Trying Not To Look Too Slutty

It has been a while since I dug into my collection of questions from people I have encountered on here and some of the other online avenues of my life; and with the sun starting to actually melt the frozen tundra that is my neighbourhood I thought it would be a good time to put some specific answers out there.

This one came from one of my Twitter followers a few weeks ago and has kind of sat in my mind – and archive – for a bit.

When you get dressed up, do you pay attention to whether you look 'too slutty'?

Outside of the fun that happens with me online, there are kind of two realities at work for me as to why this isn’t really an issue: my personal struggle with fashion and my offline environment not being truly conducive to being that way.

I have said before that a tremendous amount of my personal style belongs to the fashion sense of my husband. He is a very unique man who could spend hours – and hundreds of dollars – taking me shopping. Almost all the outfits you see when I post pics on my blog and Twitter are the result of him taking the time to pick something out for me (with the exception of some lingerie and boots, which I have been ‘spoiled’ in receiving from a couple male friends). Without that guidance, I would easily opt for the most comfortable and practical style … and certainly not have the ability to tease, flirt and torment as much as I do!

Some of the women I work with, quite literally, ask if they can take him shopping with them after they discover that a certain outfit was something he picked out, etc.

In those moments when I feel like pushing the envelope a little, my decisions are completely based on being a distraction – but not so much that it would impact my professional reputation. I aim for the “sexy” most of all.

Secondary to that, my day-to-day life is rooted in a very conservative work environment. I occasionally push the limits a little with some shorter hems and by wearing my friends’ lingerie underneath, but for the most part I can’t get away with too much. Heck, we even have a policy for heel height – which rules out all those impossible sky-high stilettos you guys love on us.

And, my day-to-day-not-at-work life is rooted in playing taxi driver to a couple of exceptionally busy young men. I’m sure I could get away with being a little sexier in my outfits for those nights when I’m just a spectator to their activities – and likely not get any complaints from the Dads in attendance – but it’s not always practical to be wearing a miniskirt and heels to a hockey game.

But, having said that, every now and then, the opportunity arises for me to go out on a hot date with my husband and not dress so “Momish.” Again, I get an awful lot of advice and requests from him … and occasionally I will relent and slip into something just so we can cut the night short and get home early (if you know what I mean).

Even then, my husband’s fashion sense isn’t about trying to make me look “slutty” as much as it is about trying to help me feel confident, stylish and sexy.

In all honesty, the only times I have ever felt close to ‘slutty’ are a couple of occasions when we went to a lifestyle club – but my initial concerns over my own outfit were soon dispelled by what I saw other women almost wearing. And in that kind of setting, their sluttier seems to be the better!

I think there is a need to understand what “too slutty” can mean. With some people, they think that a woman should stop wearing certain styles when they reach a certain age. But others think that when a woman reaches a certain age, she should dress how she wants because she has the confidence in her sexuality to let all those societal conventions disappear.

I think there is a difference between what may be acceptable in our society and what might be a bit much, but at the end of the day, if a woman has the confidence to carry her sense of style off, then who are we to pass judgment?

Andee     xoxo 

TMI Tuesday | Fill In The Blanks

I always enjoy sharing my thoughts with you, and even though I have been suffering from blogger's block lately, little questions like today's TMI Tuesday make it easier to get my mind into that sexual space where the best ideas tend to hang out.

This week, we are sharing our information "Fill in the blanks" style.

1. I’m the type of person that likes to be ENTERTAINED in bed.
I initially considered saying "sweaty," which is also something I like to be in bed ... but only during sex. Being entertained in bed can mean a number of different things. First off, from a sexual perspective, I love having sex that has a creative element to it, whether physical or mental - the sharing of naughty ideas and fantasies in the heat of passion. Secondly, and let's be honest, not everyone have sex every time they are in bed ... so, I like to be entertained by reading. Reading is one of my biggest passions, and my bed allows me the peace and privacy I need to let my imagination absorb the ideas on the pages.

2. If the sexiest person I know propositioned me for sex, I would WILLING AGREE.
I'm a sexual being ... I love sex, love exploring new sexual experiences and would dive right in to the opportunity. But, there would need to be some conditions. While I think my husband is the sexiest person I really know, that answer would bore you. You want to know about someone outside of my marriage, and that would be agreeable, and my husband would definitely want to be there to watch and perhaps hold the camera.

3. The worst part about BEING ALONE when I am naked is THE COST OF BATTERIES.
Um, this was tougher than I first thought; especially with the first blank required to make the sentence grammatically correct. Anyway, some fun for the answer, because when I am alone and feeling horny, I tend to lie back and enjoy my fantasies while my trusted little vibrator massages me into blissful orgasm. I dread to think how much I have spent on batteries over the years - I probably should have bought shares in the company.

4. I regret my first TIME.
Well, let's be honest, most of us do to a certain extent. I was inexperienced, far too young (in my mind) and really wished I had waited.

