No Resolutions

On average, almost two-thirds of us will be making some sort of New Year’s resolutions tonight. Whether they are health related – such as losing weight or quitting smoking – or just simple lifestyle changes – such as planning ahead, quit procrastinating – somehow we will vow to improve ourselves.

 

Heck, according to the headlines this morning, we can even download apps that will help us achieve those resolutions this year.

I was reading another blog this morning while I was having my morning coffee before work, and the writer described resolutions as vows of guilt; promises to ourselves to erase the errors we have made the previous year. While I tend not to make lofty resolutions, I prefer to look upon them simple goals.

And, like many of you, those goals are rather vanilla. But, I also know you want to know if I make any resolutions around my sex life. And, as much as I would love to take you through a wild amusement park of debauchery with Andee, the truth is that I don’t make firm promises when it comes to sex. Instead, I usually take a few moments to myself and reflect on where I have come from over the past year and where my adventure might take me.

I’m a firm believer in the mantra of “if it is meant to be, it will be.” This past year I was able to fulfill some amazing fantasies and become even more in touch with my own sexuality and sensuality. I found even more personal joy and excitement in playing the role of sexy temptress both at home and at work – although, still maintaining a healthy dose of political/HR correctness as not to go too far over the edge.

But even those opportunities came about after years of working towards the kind of relationship – and personal self-confidence – that I now have. They didn’t just pop up because I vowed on January 1, 2012 that these things would happen come hell or high water. Which is why, for me, resolutions almost seem constraining … that if you don’t achieve them within the 12 months given each calendar year you will somehow be considered a failure.

So, what will happen for me in 2013? All I can resolve to say is that, no matter what the days and months bring, the adventure will continue.

Andee     xoxo

Some Sexy Renovations Coming in 2013

Well guys, here it is, the dusk of 2012. I've been looking back on the path that I took over the past 12 months; the left turns, the hills and valleys. It's been another crazy ride - and I don't look back with any regret.

I have some great ideas coming to my blog in 2013 - or at least ideas that I think are pretty cool. I might even try my hand at writing a little bit of erotic fiction for you. And, of course, quite a few of your obvious favourites will continue.

Anyway, just a quick thank you for all your virtual companionship in my sexual adventure for this past year. I look forward to flirting, teasing and confessing to you again in the New Year!

Andee     xoxo

 

Merry Christmas

Hope everyone has a joyous and wonderful day! Merry Christmas

Love Andee

xoxo

Fantasy to Reality

One of the realities of pursuing a fantasy can rear its ugly head in the idea of real expectations. That is a big reason why I have always tried to be clear on what it is I am looking for when things become action after living inside my mind as thoughts for so long.

Chasing a fantasy can be quite daunting when you get right down to it. There are a lot of circumstances that occur which you no longer have any control over in your mind - such as how the other person will react to the situation, as well as the realization that we all have true flaws. From the physical to the sexual, our individual quirks are no longer hidden away in the paradise of the dream. The perfect scene that we have held in our imaginations for so long may not be how it really plays out.

And if that only strikes you as your panties hit the floor, you could be in for a very scary ride.

Like so many of you, I have fantasies that I have crafted in my very healthy imagination; and I know some of those will not come to fruition. I have also had the wonderful opportunity to pursue some really awesome ones ... which is why I am also cautious about getting too excited when the moment comes.

This past weekend, I found myself in deep discussion about some of this. I mentioned to a friend that someone I knew was looking for Santa to bring him and his wife a threesome.

I would hazard to say that this is a fair number of people's most popular fantasy - whether it's MFM or FMF. I know it ranks very highly on my own sexual bucket list; something I have blogged about a number of times.

Christmas and New Years seem to be when a lot of this kind of thing surfaces. People are caught up in the excitement of the season, or the reality of the need to change where life is heading. I've met a few people who have suffered through the pause that comes to life when the clock strikes midnight on December 31 and they vow to live and love on a higher level.

It's a complicated emotion when it hits - and from what I have seen, can result in some pretty disastrous situations. Especially if the same resolution is not on your partner's list of things to change in the coming months.

