Trying Not To Look Too Slutty

It has been a while since I dug into my collection of questions from people I have encountered on here and some of the other online avenues of my life; and with the sun starting to actually melt the frozen tundra that is my neighbourhood I thought it would be a good time to put some specific answers out there.

This one came from one of my Twitter followers a few weeks ago and has kind of sat in my mind – and archive – for a bit.

When you get dressed up, do you pay attention to whether you look 'too slutty'?

Outside of the fun that happens with me online, there are kind of two realities at work for me as to why this isn’t really an issue: my personal struggle with fashion and my offline environment not being truly conducive to being that way.

I have said before that a tremendous amount of my personal style belongs to the fashion sense of my husband. He is a very unique man who could spend hours – and hundreds of dollars – taking me shopping. Almost all the outfits you see when I post pics on my blog and Twitter are the result of him taking the time to pick something out for me (with the exception of some lingerie and boots, which I have been ‘spoiled’ in receiving from a couple male friends). Without that guidance, I would easily opt for the most comfortable and practical style … and certainly not have the ability to tease, flirt and torment as much as I do!

Some of the women I work with, quite literally, ask if they can take him shopping with them after they discover that a certain outfit was something he picked out, etc.

In those moments when I feel like pushing the envelope a little, my decisions are completely based on being a distraction – but not so much that it would impact my professional reputation. I aim for the “sexy” most of all.

Secondary to that, my day-to-day life is rooted in a very conservative work environment. I occasionally push the limits a little with some shorter hems and by wearing my friends’ lingerie underneath, but for the most part I can’t get away with too much. Heck, we even have a policy for heel height – which rules out all those impossible sky-high stilettos you guys love on us.

And, my day-to-day-not-at-work life is rooted in playing taxi driver to a couple of exceptionally busy young men. I’m sure I could get away with being a little sexier in my outfits for those nights when I’m just a spectator to their activities – and likely not get any complaints from the Dads in attendance – but it’s not always practical to be wearing a miniskirt and heels to a hockey game.

But, having said that, every now and then, the opportunity arises for me to go out on a hot date with my husband and not dress so “Momish.” Again, I get an awful lot of advice and requests from him … and occasionally I will relent and slip into something just so we can cut the night short and get home early (if you know what I mean).

Even then, my husband’s fashion sense isn’t about trying to make me look “slutty” as much as it is about trying to help me feel confident, stylish and sexy.

In all honesty, the only times I have ever felt close to ‘slutty’ are a couple of occasions when we went to a lifestyle club – but my initial concerns over my own outfit were soon dispelled by what I saw other women almost wearing. And in that kind of setting, their sluttier seems to be the better!

I think there is a need to understand what “too slutty” can mean. With some people, they think that a woman should stop wearing certain styles when they reach a certain age. But others think that when a woman reaches a certain age, she should dress how she wants because she has the confidence in her sexuality to let all those societal conventions disappear.

I think there is a difference between what may be acceptable in our society and what might be a bit much, but at the end of the day, if a woman has the confidence to carry her sense of style off, then who are we to pass judgment?

Andee     xoxo 

Too Old For What?!

First bit of advice: never take any article written that uses an unnamed “corporate spokesperson” as its primary source to be a very credible piece.

I said to my husband this morning, as I sipped on my coffee and scanned a few bits and pieces online before work that I felt a rant coming on over something published on Yahoo. OK, second piece of advice: never take anything published as “news” on Yahoo as credible. They make those bitter and self-indulgent Carrie Bradshaw wannabes at Cosmo look like they stand a chance at a Pulitzer for investigative journalism.

The article which raised my ire was entitled “You’re Too Old To Wear That.” Another fluffy piece that suggests women must adhere to specific style standards as they climb the chronological ladder. And the primary “expert” was someone from a company that specializes in anti-aging skin care.

Apparently, a study conducted by said “skin-care company” found one third of the 2,000 women they polled (all of whom were over 45) worried that some items in their wardrobe were age-inappropriate, and 80 per cent felt they “needed to abandon 'younger' styles as they grew older.”

“We think middle aged is supposed to be later, but women are saying that in the early 40s a lot of things need to be toned down,” the unnamed corporate source said.

Now, before you think the top of my head is going to blow off, there are some things that I do agree should be retired. Anything that can be mistaken for a sequined napkin being passed off as a miniskirt might be best saved for those “special club nights” and not the office. And I know you guys will all be disagreeing with me, saying a miniskirt is the perfect choice for work, but a lot of offices have these things called “policies” and they’re usually written by stuffy women with self-esteem and feminism issues who subscribe to articles such as this as “workplace attire gospel.”

If there is anything superficial that I get compliments on, it is my legs – and I am proud of the fact that I have the kind which will serve as pleasant distractions for many of you guys. Forgive my moment of vanity, but damn it, I enjoy the attention … particularly “at my age.”

Believe it or not, there are quite a few of us that are perfectly comfortable with our ability to provide a visual distraction. Looking sexy – and seeing that others are noticing you looking sexy – helps us feel sexy, which in turn fuels a lot of what goes on in our imaginations. It’s also a magnificent method of dealing with work-related stress.

Maybe that’s just because I love to flirt.

And, I am intelligent enough to match wits with the best, so this isn’t a habit of compensation or leverage to “get ahead” in a “man’s world.” It’s more in tune with having reached an age where my appreciation for playing the part has greater depth; and the fact that I couldn’t really care less what the majority of my female peers have to say about the length of my skirt or the height of my heels.

The disappointing aspect of articles like these – beyond being “sponsored” by corporations that market anti-aging products to women – is that they add to the societal confines already placed on women. The messages say “you’re too old to wear anything above the knee” and “you’re too old for that colour of lipstick.”