5. The last sexual/kinky thing I expected to like was ANAL SEX.

I have said several times before, had I not met my husband, I doubt I would have explored and discovered so many incredible things sexually. He has been a wonderful partner and encourager of my sexual adventure and always allowed me to experiment and dabble with a number of kinky ideas. I never would have imagined that anal sex would be something that I enjoy, but as it turned out, given the right state of mind, the right amount of lube and the right position - bazinga!

6. Recently, I FLASHED someone.
Well ... not THAT kind of flash ... but certainly a little "can you see I'm wearing stockings to work today as I let the hem of my dress inch up just a little bit under the table in the lunch room" kind of naughty tease. I know he saw, the expression on his face gave him away. Chalk another naughty office distraction victory up to yours truly. Other than that, I can't say I'm really much of a "get the girls out" kind of girl. I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually done that ... and none of them have been very recent.

BONUS: You have been kidnapped by lesbians and dragged into a lesbian orgy, what are you going to do?
Well, the expression is "when in Rome ..." so I would have to think when you find yourself immersed in the delightful sexual debauchery of a lesbian orgy, you must get yourself naked and plunge in head (and tongue) first.

Andee     xoxo

Too Old For What?!

First bit of advice: never take any article written that uses an unnamed “corporate spokesperson” as its primary source to be a very credible piece.

I said to my husband this morning, as I sipped on my coffee and scanned a few bits and pieces online before work that I felt a rant coming on over something published on Yahoo. OK, second piece of advice: never take anything published as “news” on Yahoo as credible. They make those bitter and self-indulgent Carrie Bradshaw wannabes at Cosmo look like they stand a chance at a Pulitzer for investigative journalism.

The article which raised my ire was entitled “You’re Too Old To Wear That.” Another fluffy piece that suggests women must adhere to specific style standards as they climb the chronological ladder. And the primary “expert” was someone from a company that specializes in anti-aging skin care.

Apparently, a study conducted by said “skin-care company” found one third of the 2,000 women they polled (all of whom were over 45) worried that some items in their wardrobe were age-inappropriate, and 80 per cent felt they “needed to abandon 'younger' styles as they grew older.”

“We think middle aged is supposed to be later, but women are saying that in the early 40s a lot of things need to be toned down,” the unnamed corporate source said.

Now, before you think the top of my head is going to blow off, there are some things that I do agree should be retired. Anything that can be mistaken for a sequined napkin being passed off as a miniskirt might be best saved for those “special club nights” and not the office. And I know you guys will all be disagreeing with me, saying a miniskirt is the perfect choice for work, but a lot of offices have these things called “policies” and they’re usually written by stuffy women with self-esteem and feminism issues who subscribe to articles such as this as “workplace attire gospel.”

If there is anything superficial that I get compliments on, it is my legs – and I am proud of the fact that I have the kind which will serve as pleasant distractions for many of you guys. Forgive my moment of vanity, but damn it, I enjoy the attention … particularly “at my age.”

Believe it or not, there are quite a few of us that are perfectly comfortable with our ability to provide a visual distraction. Looking sexy – and seeing that others are noticing you looking sexy – helps us feel sexy, which in turn fuels a lot of what goes on in our imaginations. It’s also a magnificent method of dealing with work-related stress.

Maybe that’s just because I love to flirt.

And, I am intelligent enough to match wits with the best, so this isn’t a habit of compensation or leverage to “get ahead” in a “man’s world.” It’s more in tune with having reached an age where my appreciation for playing the part has greater depth; and the fact that I couldn’t really care less what the majority of my female peers have to say about the length of my skirt or the height of my heels.

The disappointing aspect of articles like these – beyond being “sponsored” by corporations that market anti-aging products to women – is that they add to the societal confines already placed on women. The messages say “you’re too old to wear anything above the knee” and “you’re too old for that colour of lipstick.”

Women should be celebrating their confidence as they “get older.” I am in a much more comfortable place at 38 than I was at 28, and at 18. And as such, I get to enjoy the benefits of that confidence even more. To sit back and think that in three years I need to hide my miniskirts and start shopping for sensible shoes is ridiculous.

In fact, in three years I hope everyone around me will be staring in disbelief with “Damn she looks hot for her age.”

But even if they don’t, I won’t care. I’m not defined by silly notions concocted by the marketing departments and “corporate spokespeople” at companies which sell anti-aging products.

THE OTHER SUGGESTED SILLINESS

• knee-high boots should be retired by age 45
• tattoos start to look bad by the mid-50s
• ditch high heels by the time you are 59
• hair braids only in your 20s
• pants that say "pink," or anything, for that matter, on the butt
• stop wearing light, short, flimsy dresses as the upper thighs...change...with age  

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | 'Tis The Season

Is everybody getting ready for another great festive season? I love this time of year, even if things do get a little crazy. For today's TMI Tuesday, we start getting into the Christmas spirit ... and while you are reading, I'm probably getting into the Christmas "spirits!"

During the December holiday season, do you:
   a) Go away to join other family?
   b) Have holiday fun with immediate family?
   c) Get to be alone with a lover?
   d) Enjoy the peace and quiet and downtime of being with yourself?
While it’s not as bad as it used to be, Christmas for me is a whirlwind of activity – and spending time with my own family, and then with my immediate family. My husband kind of views his family as a “if it fits my mood and schedule” Christmas, which often means we don’t see too many people from his side.

