The First Time in My Mouth

I read a really great blog on the weekend by someone who I regularly follow. Jenny Swallows was writing about a claim made by someone in a study of teenage oral sex habits, and the motivating factors behind a girl's giving of their first blowjob.

"The few studies that exist on oral sex among teenagers indicate that although teenage girls perform fellatio more often than in the past, they do so without pleasure, usually to please their boyfriend or to avoid the possibility of impregnation." said Joan Jacobs Brumberg, author of The Body Project. The book is a study of American girls and how the changing world around them affects their sexual development.

I have not read the book, although I found that the concept intriguing - and while Jenny strongly disagrees with the perspective presented by the author - it got me thinking about the statement just as much.

Personally, I lean more towards agreement; in that many teenage girls today are exploring a more sexualized lifestyle than they did when I was a teenager all the way back in the 1990s. We have girls who readily expose themselves on social media, and validate who they are by the number of likes they get when they post a photo to a social media website.

What I tend to think is that young women and teenage girls have a somewhat twisted perspective on oral sex. They view less as an act of intimacy and more of a peer-circle victory; a badge of honour that says "I'm one of you" even though they don't know why they want to be one of the crowd. They're more afraid of being socially rejected than sexually taken advantage of.

Virginity, once seen as something to protect and cherish as a "gift" for your wedding night, has become a "condition" to be healed.

Frankly, I agree with the notion - as the book apparently suggests - that these young women just don't understand what they do - or give deeper thought to the long-term consequences of their actions.

And yes, these are generalized notions ... but not many are trying to dispel them these days.

I certainly remember the first time I endured oral sex. I had absolutely no clue as to what I was doing, and frankly I chose to do it out of curiosity over any sense of intimate purpose.Frankly, I wasn't into it for pleasing my boyfriend as much as I was intrigued. But, then again, like giving up my virginity to this boyfriend, I wished I had known just a little bit more about sex and sexuality - because I sure as hell wouldn't have chosen that guy as "the one."

But I know women who say that their first oral sex encounter was the result of "emotional coercion" or the lesser of two evils to avoid giving up their virginity.

I found a great little bit from Dr. Ava Cadell on what oral sex is supposed to be all about:

• A precious gift to someone who is worthy to receive it. Our sexual gifts are as valuable as any other part of ourselves that we prize. Selecting the right sexual partner to give to and receive from is as important a decision as choosing anything you place a high value on.
• A natural high, perhaps even the best of nature’s uplifts. It can energize us and make us feel more creative afterward.
• A wonderful form of self-expression, infinitely artistic. It is both beautiful and erotic. It is gentle and assertive. It is relaxing and energizing.
• A way to renew stamina, not deplete it. It can free us from emotional stress and release any tension and discomfort lodged in our muscles.
• But most of all, it is a unique connection between two people who want to share a divine pleasure.

Regardless, it's hard to argue against the cultural reality that our daughters are doing far more than we ever did, at a much younger age. And, without question, they will likely wonder later in life if they should have made a wiser decision back when they were teenagers.

Andee     xoxo

An Authentic Brunette's Random Thoughts

For me this one is a bit of a personal debate as I ponder what will come next for my hairstyle ... although I have never thought of going blonde ... I found this little interesting argument online at a "mail order bride" site (don't ask).

"Since time immemorial, poets, writers, journalists, social scientists, talk show hosts, you name them, have struggled and fought to answer the question that burns in men's minds: Which shade of woman is preferred and why...blondes or brunettes? Are blondes better lovers? Are brunettes better suited in the boardroom? Can blondes be trusted? Is a brunette a better mate?

Blonde hair is unique in that it typically darkens with age. So a blonde woman gives the impression of being younger, more able to procreate. Theory has it that men have subconsciously developed an attraction to mate with women who appear younger, thus increasing the chances of having children. In northern climes, where survival of the species is paramount, one school of thought believes blondes developed genetically in order to attract more males and therefore increase the odds of maintaining the species.

Lighter eyes are a more desired trait as interest, such as in a male, is more easily seen in the pupil dilation (the signal of interest) of a blue-eyed women versus those of a dark-eyed one.

As early as the 14th century women were dying their hair lighter in order to look younger and become, they believed, more attractive. This is true in many traditionally dark haired areas of the world, for example Latin America, where a lighter haired and skinned woman is more highly prized than her brunette counterpart...so they say.

However, studies have shown that corporate entities seem to favour brunettes as managers and executives as illustrated by the size of their paycheck over those of blondes. Another study espoused that brunettes are preferred by men as mates and are more trustworthy and loyal. If you want to have fun, go with a blonde. But marry a brunette..."

So ... brunette or blonde ... maybe I might find a good wig for a photo set or two!

Andee     xoxo

Sex | What I Like In Porn

Had you asked me a dozen years ago if I ever imagined myself being even remotely involved in the “adult entertainment business,” I would have scoffed and said “not a chance.” Obviously, with the passing of a few years, my thoughts on that have changed dramatically.

I don’t think many women ever grow up dreaming to be in porn; although I suspect more than a few of the younger generation are much more willing to exploit it for what they can these days.

That said, I still don’t consider myself to be a “porn star” of any kind. Quite honestly, I’m just a “girl-next-door” with a slightly kinky and anonymously public hobby. And some days I’m not sure that we’re even really remarkable at doing that much. My website isn’t exceptionally dynamic – the images and some of the content I post there are unique to me, but I know there are other sites offering way more than I do. I guess how I do see my site is that you get the chance to slip away from the “air-brushed perfection” of most Playboy models and get to see the reality of a very normal Canadian woman.

That is really the premise of “amateur porn.” Yes, as a model my hobby does bring in a little extra disposable income; but trust me, there are no plans for me to retire to the glamourous shores of southern France. Amateur porn has certain grown in popularity and availability thanks to the Internet. And technology has also helped improve the quality of what we can offer. My very first “naughty” photos ever taken were on the “hush hush” platform of Polaroid!

And so, from a model and participants perspective, I have been able to see how the secret world of Internet porn has changed over the past several years.

As I get to know a few of my fans – and truly some have become longtime online friends – the question seems to occasionally come back to me about the kind of “porn” that captures my attention from the “consumer” side.