Women should be celebrating their confidence as they “get older.” I am in a much more comfortable place at 38 than I was at 28, and at 18. And as such, I get to enjoy the benefits of that confidence even more. To sit back and think that in three years I need to hide my miniskirts and start shopping for sensible shoes is ridiculous.

In fact, in three years I hope everyone around me will be staring in disbelief with “Damn she looks hot for her age.”

But even if they don’t, I won’t care. I’m not defined by silly notions concocted by the marketing departments and “corporate spokespeople” at companies which sell anti-aging products.

THE OTHER SUGGESTED SILLINESS

• knee-high boots should be retired by age 45
• tattoos start to look bad by the mid-50s
• ditch high heels by the time you are 59
• hair braids only in your 20s
• pants that say "pink," or anything, for that matter, on the butt
• stop wearing light, short, flimsy dresses as the upper thighs...change...with age  

Andee     xoxo

Sex | The Unexpected Moments

There is something to be said about still being able to be surprised sexually at this stage in my life. It's not that I have a wealth of experience compared to some of the people I read about online, but knowing what a lot of the people in my offline life think, I've done a lot. And while I know there are so many things yet to be discovered, and many things that I would love to do all over again, what really gets me going are the spontaneous sex acts that still pop up every now and then.

To me, there is something really erotic about a sexual moment that is completely unplanned.

With that in mind, when this question popped up a while back, I thought it would make for an intriguing Formspring Friday update.

What was the most unexpected sexual experience you've ever had?

There's a few spontaneous quickies that easily come to mind, but the biggest unexpected sexual event in my life has to be the time when my husband and I literally could not wait to get home to get busy and we ended up parking on the side of a quiet dirt road and having sex in the cornfield.

Sure, it may not rate as wild and crazy as going at it on the elevator ride to the top of the Eiffel Tower, or having my skirt lifted from behind in the middle of a concert while the crowd rocked out to some hair metal. But for me it marks the real beginning of my sexual adventure ... the point in time when all the pillow talk and heat-of-the-moment fantasies turned into reality.

I've blogged about it before, but as a refresher ...

We had made all the plans to visit a lifestyle club after doing some research and careful planning. The night turned out to be quite hot - including me dancing topless in a crowd of people. That was a huge leap for me in my discovery. After having the time of our life at the club, we headed towards home. It was in the car when we realized just how horny we both were - now away from the music and crowd and able to talk about things. I was so turned on that it didn't take much for me to lift up the hem of my tiny dress and proceed to masturbate myself to two quick orgasms.

It was more than my poor husband could take ... he found a remote side road, backed our car into a field lane and then proceeded to drill me hard from behind. I left the handprints on the back windshield for weeks as a reminder of our naughtiness.

Sure, not as crazy as a lot of other people's experiences, but for me at that point of time in my life and marriage, this was a huge step towards a whole new level of intimacy in my relationship with my husband and myself. I learned so much about myself during that experience - which is what made it that much more unexpected.

On a more strictly-sexual level, the most recent unexpected moment came this summer following a coworker's stag and doe party. My husband had been toying with me all day about wearing a sexy little skirt and going commando. Knowing this was a party where people I worked with would be, I was reluctant to fulfill his wish outright. Close to the end of the evening, I slipped into the ladies room, removed the tiny panties I had been wearing and upon returning to our table, slipped them into his pocket.

In the elevator ride down to the parking lot, we enjoyed a very passionate kiss and quick fondle. I was expecting a bit of a playful ride home - much like the earlier description of me masturbating in the front seat as we cruised along. As we got to our truck, my husband pulled me along to the back and picked up on the kissing. As he did, he slid his hand under my skirt and began to play with my wet pussy.

Then, unexpectedly, he dropped to his knees, hiked up my skirt and proceeded to lick me thoroughly. After several minutes, he stood up and kissed me deeply so I could get a very delicious taste of me on him. Just as I figured I was going to get another good pounding from behind, the interior light from a car parked a few down from us came on. I'm not sure how long - or even if he was - sitting in the driver's seat, but part of me still gets a little excited by the idea that we may have given him a great late night show.

Once we got home, I led my date down the side of the house and then gave him a blowjob as a little extra something to end the night.

Andee     xoxo

My Sexual Insecurities

It’s kind of funny ... not one of those funny “ha ha” moments, but one of those “why do you ask” situations. I don't think it has been much of a secret over the past few months that I have been taking my fashion choice for work to a little sexier level. If you follow me on Twitter, or keep up with the occasional tale on here, you'll know what I mean.

The other day I was asked if I had some sort of “agenda” for these recent changes in work wear; as if there was something behind my decision to go beyond my comfort zone. It’s been a little better than a year since I began to dress up more frequently, and without obvious reason such as a meeting or presentation. One of the big motivators in me stepping beyond the lab coat and scrubs has been a feeling of insecurity; and a need to reassure myself that I can still turn the head of a man that isn't my husband.

This is even more important to my emotional state of mind following a tediously long stretch in the lab where we are not allowed to wear jewellery and/or make-up. Say what you want, but for some of us that leaves us feeling more vulnerable than standing naked on stage in front of thousands of people.

I think it's fairly natural to suggest that as a woman ages, she has feelings of doubt as to her sexuality and attractiveness. The diet, fitness and washed-up celebrity endorsement industries rely heavily on this phenomenon. Without our feelings of "less than perfect" there would be dozens of 80s sitcom supporting cast members working stage shows in the Poconos – not to mention a library of self-help books doing nothing but collecting dust.

On a personal level, I have found myself being remarkably surprised at how much I enjoy the transformation – and challenge of finding my "sexy" again. I work in an environment that doesn’t always allow me to feel remotely that way and so when the opportunity arises these days, I have this desire to make the most of it.