What is your favourite holiday tradition or thing you like to do every holiday season?
For me, it’s decorating my Christmas tree. It’s not something that is shared with the same level of sentimentality in our house, but I just love taking my time and reflecting on what each of the ornaments mean to me.

You are walking down the street and a sexy person is standing with a sign that says “Kiss Me” and mistletoe hanging above their head.
   a) Would you kiss the person? Yes or no?
   b) Why, or why not?
Sadly, a cop-out answer here: it all depends. It would depend on my mood, on the circumstances and the level of sexiness that the sign-holder is giving off. Being married also means that my level of smoochable freedom is somewhat restricted to my husband and the occasional clandestine pucker with a certain Office Guy.

Santa made up his list and he has checked it twice. Turns out you are on the “naughty” list. What is the naughty thing you did that put you on that list.
That all depends on how much room Santa has on that list to outline the naughtiness that has been my 2012! But cutting to the chase, probably the naughtiest thing I did in 2012 that I am willing to confess to is the time I managed to convince my married Office Guy to join me for some seriously sexy fun back in March. Without a doubt, there are many who would consider that to be an exceptionally naughty thing for me to do – but I stand by my defence: I had permission to fool around that time.

As for the rest of it; surely Santa knows that sometimes it is better to keep some of those secrets and share the occasional little white lie in order to protect the innocent … right?

If Santa knows more than that, he at least better have been holding the video camera!

For being naughty you have been locked in a room where you will have to watch 24 hours of a holiday movie. Which movie would you choose?
   a) A Christmas Story
   b) It’s A Wonderful Life
   c) White Christmas
   d) A Christmas Carol (original 1938 version or the 1992 Muppet version)
Easy answer for me: A Muppet Christmas Carol. It has become one of my favourites of the holiday season. Although, if you were going to look at this as punishment, It’s A Wonderful Life would be the worst possible thing I could have to endure for 24 hours. I don’t get the appeal of that movie as a “Christmas classic” and it would definitely not put me in the holiday spirit.

BONUS: The holidays can be a hectic time of year, so much so that romance might take a back seat to festivities and such. Give us your sexy tip for keeping away the “chill” and “heating up” the holiday season.
A few years ago, my husband and I started a little Christmas Eve tradition affectionately known as the Naughty Stocking. It’s a cheesy animal-print Christmas stocking that my husband would fill with certain items meant for those “couple moments” and “adult fun” as a small reminder that, despite being parents, we were also a couple.

This was how I got a lot of my naughty lingerie and sex toys for Christmas … because opening a package from Victoria’s Secret in front of my children usually results in a raucous meltdown of prepubescent boys being grossed out by the sight of a woman's naughty knickers.

Andee     xoxo

My Growing Interest In Lingerie

Over the past couple years I have developed a taste for nice lingerie; partly due to my evolving tastes in what I personally think is sexy, and partly due to the reaction it produces at home, at work and within myself. To say that looking sexy and feeling sexy is not an ego boost would just be misleading. As a woman ages, she needs even more reassurance that she still has the feminine ability to attract men.

And even though we have great sources for lingerie these days – places like Fredericks of Hollywood and Victoria's Secret – I think a lot of women have given up on the “old-fashioned idea” of sexy. It doesn’t help that pop culture has turned overtly slutty into the modern ideal of socially-acceptable sexy, but as long as size 0 models with size 0 IQs continue to flaunt it as fashion, well, we’ll just never get more women into the idea.

Lingerie has been reduced to seemingly only involve matching bras and panties these days. Of course, the traditional two-piece ensemble are an amazing part of any girl’s trousseau, but I can’t help wonder if there are other younger women out there that have a daily interest in sexy lingerie beyond just two pieces. And by that I mean, lingerie for the sake of personal interest, not as stage clothes and photographic wardrobe.

Without question, the modern idea for many lingerie enthusiasts remains steadfast in its connection to naughty Santa's helpers and Valentine's Day attire. But what about discovering the sexiness of wearing lingerie on an every day basis?

Yesterday, one of my newest pieces of lingerie made its debut on my website; and from all accounts so far, was well-received. I know it sure as hell was well-received at home – and I have every intention of seeing exactly how it might work for me at my work.

I think the idea of lingerie for something beyond posing for a camera is finding the balance between "feeling sexy" and "made for sex" ... because there is a very distinct difference. I can wear the feeling sexy lingerie all the time - including when sex is on the agenda, but I'm not sure I can wear the made for sex lingerie under a sexy dress for a day at the office.

In a way, my hobby has been a key determining factor in my desire for sexier underthings. I’m blessed with a husband who recognizes the need to keep my drawers filled with naughty lace things, and have developed a few friends with guys who enjoy seeing me in items they have bought for me as well. Of course, it’s hard not to have fun when those things combine all for my benefit.

Andee     xoxo

My Sexual Insecurities

It’s kind of funny ... not one of those funny “ha ha” moments, but one of those “why do you ask” situations. I don't think it has been much of a secret over the past few months that I have been taking my fashion choice for work to a little sexier level. If you follow me on Twitter, or keep up with the occasional tale on here, you'll know what I mean.