I was in my teens when I first saw any mainstream porn. My parents were among the first to install one of the original satellite dishes, and with the programming package came Playboy TV. My brother certainly was thrilled! And, I don’t mind admitting that I also enjoyed some of the shows from a “curious” perspective. I certainly saw a lot of things that made me go “hmm” and even a few that made me go “mmm.”

But as I grew up, and became more sexually open and adventurous, mainstream porn didn’t really appeal to me. Like a lot of women, I found it was generally about some fake-titted blonde getting hammered by all kinds of men over the span of about 90 minutes. After about five minutes, even the best of these “epics” tend to become routine. I wanted something that had a plot – or at least something close to a plot.

What I wanted from porn was something to engage my imagination. As much as I would like to think getting pounded by six different guys on the office desk would be sexually fun, watching an actress fake her way through 90 minutes of supposedly amazing sex just for the sake of getting pounded by six different guys in black socks doesn’t capture my imagination.

I then discovered a whole new line of porn, made by women for women. The getting pounded on the office desk scenario came with a story that helped set the stage for a fantasy I could almost believe in.

And that’s really where I want my porn to go … I love watching the sex, but I want to enjoy a little mind fuck along the way. I want to know how and why she ends up on the desk, and what is it that makes her lust for that moment. Women need to have that level of attachment to the moment – we need to be able to imagine ourselves in that setting, and we need to understand the reasons behind it. We don’t want to be just a receptacle for a bunch of muscled male actors who never seem to understand that leaving your socks on for sex looks damn silly.

Andee     xoxo

The Thoughts That Swirl Around

One of the questions that landed in my email recently kind of got me thinking. The person who sent it asked me if I ever fantasize about my website members, like they fantasize about me.

I guess the first answer is: I’m thankful some of you consider me fantasy material. I love bringing my crazy little world to you, and just appreciate knowing you are enjoying it.

My fantasies tend to fluctuate, as you have seen over the past two years of me sharing on my blog and the past 10 years on my Southern Charms site. Some I have been lucky to explore and turn into realities, while others are simply good ideas floating around in my imagination. And that’s probably not that different from many others – life experience tends to bring new ideas, desires and intrigue to a person.

I can’t say I have ever specifically fantasized about random men that may have sent me a sexy email or naughty IM. There have been guys who have been online friends – people I have chatted with, and in the beginning, a few guys I webcammed with – that I have shared a slightly more intimate experience with online. At the time, those experiences were a great deal of fun. My exposure to the more sexual side of the internet was new, fresh and helped fill both my time and imagination at point in my life when I needed some distraction.

But, like a lot of things, it became a bit “routine” and the excitement waned. New experiences took their place and I was off on a new direction in my sexual adventure.

The intriguing thoughts that still occasionally pop into my mind are more about the fun and pleasure that I hope my members – and readers here, as well – are having thanks to my efforts. I find it quite exciting and ego-boosting to think that I can still turn some men on with the kind of things I do online. If you knew the real me behind Andee, you would quickly see that I’m not a vain person, so doing the photos and videos are still, even after 10 years, a big stretch for me. I tend to see the flaws more than the fantasy.

But I won’t deny that I enjoy knowing the reaction those things produce. I believe that all women, on some level, like the idea of being sexually desirable; even if some of the more staunch feminists and anti-pornographers say the whole concept is disgusting.

The other part of my kink that this appeals to is the fact that I love watching a man pleasure himself. Seeing a man in all his erect glory, utterly turned on and stroking for all he is worth is exceptionally erotic. And why not? I know a lot of men like watching us masturbate. Goodness, there’s a whole billion dollar industry built around gadgets intended to help women reach orgasms.

Andee     xoxo

The Real TMI To Yesterday's Questions

If you happened to stop by yesterday, you would have read my questions to the answers that the folks behind TMI Tuesday provided this week. Of course, if you have been paying attention to me over the past two years, you will know that I'm not one for short answers.

And even though the questions were created on the fly, I thought it might be kind of fun to dig a little deeper into the answers - because I think I have figured out that you seem to enjoy really getting into the naughty corners of my mind.

1. When using a dildo with your partner, where is the most likely spot it will end up? 

It all depends on exactly how the dildo became involved in the moment - and which dildo in my collection it is. Not too long ago, my husband bought me a new toy, strictly intended to be used for anal play during intercourse. He knows just how much the idea of being penetrated in front and back gets me extremely hot and bothered. It's a huge fantasy that we often like to play with.

However, I do own a couple of larger dildos that aren't exactly suited for that same purpose. As much as I like to think about being taken in both holes, some things are just a bit too large to make it a wild experience. Those particular toys are more than likely to be used as "torture" devices by my hubby as he torments the hell out of my pussy - and mind - with them.

2. What is the one accessory you can wear on a date to make sure you wind up getting laid?

Without question, my husband loves me in high heels. And I have learned that when I feel the need or desire for a little sexual attention, slipping on a pair of sexy stilettos is one way to guarantee I will get some.

I still remember when I first learned that my husband had a bit of a footwear fetish. At the time, we were still dating and I had borrowed a friend's pair of boots that I happened to like. At the end of the evening I was on my back, heels in the air, having an awesome time ... and would always have a little smile when I would see my friend wearing them, wondering what she would think if she knew what I did in them.

3. What is the one physical reaction you expect your answer to Question 2 will produce in your date for the night? 

Let's just say that I pretty know just how I can turn my husband on without doing too much ... a sexy little dress, a great pair of shoes and a naughty little glance will help me turn get him hard and stiff. And for those women who somehow think doing something like that is tiresome or beneath them, ie: "Why should I have to do something like that?" ... you have totally missed the lesson on seduction, and the rewards it brings.

4. What is something that you partner might say in bed that would put a damper on your sexual enthusiasm?
As I mention below, sex doesn't always have to be a serious occasion. Some fun, laughter and light-heartedness is also a good thing. However, short of referring to me by someone else's name in the height of passion or throws of orgasm, probably the one thing that would put me off is if a guy is talking to himself. The funny answer given by the folks at TMI was “By George I think he’s got it!” For me, that would be just way too weird. First, the George I know in my real life is not all that ... and secondly, it would be hard to get visions of Eliza Doolittle out of my mind.

If you don't know who she is, try reading Pygmalion by ... wait for it ... George Bernard Shaw. Or renting My Fair Lady, the musical movie version of the same story.