I don’t have a problem exploring what it takes to indulge in the sexual me and touching the line without crossing it. OK, some days I like it when that line is very grey; not quite 50 shades of grey, but fuzzy and not so easily identified.

I admit that I like the attention I receive from my Office Guys and some of the other men at work. I like the extended glances from the power suits and the flirty smiles in the hallways.

Does it define me as a woman? No; not in the least. What defines me as a woman is the love I have from my family, the role I play as a wife and a mother.

Some might think it is rather superficial – however, even the superficial in life has the power to influence one’s mood and add some positivity to a person’s self-esteem. And as much as we need the emotional fuel for the soul, we also need a little stroking here and there of the fragile outer ego.

A woman also wants to be appreciated for all those superficial, societal ideals – her style, her sexual prowess and willingness to play the combined role of Madonna and whore. We want to be respected for our intellect, but still lusted over. And we do want to catch you looking at our cleavage or checking out our legs in that miniskirt.

We don’t want to have to explain how all of that fits into this really complex double standard.

The other side of this relates to my husband. While I am not a fan of shopping, and often admit to having no sense of real style, he loves both – and I’m the lucky recipient of his passion for that. I have a closet full of great clothes thanks to him, and he constantly encourages me to step out beyond the standard comfy go-to clothes.

And those days when I am feeling a bit braver, slip on a nice dress and maybe some risqué lingerie underneath, I can count on a constant flow of suggestive and ego-boosting texts from him. It doesn’t hurt that if he thinks for a moment that another man may show a peaked interest, he becomes incredibly turned on. And it doesn’t hurt for a moment that all of those influences help ramp up my flirtatious courage.

All rewarding for me.

And one of the real benefits of having this forum to express myself on is that I can share what goes on in my mind, for better or worse. It helps me keep in touch with some of my own fantasies, think through some twisted ideas and plot out my scheme for global domination one stocking leg at a time ... hence your weekly treat of Thigh High Thursday.

Andee     xoxo

Life On The Silver Screen

Around here the celebrity buzz is gaining a lot of steam, with the international film festival set to begin and movie star sightings on the rise. One of the films being featured by Canadian actress/director Sarah Polley is a revealing story about family secrets, and such. The idea behind having your life and family secrets being exposed to the big screen made for some interesting conversation this past weekend with some of my coworkers.

Naturally I was reluctant to reveal too much about the secrets I keep tucked away in my boudoir. Some things are just better left not disclosed to the people I have to face every day.

If your life was turned into a movie, what scene would you be embarrassed to see on the big screen?
Despite what you might think about all the swirling sexual insanity that has become my adventure for the past decade, probably the one thing that would embarrass me the most would be a somewhat realistic recreation of my wedding. Don’t get me wrong, I love being married to my best friend, and life is never boring, but back then I was so young and immature; hardly prepared or mindful of what would lay ahead.

Part of the “romance” is the innocence and naivety, but like those horrible high school photos we all like to hide, what we see is a young bride with a huge misconception of the world. At that age we think we are so much older and prepared for life than we really are. Then as we begin to experience life, all those youthful notions turn into knowledge of how it really is.

Probably the other moment in my life that I would like to rewrite for a much more exciting Hollywood version would be turning the awkwardness of me discovering my bisexuality into a scene that isn’t as close the reality.

It was something I had long mulled over in my mind, but when the opportunity was right there, everything went south … and not in the good way. As you have read on here before, all the curiosity and desire staggered around after she and I both had too much to drink.

What scene would get it an ‘R’ rating?
Oh goodness, to narrow it down ...

Um, as much as I would like to say things have not been a tornado of emotional confusion and sexual torment, but just about any time in the past year I've worn a dress to work. Some days haven’t been all that naughty, but given that the days when I dress up, there are ulterior motives.

And then there is the reality surrounding most of the dates I've had in the past decade. One of the realities of my life is that I am a very sexual and adventurous person, and my shy, conservative persona is less of the truth than what people might think. When my husband and I plan a night out, if it’s not something specific like a family event, we look to explore and excite in whole new ways.

For example, one of the last times we went out, I ended up pressed up against the back of my truck in the dark parking lot having my pussy licked. My husband pushed the hem of my jean skirt up to my waist and knelt between my legs. It was only after a few minutes into the whole moment that we realized there was someone sitting in their truck parked a few spots over. Hopefully they enjoyed the show.

On the way home, I was still so incredibly turned on, so I took matters into my own hands and proceeded to distract my husband by masturbating in the front seat. No worries though, before we got home, we stopped and I gave him a blow job.

Yeah, probably not something that would rank as a PG kind of scene ... but pretty much a typical date for us.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | A Favourite Fetish

This is probably one topic that could keep going around and around as I get deeper and deeper into my sexual adventure. And while it has been a marvelous 10 years of exploring, gradually experimenting and experiencing new things, I am continually amazed at both what I learn from other people in terms of fetishes, and how my own kinks and sexual quirks seemingly evolve along the way.

I can't say that any of mine border even close to some of those truly outrageous requests I have gotten through my website and videos over the past decade ... some of which still leave me scratching my head. I think mine are relatively tame and yet still sexy enough to be intriguing and maybe a bit unusual among my offline circle of friends. Naturally, I am making a bit of an assumption there, as I don't really know what goes on behind their bedroom doors.

So when this Formspring question made an appearance, I thought "I have an answer to that!"

What is one of your favourite fetishes, and why?

Quite a while back I wrote about how I was learning to really understand what it is men like about women in stockings. For photographic reasons, I was quite comfortable with wearing them, along with the more modern version, thigh highs. But other than my wedding day, and a few steamy date nights, I had not really explored the idea of wearing hosiery as such, as part of my office attire.