The other day I was asked if I had some sort of “agenda” for these recent changes in work wear; as if there was something behind my decision to go beyond my comfort zone. It’s been a little better than a year since I began to dress up more frequently, and without obvious reason such as a meeting or presentation. One of the big motivators in me stepping beyond the lab coat and scrubs has been a feeling of insecurity; and a need to reassure myself that I can still turn the head of a man that isn't my husband.

This is even more important to my emotional state of mind following a tediously long stretch in the lab where we are not allowed to wear jewellery and/or make-up. Say what you want, but for some of us that leaves us feeling more vulnerable than standing naked on stage in front of thousands of people.

I think it's fairly natural to suggest that as a woman ages, she has feelings of doubt as to her sexuality and attractiveness. The diet, fitness and washed-up celebrity endorsement industries rely heavily on this phenomenon. Without our feelings of "less than perfect" there would be dozens of 80s sitcom supporting cast members working stage shows in the Poconos – not to mention a library of self-help books doing nothing but collecting dust.

On a personal level, I have found myself being remarkably surprised at how much I enjoy the transformation – and challenge of finding my "sexy" again. I work in an environment that doesn’t always allow me to feel remotely that way and so when the opportunity arises these days, I have this desire to make the most of it.

I don’t have a problem exploring what it takes to indulge in the sexual me and touching the line without crossing it. OK, some days I like it when that line is very grey; not quite 50 shades of grey, but fuzzy and not so easily identified.

I admit that I like the attention I receive from my Office Guys and some of the other men at work. I like the extended glances from the power suits and the flirty smiles in the hallways.

Does it define me as a woman? No; not in the least. What defines me as a woman is the love I have from my family, the role I play as a wife and a mother.

Some might think it is rather superficial – however, even the superficial in life has the power to influence one’s mood and add some positivity to a person’s self-esteem. And as much as we need the emotional fuel for the soul, we also need a little stroking here and there of the fragile outer ego.

A woman also wants to be appreciated for all those superficial, societal ideals – her style, her sexual prowess and willingness to play the combined role of Madonna and whore. We want to be respected for our intellect, but still lusted over. And we do want to catch you looking at our cleavage or checking out our legs in that miniskirt.

We don’t want to have to explain how all of that fits into this really complex double standard.

The other side of this relates to my husband. While I am not a fan of shopping, and often admit to having no sense of real style, he loves both – and I’m the lucky recipient of his passion for that. I have a closet full of great clothes thanks to him, and he constantly encourages me to step out beyond the standard comfy go-to clothes.

And those days when I am feeling a bit braver, slip on a nice dress and maybe some risqué lingerie underneath, I can count on a constant flow of suggestive and ego-boosting texts from him. It doesn’t hurt that if he thinks for a moment that another man may show a peaked interest, he becomes incredibly turned on. And it doesn’t hurt for a moment that all of those influences help ramp up my flirtatious courage.

All rewarding for me.

And one of the real benefits of having this forum to express myself on is that I can share what goes on in my mind, for better or worse. It helps me keep in touch with some of my own fantasies, think through some twisted ideas and plot out my scheme for global domination one stocking leg at a time ... hence your weekly treat of Thigh High Thursday.

Andee     xoxo

What's So Unusual About Stockings

For some guys, today is a pretty special day - it's National Stockings Day in England, a day sponsored by Charnos Hosiery designed to raise awareness and money for breast cancer awareness. For anyone who is interested in following my own antics for the day, catch up with me on Twitter. I have a few really sexy stockings pics that will be posted throughout the day to help make it a bit more interesting for you.

Of course, the idea of me wearing stockings also fits into today's blog theme - something that popped up a while back in my Formspring questions.

What is the most unusual sexual experience you’ve ever had?

Are stockings really that unusual? Probably not for a lot of people; and really not so much for me when we just consider wearing them for something like my website or to make a video for you. But for me to push the limits of my comfort zone and introduce them as part of my work-related wardrobe ... that was exceptionally unusual (and sexual) for me.

If you remember back to what I wrote at the time, I think it really still sums up my thoughts:

One morning, I woke up before my husband, walked into the bathroom and proceeded to get ready for my day at work. Like I often do, I had set out my outfit for the day, so that I wouldn't need to disturb him while he slept. I found a little note from him stuck inside the dress I was planning to wear, along with the stockings and garterbelt. The whole thing was worth it the moment my husband walked into the kitchen to say goodbye to me before I left for the day.

I know my husband loves me, and we have an awful lot of fun together both in and out of the bedroom, but there is nothing that can mask true lustful surprise on a man's face. It's a look that goes right to my heart and knees ... and ego. After over 20 years of being together, there aren't many times left when I can see that sincere expression of delighted shock and desire. It was like watching a kid at Christmas.

Later in the day, when I revealed my fashion leap to my Office Guy the first time, his reaction was equally incredible. To stand just a few feet away from him and do the seductive hiking up of my hem, to see his eyes light up and just stare in amazement was an amazing turn-on for me. Then to allow him to touch and fondle ... still a prominent masturbation memory.