I think one of the better resolutions would be is that of vowing to communicate about your sexual fantasies a lot more. That way, the pressure of having to actually pursue one isn't as ridiculous. Plus, you may find some of those fantasies become realities a lot faster when you are able to have honest, insightful and truthful conversations with your partner. They may surprise you ... And lead you to something even more exciting and erotic than the visions in your head.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Show Me Something Sexy

Are you ready for Santa? In just one week, the big guy in the red suit will be sliding down the chimney ... and damn, I hope that naughty list goes up in flames!

This week with TMI Tuesday, we look at just some of the more recent naughty events that may have put me on that other list. But let's be honest, even Santa can appreciate a naughty girl every now and then!

What is the sexiest thing you have done in the past two months?
It’s been a wildly busy two months for my husband and I, so incredible tales of wild, swinging weekends and sexual adventures best saved for graphic romance novels aren’t really at my disposal right now – unless you want to slip inside my overactive imagination. But, that said, sexy doesn’t always have to be something extreme and crazy. Sometimes sexy can simply be a moment spent completely invested in making someone feel special and loved. With that in mind, I would say the sexiest thing I have done in the past two months is invest a good part of a couple days drawn into some very steamy sexting with my husband, followed by some very sweaty sex at unusual hours for a married couple with busy lives and busy children.

Connecting on an emotional level like that, after spending the day wrapped up in a technology-aided sexual whirlwind, can be extremely sexy. If not equally important, in order to keep the flames of passion burning in a relationship.

What is the sexiest thing you have worn in the past 30 days?
Without a doubt, the sexiest thing I have worn in the past month is some incredible lingerie that a friend sent for me to wear. You can see from the attached image, a small peek at the outfit …

For me, the outfit is sexy on a number of levels: first, just the look. When I first saw this lingerie, during an online shopping spree with my friend, I said it was very sexy. It’s not over the top; it’s not “cheesy”. It has a classic look and mood to it. It’s the kind of lingerie that is meant to be worn, not just something for a “stockings and lace” swingers’ party. Along with that, it is the kind of lingerie that I can – and will – wear under a dress just like the one in the photo. Unlike some of the lingerie on my website, this can be practical in a very sexy and flirtatious manner offline!

Secondly, it is sexy because of the kinkiness behind it. This is lingerie that someone other than my husband bought for me to wear. For me, that adds to the excitement … and the desire to slip it on and behave in a very naughty way, even when the camera isn’t pointed at me. Knowing that someone else is enjoying the reality behind that ... uh huh, that is sexy to me.

What is the sexiest thing you have watched in the last 30 days?
Settling into one of my more kinky thoughts, the one thing that I find incredibly sexy is when I get to watch my husband stroke himself. I can’t explain just how much of a turn-on that is for me – to be able to just watch and enjoy. I guess because it allows me to see how he brings himself to an erection and his technique for pleasuring himself. To me, this is incredibly sexy – and made even more so because it’s a somewhat rare treat.

What is the sexiest thing you have heard in the last two weeks?
“Sweetie, I did the vacuuming.”

I dare you to find anything more orgasmic to a woman’s ears than hearing a verbal confirmation of actual housecleaning from their spouse. Talk about instant arousal.

The coup de grace was: “I also emptied the dishwasher.”

Damn, now I’m horny just reminiscing about it all.

What is the sexiest thing you’ve said in the last 24 hours?
Does reading the answers featured above count as “the last 24 hours”?

BONUS: Tell us or show us something sexy.

And there you go, some sexy naughtiness to get us in the mood for some serious seasonal fun!

Andee     xoxo

Masturbation | What Women Don't Get

I don’t think I’ve ever shied away from admitting that one of my favourite sexual pastimes is masturbation. For me, playing with myself is a brilliant stress reliever and a great way to revisit a fantasy within my imagination at the same time.

A while back, I got into a discussion with a male friend about the difference in how masturbation is perceived by men and women, and what those might be. He was wondering if there is anything women still don't get about masturbation. I assured him that I got masturbation quite effectively – and in fact planned to enjoy it later that evening – if I wasn't able to organize something a little more substantial. I always love those moments when you see the expression on their face as what I had just said sinks in and the mental image takes over.

Joking aside, what he was really wondering was if there was anything women don’t quite understand about male masturbation ...

