TMI Tuesday | How Do You Like ...

Without question, I share some of the deepest, darkest secrets of my sexual life with you on here - but sometimes it can be fun to step back and let you see a sliver of the real me behind the woman you know as Andee. So, with that in mind, here's another TMI Tuesday inviting you behind the scenes.

How do you like ...

1. Your eggs cooked?

Most of the time, I like them easy-over. I like a little bit of a runny yoke that I can dip my toast in; but they have to be cooked. I remember being out on the east coast one time and they cooked their eggs with what surely must have been a cigarette lighter because when my order came to the table, they were still raw for the most part. Kind of put me off eggs for a while - and I grew up on with poultry on our farm.

2. Your sandwich cut? In half, down the middle of the square or on the diagonal?

I really don't have a tremendous preference here. Most of the time, I cut them down the middle but I think that is probably just out of a habit versus any conscious decision or preference. Plus it cuts the meat down the middle, leaving better odds of equal distribution between the two halves.

3. Your coffee?

At home, I prefer my coffee with double milk and a shot of flavouring, such as French Vanilla or Butter Pecan.

At work, I always go for half coffee, half hot chocolate - so a kind of "mocha" drink, but not the sickly-sweet mocha cappuccino a lot of places serve up.

4. Your tea?

Pretty simple - two milk. But I generally don't go for the fancy teas. I might have green tea, but none of this bizarre stuff with names I can't pronounce.

5. Your ice-cream served–cup, cone or condom? Yup you read that right, a condom. Read more here

I'll take a cone; never had an ice cream condom and not sure it intrigues me all that much. Condom lube - even the flavoured kind - is kind of disgusting.

6. Your hair–long or short? Up or down? Straight or curly? Permed or natural?

Ooo ... the most dangerous question of all the TMI Tuesdays in 2013 so far. I have a lot of pressure to grow my hair out again; but I don't think I'm going to go back to as long as it was when I was in my 20s. The reality now is that I have a lot of grey and colouring it turns into an expensive proposition. On top of that, long hair requires a tremendous amount of time in the morning to get ready and look nice. My hair is naturally curly, so if I want it straight when it's long, it's a good hour investment each day.

7. To have sex? In what position?

Doggy, followed by missionary. I know, not so exciting ... but doggy style feels so incredible and deep; plus it allows the man to hit all the right spots inside me. But I also love missionary so we can have sex face to face, kiss ... and I can see the expression on your face when you finally cum deep inside me. Very erotic.

BONUS: How do you like your lovers?

Considerate, creative and confident.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Something You Haven't Done

Every now and then, when these kind of questions come up, I get the strangest thoughts in my head. I'm sure the intention behind this one is to detail some swinging-from-the-chandelier rendezvous, but despite the collection of explicit fantasies in the recesses of my mind, one answer immediately emerged.

What's the one fun thing you would like to do sexually that you haven't done yet?

As simple as it may sound, the one thing that sits in my mind as something that would be an absolute blast, and maybe not too out there when it comes to sex, is playing strip poker. I'm not much of a card player, but it's one of those things that I know a lot of people have done in their life and I think it would be something a little wild and crazy. Plus, it generally involves a healthy bit of exhibitionism and voyeurism ... and if you play it right, sexy naked men.

And for me, it would have to be a co-ed game, because that would be a great way to see where else some of the bets could go ... maybe an intriguing post-strip game of spin the bottle or truth or dare, all adult versions of course.

Naturally, I would wear lots of layers to the game ... or if I was feeling lucky, maybe I'd show up commando!

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | How Not To Get Laid

So there I was, wasting a little time at lunch instead of being social with co-workers that I’m not really interested in being social with, when I did the unthinkable yet again – I read some drivel from yet another wannabe Carrie Bradshaw, who still hasn’t figured out that she is just a fictional character crafted by a group of writers who probably never served as magazine columnists in New York. Strangely, this wannabe was male … not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The article this time was about “sexy” moves that your guy just doesn’t find sexy from a guy’s point of view. Now, this one wasn’t as full of rubbish as some of the others, but I still had to choke down my Cajun chicken to get through some of the advice.

Part of the article relies on the assumption that if you are actually dating right now, the guy you are dating must be a lazy idiot. No, not because he is dating you, but because he has absolutely no sexual creativity and must be spoon-fed sex because it is your responsibility to continually “please your man.” Except now, as a woman, you must learn to understand that he only wants it when he wants it – and that having to put any effort into the “tease” takes too much of his time away from important things, like picking his fantasy croquette team or something like that.

Shower sex … especially on weekday mornings.

"Unless you have a seat in there, a shower romp is never as fun as it sounds. Who gets to stand under the water? And she can't like it when she goes down on me and there's scalding hot water blasting her in the face."

If you can’t figure out how to position yourself in the shower so she’s not getting water in face when she is doing something to make you feel sexy and desirable, then I’ll make sure you have some extra conditioner in there because from now on the only lube you’ll be getting on your clean Johnson will be spread with your own hand while you jerk off to those stories your buddy from work tells you about the things his wife does to him.

Hint you're in the mood, then play hard to get and make him work at seducing you.

“Just what a guy wants when he gets home from work: more work. The chase is a game for those who've just met. When you're in a new relationship, you're so excited, you'll try anything. I once spent three weeks eating at vegan restaurants just because a girl was cute (and vegan). Of course, I'd grab a cheeseburger afterward. But still, that's working for it!”

You know what’s work? Trying to get the mustard stain off the crotch of your pants after you’ve eaten that cheeseburger, you slob. But fear not buddy, you can bemoan your lack of understanding of women while you drop a few more coins into the washing machine at the laundromat when you go with your other newly-single friend … and compare notes of which conditioner feels better to masturbate with in the shower.

Wear a top with a million little buttons and slowly undo them while he watches.

“Is it cool if I watch baseball till you finish? This sounds more goofy than sexy. Sure, most guys enjoy a striptease, but there's a reason strippers don't wear tops like that. Namely, there are few things less hot than unbuttoning a million buttons. Guys like it when you take off your clothes, but it's better if it doesn't take half an inning to get to the main event.”

