No Room For Sexual Bullying

A few days ago, one of my online friends wrote a blog about sexual bullying. And some of the points he made hit home with me about how some people find themselves in sexual situations – kinks and fetishes – when they are not ideas that necessarily appeal to them.

Like so many other ideas that swirl around in my often over-active imagination, I struggled to come to terms with how I personally felt on this subject. Today, in Canada, was a national awareness day on bullying. A lot of schools are hosting “pink day” to draw attention to the issue and holding assemblies to address the issue.

As a mother of a son who endured several years of bullying in the school system, I kind of scoff at things like this. Often they really just serve to magnify the issue – especially when the bullies generally aren’t the ones wearing pink, and the ones being bullied are now an even more visible target. Plus, having survived the experience with my child, I can tell you that it’s also not just the kids who are the bullies. Teachers and administrators quite easily step into the role.

But that wasn’t really where we were going. Jon’s commentary focused more on the sexual element of bullying at the adult level.

I think there is more depth to the idea of sexual bullying than just agreeing to be involved in a scenario, role-play or kink to satisfy the request/demand of a lover. While there are people in committed relationships “going along” with various requests to maintain harmony in the relationship, society also works against their ability to speak out.

Sexual bullying, quite frankly, exists within the confines of “normal” society.

It’s not only the sexual harassment of others or the violence of rape and assault – although those are the most graphic examples of sexual bullying. But even in the subtleties of like what I was saying about yesterday over how some women with sincere bisexual curiosities are afraid to come out, the pressures in our culture conspire to alienate us for our sexual desires, lest we be "weird."

My friend Jon wrote about how "Talk shows trot fetishists out to get desired gasps and nervous tittering all the time. Even documentary or reality shows about sexual communities usually present a "look at the freaks" portrayal. It is no wonder that most people do not want to come out with their sexual identities—they are bullied by the world at large not to."

I also see it when popular magazines continue to perpetuate the idea of sexual bullying with the advice spewed out in columns by Carrie Bradshaw wannabes – “How to Please Your Man” and “Why You Don’t Have An Orgasm” – force us into believing we have serious character flaws and are less than adequate when it comes to the bedroom. The offer up advice that tells us how we should behave if we want to keep that guy happy, what we are expected to do any time he asks; and if we don’t, heaven help our miserable soul.

It’s the same message as to why our closet should only house Laboutin stilettos and Lacroix LBDs in Size 0 ... because if you don’t have that perfect little outfit you can whip out on any given Friday, you’re just not “sexy.”

Too often these ridiculous pontifications suggest that it is our responsibility to give in, forget our own needs and get down on our knees and just swallow, damn it. And if you suck at sucking, you better make sure you can distract your man with your collection of hot and seductive lingerie.

Sexual exploration is meant to be a path to discovering what it is that gets us off; not what we should be doing to get them off. It’s one thing to offer up a “surprise” every now and then by slipping into some risqué lingerie that takes you way out of your comfort zone – but it’s another to endure continual “expectations” without any consideration for your willingness and emotional needs.

When you find a partner willing to meet you on the same path, accept compromise and offer encouragement you realize the “advice” has been all wrong. Frankly, sex isn’t supposed to be about the other person; it’s best when it’s about an incredible union.

Andee     xoxo

My Growing Interest In Lingerie

Over the past couple years I have developed a taste for nice lingerie; partly due to my evolving tastes in what I personally think is sexy, and partly due to the reaction it produces at home, at work and within myself. To say that looking sexy and feeling sexy is not an ego boost would just be misleading. As a woman ages, she needs even more reassurance that she still has the feminine ability to attract men.

And even though we have great sources for lingerie these days – places like Fredericks of Hollywood and Victoria's Secret – I think a lot of women have given up on the “old-fashioned idea” of sexy. It doesn’t help that pop culture has turned overtly slutty into the modern ideal of socially-acceptable sexy, but as long as size 0 models with size 0 IQs continue to flaunt it as fashion, well, we’ll just never get more women into the idea.

Lingerie has been reduced to seemingly only involve matching bras and panties these days. Of course, the traditional two-piece ensemble are an amazing part of any girl’s trousseau, but I can’t help wonder if there are other younger women out there that have a daily interest in sexy lingerie beyond just two pieces. And by that I mean, lingerie for the sake of personal interest, not as stage clothes and photographic wardrobe.

Without question, the modern idea for many lingerie enthusiasts remains steadfast in its connection to naughty Santa's helpers and Valentine's Day attire. But what about discovering the sexiness of wearing lingerie on an every day basis?

Yesterday, one of my newest pieces of lingerie made its debut on my website; and from all accounts so far, was well-received. I know it sure as hell was well-received at home – and I have every intention of seeing exactly how it might work for me at my work.

I think the idea of lingerie for something beyond posing for a camera is finding the balance between "feeling sexy" and "made for sex" ... because there is a very distinct difference. I can wear the feeling sexy lingerie all the time - including when sex is on the agenda, but I'm not sure I can wear the made for sex lingerie under a sexy dress for a day at the office.

In a way, my hobby has been a key determining factor in my desire for sexier underthings. I’m blessed with a husband who recognizes the need to keep my drawers filled with naughty lace things, and have developed a few friends with guys who enjoy seeing me in items they have bought for me as well. Of course, it’s hard not to have fun when those things combine all for my benefit.

Andee     xoxo

My Love For Nice Lingerie

"If your wearing lingerie that makes you feel glamorous, you're halfway thereto turning heads"

~ Elle Macpherson

Sexy new update, brought to you by a special friend on mine!

See ALL of me here!

Andee   xoxo