And while it is something that always proves to be a worthwhile fashion choice - given the reactions it produces at home and at work - like all good fetishes, moderation is the key in keeping it exciting and erotic each time. I think if I wore them everyday, or at least every time I dressed up for work or a date, it may get a little too expected. Part of why it is a favourite fetish is the reaction of the guys, not just the ideas in my own mind.

I have definitely come to appreciate the sideways glances, and occasional downright stare, that I get from the guys I work with. Unlike some women who might see that as a precursor to sexual harassment, I'm thrilled - and somewhat turned on - but the knowledge that they consider me worthy of their lusty looks. I certainly can't complain when the whole idea is very much planned and expected on my behalf.

I think that is a big part of why I see it as being different from being "objectified." I set out with a teasing, flirting scheme in mind ... trying to be coy on my own to catch the men around me sneaking a peek. And if our eyes happen to meet, I try to give them a knowing little look that says I'm thrilled they noticed and flattered.

And even though the guys may never know if there is a garter belt holding those stockings up, or if I'm jammed into some tortuous control tops, I can't say I get the same personal feelings from pantyhose ... they are just something that I could never feel comfortable in. But stockings, and the occasional romp in thigh highs, make me feel sexy and attractive.

That's why right now, they are among my favourite fetishes. And, if you really like to see how it plays out, don't miss my latest update ... it's exactly what this blog is all about!

Andee     xoxo

What Can I Do Today To Make It Better

Without question, I have it pretty damn good with where I am at in my marriage right now. I have a lot of freedom to not just explore some of my sexual desires, but to openly share and discuss what goes on with my imagination and fantasies. I'm not living vicariously like a lot of people I know – people that resent their spouses and marriages for the trapped feeling they seem to endure rather than putting the effort in to make a change.

And I recognize that on here, based on the community I have kind of slid into with my blog, I am exposed to a lot of sex-positive people, couples with open marriages and wild fantasies. We’re open to share, comment, and pontificate. The same can’t be said for my real life, where I have to watch what I say and how much information I can divulge to those around me – even to some of my closest friends and family members.

But I think the amount of support, encouragement and freedom I enjoy in my sexual adventure is both a blessing and a burden. It leaves me having to explain to jealous coworkers and friends that they also have the opportunity to challenge their imaginations if they work to make it happen.

Sadly, most of them still harbour the belief that “marriage” does not fit into “adventure” and “excitement” is something “we just don’t do.”

Recently, after I had opened up about some of the more socially-acceptable experiences I have been able to enjoy with my lusting husband, my friend scoffed about her own situation – how she was beginning to get a feeling of hatred towards her spouse – and although I feel for her, some of my sympathy faded because it was evident that she felt no responsibility to correct her own problems.

I found myself asking, as I listened to her: "What is the one thing you could do today to make your sex life better?"

For me, simple: invest in more short skirts and sexy dresses to wear to work.

If you have followed along and gotten to know me, you’ll know that for the most part I’m kind of a science geek. I work in a pretty conservative and sterile environment, and it can be pretty easy to fade into the background and plod along. But, it seems I married a man who enjoys building my self-esteem and self-image up, and has worked to bring about a real metamorphosis within me.

A big part of that, outside of the emotional rewards, has been his encouragement for me to be someone who stands out and looks, in his words, drool-worthy – especially at work. And it wasn’t even about expressing my sexuality as a woman, as much as it was about adding to the overall “package.” I’m proud of being a very qualified and professional individual at my work – which has earned me a good deal of respect from my superiors. My husband’s thinking was taking what I had earned and going a little further by appearing the same way – dressing for success, so to speak.

I won’t even try to hide the fact that he did have ulterior motives – he doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he loves it when I wear heels and dresses or skirts. But, at the same time, style doesn’t need to be slutty; and dressing for success can be equal to dressing for sex if you do it right.

Naturally it took me a while to reach a comfort level with being pretty much the only one in my department that wore heels, stylish dresses and skirts. But the reactions from people around me soon became a bit of an addiction. I think everyone appreciates a compliment, but it turned me on to catch some of the men I work with taking notice of what I was wearing. It didn’t take long for that kind of attention to turn into a real aphrodisiac for me.

So, each time I push the fashion envelope at work, it seems to benefit me sexually.

I can’t say that what works in my life is going to work for anyone else, but I do know when I start to feel a little down, or not as attractive as I would like, my solution is to focus on changing the mood around me first. Once you begin to see the change in how people treat you, and can find comfort in knowing that some of it is based on sexuality, you might be amazed at how much more enjoyable getting up and going to work can be.

There will be many who think that opening yourself up, as a woman, to the attention of men in the workplace equates “sexual harassment.” In some cases they may be right … but in other situations, it’s also a case of “get over yourself and enjoy the fact you can still catch their eye.”

Andee     xoxo

A New Twist On My Panty Strategy

Earlier this week on Twitter I made a promise that one of the days I would have a little bit of fun and head to work “commando.” It was something that, once again, came from my brilliant ability to pick the winning side of some bets. I’m still not going to disclose exactly what day that will be, other than to point out that other than today, there are only two work days left. Naturally that will give everyone a bit of time to use their imagination and ponder the prospects … but when you get right down to it, we’re all naked under our clothes!

When I posted that silly little comment on Twitter, one of my followers sent me a question on the subject of crotchless panties, and if they were something that I wore. And since I have very little shame over where ideas come from that I can turn into something for everyone to read, I thought, “hey, I should blog about that!”

The easy answer is to the question is: no.

The long answer is much more intriguing for you, I’m sure. After all, you guys really seem to enjoy the ideas around my panties and the thought that goes into my personal panty strategy. (Just so you know, as I am writing this, I'm wearing a comfortable red pair with a lace waistband.)