5. Sex doesn't always have to such a serious thing. What is the last thing you wore to bed that made your partner laugh? 

I find it amusing when I meet people who believe that sex has to be this serious, mind-blowing experience every single time. When you spend many years with the same person, you learn that sex can be fun on many different levels, from the excitement of newlywed sex through to exploring and pushing the relationship envelope inside the bedroom, it doesn't have to ever be "the same old thing."

In my relationship, we have shared tears over sex and laughs. One of the funniest moments came when I was in college and my boyfriend (who became my husband) stayed over. Canadian winters can get a little cold, and the house I was sharing with my roommates wasn't always at a tropical temperature. I was wearing a pair of wool socks to keep my feet warm when he brushed my feet with his and then said in a pretend sexy voice "Oh baby, I love how you wear things to turn me on."

It was a very hysterical moment for me at the time ... but I have since stopped wearing thick wool socks to bed. 

6. When using a washroom in a public place, what is the one thing that will make you risk wetting yourself instead of just going?

There is part of me that is intrigued by the idea of a glory hole experience. The anonymity of the situation, the thrill of doing something I happen to love doing - giving oral sex - is a turn on. However, despite the reality of what a glory hole is, I would still want the security of it being a safe and clean experience.

That said, slipping into most public bathrooms is a test for even the most relaxed germaphobe ... and if I see anything that remotely looks like a peephole, you can be guaranteed I will risk the kidney stones, and hold it until I can pee somewhere less disgusting.

Bonus:

What would you say to your partner when they accidentally discover your collection of Playgirl magazines?
I don't think I ever really got into Playgirl magazine all that much until later in life. I wasn't particularly drawn to pictoral porn; opting for the more erotic approach of the written word. Now, I have no objection to seeing photos of hot naked men with 0% body fat and hard and stiff ...

But I also don't have much reason to hide any of that.

So, the real truth behind my question to the answer: I hid them there so you wouldn’t find them ... relates a lot more to where I store my AA batteries, and how I keep them tucked away for my own battery-operated fun so that my Little Men will not find them and use them for silly things like their remotes for the video game system.

Andee     xoxo

The Best (Sex) Decision I Ever Made

Seriously, I can't say enough about how happy I am to reach the end of the week. This has been another crazy one for me; but given that we're in the middle of prime vacation season, it's no wonder things at work are blowing like a summer thunderstorm.

I have found myself lost in thought about the direction of my sexual adventure. A few things out of my control have slowed some of my plans, while a couple of other discoveries have left me feeling somewhat intrigued. Confusing, yet still quite enjoyable.

My desire is that this summer will bring some new sexual experiences. Although some have left me panting with desire, I remain hopeful some others can still become a reality.

Anyway, when this question was asked by my darling hubby the other day, it gave me the opportunity to slip back into some of the dark corners of my imagination and dig through my past to come up with a good answer for him ... and you.

Which has been the best decision you ever made sexually?

Other than marrying my husband ... I would have to say starting my website. It is definitely one of the most unique decisions I have made in relation to my sex life. It's certainly not something that everyone can say they have done. It has also been a huge motivator for me to discover a much deeper sense of who I am as a sexual person, and opened a lot of doors that have allowed me to do so.

Like most women I know - at least those who have been willing to share - decisions such as losing my virginity were not among the best. Made during the peak of teenage hormones and a desire to be "accepted" among my peers, it wasn't the best of experiences. Frankly, I wish I had waited. I don't necessarily regret that moment, but I was so young and naive ... and it took me a long time to get over some of the emotional residue from that relationship.

My website has allowed me to find my sexual groove with a great deal of openness. It has forced my husband and I to be more creative with our sexual desires, ideas and experiences. Instead of hiding some of our kinks and sexual quirks, we found a way to share them and discuss them ... heck, even videotape some of them. For all the "vanilla" that remains in my real life, the escape into being "Andee" and the freedom that comes with it has become a big key in the success of our marriage.

When you are creating fantasies for other people, it has forces you to not be spectators in life. In a way, it brings a responsibility to open the imaginations of all those people who come along with us in the adventure. I can't tell you how many hours of fun I have had as a result of my site that I may not have had otherwise ... plus where it led in terms of exploring so many of my own fantasies.

Andee     xoxo

 

Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now

The other day I had a chance to sit quietly and talk a bit about my current “status” with someone who knows about what is going on in my life. I always appreciate the time to open up to someone in person because, as much as I love sharing with you guys, there is something more emotionally rewarding for me about knowing there is someone not online that can be open-minded about things.

What stood out in the conversation was a small comment about “if you knew then what you know now …” in regard to being sexually adventurous, and how a lot of tend to look back on how we got to a certain point wondering how different things could have been if we weren’t so naïve and innocent.

I can’t say that there is an awful lot that I would change. I got into my relationship with my husband at a very young age, and began to explore the new world of sexual discovery in a way I likely wouldn’t have if I had not met him. I suspect my life would have been much less adventurous because my husband has been such a strong supporter of me pushing the limits and learning new things. When I do have these little chats with friends from my hometown, it doesn’t take me long to see just how predictable their lives have become … and that’s a little disappointing.

Anyway, to the point …

If there was anything I wish I had learned about sex earlier than I did, it would have to be about being more comfortable with my body image.

I know; you were probably waiting to read the graphic details about my experience with anal sex, bondage … maybe group sex. No, all of those adventures came along in perfect time for me. Some early, some I grew into as my sexual courage increased and the right opportunities presented themselves. Plus, with certain experiences, it helped to be mature and secure enough in my marriage to push the envelope beyond what many would consider “normal behavior” for a married woman.

But I wish I had a better feeling about how I looked back then. These days, when I see some of the naughty photos my husband took of me back in those early days, I think “I should have started my website then!”

Andee     xoxo

Andee | Internationally Renowned Sexpert

The past few days I have been struggling a bit to come up with some blogs that are a bit on the lighter side of life. As I mentioned yesterday, I feel a bit like things were getting very “deep” and analytical on here. And while I know some of you come for that kind of insight, I also know that blogs like mine are supposed to be a little more frilly and not so psychological.

Right? I mean, we flirt, we tease, we kiss … and tell. That’s the fun side of the sexual adventure.