Well, I bet you love those cheapass t-shirts from Walmart better because that’s the only place you’ll meet your next big thing. Oh, and the stripper thing? Yes, they don’t wear button down shirts like your wife or girlfriend … but unlike your brass pole fantasy we don’t make your dick ooze puss and burn when you pee. Yeah, that’s hot – in a not so delightful way. Hope she was worth the $20 bucks you stuffed in her g-string before you wagged your inch-worm out from your best pair of sweat pants.

Buy a super-pricey, super-vampy little lingerie number for his eyes only.

“The only time a guy notices lingerie is when it's hard to take off. Sexy lingerie is kind of a nonstarter. If it makes you feel sexy, great. Go for it. But if you're wearing it to turn a guy on, just know it doesn't do as much for us as you might think. If I already know what's under there, then what's the point?”

Which is why your Internet browsing history is full of links to pantyhose and stocking fetish sites, right? And why does that Victoria’s Secret catalogue come to the house in your name? Or maybe this year we can say no gift-wrapping for your Christmas presents?

It’s sad that men like this have grown up too lazy to know that unwrapping her is half the fun. But no, they would rather just fuck and be done with it so they could get back to the sports channel. And they wonder why their lives are miserable and empty. Come on, can’t women see how great a catch you really are?

But, I know this, the minute your wife or girlfriend starts wearing nothing but droopy old sweats and cheeseburger stained t-shirts is the minute you’ll bitch about how she doesn’t bother trying to improve her appearance and try to start looking kind of like that hot little intern in accounting who always shows a flash of her lace bra under her button down… oh wait … I forgot, you don’t like lingerie and buttons. You’re more into the Velcro look like that stripper was wearing the other night.
 

Grr…

There was a whole lot more I could have said about this absolute nonsense, but after scoffing for a few minutes, I realized that this poor sap of a writer probably goes home to an apartment still decorated with fond memories of college and not a hot and sexy woman waiting in nothing but a $300 band of ribbon from an upscale lingerie shop.

Thankfully both my own personal experience with men and many commenters on the article indicate that these kinds of ideas are far from the norm. In fact, the few men I do know who even closely talk along these lines are usually not the kind of men who I think get a lot of this kind of action anyway.

As for me, I’m OK with this ridiculousness … because for all the men with an attitude like this out there, I immediately feel so much more fortunate for having one in my life who will break every man rule in the book to get me into the “sexy.” But that said, I admit we don’t usually shower together in the morning; he is way too exhausted from: the chase, the seduction, the buttons and the lingerie.

Andee     xoxo

 

TMI Tuesday | Fill In The Blanks

I always enjoy sharing my thoughts with you, and even though I have been suffering from blogger's block lately, little questions like today's TMI Tuesday make it easier to get my mind into that sexual space where the best ideas tend to hang out.

This week, we are sharing our information "Fill in the blanks" style.

1. I’m the type of person that likes to be ENTERTAINED in bed.
I initially considered saying "sweaty," which is also something I like to be in bed ... but only during sex. Being entertained in bed can mean a number of different things. First off, from a sexual perspective, I love having sex that has a creative element to it, whether physical or mental - the sharing of naughty ideas and fantasies in the heat of passion. Secondly, and let's be honest, not everyone have sex every time they are in bed ... so, I like to be entertained by reading. Reading is one of my biggest passions, and my bed allows me the peace and privacy I need to let my imagination absorb the ideas on the pages.

2. If the sexiest person I know propositioned me for sex, I would WILLING AGREE.
I'm a sexual being ... I love sex, love exploring new sexual experiences and would dive right in to the opportunity. But, there would need to be some conditions. While I think my husband is the sexiest person I really know, that answer would bore you. You want to know about someone outside of my marriage, and that would be agreeable, and my husband would definitely want to be there to watch and perhaps hold the camera.

3. The worst part about BEING ALONE when I am naked is THE COST OF BATTERIES.
Um, this was tougher than I first thought; especially with the first blank required to make the sentence grammatically correct. Anyway, some fun for the answer, because when I am alone and feeling horny, I tend to lie back and enjoy my fantasies while my trusted little vibrator massages me into blissful orgasm. I dread to think how much I have spent on batteries over the years - I probably should have bought shares in the company.

4. I regret my first TIME.
Well, let's be honest, most of us do to a certain extent. I was inexperienced, far too young (in my mind) and really wished I had waited.

5. The last sexual/kinky thing I expected to like was ANAL SEX.

I have said several times before, had I not met my husband, I doubt I would have explored and discovered so many incredible things sexually. He has been a wonderful partner and encourager of my sexual adventure and always allowed me to experiment and dabble with a number of kinky ideas. I never would have imagined that anal sex would be something that I enjoy, but as it turned out, given the right state of mind, the right amount of lube and the right position - bazinga!

6. Recently, I FLASHED someone.
Well ... not THAT kind of flash ... but certainly a little "can you see I'm wearing stockings to work today as I let the hem of my dress inch up just a little bit under the table in the lunch room" kind of naughty tease. I know he saw, the expression on his face gave him away. Chalk another naughty office distraction victory up to yours truly. Other than that, I can't say I'm really much of a "get the girls out" kind of girl. I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually done that ... and none of them have been very recent.

BONUS: You have been kidnapped by lesbians and dragged into a lesbian orgy, what are you going to do?
Well, the expression is "when in Rome ..." so I would have to think when you find yourself immersed in the delightful sexual debauchery of a lesbian orgy, you must get yourself naked and plunge in head (and tongue) first.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | 'Tis The Season

Is everybody getting ready for another great festive season? I love this time of year, even if things do get a little crazy. For today's TMI Tuesday, we start getting into the Christmas spirit ... and while you are reading, I'm probably getting into the Christmas "spirits!"

During the December holiday season, do you:
   a) Go away to join other family?
   b) Have holiday fun with immediate family?
   c) Get to be alone with a lover?
   d) Enjoy the peace and quiet and downtime of being with yourself?
While it’s not as bad as it used to be, Christmas for me is a whirlwind of activity – and spending time with my own family, and then with my immediate family. My husband kind of views his family as a “if it fits my mood and schedule” Christmas, which often means we don’t see too many people from his side.