I guess, other than for some visual fun, and maybe a photo update or two on my website, I can’t really grasp the purpose in having crotchless panties. From a woman’s perspective, they are not practical for a big part of the reason why we wear panties in the first place. From a style perspective, I’m not sure why I would go to the trouble of trying to convince you guys that I was wearing panties when it is way more entertaining to mess with your minds as you try to figure out if I am actually wearing any. I guess unlike some women, I don’t mind if you want to stare just a little bit longer as I walk by, knowing full well you are looking to see if there are any visible panty lines.

But I will also be honest with you; I invest a great deal of thought into what I slip into most days. Having sexy panties and bras are one of my true vices, and I feel that much sexier when I know that what is under my clothes is something you would enjoy seeing. Now, having said that, don’t assume that I am also one of those women that go around making sure there’s enough visibility hanging out for you to see. No, I prefer that you work it out in your mind, or at least hurt your neck trying to sneak a peek up my skirt or down my top.

Occasionally, if you’ve been good, I might relent just a little and uncross my legs slowly enough to tease, or sit at a precarious angle that does not allow my hem to hide my traditional aura of mystique.

Back to the crotchless idea though … I suppose one of the benefits might be the access they promise. Perhaps they are more useful in the situation when I am wearing a garter belt? I haven’t tried, but let me assure you that, in spite of the sexual heat stockings and garters can bring to the day, they do pose some logistical challenges when nature calls … or when you might want to slip into that certain secret spot and allow for some better access to all the sensitive parts with greater ease. It’s not always the most comfortable situation to have things yanked to the side, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I would love to hear from anyone that has some better insight to offer … because who knows, I might be willing to give them a try too!

Andee     xoxo

Fantasies | Are You Ready To Share

I guess I have never really considered just how lucky I am to have a partner that I can share and talk about my sexual fantasies with. With my 38th birthday approaching this weekend - yes, that's right ... 38, he has been scheming and planning something. For the past two weeks I have found little notes tucked away in odd places, some with quotes and sayings that mean something special to us, and others with a bit of homework. Yes, so sometime before Saturday I need to write out some of my own personal fantasies - for what reason is yet to be seen. But I'm exceptionally curious.

The other day, when I was tweeting some of the nonsense that I find in trashy women’s magazines, one of my online friends sent me note about how they wished their wife would even admit to having one fantasy – never mind going into any graphic details.

Aside from being sympathetic, I was a little disappointed on his behalf. My fantasies are what keep my mind alive and distracted from the world around me. And it doesn’t hurt that it also brings a smile to my face and some excitement to my marriage.

My friend was looking for advice on what is the most important thing to keep in mind when sharing a sexual fantasy with your spouse.

I’m not an expert in this, so all I can really do is reflect on what worked for me … and some of the important considerations I believe help make the fantasy a positive. Let’s be honest, some people might be intimidated by the thoughts that swirl around in their partner’s head when it comes to sexual adventures.

The biggest thing is knowing that the lines of communication are open. The worst thing you can do is drop a fantasy on them at a moment when they aren’t expecting it. From a woman’s perspective, if you’re in the middle of some sweaty mattress dancing with me, blurting out that you have dreams about bending the miniskirt-wearing intern over the boardroom table might not be considered “good timing.”

In thinking back on how we’ve gotten to the point in our own relationship, the one thing my husband did an awful lot of was asking questions. And then asking more questions. And he never seemed to respond to my answers with any kind of judgment or commentary, he just asked more questions. Eventually it became a whole world of talking about what turned me on – and doing little things that made me realize he actually listened.

Of course, that wasn’t just based on sexual fantasies. It’s the same approach he has used for so much of what he has brought into our relationship. We constantly talk, we constantly text … we often sext. The doors are open for sharing.

I admit there are still some things I keep pretty close to my chest and he has yet to learn. But all in good time.

The other thing is having a really good idea about how your spouse will react to your fantasy. It’s really important to understand that they may not share that same idea with you. She might not like the miniskirt-wearing intern, and that could lead to some jealousy. Better to test the waters by taking small elements out of your fantasy. For example, I know you want to nail that little hottie while her miniskirt is hiked up and her four-inch stilettos are digging into the carpet … but the underlying thought is sex in the office. Why not begin with asking questions or painting a verbal picture of doing that act with your spouse … let that simmer and then gradually introduce the idea of either “getting caught by the hottie intern” or “what if you’re not there …”

You might even find that she doesn’t want you to have the miniskirt-wearing intern … because she wants you to watch her with the miniskirt-wearing intern.

Like all good stories, fantasies need to be built up.

One of the biggest disappointments I think I feel when I learn from my friends that their husbands have no clue as to their sexual fantasies is because they are afraid of being judged for them.

Maybe this is where I have it good. My husband is constantly asking me about mine … to the point where I think I might have to start making crazy things up just to keep him satisfied. No, truthfully, being able to talk about what turns you on from a fantasy point of view is very liberating and is something I wish more couples would do with each other.

Too many people see sexual fantasies as an indication of their own shortcomings: if I was a better lover, she wouldn’t have this thing for the UPS Delivery Guy. That’s so not true. Fantasies are a healthy part of being alive and being a sexual being. The challenge is to accept that more times than not, they aren’t literal desires, but rather hints of wanting some sort of new adventure.

Now, let’s acknowledge that some fantasies can be true. When I began to share with my husband about my desires for a little sexual adventure and more physical flirting with my Office Guy, I really meant with one specific man. My husband had long known that I fantasized about experiencing something with another man – always with him present – but it just evolved into a reality with this one.

However, it wasn’t just about me blurting out randomly. My hubby has spent a long time getting to know who I am, my deepest desires and wildest dreams. It’s been an investment and a world of encouragement. And he has had to learn to let go of some jealousies along the way. Most importantly, we have learned – together – that we want as much from life as we can get.