I was spilling my dilemma to a friend as we were chatted, and he patiently listened throughout, inserting the appropriate “hmms” and uh huhs” along the way. Even though I am guilty as anyone else, I really don’t like to do the constant barrage of “visit me,” “message me,” “support me” type of blog entries that I see other women publish, and at the same time I need to be honest that everything I do online is part of one big connected intention. I have tried to offer a subtle connection between the naughty secret side of me – the porn site – and the everyday, join me for a fun time of exploration, adventure and discovery side because I love to share. But there aren’t many websites for flirty married women to just be flirty married women without removing our clothes or hooking up with some divorced firefighter from Fresno.

So anyway, my friend was commenting on how I always seem to focus on advice-type stuff, and that it seemed like I actually had something interesting to say … to which I responded “thank you” … so he asked me, if I could give up my day job, step away from the secrets that occasionally stress me out and could be an internationally known expert in any field, which would it be?

At first it was a bit of an “oh wow” moment. There are lots of things I would like to do in life, experience and discover, but to sit down and consciously think what is something that I could be an expert in – as a career option, guys … naughty, naughty.

With all honesty, if I could be an internationally renowned expert in anything, it would be about helping couples improve and rediscover their sex lives – the excitement, passion and adventure. Now as much as that sounds dirty, it’s not. A little “bragging” perhaps, but one of the things a lot of my friends tell me is that I have managed to do what they haven’t – become comfortable with being a sexual person; being open-minded and willing to be adventurous when it comes to being intimate with a partner.

The real me behind “Andee” has spent a long time finding herself – and I’m certainly not done. I’m not as outwardly courageous as my online personality might mislead you to believe, but I am certainly someone who is constantly growing, challenging and seeking new adventures when it comes to my sexual side. Throughout all of that the one thing that has helped me – almost prompted me to burst out of my shell – is the communication I share with my husband.

In terms of playing the role of an international relationship coach, what I do know is that there are a lot of couples who either never start, or simply just give up, on the commitment to communicating with each other. They think it’s an easy part of the relationship that will just happen naturally, when in fact it is one of the hardest parts of being with someone. Being able to express your thoughts, feelings, desires and dreams with someone else requires a lot of hard work – and trust.

I often hear from my chat friends and some of my Office Guys that they wish their wives were more like me – flirty, sexy, open-minded, obviously sexually comfortable, yada yada. Flattering, but I ask them what is it that they do with their own partner to get them to be more open-minded and willing to try new things. Most times they just say “I can’t talk to her about that” and “Are you kidding, she’d kill me.”

Well, I’m sure my husband probably thought the same thing at one point in time … but we made it a priority to communicate often. And not just in the bedroom. I would have to say the one place my husband and I talk about our love life more than anywhere else is in the car. Oh, and those damn little smartphones with unlimited texting/sexting/electronic flirting have been an amazing addition for our intellectual discussions on sexual fantasies and naughty midday dares. But in the end, the big thing is we find the way to talk and share.

Men need help … women need help. It’s pretty obvious given the high rate of divorce. I would love to be someone that could bring better sex to couples … and not in a dirty way. Just good, clean, sweaty sexual enlightenment! Camera and website is optional.

Andee     xoxo 

Communication | How Social Are We Really

I try very hard to be a social person. It’s not always my biggest comfort zone, but it serves me well to know those around me when I need a favour or shortcut during the day. I don’t need to mention (again!) about how it also led me to starting an incredible journey of sexual discovery and experience.

But there are moments when I get a little concerned over how we have more ways to avoid communicating face to face than we do to interact on a physical level.

I was reading this article online the other day about how social media – specifically Facebook – has changed our way of sharing major life changes to those around us. The article was focused on the issue of updating your FB status when a relationship has come to an end, but touched on other elements of what it has done to our personal TMI filters.

The woman being interviewed commented about how she felt awkward changing her relationship status following a breakup because it invited comments from everyone such as her distant aunt to high school friends she had not seen in years.

It made me think about how much we have grown into a very self-centred society – as we seek electronic validation for “finally dumping the idiot” in our search for “the right guy will come along soon, be patient.” I think what amused me was how there seems to be a whole generation of people who think this is how we relate to each other on an intellectual level.

Heck, even in my own circle of people I actually know, I learned my best friend from high school was pregnant (I won’t mention the not-being-married, not-sure-if-the-divorce-is-final status she should put on Facebook) when she changed her little avatar to the ultrasound image of the fetus.

It was just one of those things that made me think we have accepted that we don’t have any real friends other than the wireless gadget that vibrates in our pocket every time someone IMs or Tweets us.

I see it in my own children, whose friends continually send friend-requests to me – even though I have a reputation of “strict Mom” – because it is more cool in their preteen circuit to have hundreds of online “friends” than it is to head to the park and play a pickup game of soccer or ball hockey with real boys and girls.

As a society, it seems we have become so fixed on our electronic popularity that we will reach out to almost anyone whose name we recognize. (Which reminds me; Johnny Depp, if you are reading this, you haven’t accepted my friend request just yet …)

In a twisted way, I had to laugh when I heard the news that ESPN had fired one of its employees – I think they term they used was “parted company with” – for her deceit in creating a fake following on Twitter in order to seem more “networked” than she was. The woman purchased a followers list from someone else, immediately boosting her own cyber popularity by 1,000 accounts. And I say accounts, because there is no factual evidence to suggest that the package actually included live, breathing organisms.

Followbots continually show up in my Twitter account – and are not hard to identify because they don’t actually “tweet.” They can’t because there is no real person behind the account to offer randomly, amusing sexually suggestive statistics like I tend to share. So, when reviewing who follows me, I can usually determine that if you have a sexy porn star image for an avatar, follow exactly 1,583 others (much like yesterday’s new follower under a different name but the same porn star avatar), have gained 619 followers but have never tweeted a single tweet that you are probably not a living, breathing frustrated bicurious female with a labradoodle and paying way too much in rent.

The Internet – as I believe in all my naïveté – is not meant to be the mechanism through which we solidify relationships with others. It’s a nice toy to occasionally reach out and touch people who we may be geographically distant from, but to notify my mother that I just had a bowel movement by posting on her wall … yeah, not so much.

And social media is already to blame for so much that is anti-social; as a society we are learning how to disconnect ourselves from interacting with those around us in favour of electronic toys that can share our message with cute little emoticons. I guess it is too much trouble to actually smile at someone else.