Of course, almost all of what opened the door on this was one of the other most unusual sexual experiences in my life: having an adult website ...

This is something that I would have never anticipated ever indulging in, but has certain been a big motivator and enabler in my sexual adventure. It has given me the confidence and fueled my desire to explore and push the limits.

I can't say that something like that would be for everyone - and, honestly, I'm thankful it's not.

Other things that come to mind, but may be best saved for a future blog, would include:

• Going to the swingers clubs ... that is way outside my comfort zone ...
• Finally finding the courage to turn my bi-curious status to bisexual ...
• My afternoon rendezvous with my Office Guy ... that is just something that I don't do, so for me that is beyond the limits.

 Having wrapped my brain around all of this though, the reality is I like the unusual side of life. It's what makes everything so interesting ... especially the sex!

Andee     xoxo

Sex | A Favourite Fetish

This is probably one topic that could keep going around and around as I get deeper and deeper into my sexual adventure. And while it has been a marvelous 10 years of exploring, gradually experimenting and experiencing new things, I am continually amazed at both what I learn from other people in terms of fetishes, and how my own kinks and sexual quirks seemingly evolve along the way.

I can't say that any of mine border even close to some of those truly outrageous requests I have gotten through my website and videos over the past decade ... some of which still leave me scratching my head. I think mine are relatively tame and yet still sexy enough to be intriguing and maybe a bit unusual among my offline circle of friends. Naturally, I am making a bit of an assumption there, as I don't really know what goes on behind their bedroom doors.

So when this Formspring question made an appearance, I thought "I have an answer to that!"

What is one of your favourite fetishes, and why?

Quite a while back I wrote about how I was learning to really understand what it is men like about women in stockings. For photographic reasons, I was quite comfortable with wearing them, along with the more modern version, thigh highs. But other than my wedding day, and a few steamy date nights, I had not really explored the idea of wearing hosiery as such, as part of my office attire.

And while it is something that always proves to be a worthwhile fashion choice - given the reactions it produces at home and at work - like all good fetishes, moderation is the key in keeping it exciting and erotic each time. I think if I wore them everyday, or at least every time I dressed up for work or a date, it may get a little too expected. Part of why it is a favourite fetish is the reaction of the guys, not just the ideas in my own mind.

I have definitely come to appreciate the sideways glances, and occasional downright stare, that I get from the guys I work with. Unlike some women who might see that as a precursor to sexual harassment, I'm thrilled - and somewhat turned on - but the knowledge that they consider me worthy of their lusty looks. I certainly can't complain when the whole idea is very much planned and expected on my behalf.

I think that is a big part of why I see it as being different from being "objectified." I set out with a teasing, flirting scheme in mind ... trying to be coy on my own to catch the men around me sneaking a peek. And if our eyes happen to meet, I try to give them a knowing little look that says I'm thrilled they noticed and flattered.

And even though the guys may never know if there is a garter belt holding those stockings up, or if I'm jammed into some tortuous control tops, I can't say I get the same personal feelings from pantyhose ... they are just something that I could never feel comfortable in. But stockings, and the occasional romp in thigh highs, make me feel sexy and attractive.

That's why right now, they are among my favourite fetishes. And, if you really like to see how it plays out, don't miss my latest update ... it's exactly what this blog is all about!

Andee     xoxo

What Can I Do Today To Make It Better

Without question, I have it pretty damn good with where I am at in my marriage right now. I have a lot of freedom to not just explore some of my sexual desires, but to openly share and discuss what goes on with my imagination and fantasies. I'm not living vicariously like a lot of people I know – people that resent their spouses and marriages for the trapped feeling they seem to endure rather than putting the effort in to make a change.

And I recognize that on here, based on the community I have kind of slid into with my blog, I am exposed to a lot of sex-positive people, couples with open marriages and wild fantasies. We’re open to share, comment, and pontificate. The same can’t be said for my real life, where I have to watch what I say and how much information I can divulge to those around me – even to some of my closest friends and family members.

But I think the amount of support, encouragement and freedom I enjoy in my sexual adventure is both a blessing and a burden. It leaves me having to explain to jealous coworkers and friends that they also have the opportunity to challenge their imaginations if they work to make it happen.

Sadly, most of them still harbour the belief that “marriage” does not fit into “adventure” and “excitement” is something “we just don’t do.”

Recently, after I had opened up about some of the more socially-acceptable experiences I have been able to enjoy with my lusting husband, my friend scoffed about her own situation – how she was beginning to get a feeling of hatred towards her spouse – and although I feel for her, some of my sympathy faded because it was evident that she felt no responsibility to correct her own problems.

I found myself asking, as I listened to her: "What is the one thing you could do today to make your sex life better?"

For me, simple: invest in more short skirts and sexy dresses to wear to work.

If you have followed along and gotten to know me, you’ll know that for the most part I’m kind of a science geek. I work in a pretty conservative and sterile environment, and it can be pretty easy to fade into the background and plod along. But, it seems I married a man who enjoys building my self-esteem and self-image up, and has worked to bring about a real metamorphosis within me.