Are some things worth the hang-ups? I’m afraid you have to answer that yourself.

Andee     xoxo 

Sex | Andee's Quick Six For Sex

One of the guys that emails me every now and then had asked if I would write some more sexy stuff … actually, if I would write more about actual sex. Given that it is one of my most favourite subjects, I have decided to dedicate today to some steamy, fast-paced, hike up the hem, do me quick sex.

With this in mind, I also took some liberties in assembling today’s fun because, as great as sex is, it can be a whole lot hotter when it happens in the most unusual locations … and maybe not so unusual if you are adventurous like me. I’ve picked what I consider realistic for me … you may have other ideas so feel free to share your own; I’m always game for getting some somewhere.

Andee’s Quick Six For Sex

1. The Bathroom

Normally this would rank as a “well, that’s not very unusual…” except what I mean is in the bathroom – at a party. And preferably one you are not hosting. Could be hotter if you managed to do this with, say, someone other than your traditional partner? I’m not advocating infidelity, but let the fantasy stand as something steamy, fast and almost anonymous. My kind of quickie ... with the right person!

2. The Washroom

I can never remember if my American friends call them washrooms or restrooms, but I’m thinking the office loo: slip away for a mid-afternoon interlude where he slips it out of his suit pants and under the hem of my pencil skirt. I can’t tell you how many of my own personal fuck fantasies touch on this one. The fact my husband encourages me to test my fashion sense with sexy stockings and garters hasn’t helped cool the heat here either.

3. Hotel Hot Tub

Yes, there is a certain ick factor here, because if you are busy sliding it into me while I am sitting on your lap, it probably means someone else has thought of the same thing … and I’m not sure when the pool staff changed the water. Anyway, I can’t tell you how horny it makes me when I am in the hot tub and there are people around…and then someone (ok, my husband … mostly) slides a hand down between my legs and under the seam of my bathing suit. A mixture of voyeurism, exhibitionism and hormones can be very explosive.

4. Highway Rest Stop

Sure, a bit cliché … but a lot more exciting than getting hot and bothered in the backseat on a secluded country road. Rest areas are generally busy … and patrolled. Just how quick can you draw that pistol cowboy; the sheriff might not be far behind!

5. A Walk In The Park

I love sex outdoors. There is something more free and naughty about doing it in wide open spaces. Lest we think I’m talking about the playground … there is something erotic about going for a nice little trail hike and instead of getting off the beaten track, why let me get you off! The hiking boots may not be as sexy as those date-night stilettos, but you’ll soon overlook my fashion faux pas.

6. Corridor Club

As far as I know, and I’m willing to be naïve here, this is one that seems to be fairly unique to where I live. Much like the famous Mile High Club, the Corridor Club involves two horny people getting it on in the toilet of public transportation. On the upside, some of the train cars on my commuter train have large enough space to accommodate two people in an almost comfortable quickie position – unlike airplane toilets.

Bonus:

My Best Quickie

At first I thought I would need to think about this for a long time, but there is one example of quickie sex that still stands out in my mind as the hottest so far.

During the early days of my sexual adventure, my husband and I explored the idea of “swinging” and what it might be like to find another couple to join us in the bedroom. After a bit of research, we found a lifestyle club not far from where we lived, booked our tickets for one of the dances and set about trying to calm the nerves over making the leap. We had no idea what to expect, and the days leading up to it were filled with a mixture of sexual excitement and downright fear.

FROM THE ACTUAL NIGHT

On the night in question, we headed out … and upon arrival at the club, proceeded to drive around the block a couple times to build up our courage to actually go inside. Once we did, we realized how silly all our notions had been as the club turned out to be pretty much a regular club – except everyone was so much more intriguing. There were people in just about any state of dress you can imagine. Mostly, we were riveted to this one woman with a killer body wearing nothing but high heels and a white thong. Wow, she was sexy. I was amazed at how comfortable and sexually confident she was at being so … exposed.

Watching her dance was definitely a turn-on … and then later in the evening, we sat and watched as she went down on her girlfriend at their table while the guys they were with sat back so nonchalantly. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

Anyway, my husband and I took to the dance floor, and after a few songs, we had soon “forgotten” about everyone around us. A really sexy slow song came on, and we just kind of danced and kissed through the whole thing. As we did, my husband slipped my dress off my shoulders and down to my waist. I was there on the dance floor with my breasts complete exposed. It was exhilarating and scary at the same time.

By the time we had to leave to go home, both of us were so incredibly horny. I stripped off my panties in the front seat of the car and proceeded to finger myself to orgasm twice. I thought for sure my husband would drive off the road. Instead, he found a secluded back road and pulled over at the edge of a cornfield. Since it was summer time, and a beautiful evening, we slipped around to the back of the car and he hiked up my dress from behind, unzipped his pants and pounded me hard.

The next morning, when I went outside, I could see my hand prints on the hatch of the car … I left them there as long as Mother Nature let me as a reminder of that night. I still get a little horny anytime I have to drive past a cornfield!

Andee     xoxo

Panties | What They Say About Me

I came across this humourous article the other day, written by a man who was writing in response to an article that tried to define men by the kind of underwear they wore. Throughout the piece, he was very tongue-in-cheek about how certain styles of panties defined women because, as we all know, you can’t really define what someone’s personality is by the kind of knickers they have on.