What is your favourite holiday tradition or thing you like to do every holiday season?
For me, it’s decorating my Christmas tree. It’s not something that is shared with the same level of sentimentality in our house, but I just love taking my time and reflecting on what each of the ornaments mean to me.

You are walking down the street and a sexy person is standing with a sign that says “Kiss Me” and mistletoe hanging above their head.
   a) Would you kiss the person? Yes or no?
   b) Why, or why not?
Sadly, a cop-out answer here: it all depends. It would depend on my mood, on the circumstances and the level of sexiness that the sign-holder is giving off. Being married also means that my level of smoochable freedom is somewhat restricted to my husband and the occasional clandestine pucker with a certain Office Guy.

Santa made up his list and he has checked it twice. Turns out you are on the “naughty” list. What is the naughty thing you did that put you on that list.
That all depends on how much room Santa has on that list to outline the naughtiness that has been my 2012! But cutting to the chase, probably the naughtiest thing I did in 2012 that I am willing to confess to is the time I managed to convince my married Office Guy to join me for some seriously sexy fun back in March. Without a doubt, there are many who would consider that to be an exceptionally naughty thing for me to do – but I stand by my defence: I had permission to fool around that time.

As for the rest of it; surely Santa knows that sometimes it is better to keep some of those secrets and share the occasional little white lie in order to protect the innocent … right?

If Santa knows more than that, he at least better have been holding the video camera!

For being naughty you have been locked in a room where you will have to watch 24 hours of a holiday movie. Which movie would you choose?
   a) A Christmas Story
   b) It’s A Wonderful Life
   c) White Christmas
   d) A Christmas Carol (original 1938 version or the 1992 Muppet version)
Easy answer for me: A Muppet Christmas Carol. It has become one of my favourites of the holiday season. Although, if you were going to look at this as punishment, It’s A Wonderful Life would be the worst possible thing I could have to endure for 24 hours. I don’t get the appeal of that movie as a “Christmas classic” and it would definitely not put me in the holiday spirit.

BONUS: The holidays can be a hectic time of year, so much so that romance might take a back seat to festivities and such. Give us your sexy tip for keeping away the “chill” and “heating up” the holiday season.
A few years ago, my husband and I started a little Christmas Eve tradition affectionately known as the Naughty Stocking. It’s a cheesy animal-print Christmas stocking that my husband would fill with certain items meant for those “couple moments” and “adult fun” as a small reminder that, despite being parents, we were also a couple.

This was how I got a lot of my naughty lingerie and sex toys for Christmas … because opening a package from Victoria’s Secret in front of my children usually results in a raucous meltdown of prepubescent boys being grossed out by the sight of a woman's naughty knickers.

Andee     xoxo

Grey Cup Sunday

"The reason women don't play football is because 11

of them would never wear the same outfit in public."
Phyllis Diller

Time For Some Sexy New Shoes

Do you ever have one of those weekends where every possible event happens on the same day? It’s almost as if my life just isn’t busy enough these days … Good lord, I never thought a woman in her so-called "prime" would get so tired.

Apart from an invite to play hockey (long story), take my Little Man to an out-of-town baseball tournament (thank heaven for carpool favours) and a few others, my little appointment book is bursting at the seams.

Despite all the options, I have one major event that I will not miss – the wedding of one of my friends from work. I love weddings, and especially the opportunity to get all dressed up. Most of my life is spent in work clothes, or slothing around the house in something comfy. I know that comes as quite a shocker – given all the naughty lingerie you see me wearing on my website. So when I get the chance to dress up (quite a bit more now for work or to party), I like to go all out. But I think you have also managed to see that side of me too!

There's going to be some serious "glam" at this wedding, and I'll have no worries about really putting it on for a change. Plus this weekend is also supposed to bring some nice weather, which means I am going for the sexy new LBD and stiletto heels look. Heck, I might even paint my nails!

Wearing sexy shoes remains one of life’s big challenges for me. Because I work in an environment that has some strict rules about footwear, finding heels that comply is difficult … not to mention finding heels I can stand to wear for a full day of marathonesque running. It’s a bigger challenge for my husband for his fashion sense. He openly admits to be a shoe-slut, and quietly endures my more sensible Monday-Friday choices.

This time around though, I found a great pair of heels to go with my new dress. So in honour of a sexy stiletto Saturday, I found this little bit on the Internet about why high heels are the sexiest shoes:

The stuff you strut is more sensual when you're up on your toes, says Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes author Jena Pincott: "Heels force your pelvis to tilt so that both your rear end and chest stick out." One study showed that leg lengths 5 per cent longer than average are the most attractive, so for most women, a 1.5- to 3-inch heel would create the ideal leg length.

"This attraction might be evolutionary, because long legs are associated with better long-term health, which would appeal to a mate. Plus, much like a peacock flaunts his feathers, which are really quite heavy and a nuisance, a woman teetering in heels can show off her fitness and coordination."

If I had to pick one body part that I could say I was confident over, it would be my legs (not trying to be vain here guys, just sharing what some of you seem to suggest to me ...). I think if I was able to be more stylish on an everyday basis, maybe I'd play it up a bit more and show them off. You know, draw the attention down and away from other bits I'm not so OK with right now.

But a sexy set of stilettos also means a little prep work.

When Marilyn Monroe had her stilettos made uneven heights to accentuate her hip-wiggle, she understood the power of high heels. Ridiculous, to be sure, but her point might have been this: If you're going to wear heels, wear them well.

1. Posture is critical. Keep your spine upright and slightly arched, and shoulders back to avoid hunching over.
2. Start with one foot coming out at a slight outward angle, striking with the heel first. As you walk, continue the heel-toe step.
3. Minding your posture – imagine there's a string in your head, pulling you up – use your arms and hips to change the centre of rotation in your body. As your hips rotate one way, your shoulders should angle slightly the other way for balance.
4. Shorten your stride. It's easy to spot someone unaccustomed to heels by her klumping, bouncing footfall and hunched back.
5. Loosen up. It's all in the hips. If they're too stiff, your gait will be off and you'll end up off-balance.
6. Start with shorter heels and wear them around the house, especially if they're new. Walking over a variety of surfaces like carpet and tile will help too.
7. Carry bandages in your purse at all times.