A big part of that, outside of the emotional rewards, has been his encouragement for me to be someone who stands out and looks, in his words, drool-worthy – especially at work. And it wasn’t even about expressing my sexuality as a woman, as much as it was about adding to the overall “package.” I’m proud of being a very qualified and professional individual at my work – which has earned me a good deal of respect from my superiors. My husband’s thinking was taking what I had earned and going a little further by appearing the same way – dressing for success, so to speak.

I won’t even try to hide the fact that he did have ulterior motives – he doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he loves it when I wear heels and dresses or skirts. But, at the same time, style doesn’t need to be slutty; and dressing for success can be equal to dressing for sex if you do it right.

Naturally it took me a while to reach a comfort level with being pretty much the only one in my department that wore heels, stylish dresses and skirts. But the reactions from people around me soon became a bit of an addiction. I think everyone appreciates a compliment, but it turned me on to catch some of the men I work with taking notice of what I was wearing. It didn’t take long for that kind of attention to turn into a real aphrodisiac for me.

So, each time I push the fashion envelope at work, it seems to benefit me sexually.

I can’t say that what works in my life is going to work for anyone else, but I do know when I start to feel a little down, or not as attractive as I would like, my solution is to focus on changing the mood around me first. Once you begin to see the change in how people treat you, and can find comfort in knowing that some of it is based on sexuality, you might be amazed at how much more enjoyable getting up and going to work can be.

There will be many who think that opening yourself up, as a woman, to the attention of men in the workplace equates “sexual harassment.” In some cases they may be right … but in other situations, it’s also a case of “get over yourself and enjoy the fact you can still catch their eye.”

Andee     xoxo

Sex | The Worst Time To Be Horny

Despite the impression I may give on here and through my frequent tweets, it would be only a little delusional to think that I spend every waking hour battling with my sexual desires and thoughts. I mean, let’s be honest, it’s just not realistic. As a very normal, healthy, working Mom with a pair of exceptionally busy kids, there is an awful lot around me that inhibit those sexual distractions.

Recently, I was having a discussion with a friend about those moments when life interferes with our libidos … and just when is it the worst time to be turned on.

If you understand anything about women (in general, of course) you will recognize there is a recurring event that is not our greatest time for sexual freedom and swinging-from-the-chandeliers passion. Enough said on that …

But, realistically, there are worse times to be horny.

For me, that would be at work. And again, this is rooted in what is realistic in life. While flirting and verbal teasing can be a fun way to pass some time and release a little stress, truth be told there is very little that can be acted upon. And even if that opportunity was there, this is still my workplace.

My husband is usually the biggest culprit in getting me turned on at work. He has an incredible ability to sext his way into the heart of my sexual imagination and torment me in all the right ways. It doesn't help that he knows just what it does to me when he teases my mind in such a way ... and then continues with a day-long process of electronic foreplay/mind fuck.

There have been a few occasions where I pushed the limits on what might be acceptable behaviour for the workplace - and tempted fate by involving other people in my horny games - but mostly, the opportunity to convert that raging desire into dripping satisfaction is a big challenge. Not to mention, it's something that is truly outside of my comfort zone, no matter how turned on I might be.

I know some will offer the idea of slipping into a bathroom and employing a little finger play to find release. Naturally, I would love to have such freedom, but there are some very specific logistics that make it almost impossible to do so. Even on the occasion that I did need to bring about some sexual release, it was in a bathroom tucked away in the deep recesses of the building, and with the door locked.

The challenge for me is trying to keep my mind focused when I find myself in such a state. Truth of the matter is, I have a job to do - and it can be a very demanding job. So, to spend the day strolling around with wet panties ... that's a toughie.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Is There Anything That Scares Me

You reach a certain point in life where there are not many things that will truly scare the crap out of you. Sure, we can point to the fastest, loopiest roller coaster at the amusement park and say “that scares the crap out of me,” but what about those experiences that don’t involve strapping yourself into something perched ever-so-precariously on a set of rails?

When I first set out to actually arrange my rendezvous with my Office Guy, I said “How many things are left in life that truly scares you?” It wasn’t about thrill rides, but rather thrill-seeking.

My sexual adventure has been building, evolving and taking left turns for almost a decade now. And in that time I have had the opportunity to change my bi-curiosity into recognizing my bisexuality. I have dipped my toes into “the lifestyle” and recognize there are still a lot of things I would like to continue to explore in that regard. And, as you have all read about over the past couple months, I explored an even bigger fantasy, turning it into a reality – and anxiously await the opportunity for a repeat.

I’m not sure where this thought came out though – maybe in one of the many conversations I have had with friends about the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy – but, “is there anything that still scares you in a sexual way?”

Yes, absolutely … but not in a Fifty Shades kind of way; but sort of, at the same time.

As I have explored more and more about what turns me on, and what are some of my own sexual kinks, likes and dislikes, there isn’t much left that I would like to try. There is an awful lot, as I mentioned, that I would like to try again, mind you. Overall, I’ve had an assortment of sexual acts performed on me, with me, for me, had a variety of things inserted here, there and damn-you-better-use-extra-lube-if-you’re-going-there, and ultimately discovered what gets me off.