Anyway, I thought it might be kind of fun to keep the theme going this week, as we have spent a couple days already discussing my panties. So, I opened up my panty drawer and had a look to see what different pairs might suggest about me …

Panties vs. Personality

My leopard-print thong

Out of my whole collection of underwear, these are the most recent pair to have joined my collection. I bought them to match a bra that I really wanted to get, and the store didn’t have anything sensible to match. The initial plan was that I needed something sexy that would work for some photo shoots, and yet still be practical enough for daily wear. In addition, my friend Matt had sent me this really awesome garter belt that had leopard print accents – a touch of my wild side on top of my exploring my wild side! It made sense, based on some of the naughty conversations I had already had with my hubby, so my animal instinct leapt at the chance to add them to my collection.

In the end, they are truly my panties for when I am feeling wild: they were the ones I was wearing for my afternoon rendezvous with my Office Guy!

My seamless VS bikinis

Some days I want you to notice my ass in my pants, or that sexy dress. And while you are ogling me from behind, the last thing I want in your mind is the distracting vision of my VPLs. My husband was the one who got me hooked – and hooked up – with the delight of Victoria’s Secrets, and there has been no looking back since. Some of the most comfortable yet sexy panties I have ever owned have translated into me feeling a lot more sexually confident and desirable … and willing to wear some of those sleek outfits and stylish skirts.

Who do you think benefits from that?

My sensible bikinis

Let’s be honest, a woman can’t walk around in her best lingerie every day of the week. And I know as much fantasy as you guys want to put into what we have on – or don’t have on – under our clothes, the truth is we have many days when the sensible side of our personality likes to be satisfied. Mostly in black, these panties do the job underwear is supposed to do … but are not so frighteningly ugly that should there be a need, I would not be embarrassed to reveal them. Every now and them, I might mix up that girl-next-door sensibility with a hint of red or pink or purple. A little colour is always good.

My black lace

Initially these were bought after I was prompted by my hubby for a devilish scheme he had in mind related to my flirtatious antics at work. The crazy games started a while back, when my hubby teased me about how I could drive my friend at work crazy by leaving a pair of panties for him. Yeah, great thought, but in a Bridget Jones moment, I realized that most of my “every day panties” aren’t exactly the trophy most guys might seek. So, with that in mind I found them … and kept them. They rank as one of my most comfortable pairs – and are still ready to play the role of a rear-view mirror prize should my bravery show up.

For me, these still hint at the flirtatious delight I get from those days when opportunity knocks. And like these panties, it shows that I have a sexy side, but still need to know where my comfort zone is.

My tiny t-bar

Every now and then I want to feel, dress and play the role of slut. Now, just to be clear, this does not mean putting on my naughty t-bar and a pair of low-rider jeans a la trailer trash style. No way. These tiny little panties cover just enough so that when I am wearing the drool-worthy club dress, you may just get a little flash of “barely there.”

I’m not much of a thong girl, so these are definitely the special-occasion panties – meant to come off within a couple hours of going on. These are usually accessorized with a pair of killer heels, also meant for those special occasions when they might point towards the ceiling as opposed to the floor!

Of course, the challenge for the men in my life is trying to determine just which mood they might catch me in.

I’m a lucky girl because some of them just keep adding to the selection, which keeps me feeling adventurous and sexy!

Andee     xoxo

Panties | Laundry List of Bare Necessities

Yesterday I wrote about those naughty little moments when you guys steal an upskirt peek at my panties. One of my readers asked what about the same thing sans knickers.

A few weeks ago, I did write about the few times when I spoiled the panty raids, but for the most part those were the occasions when I started out with panties and finished the evening commando. In all honesty, going without is not something that I do very often. As hot and sexy as it sounds, like so many other things in life, reality just doesn’t measure up.

But I promised I would write about the times when my free spirit has been exposed.

Intentionally Bare

A Friend’s Wedding

I had picked out this amazing LBD for a friend’s wedding and as I was getting ready, I realized just how form-fitting it really was. After trying a few different pairs of panties, I came to the realization that even my best “seamless” ones still wouldn’t cut the mustard. And there was no way I was going out with serious VPLs. With the clock ticking, I figured the only real solution was to let the dress work its magic and I went without.

My hubby, always the opportunist, spent a great deal of the day sliding his hand across my butt cheeks and trying to find the perfect angle to snap a few pics with his camera. And having his hand stroking my knee and inching up the flesh of my thighs ... later he got to have his way with me in just my heels.

A Swing Club Date

A few years ago, my husband and I were experimenting with our ideas on swinging and finding another couple that we could have some fun with in the bedroom. We arranged to meet some new friends at one of the lifestyle clubs that we occasionally go to. I picked out a nice miniskirt and sexy sheer white top – with no bra – as my outfit for the night. I figured since the bra was gone, there was no sense in wearing any panties either.

I can assure you that my husband spent an awful lot of the night with his hand up my skirt and his fingers in my pussy ... at least I think it was him! ;-)

An Almost Wholesome Date

During the early days when my husband and I were dating, he had bought me a suede skirt. He has always said how much he enjoys it when I wear a skirt or dress, and this wasn’t much different from that. Hey, if you want to see me in the stuff, why not get me what fuels your fire! It worked to his advantage, as I slipped it on for one of our date nights … and let him slip into me later on.

High School

Some crazy things just happen because I tend to be stubborn and would never back down from a dare … well, within reason. I doubt anyone ever noticed, as I was young, naughty and not willing to tarnish a decent reputation. But geez, we fucked later that day. Can’t remember if I took my skirt off or not.

My Fun Effort

Every now and then I like to remind my hubby that technically, I was not wearing panties on our very first date. As much fun as that sounds, I was far from going commando as I was wearing my bikini. We went to the beach.

My ‘Wisp’ List

Night Out Surprise

I’m not against the idea of going commando, I just need the opportunity that is going to be a really sexy and fun experience. Not too long ago, I was telling my husband that it was something that I do think about as a little ‘fantasy’ that can be easily achievable.