Anyway ... done properly, that power of the high heel will translate into wobbly knees later on – and that has nothing to do with the actual heel!

So, time to trade in the sensible sneakers for a little glam ... I can't wait!

Andee     xoxo 

Andee | Internationally Renowned Sexpert

The past few days I have been struggling a bit to come up with some blogs that are a bit on the lighter side of life. As I mentioned yesterday, I feel a bit like things were getting very “deep” and analytical on here. And while I know some of you come for that kind of insight, I also know that blogs like mine are supposed to be a little more frilly and not so psychological.

Right? I mean, we flirt, we tease, we kiss … and tell. That’s the fun side of the sexual adventure.

I was spilling my dilemma to a friend as we were chatted, and he patiently listened throughout, inserting the appropriate “hmms” and uh huhs” along the way. Even though I am guilty as anyone else, I really don’t like to do the constant barrage of “visit me,” “message me,” “support me” type of blog entries that I see other women publish, and at the same time I need to be honest that everything I do online is part of one big connected intention. I have tried to offer a subtle connection between the naughty secret side of me – the porn site – and the everyday, join me for a fun time of exploration, adventure and discovery side because I love to share. But there aren’t many websites for flirty married women to just be flirty married women without removing our clothes or hooking up with some divorced firefighter from Fresno.

So anyway, my friend was commenting on how I always seem to focus on advice-type stuff, and that it seemed like I actually had something interesting to say … to which I responded “thank you” … so he asked me, if I could give up my day job, step away from the secrets that occasionally stress me out and could be an internationally known expert in any field, which would it be?

At first it was a bit of an “oh wow” moment. There are lots of things I would like to do in life, experience and discover, but to sit down and consciously think what is something that I could be an expert in – as a career option, guys … naughty, naughty.

With all honesty, if I could be an internationally renowned expert in anything, it would be about helping couples improve and rediscover their sex lives – the excitement, passion and adventure. Now as much as that sounds dirty, it’s not. A little “bragging” perhaps, but one of the things a lot of my friends tell me is that I have managed to do what they haven’t – become comfortable with being a sexual person; being open-minded and willing to be adventurous when it comes to being intimate with a partner.

The real me behind “Andee” has spent a long time finding herself – and I’m certainly not done. I’m not as outwardly courageous as my online personality might mislead you to believe, but I am certainly someone who is constantly growing, challenging and seeking new adventures when it comes to my sexual side. Throughout all of that the one thing that has helped me – almost prompted me to burst out of my shell – is the communication I share with my husband.

In terms of playing the role of an international relationship coach, what I do know is that there are a lot of couples who either never start, or simply just give up, on the commitment to communicating with each other. They think it’s an easy part of the relationship that will just happen naturally, when in fact it is one of the hardest parts of being with someone. Being able to express your thoughts, feelings, desires and dreams with someone else requires a lot of hard work – and trust.

I often hear from my chat friends and some of my Office Guys that they wish their wives were more like me – flirty, sexy, open-minded, obviously sexually comfortable, yada yada. Flattering, but I ask them what is it that they do with their own partner to get them to be more open-minded and willing to try new things. Most times they just say “I can’t talk to her about that” and “Are you kidding, she’d kill me.”

Well, I’m sure my husband probably thought the same thing at one point in time … but we made it a priority to communicate often. And not just in the bedroom. I would have to say the one place my husband and I talk about our love life more than anywhere else is in the car. Oh, and those damn little smartphones with unlimited texting/sexting/electronic flirting have been an amazing addition for our intellectual discussions on sexual fantasies and naughty midday dares. But in the end, the big thing is we find the way to talk and share.

Men need help … women need help. It’s pretty obvious given the high rate of divorce. I would love to be someone that could bring better sex to couples … and not in a dirty way. Just good, clean, sweaty sexual enlightenment! Camera and website is optional.

Andee     xoxo 

What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar

I’m not too sure about you guys, but around here right now there are a few funny commercials on TV for Klondike ice cream bars. And we all know the catch phrase of the delicious frozen treat is “What would you do for a Klondike bar?”

The other day when I was chatting with a friend, we were laughing about a scene in one of the commercials where the “wife” is glancing at the wiggling booty of one of the dancing girls that shows up in the commercial – and then he asked what I would do for a Klondike bar. I might occasionally come across as the shy, quiet naïve one – but as you have seen here, that is just a very good cover for my real personality ... especially when you start talking about the frozen goodness of chocolate and ice cream.

For a long time I have wanted to experiment with introducing some fun food items into my sex life. I’m not talking about condom-wrapped cucumbers here, but something intriguing like a little melting ice cream or sundae chocolate sauce.

I think the best thing to do with the Klondike bar, would be to make my lover sit on a kitchen chair, naked. Then I would begin a long, drawn out seductive demonstration of how much fun eating ice cream can be … and that if you take your time, it melts. Of course, it would melt all over me … and I would make sure some of it dripped onto the appropriate spots on my lover’s body as well. I would make him lick the little dribbles from my naked breasts, and where the ice cream also dribbled onto the inside of my thigh – ever so close, but not exactly there.

Once he had his taste off of me, I would then begin to lick all the dribbles off of his body. Naturally, I would have made sure that most of the melting ice cream would drip onto his lap … and hopefully his erect penis.

I wonder how he would react to the sensation of my cold tongue tracing along the little ice cream trail … and how he would react to me taking his hot cock into my ice cream-chilled mouth. I’ve heard tell that it is an unbelievable sensation for men. Then, knowing how much he can’t resist my oral talents, I would get a little salty treat to go with my ice cream.

Now, this is what I would do with a Klondike bar … what I would do for a Klondike bar wouldn’t be all that much different. I would just need to consult his expert opinion as I carefully picked out all the necessary ingredients that go into making one, such as the chocolate coating that needs to be spread all over the treat. With the intention of being eaten ...very slowly and with a lot of tongue.