I think many women in heterosexual relationships struggle with the notion that their partner will dabble in some self love believing the man no longer has any desire for intimacy. They experience a sense of rejection; fearing the concept of not being sexually appealing enough for their husbands, and struggle with the self-doubt that so many women have ... especially as they age and don't feel as attractive as they once were. But masturbation isn't about replacement – it's more about opportunity. It's only an issue when it reaches that stage.

At the same time, I know many women in heterosexual relationships who are perfectly content to let their partner dabble in self love. These are the women who view sex as a chore – usually the same women who I hear about from my sexually frustrated male friends.

I do believe there are women who are left feeling somewhat short-changed by the idea that their partner would opt for some masturbation versus sex. It comes down to context, when you think about it.

On a personal level, I don't get why men won't invite their partners to share in the moment; be an observer. I love to watch my husband pleasure himself. It's a highly erotic experience to witness.
 
But, it is a two-sided argument – as many women find sexual relief through a little manual manipulation and battery-operated banging. If they didn't, the sex toy industry would be almost non-existent. And there are men who feel that they have been replaced by some dildo modeled after the rather large member of a porn star; or they feel inadequate for the same reasons.

Which is something women don't get when it comes to men understanding why we masturbate.

Andee     xoxo

Fast Friday | Pure Randomness

Hey guys! Hope everyone is getting ready for the festive season! I love the holidays and all the excitement, but I have to admit that as I get older, the hustle and bustle wears me down faster.

And since we’re all running in top gear these days, I thought a quick little blog update might be more in line with the pace of our busy days. So, here’s a quick little something I’m calling my Fast Friday Five … five quick and easy questions that I can’t write a whole entry about, but have made their way to my inbox over the past few months.

Do you have a sexy nickname? How did you get it?
Well, my name for all my online fun is Andee – and maybe not as exciting as something like “Hot Lips” or “Lover Buns” but it is the name associated with all the naughty stuff I do here and on my website. The name came from a childhood friend who struggled to pronounce my real name. She still calls me that today; if she only knew!

What’s your favorite sexual position?
This question is always a huge struggle for me … I hate to pick just one. However, as I need to narrow it down, I love doggy-style the most. There is a lot to be said for having a guy enter me in that way; feeling him slide along all the most sensitive spots inside me … yum! Second to that would be the boring ol’ missionary, but mostly because I love kissing. And kissing while having sex … yowza!

But let’s be honest, anytime I am getting laid, that is the position I like to be in!

Do you prefer ice cubes or hot wax?
I have yet to experiment with hot wax … and while the ice cube experience was delightfully erotic on a very hot summer night, and the sensation of the cool water dribbling down my thighs was kind of cool, having the cock-shaped ice cube inside my pussy was friggin’ cold. I guess I should have tried the newlywed version of just using an ice cube to make my nipples stand out. But apparently the sensation of his hot erection slipping deep into my chilled pussy was amazing.

Do you like rough sex or smooth sex?
Yes …

Ok … each has its specific appeal. Sometimes there is nothing hotter than a very raunchy, tie me to the bed and torture me with sex toys evening, but I also enjoy a passionate, emotionally-driven tender night on occasion. Most of our sex life falls somewhere in the middle of these two extremes, but mixing things up every now and then keeps it all very hot and fresh.

Have you ever cross-dressed?
Um, no ... but even if I did, it’s probably not as kinky for a woman these days to dress up like a man as it is for one of you guys to slip on some of my favourite Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie and stockings and head out for a night on the town.

So there you guys, a few quick and easy answers to hopefully keep you sexually amused on what is surely a crazy Friday for you. It is for me.

Andee     xoxo

Too Old For What?!

First bit of advice: never take any article written that uses an unnamed “corporate spokesperson” as its primary source to be a very credible piece.

I said to my husband this morning, as I sipped on my coffee and scanned a few bits and pieces online before work that I felt a rant coming on over something published on Yahoo. OK, second piece of advice: never take anything published as “news” on Yahoo as credible. They make those bitter and self-indulgent Carrie Bradshaw wannabes at Cosmo look like they stand a chance at a Pulitzer for investigative journalism.

The article which raised my ire was entitled “You’re Too Old To Wear That.” Another fluffy piece that suggests women must adhere to specific style standards as they climb the chronological ladder. And the primary “expert” was someone from a company that specializes in anti-aging skin care.