On top of that, this so-called “social” tool has dulled our ability to sift through what should be private and what should be public. I can imagine the shifting of the planets that would occur if I actually used my personal Facebook account to update my status with my occasionally naughty exploits. Maybe what Facebook needs are some more realistic relationship status options:

• Married with a hall pass
• Decidedly against members of the opposite sex
• Currently engaged … in something exceptionally kinky
• Singularly responsible for someone’s divorce proceedings 

Anyway, since most of you on here don’t get to be “social” with the real mind behind the madness, count yourself lucky. As Brad Paisley sang “I’m so much cooler online.”

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | May Is Masturbation Month

We all know by now that Woody Allen once used the famous line “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.”

This week for TMI Tuesday, I am bringing you to the brink of self-satisfaction with my thoughts on solo sex. That’s right, we’re back to discussing masturbation! However, before you reach for some facial tissue – what an odd name for something when that’s only part of the job it does – you need to know that this is about my habits, not how I do it.

1. How often do you masturbate?

I don’t think this is something I could say “twice a week” to. Like intercourse, it kind of changes with the cycle of my libido. There are some weeks when I am especially horny and find a little solo time daily … or twice daily. And then there are weeks when my favourite little sex toy sits in my night stand collecting dust, anxiously awaiting for the drawer to crack open and be sprung into action with the intensity of a new battery.

But having said that, masturbation is a regular part of my sex life. Being one of those women who needs a little extra help (due to some physical changes after childbirth) achieving orgasm, masturbation is something I am extremely comfortable with. It also helps that I have a partner who has an affection for sex toys and a saint’s level of patience. As my experience grew with the things he would bring home for me, so did my enthusiasm for even more twisted and kinky experiences. You can even watch me test a couple of really big ones in my latest video!

It’s also something that I have become more comfortable with as I … um … got better at it …? I used to view masturbation as a much more private moment than it is these days, but with experience, experimentation and the addition of delightful little gadgets, my comfort level grew to a point where it could be a key part of intimacy in my relationship. My website helped, of course, with the introduction of some pretty steamy videos where you get to watch me pleasure myself.

2. What are you doing to celebrate Masturbation Month?

I can’t honestly say that I knew that there was a month dedicated specifically to the act. Although now that I do know there is a month for it, I will certainly dedicate a round or six in honour of those who have cum before me. I might even go as far as offering a helping hand for masturbation in honour of those who are not able to do it themselves. I’m a giving kind of person that way. Who knows, I might even film a documentary on the subject … or at least turn on the camera for a homemade porn flick for you to enjoy while I masturbate!

I guess you could say it won’t necessarily change my pattern or frequency.

3. Do you like to watch your partner masturbate?

     a. Yes, it turns me on

     b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused 

     c. Not really, it’s boring

     d. No, it’s a turn off

     e. I’ve never experienced it but I would like to

Without question, I am an a-type personality when it comes to my partner’s masturbating. I would love it if he would let me watch even more often. I think it’s exceptionally sexy to watch someone pleasure themselves, even though it took me a while to be comfortable as the one being watched.

In the early days of my introduction to the naughty side of the Internet, I would secretly login to certain sites when my husband was working and flirt, chat – and watch guys do their thing for me. It was an exciting experience for me to learn that I could get men to share that on webcam – especially since they would frequently be asking for me to do that for them! I don’t know if I can say I miss those days, or if I just miss having the time on my hands that I had back in those days!

4. Do you let your partner watch you masturbate?

     a. Yes, it turns me on to be watched

     b. Sometimes, because it gets my partner very aroused

     c. No, it’s embarrassing

     d. I’ve never experienced it but I’d like to

Hmm, there’s not really a true definition in this for me. I let my husband watch/participate/do it for me very often, because about 80% of the time, I am masturbating myself to orgasm after we have sex. It’s not so much about it turning me on that he is there, but more about continuing the sexual moment to a point where we each have climaxed. Sometimes this is before we have intercourse – because of how incredible it feels to have him in me right after I have cum; while other times it is after we have made love and I am looking to “finish” things off for myself (as I alluded to earlier).

Away from those experiences, there have been times when I have done it for him as a way to get him excited. A hint of foreplay, perhaps. Regardless, any time sex is on the agenda is a good time.

5. Mutual masturbation, yeah or nay?

Oh god, yes! But the biggest challenge in mutual masturbation is trying to refrain from taking it to screwing like rabbits once each of us is all horned up from manual genital manipulation. Where I see this as a more intriguing option is the few occasions I have had with phone sex, and the aforementioned early days of exploring with webcam.

6. If you had an all-expense-paid trip to San Francisco to attend Masturbation-a-Thon 2012, would you go and masturbate? Why or why not?

Unfortunately the only answer to this one is a very wishy-washy “maybe.” The idea is exceptionally erotic, but once those initial thoughts wane, you start to realize that most people who attend events like these aren’t exactly the erotic types you want to share a masturbatory experience with. Jennifer Aniston is not going to sit in a conference room chair across from me and let me watch what she does with her hands between those sexy legs … nor will I get the chance to watch Thor actor Chris Hemsworth handle his hammer!

Reality is, most of the attendees to events like this tend to be either tattooed and pierced sexual/gay activists, or pasty-pale basement dwellers looking for a kink to add to their deviant track record. Like Pride Day, those participating generally don't speak for the majority. It’s the same reality that takes the eroticism out of nude beaches. The people you want to see naked are never the ones that are naked.

I know that sounds rather harsh and judgmental, but let’s be honest, we recognize that it’s close to the truth. I’m not into the act of masturbation for a political – or even a social – statement. For me, it is an experience that is meant to bring sexual satisfaction to me. Selfish, yes. But while I may strike the hypocritic nerve for my position, I just think it’s something that should not be considered an “agenda item” … which is what events like this tend to make it.

BONUS: Are you addicted to masturbating?

No, I wouldn’t say I am addicted to masturbating. What I would say is that if masturbation was an Olympic sport, I would most definitely qualify for the team. Practice makes perfect … and I like to practice as much as I can and as often as the mood strikes.

And now, with all that behind me, I think I might go celebrate!

Andee     xoxo

Sex | Is That Weird ... or What

The past 10 years have been an incredible experience for me – eye-opening at times, lustfully orgasmic at others. Along the way, I have learned an awful lot about what makes people tick sexually. I have had guys share some of their fantasies, fetishes, desires and delights; had cyber-sex (not as exciting as real sex, however); had webcam sex (better than typing it out); even phone sex (never mind honey, a story for another day …).