I didn’t exactly go into that much detail with my friend, but I think he got the idea that I might be willing to do something very naughty. Everyone has their price … mine just might include chocolate and ice cream.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | No Rhythm Method In These Songs

I almost wet myself the other day on the way to catch the train. The jocks on the morning show I was listening to were talking about a recent list, published online, about the 50 worst songs to have sex to. Some of them were absolutely brilliant, while others just made sense because they were horrible at the best of times, never mind as background to a bunch of grunting, groaning and horizontal deity worshipping.

It got me thinking about my own list. Guys have asked me before what I like to listen to when I am having sex (I’ll save that for a later blog), but there are a few songs that make me laugh and would never make my playlist for playtime.

But before I get into the individual numbers, let’s clear the air on a few that just rank on here because of … well, because:

1. Anything by Celine Dion
2. Anything by Justin Bieber
3. Anything by Alanis Morrisette
4. Anything by Nickelback
5. Anything by Gino Vanelli and/or Corey Hart

Yeah, they may all be Canadian “musicians,” but there are a lot of us up here that would love to consider them the best gifts we ever regifted to the rest of the world … meaning, you can have them. Seriously, keep them. Please.

OK, what about those little ditties that come to mind when things are getting dirty …

Andee’s Seven Songs Not For Sex

Can’t Touch This by MC Hammer

Apart from the parachute pants and funky sideways shuffle … um … isn’t the whole idea of getting down and dirty to be able to touch a whole lot of it? It seems, in my experience, that the guys I have been with have the opposite complaint: they are always wanting me to touch it … with my hands, my tongue, the inside of my ….

Don’t Want No Short Dick Man by Salt N Peppa

OK, I have tried very hard to continually reinforce the premise that size does not matter. Seriously guys, I would rather you be average and have amazing talent than hung like a horse and have no clue. And at the risk of losing my union card, there really does need to be “some” size for my personal tastes and pleasure. But at the end of the day, I don’t think any guy needs to have two angry black female rappers questioning his manhood.

Dude Looks Like A Lady by Aerosmith

I have an open mind when it comes to a lot of things. But I have never been into the idea of a man who can share my make-up and wear my lingerie. Call me choosey, but I like my men to look like men.

That Smell by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Every now now and then, I enjoy a little southern rock groove ... except when the song distinctly asks aromatic questions. Seriously, not a good inquiry in the heat of the moment.

Material Girl by Madonna

Yes, for a role-play scenario, her “Like A Virgin” can be fun … and I am of that music generation. But I don’t want my guy to be getting into the hot and heavy with me as Madge sings about diamonds, pearls and expensive champagne. Seriously, the less expensive stuff feels just as good when you lick it off my body.

I Feel Like A Woman by Shania Twain

Um, you know I have bisexual interests. Shania’s video for the song sometimes leaves me drooling right along with my husband. And there are many, many times that I have openly thought “yeah, I feel like a woman” when it comes to some between the sheets strumming. But probably not the greatest song for the guy in that moment. Wait … I might have that wrong. There could be another side to this one.

That’s Not My Name by the Ting Tings

Apart from not even qualifying as a one-hit wonder from a few years back, the repetitive “That’s not my name” from the singer might leave that hook-up as a hang-up. If you’re banging me, you damn-well better at least know my first name. Oh, and if Salt N Peppa aren’t talking about you, I might even accept you calling me by my Internet name!

So, there you go; a few songs that won’t make it on my “Let’s Get Freaky Friday” playlist. I’m sure you have your own worst songs … anything really outrageous?

Andee     xoxo 

Relationships | Secret To Seducing A Woman

Someone that I chat online with every now and then was telling me how much they have enjoyed the ideas and advice I have shared over the past 18 months. I'm flattered because it was nice to hear that my little corner of the Internet actually stuck with someone. I never really set out to create something that worked that way, so that was kind of cool. Goodness, my path to get here is one that has required a lot of work, compromise, understanding and a healthy dose of love, affection, tears and laughter.

I just wanted somewhere to express myself and if it meant something to someone else, that was the bonus.

So after some pleasant and funny conversation about possible second careers for me, my friend suggested I should become one of those seminar leaders that helps men, women and couples have better relationships. Actually one of the suggestions was for me to become a sex therapist given my documented ability to flirt madly, seduce and lead men astray ...

The question posed to me was:

If I had 100 men sign up for my famous course on "How to seduce a woman," what would the first lesson be?

In truth, there is only one lesson you need to know when it comes to seducing a woman - everything that follows after is simply technique and skill.

If you want to truly seduce a woman, before you ever get to her body, you need to make love to her heart and soul.

Women, if you haven't already figured us out by now, are very emotionally motivated people. When it comes to the sexier side of life, ours libido is tied very strongly to our hearts and minds. We need to feel there is a connection between us; an attraction that goes deeper than a bowl of lobster bisque and a ride in your fancy European sports car. Men, on the other hand, tend to be visually stimulated and need to be physically involved in the moment ... their bodies tend to give them away a bit more obviously.

In fact, just the other night I was discussing this with my husband, who (while he has more than occasionally alluded to it) was telling me about how he has noticed my legs a lot more lately. I was secretly hoping he was going to compliment my results from the gym, but he said that what really caught his attention was that I had been wearing hosiery a lot more often. The wearing of the stockings and heels was the initiator of the frequent glances, which fueled his recent appreciation and particular fetish.

For me, knowing that he noticed and the subsequent compliments are what got me going. The personal connection. Sure, it is slightly superficial; but a good part of the game between the sexes generally is. And it was the same with my Office Guy, who I also happened to draw into my devilish little scheme by remembering that he had a thing for stockings and garters. The power of knowing just what I could do was what I enjoyed.

What got them going in return was the visual associated with the stockings and garters, and the chance to actually see me in them ...

And that is a small surface scratch on the beginning of the seduction.

By now, my husband knows if he spends a little bit of time throughout the day letting me know he is thinking of me, the chances of heating up the bedroom when he gets home are significantly better. And it isn't just sexting, stockings or suggestive glances. He has learned to touch my mind as well as my heart through simple things and expressions that say "you are important to me."

How?