Apparently, a study conducted by said “skin-care company” found one third of the 2,000 women they polled (all of whom were over 45) worried that some items in their wardrobe were age-inappropriate, and 80 per cent felt they “needed to abandon 'younger' styles as they grew older.”

“We think middle aged is supposed to be later, but women are saying that in the early 40s a lot of things need to be toned down,” the unnamed corporate source said.

Now, before you think the top of my head is going to blow off, there are some things that I do agree should be retired. Anything that can be mistaken for a sequined napkin being passed off as a miniskirt might be best saved for those “special club nights” and not the office. And I know you guys will all be disagreeing with me, saying a miniskirt is the perfect choice for work, but a lot of offices have these things called “policies” and they’re usually written by stuffy women with self-esteem and feminism issues who subscribe to articles such as this as “workplace attire gospel.”

If there is anything superficial that I get compliments on, it is my legs – and I am proud of the fact that I have the kind which will serve as pleasant distractions for many of you guys. Forgive my moment of vanity, but damn it, I enjoy the attention … particularly “at my age.”

Believe it or not, there are quite a few of us that are perfectly comfortable with our ability to provide a visual distraction. Looking sexy – and seeing that others are noticing you looking sexy – helps us feel sexy, which in turn fuels a lot of what goes on in our imaginations. It’s also a magnificent method of dealing with work-related stress.

Maybe that’s just because I love to flirt.

And, I am intelligent enough to match wits with the best, so this isn’t a habit of compensation or leverage to “get ahead” in a “man’s world.” It’s more in tune with having reached an age where my appreciation for playing the part has greater depth; and the fact that I couldn’t really care less what the majority of my female peers have to say about the length of my skirt or the height of my heels.

The disappointing aspect of articles like these – beyond being “sponsored” by corporations that market anti-aging products to women – is that they add to the societal confines already placed on women. The messages say “you’re too old to wear anything above the knee” and “you’re too old for that colour of lipstick.”

Women should be celebrating their confidence as they “get older.” I am in a much more comfortable place at 38 than I was at 28, and at 18. And as such, I get to enjoy the benefits of that confidence even more. To sit back and think that in three years I need to hide my miniskirts and start shopping for sensible shoes is ridiculous.

In fact, in three years I hope everyone around me will be staring in disbelief with “Damn she looks hot for her age.”

But even if they don’t, I won’t care. I’m not defined by silly notions concocted by the marketing departments and “corporate spokespeople” at companies which sell anti-aging products.

THE OTHER SUGGESTED SILLINESS

• knee-high boots should be retired by age 45
• tattoos start to look bad by the mid-50s
• ditch high heels by the time you are 59
• hair braids only in your 20s
• pants that say "pink," or anything, for that matter, on the butt
• stop wearing light, short, flimsy dresses as the upper thighs...change...with age  

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | 'Tis The Season

Is everybody getting ready for another great festive season? I love this time of year, even if things do get a little crazy. For today's TMI Tuesday, we start getting into the Christmas spirit ... and while you are reading, I'm probably getting into the Christmas "spirits!"

During the December holiday season, do you:
   a) Go away to join other family?
   b) Have holiday fun with immediate family?
   c) Get to be alone with a lover?
   d) Enjoy the peace and quiet and downtime of being with yourself?
While it’s not as bad as it used to be, Christmas for me is a whirlwind of activity – and spending time with my own family, and then with my immediate family. My husband kind of views his family as a “if it fits my mood and schedule” Christmas, which often means we don’t see too many people from his side.

What is your favourite holiday tradition or thing you like to do every holiday season?
For me, it’s decorating my Christmas tree. It’s not something that is shared with the same level of sentimentality in our house, but I just love taking my time and reflecting on what each of the ornaments mean to me.

You are walking down the street and a sexy person is standing with a sign that says “Kiss Me” and mistletoe hanging above their head.
   a) Would you kiss the person? Yes or no?
   b) Why, or why not?
Sadly, a cop-out answer here: it all depends. It would depend on my mood, on the circumstances and the level of sexiness that the sign-holder is giving off. Being married also means that my level of smoochable freedom is somewhat restricted to my husband and the occasional clandestine pucker with a certain Office Guy.