And through it all, these have been a big part of me coming into my own sexually. It’s not that I wasn’t having a great time anyway, but the experiences added to the spice my husband and I were bringing to our marriage. Part of the adventure, so to speak.

So, when I get into an intriguing chat with some of the guys online, this usually comes up at some point:

What is the most bizarre thing someone has ever asked you to do sexually?

You might think with the things I do share on here that I might have a lengthy list of readily available examples, but what I also hope comes through in this is that I really am just your average girl-next-door. I just happen to enjoy a healthy sex life, and love the distraction and attention that it brings. So, in order to answer the question, I’m going to break this out into a few different angles … just to cover some of the bases. I’m sure a lot you would like to know what has actually gone on in my strange sex antics off line, as well as knowing some of the really odd requests I have been asked by guys on the Internet.

In Private

The hardest part of thinking of something really strange that my husband has asked is that I don’t really consider much of what we do as “strange.” Like many couples, we find ways to ignite the flames of passion, bring a little spice to the relationship and enjoy life together with as much intimacy as we can. Some of the sexual antics that we consider to be a very normal part of our lifestyle may seem rather strange to others.

But marriage is about discovery.

I think, when I consider the relationships of people around me, perhaps some of the oddities would include the early days of exploring “swinging” and meeting face-to-face with a couple we found online through a lifestyle website. I can say that I would have never imagined myself ever exploring that whole side of life had I not married the man I did. To test the waters on that level, and recognize that I was free to explore some of the curiosities I had about my own sexuality, wasn’t something I could have imagined being a reality.

On the upside of “strange,” I would say his willingness to allow me the freedom to have shared that moment with my friend from work could be called bizarre; mostly because of the conventions of traditional marriage that it broke, and the fact that it took such an incredible leap of faith and trust to be that open-minded. A lot of people would never be able to do something like that.

For The Web

Hmm…another toughie because most of what you can find from me on my website and my videos could be considered “bizarre” in some circles, “exciting” in others and “tame” in others yet again. For me personally, I think the one video we have done – Sex Toy Punishment – comes close to my own consideration of the question. I’m all for a little fun, and I don’t mind the camera being on … but this one was a bit more of a role-play for me, where an “intruder” sneaks into my bedroom, ties me up and then proceeds to penetrate me anally and vaginally with my sex toys.

Trying to play the “victim” when I was damn-well enjoying it was very tough. Trying to “act” was even harder.

On The Web

The biggest challenge of them all was to narrow it down for this category. In the past decade, I have received hundreds of strange and unusual requests. Some of them have been kind of funny, some of them illegal. Some guys think because I have a website and videos that I am willing to randomly meet them for sex, while others want to fly me to distant lands to become a princess.

I’ve been asked to dress up as a superhero and dash through the neighbourhood on a mission to save the world; I have been asked to dress up and pretend I am a giant woman and stomp on toy cars and tiny cardboard houses. But I think the most bizarre (and disgusting) request I have had was from someone who wanted me to wipe my butt with my panties and then mail them to him. Bodily functions outside of an orgasm are something you just won’t see from me.

In all, I guess like so much of the sexual fantasy vs. reality argument … the fantasies always turn out to be some much more. My life online is a fantasy, even though there are parts of the real me throughout. That unto itself might be downright bizarre to a lot of people.

Andee     xoxo

 

Life | Having It All

I recent read an article that speculated on the whole premise of Sex In The City, and the lead character's pursuit of "having it all." To Carrie Bradshaw that meant a a great relationship, stable and happy kids, a rock-star career, a home to be proud of and a network of friends to rely on.

But is that truly the pursuit of every woman? And do we have less if our standards aren't equal?

The show was meant to be nothing more than entertainment, but unfortunately like many other popular messages in our society, placed unrealistic desires in a lot of viewers. We already have a whole generation of new workers that expect six-digit paycheques for 20-hour work weeks and cocktails at Remi's every night. Our economic society is suffering terribly because of the massive personal debt people have put themselves in with their insatiable greed. And our pop culture icons reinforce the mentality that if you don't possess all the toys and glamour, you are less than successful.

Unfortunately, it's an epidemic with the generation that has been handed everything and been told from the get-go that they are "special" and "deserve" things. Working hard is for the suckers that haven't found the shortcuts. It's a generation truly effed-up by the influence of popular television.

It might be the kind of lifestyle a fictional relationship writer can have on a television program, but having been married to someone who toiled in the media for years - much like the lead character - I can attest there is no magnificent Manhattan apartment at the end of a journalist's paycheque. A fridge box in Central Park is closer to the truth...and cocktail wienies for dinner because you can't afford the whole hot dog ... never mind the cocktail.

It's the nonsense that gives rise to the "role model" status assigned to women like Angelina Jolie, whose biggest talent is wading through international adoption papers while bewitching married actors on her movie sets. Or Facebook's Sheryl Sandberg, who most recently claimed that she left the office every day at 5:30 ... failing to mention how late the lackeys had to stay behind to complete the bulk of the work.

What about a job that matters? What about a life filled with happiness instead of the latest designer dresses and matching killer heels?

I don't live in a $1 million dollar home. Nor do I have designer kids or sip apple martinis after work on Tuesdays. But I do have a realist grasp on having it all. While I don't include them in my blog very often - because this isn't about them - I have great kids. I'm happy with my exceptional normal suburban life, where almost all of our friends have no clue as to what goes on in my private life.

And I have a husband that doesn't just accept my desire for this adventure, but is a willing participant and ardent supporter. And every now and then, I'm blessed when he treats me to a drool-worthy new dress and sexy shoes.

But seriously, when it comes to having it all, it's much better to base that on a level of happiness as opposed to the chrome numbers on the brand plate of an automobile in the driveway.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Sex On Fire

As you know, every now and then I spend a little bit of time exploring some of my thoughts to already established questions. As part of the TMI Tuesday concept, it makes it a little easier when you have an idea to explore - especially during those blogger-block moments.

Anyway, this week it was the headline that caught my attention, and I hope you will find my answers to the TMI questions to be intriguing.

This week’s TMI Tuesday questions focus on sexual desire.