Start with the lost art of chivalry. Believe it or not, women worth seducing want a man with manners and an obvious trait of kindness. You can be cocky and you might make me smirk with your flip comments or biting humour at the expense of someone else; or you can ditch the beer-league machismo, park the "I'm not compensating" Beemer, reveal a little of your own vulnerability and make me moist between the thighs. It's not giving up your "man card," it's playing your ace.

My husband will leave me little notes in fun places. Because of the varying work schedule, sometimes I set my clothes out in the bathroom the night before. It's not unusual for me to find little notes in my panties the next morning. Or stuck on my steering wheel. Or in my lunch bag. And what they say isn't nearly as important as what they mean. Silly, cute or romantic, what they really tell me is that I matter.

A couple times I have casually mentioned how I liked a particular new song, only to find it loaded on my iPod the next day.

Even in the bedroom ... he often wants me to enjoy the sexual moment first, using his talents and/or my toys to bring me to orgasm before he gets any action.

Little things that are focused on my happiness ...

Show me the thought and consideration behind them, reach into my heart and soul to say "You matter..." That, my dear students, is the art of seducing a woman.

Andee     xoxo

Humour | 10 Things About Having A Penis

I was reading the somewhat humourous article by Toronto blogger Josh Bowman entitled Ten Things I've Learned From Having A Penis, and I thought it would kind of fun to add my own thoughts from a woman's perspective on having a penis. Now, as you know, there are only a couple of ways that we can actually have a penis ... most of which are covered here.

I was 15 years old when I first had a penis. As I blogged about before, it wasn't the greatest or most memorable experience; in fact, I wish I had waited a while longer before I tried a penis. But, it is what it is and I have really worked hard at living my life without regrets ... and homicidal tendencies.

So, as a little weekend distraction, here are a few of things I have learned from having a penis:

1. Sometimes it can hurt. While a woman possesses the necessary receptacles to host a penis or two on occasion, if the proper preparation has not occurred, the arrival of an unannounced penis can be physically shocking.
2. Most penises are very friendly. I have learned that a lot of owners of a penis are frequently willing to share it.
3. The owner of the penis is also willing to share it in some very unusual places. When I was younger, this meant sharing the penis is places like the back seat of the car, behind my parent's barn, in the fort my brother built in the woods. As I got older and more familiar with the penis, the owners starting making requests for new places to actual visit with the penis ... and they didn't mean in the bush anymore.
4. No matter how nicely you talk to a penis, it will occasionally spit at you. Except the rubber ones. They just taste like blueberry sex lube.
5. No matter how much the owner of the penis tells you that it doesn't taste that bad when a penis spits at you, he never seems to want to indulge in any kind of kissing after you have had a penis in your mouth.
6. At some point in a relationship - even more so if I have indulged in a little too much tequila, the penis will try to slip in the back door.
7. If you talk really dirty to me, even if I have not had a little too much tequila, I will let a penis in through the back door ... but some penises don't like to hear that you are also interested in having another penis come in through the front door for the same party.
8. Some penises love it when I have too much tequila, but they do not feel all that spunky if they have had a little too much tequila.
9. Those who own the penis are very self conscious about any comparisons to other penises.
10. I prefer to have a penis that knows what it can do to me, as opposed to a penis that just takes up all the available space and doesn't know how to behave like a real penis.

Now, the are many other delightful things I have learned from having a penis, such as how when used properly, a penis can make my eyes roll into my head, my back arch and toes curl. Or how it will make me use the kind of language that makes a seasoned sailor blush. But despite all the things I have learned from having a penis, I can say that I am having much more fun as someone who just gets to borrow it on occasion than actually owning it. Ownership seems like far too much work.

Have an awesome weekend. I'm off to see if someone I know that owns a penis might be interested in visiting for a little while.  ;-)

Andee     xoxo

Relationships | Little Things Go A Long Way

This morning, as I was staggering into the bathroom still half-asleep, I noticed a small sticky note stuck to the mirror. I think I have told you guys before that my husband sometimes likes to do these silly little things that remind me that he is thinking of me.

And, I have no problem sharing with you that those little things are also some of the quickest ways into my panties.

This morning's note simply said that I will need to have an open mind today. I smiled and slipped into the shower wondering what he has in mind. Then, as I was getting dressed, I found another sticky note inside the panties that I had set out to wear today. This note had a very naughty and suggestive message about him performing oral sex on me...except I would have to endure the day thinking on that idea.

A sure-fire way to guarantee I will spend the day at work somewhat turned on and anxious for the evening.

Now, as silly as this may seem to some of you guys - leaving sticky notes inside a pair of panties - what I know is that there are far too many of you out there missing out on chances to dominate your partner's libido for the day like mine is doing today.

The thing that turns me on more about little moments like this is that they remind me that I play a special role in his life, and not just one as mother to his children, partner in a marriage. They say that that beyond the day-to-day stresses that take more from us than they give, we are still a couple very much in lust.

So, when was the last time you lusted after yours?

Andee     xoxo

Breasts | 25 Fun Things To Do With Tits

I was poking around on the website for one of those trashy women’s magazines that seem to have my attention far to under their grasp – especially after a rather lazy Christmas holiday – and found this fun little piece on all the fun things women can do with their breasts.

"Enjoying your breasts helps you feel confident about your body because you're embracing who you are," says Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Because It Feels Good. "It also boosts your comfort level during sex, helping you to orgasm more often."

And since I have dedicated my Tuesdays to a more titillating theme – all of which you can enjoy here – I figured what better way to celebrate the first Topless Tuesday of 2012 than with an abbreviated version of the original list. So, for your reading enjoyment, here are …

25 Tasty Things To Do With Tits

1. Go braless and wear a silk or combed-cotton tee—it'll feel amazing brushing against your skin all day.

2. When you're lounging together on the couch reading or watching TV, guide his hand inside your bra and have him lightly scratch your breasts with his fingertips.

3. Master the art of using double-sided tape. The secret: Stick one-inch strips of tape a quarter inch away from the edge of your clothes. It keeps everything in place but still looks natural.