Santa made up his list and he has checked it twice. Turns out you are on the “naughty” list. What is the naughty thing you did that put you on that list.
That all depends on how much room Santa has on that list to outline the naughtiness that has been my 2012! But cutting to the chase, probably the naughtiest thing I did in 2012 that I am willing to confess to is the time I managed to convince my married Office Guy to join me for some seriously sexy fun back in March. Without a doubt, there are many who would consider that to be an exceptionally naughty thing for me to do – but I stand by my defence: I had permission to fool around that time.

As for the rest of it; surely Santa knows that sometimes it is better to keep some of those secrets and share the occasional little white lie in order to protect the innocent … right?

If Santa knows more than that, he at least better have been holding the video camera!

For being naughty you have been locked in a room where you will have to watch 24 hours of a holiday movie. Which movie would you choose?
   a) A Christmas Story
   b) It’s A Wonderful Life
   c) White Christmas
   d) A Christmas Carol (original 1938 version or the 1992 Muppet version)
Easy answer for me: A Muppet Christmas Carol. It has become one of my favourites of the holiday season. Although, if you were going to look at this as punishment, It’s A Wonderful Life would be the worst possible thing I could have to endure for 24 hours. I don’t get the appeal of that movie as a “Christmas classic” and it would definitely not put me in the holiday spirit.

BONUS: The holidays can be a hectic time of year, so much so that romance might take a back seat to festivities and such. Give us your sexy tip for keeping away the “chill” and “heating up” the holiday season.
A few years ago, my husband and I started a little Christmas Eve tradition affectionately known as the Naughty Stocking. It’s a cheesy animal-print Christmas stocking that my husband would fill with certain items meant for those “couple moments” and “adult fun” as a small reminder that, despite being parents, we were also a couple.

This was how I got a lot of my naughty lingerie and sex toys for Christmas … because opening a package from Victoria’s Secret in front of my children usually results in a raucous meltdown of prepubescent boys being grossed out by the sight of a woman's naughty knickers.

Andee     xoxo

The First Time in My Mouth

I read a really great blog on the weekend by someone who I regularly follow. Jenny Swallows was writing about a claim made by someone in a study of teenage oral sex habits, and the motivating factors behind a girl's giving of their first blowjob.

"The few studies that exist on oral sex among teenagers indicate that although teenage girls perform fellatio more often than in the past, they do so without pleasure, usually to please their boyfriend or to avoid the possibility of impregnation." said Joan Jacobs Brumberg, author of The Body Project. The book is a study of American girls and how the changing world around them affects their sexual development.

I have not read the book, although I found that the concept intriguing - and while Jenny strongly disagrees with the perspective presented by the author - it got me thinking about the statement just as much.

Personally, I lean more towards agreement; in that many teenage girls today are exploring a more sexualized lifestyle than they did when I was a teenager all the way back in the 1990s. We have girls who readily expose themselves on social media, and validate who they are by the number of likes they get when they post a photo to a social media website.

What I tend to think is that young women and teenage girls have a somewhat twisted perspective on oral sex. They view less as an act of intimacy and more of a peer-circle victory; a badge of honour that says "I'm one of you" even though they don't know why they want to be one of the crowd. They're more afraid of being socially rejected than sexually taken advantage of.

Virginity, once seen as something to protect and cherish as a "gift" for your wedding night, has become a "condition" to be healed.

Frankly, I agree with the notion - as the book apparently suggests - that these young women just don't understand what they do - or give deeper thought to the long-term consequences of their actions.

And yes, these are generalized notions ... but not many are trying to dispel them these days.

I certainly remember the first time I endured oral sex. I had absolutely no clue as to what I was doing, and frankly I chose to do it out of curiosity over any sense of intimate purpose.Frankly, I wasn't into it for pleasing my boyfriend as much as I was intrigued. But, then again, like giving up my virginity to this boyfriend, I wished I had known just a little bit more about sex and sexuality - because I sure as hell wouldn't have chosen that guy as "the one."

But I know women who say that their first oral sex encounter was the result of "emotional coercion" or the lesser of two evils to avoid giving up their virginity.

