you're like me, that is also the biggest danger. I might actually make my guy work to win my attention!

Coming In The Back Door
Anal sex. I know for a lot of us this is a little scary. It already hurt when we lost our first virginity – do we really want to go through that again? Don’t worry that much about it. Many women find anal sex really pleasurable. Anal sex is great because it’s taboo and it’s something other guys brag about. Putting your ass up in the air and letting him ravage it will drive him insane. If he’s never done it before, you’ll have to take some of the preparation into your own hands – by lubing yourself up before you get into bed – but if you let him have it he’ll love you for it and you may find that you get more intense orgasms than you expect from the sexperience. A good idea is to experiment a bit yourself with vibrators and dildos beforehand so you are used to this new type of penetration. The good news about this? This is the one time that he won’t be thinking about getting a blowjob.

Andee's thoughts: It took me a long time to open up the back door. It's still not something that is a primary part of our sex life, but I will say this much: including it as part of the playground during sex (vibrators, fingers, dildos) leads to some incredible sensations for all parties. Not to mention how much it fuels the whole threesome fantasy in my head – the one without Jennifer Aniston, however. She already showed up in the "bring a friend" category.

So there you have it, five real fantasies that occupy a man's mind. And even if they aren't yours, from this Sexy Northern Angel, I'm just thrilled you have them ... and hopefully some will come true for you too!

Andee     xoxo