I’m not scared by experimenting sexually. I might get butterflies and have a healthy combination of excitement and nerves, but overall I think I have done most of what can be done without involving pain and humiliation.

To a certain degree, what scares me the most about sex is discovering something that I can’t always have. For example: I have a huge desire to participate in a full-out MFM threesome. I can’t tell you how much of my sexual fantasy revolves around this idea – to the point where it occupies the top three spots on my sexual bucket list, just to be sure. My husband and I have dabbled around the opportunity to the point where it is kind of that “next step.” But what I am afraid of is that like a lot of fantasies, the reality of the moment could go one of two ways: either it fails to live up to the billing, or I love it so much that it becomes an obsession.

Right now, the object of my non-marital desire is mired in his own marital complications. And I’m not a woman who is going to seek out a third for my fantasy just to check it off the list. I want someone who I am  attracted to.

So, while my husband and I mutually enjoy this part of the adventure as things unfold, we have to recognize that the other person involved is doing so in a much more secretive and complicated fashion. And I’m afraid that I might just enjoy it a bit too much, and then watch it get even more complicated as time passes.

Another thought to add to the mix, there is part of me that is still scared by the idea of finding myself in a sexual situation where I have no control. Again, even in those brief and somewhat vanilla BDSM situations I have found myself, there has always been an element of security, knowing I could say “stop” in the event that I wasn’t enjoying it. I’m not sure what kind of situation I would ever find myself in without that being a reasonable understanding, but losing control is something that does scare me.

Andee     xoxo

It’s Not How You Hide It ...

My mind hasn’t really been focused on a lot of the fun stuff the past few days … far too much dust being shaken out of the deep, dark corners of it and I haven’t felt much inspiration to sequester myself into the corner of the couch with a cold vodka cooler and dish on interesting things like sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll.

So, while I was trying to think about what I need to be writing about this week, I happened to catch the headline for an online feature about discovering if you are just chatting or cheating. I thought mostly you would already know whether or not you are cheating, and jumped into the article with a healthy dose of sober cynicism.

As I read the piece, I delightfully found that it wasn’t just a rehash of the usual trashy women’s magazine tidbits on “signs you may be cheating.” Close, but fortunately there were a few intriguing perspectives on the psychology of what may be considered unfaithful response behavior to what you may not even see as “cheating.”

Without a doubt, all the gadgets and toys we have at our fingertips make communicating much easier – and there’s no question that for some of us, they remove the barriers of shyness and social awkwardness. Texting and email provide the opportunity to share, suggest and say things that would normally make us blush in a face-to-face moment.

But at the same time, all these things open a Pandora’s box of hidden temptation and escapism from what may seemingly feel like a “routine” relationship in our offline lives. As such, the biggest and most obvious factor is not so much about what you are doing – but how you hide it from your partner, and why you may not let them in on what is going on.

Secrecy

“Experts agree that secrecy is the number one sign that your chatting may amount to cheating. If you close computer windows when your lover walks in, delete your browsing history or erase messages and emails, you may want to consider whether or not you're being honest with your partner (and yourself) about your online relationships.

“But some degree of privacy is natural, so how do you know if your secrecy is a sign of infidelity?

“According to infidelity expert Katherine Hertlein, it's really about how your partner would react if they knew what you were up to. ‘If your private chat was revealed and your partner would feel hurt by both the content of it and the fact that you purposely concealed it, you're probably bordering on unhealthy secrecy.’

“Dr. Sheri Myers, author of Chatting or Cheating, agrees. ‘Being secretive is a sign that you're having an affair. Flirtation can be fun and it's harmless if it's out in the open. The dangerous part is when it crosses the line into secrecy. Flirtatious text messages, self-revealing chats, and intimate confessions can fuel a unique cocktail of brain chemistry that can turn a platonic friendship into an addictive, all-consuming affair of the heart.’

“If you find yourself being secretive about an online friendship, it may be time to take a step back and ask yourself what toll this friendship is taking on your primary relationship.”

Is there a clear solution to finding a balance between the excitement beyond the traditional boundaries of marriage and blowing it all up for the sake of answering the eternal “what if” question? Not really.

Where we can gain a lot of ground towards the open door is through constant communication with our partner.

I’m no expert, but a lot of this does ring true in my own life. I have a great deal of freedom to explore and flirt, however I also understand that it can be a very precarious balancing act. It can be very easy to get caught up in the excitement and forget yourself in the moment. Then, when the dust settles you begin to see that perhaps there were some things that should have been shared/discussed/thought-out. What may have been to one person an insignificant exchange of texts or emails, may be seen as something deeper by the partner left out of the moment.

Which brings us to the emotional aspect of it all …

Emotional Get-off

“Research suggests that the mere thought of receiving an email or text message can create a natural high for regular text and email users, as our dopamine levels spike. It follows that the thought of receiving a potential flirtatious message would also create an instant high and the desire to seek more gratification. Recognizing the difference between excitement for the unknown and the desire for emotional and intimate fulfillment is essential.