Now then, that said, it would be something much more exciting if I was the only one who knew about it. And it would have to be somewhere that would allow me a very lengthy night of teasing and tormenting. Starting somewhere like a romantic restaurant, and I could tease him by saying there was more fabric to the napkin than under my dress. Maybe we would go to a dance club or the casino where there would be lots of sitting (perfect upskirt opportunities), dancing (if you spin just the right way, the hem will swing just high enough) and physical contact (I want his hands all over my body once he knows)

Playing Hostess For Hubby’s Beer League Buddies

OK, not so much about having all his buddies getting a peek, but the fantasy of slipping on a sexy little denim mini – or maybe the camo skirt from this week’s Miniskirt Monday and whispering in his ear after I bring out some snacks for the guys that it’s not just camouflage, but full commando. I wonder how late the guys might stay that night?

Or maybe I would see how much I could tease all of them by hanging out the laundry on the clothesline while they’re enjoying their cold ones in the backyard. Of course, it would only be my laciest and sexiest delicates that would need to dry. Can’t have wet panties!

And since this is fantasy fun, maybe he might even have some guys on the team that aren’t your typical beer-leaguers. Some nicely-built pals that would do anything to help a girl out around the house when they visit! Like help her out of that miniskirt.

Work

Out of all the easiest opportunities, this is the one that is also the hardest for me to make the leap. It’s not just about spending the day in a flirty skirt, and perhaps doing my best Sharon Stone impression at the lunch table while my Office Guys sat a few tables away drooling onto their sandwiches. The idea of tormenting the guys is something devilishly exciting for me.

But, given my flirtations and extra-curricular afternoon back in March with my Office Guy, I also realize that doing something as simplistically naughty as going commando – one minute alone could prove to be way more dangerous than it should be. And I don’t mean dangerous in a bad way, but in such a way that physical desire might overheat our mutual ability to recognize there are certain acceptable limits in this increasingly complicated relationship we share.

I shudder to think just where the naughtiness might take us should he manage to get not just a peek, but a not-so-quick touch of my bare pussy with those long fingers ... again.

So, there you go, my not so frequent attempts to save myself some laundry ... but certainly something for a dirty mind!

Andee     xoxo

Panties | So You Wanna Have A Peek

A couple weeks ago I blogged a little about panties, and whether or not I made certain selections just for those times when I expected sex to be on the agenda. And one of my most popular blog posts has been about my particular panty strategy. It seems that a lot you like to get into my panties.

And there's probably a couple of you that I would like to get into my panties!

The truth is, I am kind of flattered. These days I pay more attention to what I wear, because there is something to be said for feel using sexy and looking sexy. I think I have also reached a stage in my life where my style is changing as I look to enhance my assets and squash the workplace boredom.

With all that talk about my underwear choices this was kind of a fun list to come up with, based on a question I was asked a while back about flashing my knickers in public.

So, where are the best places to give you guys a naughty peek? Here are  

Six Sexy Spots You May Have Seen My Panties:

1. At work

There are two kinds of office flashes: the ones where I know you are looking, and the ones when you steal a peek unbeknownst to me. The latter tends to occur during those moments when I might need to bend down and you try to grab a quick look from behind. Surprise, surprise, I know you guys do that. What won't be surprising is for you to see me doing the trailer trash t-bar. You should know by now that I'm much more of a bikini girl ... and I can't stand it when you see those women who must be flossing. Not sexy.

The intentional peeks are much more fun and these days, by far, my favourite. These are the moments when you might see me sitting very strategically in the cafeteria, the hem of my dress carefully adjusted to the right length across my thighs as I cross and uncross my legs. You might even think that I have forgotten I am wearing a skirt or dress. But I know you are looking, because when I am in the mood to tease you this way, every move is carefully planned. Of course, this is usually targeted towards a select few.

2. Behind the wheel

Another fun way to be a little playful. Pull up beside me and you might notice the hem of my skirt or dress pulled right up. Have to be a bit careful with this one though, you don't want those guys driving right off the road! There has also been a few times when, as a passenger, I have tormented my date just a little by pulling up what I am wearing and seeing how long he can a) keep his eyes on the road, and b) hold off from touching me in all the right places.

3. On the the train

A so-so one with me, mostly because the overwhelming majority of the men I encounter on the train tend to be really obnoxious perverts. I'm not all that turned on by their constant attempts to sneak a peek. You know what, buster? We're not dumb. And you're way too obvious to deserve a tease.

However, there is the odd occasion where I might intentionally sit in a particular way so that one of my handsome targets can enjoy a little panty peekaboo. I love to flirt and holding his attention becomes a very intriguing and subtle game.

4. On a date

Probably should rank a lot higher, but the majority of my dates these days are with the man who gets to see my panties pretty much anytime he wants ... and has purchased a huge selection of items in my "Just for Sex" clothing collection.

Of course, what has become a lot more fun with this particular panty flash is to show them off while not actually wearing them! Easily done by taking a moment to slip into the bathroom, remove them and then return to my date. At this point, I slip them into his pocket; or even better, into his hand while they are still warm and moist from being on me.

5. At a party

The party panty flash is basically the same as above ... although there may be an occasion or two in my past that involved alcohol and more than just one guy getting to enjoy my underpants. Maybe.

What is different from the date night knicker experience, the party panty flash is more often than not employed as a tactic to leave the party. Date nights are designed to build anticipation, make him work harder as reaching into my sexual mind or a reward for getting me horny with his charm.

6. On the dance floor

In all honesty, the last time I flashed my panties on the dance floor came courtesy of a naughty girlfriend, who lifted my skirt to flash a group of guys who were watching us from the sidelines.

Despite me wearing some brand new sex-worthy panties, the cute one never did email me ... hmm ... must have noticed the wedding ring on my finger.

Andee     xoxo