Answer the question: What makes you hot?
This is kind of a tough one for me because there are a number of things that really make my mind and libido wake up even before the sexual contact begins. I have a thing for men's hands, and they are usually the first thing I notice when I meet a guy. Something else that makes me notice a man is his cologne. Both my husband and my Office Guy wear cologne that make my mouth water.

When it comes to the more sexual moments, what really gets me going is a man that knows how to use those hands to make me yearn for something even more!

What is it that you want, when you look at porn?
    a. To feel happy
    b. To learn
    c. To relax, relieve tension
    d. To orgasm
I can't say that it is any of these really. Looking at porn for me borders on curiosity and research for my own website. I'm not on to use it as a stimuli for an orgasm, nor does my personal happiness revolve around it. So by default it has to be b) to learn.
 
You’ve been asked to be a part of a porn movie production. Which job will you do? Why did you select that?
   a. The star of the porn film – Doug Hardwicke or Fachina Istite
   b. The director – staging the scenes and directing the actors, lighting, camera shots, etc.
   c. The fluffer – you’re in charge of keeping the actors “excited” about their work
   d. The camera person getting all the tight, up in there, close shots
I'm going to say b). I already have my own porn videos available. I wouldn't mind the role of fluffer because I love oral sex, but I would not like having to "surrender" the actor before I had finished him off. Finishing a nice blow job is important to me. As for being the camera person ... I think I could get into that except I would be afraid that I would stop filming and jump in if things got too hot!

Right this very moment you are horny and are looking for a casual hookup for sex. Under which, of the following headings, would you place your ad? (w=woman, m=man, t=transexual/transvestite)
w4m, m4w, m4m, w4w, t4m, m4t, w4t, t4w, t4mw, mw4t, mw4mw, mw4w, mw4m, w4mw, m4mw, w4ww, m4mm, ww4m mm4w m4ww, w4mm

Another toughie ... but probably my choice would be w4mm. Let's be honest, if I get to choose my horny casual hookup, I'm going for the fabulous threesome I have always wanted.  

From now on, ’til the end of time you will be able to experience sexual pleasure via a single method. From the list below, choose that method. Why did you make that choice?
    a. Vaginal penetration
    b. Anal penetration
    c. Masturbation with your fingers/hand
    d. Masturbation with a single favorite sex toy. What is the toy?
    e. Being masturbated (e.g. fingered, hand-job) by the fingers/hands of another person
    f. Body Touching from another – full body massage, caressing, kneading, licking, sucking, biting, etc. but no insertion of anything in any orifices.
    g. Oral sex
Easy choice for me on this one: a). I used to be able to orgasm from penetrative sex, but when I had my children, things changed down there and it has been an adjustment to get used to not having that much sexual thrill from straight on vaginal penetration. My thrill in oral sex has always been giving it, and then, if I get to orgasm via penetration, they do have great sex toys that make it work too!

Bonus: What’s the sexiest thing you did this past weekend? Got any pics or a vid?
Hmm ... washed some of my panties? Sorry, not even close to being a sexy weekend, between working and housework. Although, I'm sure that is a fetish somewhere.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | More Intriguing Places To Get Laid

It seems that my post on Monday about places to have sex produced some intriguing debate. The list, admittedly, was not something that I developed and so there are a number of places that I can think of that did not make the list.

I admit, some of the responses I have gotten are certainly intriguing.

My blogger friend H commented about how he liked the ideas of the office desk, library, hood of a car, in the ocean and doing it on the train tracks ... and threw in his own naughty suggestion of in my panties. Not sure if he meant getting into mine, or he wanted to borrow a pair! ;-)

Lately, I have had a really big fantasy going on for the film noir type of office hook-up. You know, the long trench coat, high heels and stockings kind of thing ... closing the office door and revealing that I have absolutely nothing on except those things.

Have I told how important a healthy imagination can be when it comes to sex?

The one that really got my attention was from one of my friends, who told me about the time she and a boyfriend did it in the ditch that separates the two sides of a major highway not far from where she lives. I can only imagine the sheer thrill of lying in the tall grass, naked, getting it on as cars fly by on either side. Very erotic in an exhibitionist kind of way.

Her advice included parking a good distance from the chosen spot, so that you are not interrupted by a tow truck or police. She didn't mention if that advice came from experience ...

Personally, I have always looked at "planned" sex - places where I want to get laid - as more destinational: the Eiffel Tower, the Great Barrier Reef ... you get the idea. But with some of the suggestions that have come my way, I think I may create my own list. So, feel free to have you input in where I should get laid! Drop me a quick note by email, comment here or hit me up on Twitter.

Andee     xoxo

Attractive or Sexy?

Seems like forever since I had the chance to write a blog update. I have no idea why this December is any busy than most, but it just seems like it is. Anyway, managed to find a time to tuck myself into the corner of the couch for a few minutes and put my thoughts to some things for you.

With so much going on for Christmas, there has been quite a bit of talk about all the great outfits for parties and such, and one of my Office Guys asked us at lunch what the difference was between attractive and sexy. A good thought because, personally, I think the two are very different in certain ways and very individual - as each of us have our own thoughts on what makes us attracted to others.

We could get into all the psychological stuff, but since I am not a psychologist and just a social voyeur, you get my not-so-educated thoughts on the whole thing.

For me, “attractive” tends to encompass a different attitude than “sexy.” The challenge for us is figuring out which is which, especially in these confusing days of human sexual relations and varying tastes in sexual partners.

On the surface, attractive has an element of elegance that is not present in sexy. It is in the subtleties of how someone presents themselves to others; from their physical appearance to their demeanor. In a way, it can almost be tied to a person's level of "politeness" and "grace." That said, someone can be attractive but not sexy because they do not convey those base emotions of desire, passion, lust … all those raw instincts within us.

Sexy is more purposeful, emotional, and has a more direct message that touches on our animal instincts to spark a desire. It is within a person’s confidence and how they carry themselves in certain situations. And as such, is more obvious and easier to define.

Sexy is everything from laughter to intelligence and back again, Sexy is confidence and individualism, and it's being a team player and champion with dignity and class. Sexy is kindness and compassion, fairness and competitiveness.

Sexy is an aura that surrounds a person that doesn't hint at arrogance, but has a healthy dose of flirtation and approachability. Sexy reveals the passion in one's soul, and the desire in one's heart.