I found a great little bit from Dr. Ava Cadell on what oral sex is supposed to be all about:

• A precious gift to someone who is worthy to receive it. Our sexual gifts are as valuable as any other part of ourselves that we prize. Selecting the right sexual partner to give to and receive from is as important a decision as choosing anything you place a high value on.
• A natural high, perhaps even the best of nature’s uplifts. It can energize us and make us feel more creative afterward.
• A wonderful form of self-expression, infinitely artistic. It is both beautiful and erotic. It is gentle and assertive. It is relaxing and energizing.
• A way to renew stamina, not deplete it. It can free us from emotional stress and release any tension and discomfort lodged in our muscles.
• But most of all, it is a unique connection between two people who want to share a divine pleasure.

Regardless, it's hard to argue against the cultural reality that our daughters are doing far more than we ever did, at a much younger age. And, without question, they will likely wonder later in life if they should have made a wiser decision back when they were teenagers.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | My (not-so-secret) Secret Fetish

Yesterday, my friend Jon from Sex In Words, asked in his #dailysexdiscussion if anyone had a particular fetish that they kept secret. An interesting topic because it forced me to reflect on some of the sexual thirsts that I personally have, and are any of those considered to be a secret fetish.

I’ll admit that I struggle a bit with the overall concept of fetishes. Many that I have learned about since starting this online life of mine 10 years ago just confuse the hell out of me. Others I can’t even begin to fathom how they could be sexually exciting, while others I have learned to appreciate – and let’s be honest, even exploit a little for my own pleasure.

Hence, a quick trip to my trusted Google (I know, not really great research source, but it’s quick and convenient) provided me with this definition:

“Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish; the person who has a fetish for that object/situation is a fetishist. A sexual fetish may be regarded as an enhancing element to a romantic/sexual relationship ‘achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)’ or as a mental disorder/disorder of sexual preference if it causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life. Arousal from a particular body part is classified as partialism.”

Still not a definitive direction for my personal kinks, but then most of my fetishes are probably considered to be very vanilla in a world of sexual creativity. Among the biggest attributes I look for in a man are strong hands, a nicely trimmed goatee and a great cologne make me weak in the knees. Are they fetishes? I’m not exactly sure, but when it comes to sexual excitement for me, these are very high in importance.

On the flip side, I have really come to enjoy some of the fetishes that you guys have; particularly those of stockings worn with garter belts, and the seasonal favourite footwear of boots. I love dressing up and feeling very sexy, and the attention that comes from that. Plus, it has meant that my collection of fine lingerie – versus the stuff best saved for Halloween – has grown. Trust me, I would rather slip into some Fredericks of Hollywood stockings and wear it under my dress at work than some "sexy" outfit from the discount costume shop.

So maybe that is a bit of a growing fetish for me ...

If I had to identify anything that might rank as a “secret fetish” it would be the strong desire I have to explore my oral talents. As I have blogged about before, my husband likes to suggest how good I am at this particular sex act. On the one side, it’s exceptionally flattering to think and know how much pleasure it brings him when we indulge in some oral sex – but at the same time, there is a little part of me that wonders if, after 22 years together, he is just being complimentary and thankful for getting some. I find myself often lost in thought about testing his claims, and seeing if other men agree with what my husband says.

I know that many of you will likely offer to be willing and impartial volunteers for my experiment, but as we drift away from the notion of me sucking on your erection, we still ponder the subject of the question on hand: is that a fetish, or just a fantasy?

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Welcome To My Fantasy

Good morning everyone! Welcome to the first TMI Tuesday of the festive month … a month where holiday parties, sexy dresses and shameless flirting ramp up. Of course, I wouldn’t expect everyone to share my enthusiasm for it … I also know it can be a stressful time of year too.

This week we are digging into one of my most favourite subjects to talk about, thanks to Swinging Gemma, and I couldn’t think of a more wonderful way to begin the most wonderful time of the year – to coin a very tired cliché! Can you tell I love Christmas time? Almost as much as I love sexual fantasies …

1. Do you think that acting out a fantasy can sometimes cause damage to a relationship?
I think what is more important than anything else when it comes to sexual fantasies and relationships is ensuring that you have a very healthy conversation around them. Sexual fantasies are normal, and exciting. But they also leave you being very exposed and vulnerable when you share them with a partner. Having mutual respect, understanding and fascination will create a very fantasy-positive atmosphere in which to share – and that is more important. Also, it’s important that when your partner is sharing a sexual fantasy, to remember that they are inviting you into their imagination and if you judge them for it, it may be the last time you ever get to visit that magical place.