4. For a sexy sensation the next time you're getting busy in bed, get your guy to try this technique with his hand: Make a V with his index and middle fingers, and lightly scissor them around your nipples.

5. Overheated at the beach? Slip an ice cube out of your drink, and glide it over your cleavage. Ramp up the fun and include your nipples!

6. Apply lotion, and treat the girls to a sensual massage. Using a circular motion and medium pressure, rub from the base of your boobs up along the outer edges, stopping just below your armpits. Then place your hands on your breastbone, and work your way across the center of your chest, out toward the sides of your body.

7. Have him trace a figure eight stretching around both nipples while giving you a deep, steamy kiss.

8. Strategically place rose petals over your bare nipples just before he comes to bed.

9. Want to go braless to a party or bar? You can avoid the smuggling raisins effect by sticking on nipple concealers (try Low Beams, look for them on herlook.com).

10. Slather the twins with edible lotion, like Victoria's Secret Berry Passion, to give him a tasty surprise treat next time his lips are in the vicinity.

11. Dare him to unhook your bra without using his hands.

12. Cook dinner topless, apply a little tomato sauce to your nipple (make sure it's not too hot), and ask your man if it's spicy enough.

13. Grab your vibrator while the two of you are in bed, and run it back and forth across your breasts and nipples for an added jolt of pleasure.

14. Use them to give your guy a sensual back rub. And go crazy with the massage oil.

15. Slip your guy a mint pre-sex, and have him lick your nipples when you start to orgasm.

16. Covertly flash him in an empty stairwell before a party, during a hike, in your car in the parking lot....

17. Sunbathe topless with your girlfriends—just don’t forget to apply a minimum of SPF 45 sunscreen. For real fun, invite the guys along too!

18. Work a front-closure corset top to maximize your cleavage on girls’ night out.

19. Throw a few new pectoral-muscle exercises into your workout regimen, and admire how perky the moves make your tatas look.

20. Go braless on a night out, and wear a low-cut shirt so it’s obvious.

21. Stick on nipple tassels, and practice swinging them (hint: It’s all in the knees). Use your newfound talent to put on a sexy show for your man.

22. Mandate "topless sleep" once a week to give the twins some breathing room.

23. Try a new kind of wake-up call: Lightly brush your nipples across his stomach and chest to get both of you in the mood for morning sex.

24. Measure your boobs during your period to see how much bigger they get during that time of the month.

25. Work silicone bra inserts in a tank top for a day, and keep a tally of all the men who stare at your cleavage.

And there you go. The other half of the list seemed rather silly, so I cut it out. Some of these I might just put into practice myself … or a personalized version (like wearing my really good bra with a button-up shirt buttoned just so, and then seeing how many of my Office Guys can’t avoid falling under my cleavage spell!).

But I would also love to hear some of your ideas on how to enjoy a woman’s pair!

Andee     xoxo

Self Sex | Ways To Describe Your Finger Fun

The other day I posted this slightly silly Tweet about how the more men ejaculate between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to develop prostate cancer. Of course, I was saying this with every heart-felt intention, because I want all you guys to have healthy prostates.

Now, I have no clue as to how many times between those ages you guys are supposed to ejaculate … I guess it may be in proportion to how you spend your time. Once a day, twice … hourly? But, I was amused at how some of you replied to my little nonsense.

First off, I do enjoy watching a guy do that to himself. There is part of me that is fascinated by the act, probably because I think female masturbation must be incredibly boring for you to watch. And I made that comment out loud, in passing to my husband who then proceeded to explain that female masturbation is anything but boring to watch … it all depends on the sex toy being employed at the time.

Personally, my all-time out-of-the-park homerun hitting toy is my pocket rocket. With a fresh battery this thing is guaranteed to rock my brains and naughty bits in a matter of minutes. Then, as the battery begins to lose a bit of its juice, and the vibrations soften a bit, it reaches a delightfully taunting stage where it requires a bit more effort, taking a bit more time. A variety of orgasmic results all in one tiny little package.

Anyway, in honour of some masturbatory moments … and in inspiration of your prostate health, I came up with a bit of a list comparing descriptions of solo acts for him and her:

HIS

Bash the bishop – beat off – beat (one's) meat – buck the slobbering donkey – choke the chicken – cook up a batch – crack one off – double-click the mouse – flick the bean – flog the bishop – flog the log – go to the bank – have a date with Rosie Palmer – have a date with Rosie Palmer and her five sisters – have a tug of war with Cyclops – have a wank – hump the fist – jack off – jerk it – jerk off – jerk the gherkin – jerk the johnson – junior Olympic pole vaulting – master debater – paint the ceiling – pet the bunny – play pocket pinball – play with yourself – pluck the twanger – plunk your twanger – polish your knob – polish the family jewels – pound your pud – pudwhack – pud wrestle – pull your pud – pull the pud – punch the clown – punch the munchkin – punish percy – rough up the suspect – rub one off – sap the maple – self-abuse – self-love – sex with someone you love – skin off – slap the salami – smack Lester – snap – spank – spank it – spank the monkey – stranger – stroke it – stroke the salami – torque it – toss – tosser – toss off – wack off – wank – wanker – wank it – wank off – wax the dolphin – whack it – whack off – yank it.

HER

Auditioning the finger puppets – beating around the bush – brushing the beaver – carpet bumping – clam bake for one – creamin' – dialing the rotary phone – dousing the digits – drilling for oil – fanning the fur – feeding the bearded clam – fingerpainting – flickin' the bean – flit your clit – frap – gagging the clam – get a date with slick mittens – get to know yourself – going mining – groping the grotto – greasing your hips – gusset typing – hitchhiking south – jill off – kill a kitten – let the fingers do the walkin' – manual override – muffin buffin' – nulling the void – paddling the pink canoe – pampering the pussy – parting the red sea – pearl fishing – pet the pussy cat – polishing the pearl – play poker – playing with her pineapple – pussy soccer – riding the unicycle – rolling the dough – rub one out – rubbin' the nubbin – soaking the whisker biscuit – spelunking – spearing the bearded clam – squeeze the peach – strumming the banjo – surfing the channel – teasing the tuna taco – the virgin's release – tickling the taco – tiptoe through the twolips – toggling the bit – tossing pink salad – trolling the bermuda triangle – two finger taco tango – washing your fingers.