When a woman intentionally dresses sexy, she wants a man to know her and knows what that reaction will be. She is sending a signal that reveals her outgoing and adventurous side - perhaps even as basic as inviting interaction.

What it isn't is some societal standard. This past weekend, Men's Health magazine named Jennifer Aniston as the Sexiest Woman. I personally agree. Not only is she physically gorgeous, but she is also confident, funny and we've all lived through the exploitation of her vulnerable side - thanks in part to someone I think isn't sexy at all: Angelina Jolie.

But where all this falls down is that, while Jennifer Aniston is sexy, the media tells women that we can not be sexy unless we are like her. They narrow the definition down to celebrities, when there are so many other incredibly sexy women out there that aren't paparazzi fodder.

And, as Sensuality Coach Lori Bryant Woolridge states in her Huffington Post blog: "Sexy is an outward expression of your inner feminine confidence, which makes it an attitude, not a style or a cup size. True sexy is your sexy -- fluffed and shaped in any form you choose."

Now, how about sexy vs. erotic?

Andee     xoxo

Porn | Why Women Are Looking

I was surfing around looking for some information for those sex-stats Tweets that I like to throw at you guys on a frequent basis and I came across this on why women like porn. Now, it’s kind of a weird thing for me. I don’t look at porn all that much – but as you know, I spend a portion of my private life posing for it. So, the idea of women and porn is a bit twisted for me.

I make no secret of my passion for well-written erotica, and enjoy spending an evening curled up in my reading chair with a really steamy book. It has fueled so many of my fantasies … and cost me probably hundreds of dollars in batteries.

Now, having said that, I recognize that with the Internet playing such a huge role in our lives today, access is extremely easy and we’re not really all that different from guys. We have our kinks. We just may not be as open about letting you know that we do.

In one thing I read on the subject, I found this: Psychotherapist Phillip Hodson, of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, says that in consulting rooms, the issue of woman habitually using porn "is something that has not been aired before. It's something new that's just beginning to surface … Traditionally women's voices have been against porn. It's seen as more of a male thing, because it's men who are supposed to be visually stimulated. But that doesn't mean that women aren't. Men are just maybe more so."

So, more women are doing it … and on thefrisky.com I found blogger Susannah Breslin had come up with 10 reasons why. I thought it would be great to share:

1. Curiosity. A girlfriend of mine calls this the “freak show factor.” Personally, I think there is something about pornography that is a bit like a freak show. I mean, people look kind of weird naked and doing it. We’ve come a long way, baby, but there is a degree to which watching porn is still a taboo for women, and that can be its own turn-on.

2. To Get Off. Women and men may be from different planets, but they are both prone to the occasional masturbation session, and it is for that express purpose porn was designed. Generally, I believe women are more likely to choose mental fantasies over visual aids, but there are many women who are as visual as men and men who are as fantasy-oriented as women.

3. Learn New Moves. We can’t all be Stormy Daniels, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have sex like porn stars if we aspire to do so. Whether we’re bored with the current state of our sex lives, looking to bust out a new move on a special occasion, or have yet to perfect the fine art of fellatio, porn can, uh, come in, er, handy as an, um, “educational tool.”

4. Comparison Shopping. People are always yapping about how competitive men are. I have yet to meet a man who is as quietly competitive as a woman. Because a fair amount of us can’t quite make up our minds whether or not to love the body Mother Nature gave us, sometimes we watch porn to compare ourselves to other women. When the competition is surgically enhanced, that challenge can get a little tricky. But women also watch porn to compare their sexual partners to other men. Do they measure up? Depends.

5. Ogle Guys. You know what there isn’t enough of in this world? Shirtless, bottomless, and shirtless and bottomless men. Seriously! Naked chicks? Everywhere you look. If we can’t get to the beach, we might have to visit HotNudeDudes.com, stat.

6. Kill Time. Why does one of my female coworkers watch porn? “To kill time before you can start a DVR’d, hour-long episode of a TV show without having to watch any commercials.” She is nothing if not efficient.

7. Get in the Mood. Several women I spoke with about their personal porn usage used the term “jump start.” If she’s getting ready to go out on a big date, or if her partner is on the way over for a roll in the hay, women use adult movies to get their motor runnin’. It’s like foreplay. Except you’re having sex with the Internet instead of another human being.

8. It’s His. Probably, this one should be higher up on the list. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the second most common reason women watch porn. Suffice to say, many women who stumble upon their man’s porn collection may have taken a peek at it. Or, you know, spent the next several hours watching it. In some cases, someone else’s porn can tell you a lot about them.

9. Explore Secret Fantasies. If a woman isn’t comfortable sharing her sexual fantasies, she may turn to porn to experience them vicariously. It could be something as simple as spanking, yet she may feel awkward telling her square-as-a-peg husband that she wants to play naughty. Porn never judges.

10. Penises. Newsflash: Penises are weird. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. We don’t have them. We will never totally understand them. Porn is a penis show.

Well, as for me ... how just because I want to. I figure that is good enough reason. I already do more than enough in the rest of my life to be psycho-analyzed.

Andee     xoxo

 

My Blog | Some Sexy New Additions

Hey guys, so I enlisted the help of my I.T. specialist to add a few new things to my blogging experience. I have no idea if some of them will mean much to anyone, but hey ... someone suggested a couple new concepts to me and I am running naked through the chilly Canadian streets with them!

Ok, maybe not really running naked through the streets ... but I think you probably like the idea.

For anyone who is really into the techno side of life, I have this thing that looks like a big pixel smudge on here now. I guess they are called QR codes and I have no idea how they really work, but what I do know is that if you have a scanning program, it will take you to my website, which is kind of cool. Now, I am being a little sarcastic in that ... I do know that these new things work like a barcode. Anyway, they seem to be the latest thing for helping people get around the Internet, and I have one to call my own. Just don't expect me to get a tattoo of it any time soon.

Also, with my lust for well-written erotica, and my frequent mentioning of how much I like to read, it seems that some of you want to write some just for me. I always appreciate anyone who takes the time to put their creative juices to work, and so I have created a whole new blog just for those erotic stories. If naughty words gets you going, I hope you will take the time to slip on over to this newest chapter in my sexual adventure. Just to make it easy, I've added a link!

Have an awesome weekend!

Andee     xoxo