“’Though your sexy chats may produce a sense of relief and pleasure,’ Dr. Sheri warns that you may be idealizing your online relationship on account of chemical changes in the brain. ‘Biochemical research has shown that the effect of these love chemicals is twofold: they are released in response to your friend, and they bond you to him or her.’”

I have dabbled a great deal online – especially in the last 10 years as I began to explore more about my sexual interests and as my website grew into what it is today. Along the way I have chatted with many great guys, a few women and a few … well, let’s just call them “intriguing individuals.” Naturally, a number of those conversations and emails have been of a sexual nature and the door has always been open for my partner to ask – even participate – in them.

I admit it was fun and exciting in the beginning stages, but as we discover with certain things in life, routine can settle in and the thrill diminishes. These days my online chatting has been limited to a few very good friends – and, of course, the fun nonsense that has emerged from Twitter and my blog.

But I believe a lot of that can be carefully managed by being open with your partner – and including them in the excitement that it creates. Because it is very true, that when things get hot, heavy and sexually-charged, we all tend to become more inwardly-focused and possessive of our own satisfaction. And that can lead to the secrecy of it all, which will quickly bring about the polar opposites of emotion: hurt and betrayal.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | It's Just A Fantasy

This week's TMI Tuesday just happens to be about one of my most favourite subjects - sexual fantasies. And while there is so much more I could dwell on when it comes to my deepest, darkest, kinkiest thoughts, I think you will enjoy some of the ideas I share in this week's entry: 

Your lover is turned on by forced feminization; do you participate (giving or receiving)? 

*forced feminization is the practice of enforcing activities on a male, which are typically associated with women, to make him submissive. For example: wearing lingerie, heels, make-up. 

No. I tend to have an exceptionally open mind when it comes to all things sexual - but at the same time I am very honest with my partners about the kind of things that turn me on and what I am willing to try. Some of why this does not appeal to me is the fact that I am not a very dominant person when it comes to sex ... and I'm not that certain I am all that intrigued with the idea of "humiliation sex" either. Add to that there is the fact that I have never found anything that ignites my imagination in the idea of cross-dressing. Fun for Halloween or old-fashion British pantomimes, but not one of those things I like in my bedroom. 

When you have sexual dreams/fantasies that are aggressive or cruel, does it worry you? 

They used to, but because I wondered if I was "normal." Once I figured out that my personal view of "normal" is more important to me than any kind of moral standards a collective group tells me is "normal," I stopped worrying. But also because I generally don't have any outrageously aggressive or cruel sex fantasies (fantasies of what I would like to do to a couple overly judgmental and interfering individuals, yes ... but those border on homicidal versus sexual). As you have read, my fantasies tend to border more on the idea of adding someone to my sex life. However, I also admit to being curious about something a little more edgy ... perhaps trying a bit more in the bdsm area. 

Tell us your hottest filthiest fantasy, right now, in 100 words or less. 

This is the fantasy about your desires that you probably never share, maybe they even go against your morals, or are societal taboos. 

I am wearing the fantasy outfit for the target of my desires: a sexy dress that buttons up the front, underneath a black lacy bra, matching garterbelt and stockings that make men drool as I walk past in the hallway. I quietly enter his office, catching him a little off-guard as I lock the door behind me. Without saying a word, I reveal what is hidden under my dress, one button at a time. Finally, I let it drop to floor at his feet, after which I kneel in front of him, ready to take his cock into my mouth …

 

Which super hero would you like to have sex with? Why?

    a. Aquaman

    b. Superman

    c. Wonder Woman

    d. She-Ra

 Easy ... Superman, because he is the man of steel ;-)

There’s a hot young couple in the adjoining hotel room; do you press your ear against the wall to hear the action on the other side?

I guess if they had locked the adjoining door between our rooms ...

All kidding aside, I would most definitely listen in as they got down to business. I tend to be a voyeur and the idea of being able to listen in - once again, given that I could not watch - would be something quite erotic. Then, when all was said and done, I might just repay the favour by being a little louder than usual when it came to my turn.

Do you think the lure to live out sexual fantasies or have sex frequently is amplified by technology? Briefly explain.

In my own case, to a certain degree technology has enabled one of my fantasies to develop into a reality faster than it might have otherwise. Because my husband and I use our cellphones to continually text each other naughty thoughts, as my relationship with my Office Guy became a bit more edgy, using texts to tease my husband drew the opportunity closer. In an exchange of texts, my husband dared me to do certain things, which forced me to ramp up my flirtations. As a result, he was drawn into action faster than he might have otherwise been. Plus, I was able to connect with my husband instantly as certain events happened between my Office Guy and myself, creating something a bit like a cyber threesome. Kinky and exciting.

Outside of my own example, I do think that technology has opened the door for people because the Internet has taken away the curtains. We can see just about anything we want just by entering something into a search, where we used to have to rely on our brother's Playboy magazines hidden in the barn. This kind of technology has offered people a sense of validation for their kinks by allowing them to see others have similar desires.

Bonus: Describe your fantasy life in three (3) words.

The adventure continues.

Andee     xoxo