Either way … enjoy your day. I know I will.

Andee     xoxo

Flirting | We Make Mistakes Too

I was chatting with one of my friends about the Mistakes Men Make blog and he suggested that if I was going to keep things fair that I should look at something about women’s mistakes and dating. Because apparently - and I have to to see the research - women are not perfect.

Well, I am definitely no dating expert. I've found that being married has really put a damper on my dating life, but I did find this article in a trashy women’s magazine about the mistakes we make when flirting.

Even so, while I am happily married, I am an admitted "shameless flirt" as you know. Now I just need to figure out which of these mistakes I make ... 

Talking about yourself
We understand the feeling that if we talk about ourselves, he’ll see how interesting we are and how confident we are in ourselves. However, while talking is great, don’t appear too self-centered or boasting. Ask some questions about him, and be sure he can get a word in, too.
(Nah, that’s what my blog is for…and I share more than a lot on here!)

Letting him do all the talking
You want to play the woman with the great ear, but don’t fawn over him and his words. Be active in the conversation; share your thoughts and talk about yourself too, as he surely wants to know as much about you as you do of him.
(I can be kind of the shy one at first. I know, hard to believe. So I am guilty of letting the guy do a healthy dose of the initial flirtations…and after a drink or six, I really loosen up. Which generally leads to trouble!)

Being too obvious
There’s something called subtlety; use it. Don’t manically touch your hair every time he touches his, for example, and don’t lean over too much for him to get a good look at “the girls.” A light touch here, and a dazzling smile there are all you need to get him hook, line, and sinker.
(Hmm…not sure where my thoughts are on this. I, for one, employ the “lean in” strategy - as I blogged about yesterday - as a method of flirting. Sometimes “the girls” are a key part of that. But then again, maybe that’s a touch of age…you know, not really all that concerned anymore so if he enjoys seeing “the girls“ why not?)

Acting fake
There’s the forced plastered the smile, the excessive laughing at all his jokes (even the lame ones)… need we go on? Make sure you are genuine and remain true to yourself, and he will be taken. Also, if you feel a need to put on a fake smile when talking to a guy, that’s not exactly a good sign.
(I think I might be saving this one for when I get my fake boobs!)

Sticking to your group
A lot of times, women gather strength by heading off to a bar or club with friends, and that is more than okay. However, you do need to break away from the group once in a while. A guy may be afraid to swoop in when you’re with your friends, so be sure to circulate the room on your own every once in a while, or even frequent your favourite hangout by yourself sometime.
(Sometimes a group can be a lot of fun…if everyone is naked. But, I do admit that once I am feeling good and loosened up a bit, I tend to break out of this and mingle.)

Ignoring him
We’ve been doing it since we were in high school: pretend you don’t like him, and he’ll be putty in your hands. But if you don’t look at him, hardly acknowledge him, then how do you expect to be on his radar? Make sure you grab his attention, even by doing something as small as catching his eyes, smiling lightly, and turning away.
(Don't think this is a problem for me ... I'm usually too horny to ignore the cute ones!)

Flirting with other men in front of him
You may feel that by flirting with the many men in the room, the one you’re actually interested in will see how irresistible you are. Wrong! In actual fact, this will make you unapproachable, as it will make him think that you are interested in everyone but him.
(So, for me this is an odd and tough one. My husband enjoys that flirtatious element in me…but then again, we have been together for over 20 years now and have reached that stage in our relationship where his twisted perversions can come out - ie, the summer flirting contest)

Drinking excessively
When at a bar and chatting it up with a guy, some of us may believe that a little “liquid courage” will go a long way. Don’t underestimate the power of alcohol and the effect it may have on your behaviour. You need to be aware of your words and actions, so don’t consume too much booze.
(Ok, I have been known to do this on rare occasions…and trust me, it always leads to trouble!)

So it seems I may be guilty of a few of these things…but then flirting is meant to be a game and guys aren’t really supposed to know the rules we play by. Mistakes? Probably that we change the rules to suit our mood and situation.

Andee     xoxo

 

Flirting | Andee's Top Secret Strategy

Hey guys! The summer is officially upon us now, which is more good news for you guys because one of the fun little things I am adding to keep everything all interesting is my Topless Tuesdays photo series on my main page. Each week for the 13 weeks of summer, you will get a little peek at some of my personal selections of me letting it all out on top - well that and because where I live it is legal for women to go topless.

Of course, in my own style, I won’t be giving it all away. You didn’t really expect all that and more did you? If you like what Miniskirt Mondays and Topless Tuesdays bring to your daily diversions, make sure you slip on over to my website for all the really hot and naughty stuff.

Enough sales-pitching for today … on with the dirty mind and stuff.

As you know I have been embroiled in a little flirting contest that was put forth by my twisted hubby. And with summer comes the time to really get ready for the flirting season - when there's a lot of opportunity to get out from underneath all those bulky winter clothes, expose a lot more flesh and let those hemlines go up a higher ... of course, all with some semblance of decency when it comes to the work day.

As I have chatted with a couple of you, it seems you have been intrigued enough to want to know more ... so by requested, here is one of my own personal secrets for flirting. Honestly, this is not one that I borrowed from a cheesy women's magazine, but a tried and true method ... something I picked up along the way ...

The Lean In
When I'm in a public place - like a club or bar, something like that - instead of just trying to talk louder, I like to lean in towards a guy’s ear and talk a bit lower than shouting over music. This has two really hot angles - the upclose eye contact, and the physical contact. Being a towering 5'1", it gives me great opportunity to put a hand on the guy's arm and pull him down to my level. And then after I've said what I need to say, as you pull away, the deep look into his eyes. A couple times of doing this and next thing you know, he's picked up on and doing it back! Voila!

And, when the heat needs to reach record temperatures, this technique is even more killer when I am wearing the kind of top that might provide a guy with a little extra treat. Which means that, yes, there is a bra strategy as much as there is a panty strategy.

So there you go … just one of the techniques I use in my flirtations.

Andee      xoxo