February 26, 2013

We Have A Right To Explore

I read a comment the other day that left me a little perplexed. It wasn’t so much that I was disagreeing, but that I was struggling to comprehend why an expert in sexual health would be so flippant about it.

The “blog” by this so-called sex psychologist was suggesting that bisexuality today is being worn by young women as a bit of a merit badge. It wasn’t so much about sexual discovery or experimentation as it was about using suggestive bisexuality as a means to attract attention from boys. In other words, she was questioning if bisexuality today was simply a trend, stating that it is more commonplace today for women to hook-up with other women to gain approval from potential male suitors.

Her point was how more young women today – the under 30 set in particular – were not really interesting in maintaining a sexual relationship with another woman, they just use it as a method of manipulation in the mating dance with men.

I struggled to counter the idea; because I actually believe there are a number of young women out there who play in that sexual grey area. But at the same time, I felt like this particular author was admonishing truly bi-curious women for having the courage to: a) be open to discovering a sexual identity, and b) explore their sexual desires.

Is it true that some women will play the “lesbian” role just to tease and torment men? Absolutely … and some of them see it as no different as picking out a pair of sky-high heels to go dancing in. It’s a visual and sexual stimulant for the guys who will lavish attention upon them. Unfortunately those women, whose stiletto heel height often exceeds their IQ, tend to be the ones who create this kind of societal misinformation.

On the guy’s side, mainstream porn in the modern area has also served them no justice – they expect these little blonde bimbos in size 0 napkins to put on a hot show on the dance floor; as much as they expect a smooth wax job between the thighs if they are ever successful in getting the little ‘punkin’ naked. Their understanding of sexuality is twisted by what they can access so readily, as opposed to the wonderful path of self-discovery.

I spent several years keeping my bisexual fantasies locked away in the deep recesses of my imagination, mostly because I was too afraid to bring them up with anyone. A chance moment involving an equally curious co-worker, a hotel hot tub and more than a few drinks gave me the bravery to drop a hint. Lucky for me, that was all it took to kick the door wide open to greater discoveries.

But then, my interest wasn't so I could sexually torment some guy into lusting madly for me and opening his wallet to fulfill my gold-digging dreams. No, I was already in a stable marriage and beginning to feel comfortable with my curiosity without having any stigma attached. That said, it is still something that remains very much in the closet in the majority of my daily life - few people know about it and I intend to keep it that way. I'm not about to fly any rainbow coloured flags on Pride Day because there are still many in our society who look upon confused hetrosexuality with contempt and disgust.

I would like to think we are finally seeing some acceptance in society of women being allowed to openly explore their sexuality without being labeled a slut, whore or any other derogatory name that is so often applied. But at the same time, I'm not sure we benefit from sexual psychologists suggesting this is nothing more than a trend.
Andee     xoxo

1 comment:

Gemma Jones said...

In the swing scene (in Australia at least) there is this expectation that women will be bisexual. Many adult dating websites list "girls play guys watch" as an option for desired activites between couples. Interestingly these same websites don't usually offer "guys play, girls watch" as an alternative.
I consider myself to be bisexual in that I will happily have sexual relations with either a woman or a man OF MY CHOOSING. There are many times when I will be attracted to a man of a couple but not the woman. There will be days when I desire a woman but not a man. One of my absolute pet hates is the girls play guys watch scenario. I have been in situations when I have been enjoying a woman's body and looked up to see her husband sitting in a chair in the corner of the room wanking. Now sometimes this is erotic but if I think for a second that the girl is faking it for her man's viewing pleasure and she doesn't have a genuine interest in me sexually it is time for me to put my pants on and go home.