Fantasies can also touch on jealousies within a relationship. If your husband’s best friend is an absolutely drool-worthy, drop those pants now mister cause I wanna suck on your hard cock kind of guy, then it makes sense to be … um … cautious/respectful with your husband when telling him how much you fantasize about his friend. And conversely, you may not expect what he has in his own mind about your friend, sister, or that drop dead gorgeous are they real or implants blonde intern from accounting, etc.

However, understanding that fantasies are healthy and allowing the other person to feel comfortable in being able to share theirs is vital in a long-lasting relationship.

And never use a confessed fantasy as a weapon. If you resort to throwing something back at a person during a heated argument or moment of jealousy, it can take years (if ever) to rebuild the trust that will have been torn down by that. A fantasy is just that, a fantasy, not a plan for infidelity.

2. Some couples role play their fantasies rather than introducing another person into the relationship to live out their fantasies. Do you think that this is an acceptable substitute?
I would think that this is how a vast majority of couples explore their fantasies. For a lot of couples, the excitement is in the fantasy – the mind-fuck that goes along with the whole idea. Acting out a fantasy is a safe way of pretending, because acting on a fantasy brings a very complicated series of events into play.

When you actually bring another person into your sex life, there are a whole new set of dynamics involved. For me, the obvious angle is that of having a second man join my husband and I; that is my specific fantasy. But, reality is, how well will the two men interact with each other. And I don’t mean anything bisexual, but I know that for a man it can be very difficult psychologically to be naked in front of another man and sexually aroused. Men are not wired that way. Men in our culture are taught to be somewhat homophobic and trying to get two men erect in syncronisity can be next to impossible. Have you seen it in porn? So have I – and I also know male porn actors resort to a lot of chemical assistance for erections these days.

Maybe your thing is two women. I also love that idea, and would love to watch my husband in the moment with one of his fantasies – but he would rather watch me with her. So, what would you do if you discovered the girls were truly more into each other and left you on the sidelines all night long? Unless that is your fantasy, you might be a bit sexually frustrated – while they sleep away in post-orgasmic exhaustion.

Mind-fucks are easy to control – real people in the mix are complicated and never what you think.

3. Is there a particular movie or TV series or character from a movie or TV series that you fantasize about?
Without question – Thor; played by Australian actor Chris Hemsworth. I could watch that movie naked and without the volume turned on time and time again. Although I might be inclined to also turn up the volume every now and then so anyone else in the house can’t hear my reaction … of the hum of my own vibrating Thor’s hammer!

4. Apart from the obvious things like child abuse, are there some things that are ‘off limits’ for a fantasy (e.g. incest, age play, rape)? Why, or why not?
I’m game for most things; and my fantasies are predominantly rooted in some very traditional “fantasy” themes – threesomes, lesbian encounters, stranger sex. But I can say I have no interest in ideas such as incest or age-play. I hate the expression “who’s your daddy” and have no clue as to why any woman would find that remotely erotic. It leads me to believe that, like many other elements of our current society, these are ideas from men that women are supposed to buy into without questioning why. It comes across to me like “superiority” and not in a fun and exciting way, but rather a sexist and chauvinistic fashion – which I find a huge turn-off.

That said, since I launched my website back in 2002, I have learned a great deal about the many kinky things that turn people on. I must say, some of it is rather … shocking. So fantasies built around body fluids/excrement are definitely not my cup of tea; nor is pain and humiliation. I just can’t wrap my brain around how some of that is sexually stimulating.

5. What is the most taboo thing you have every fantasized about doing?
Oh wow … tough question.  I don't think any of my personal fantasies border on truly taboo subjects, but there is one that pushes the envelope a bit when you consider the factors involved. I wrote a Fantasy Friday about getting hot and dirty with my Office Guy at work – which would cross the line for both HR policy and his current dilemma (known to most people as marriage and not having a partner who is willing to explore, experiment or even discuss) My fantasy has me doing it with my friend on the desk in his office. I'll let you know if this one ever comes to fruition!

6. Tell us about a fantasy that you have you don’t ever see yourself actually acting out? Why do you think you will never act it out?
I think I have a couple of those – but truly, I don’t see my lesbian weekend with Jennifer Aniston or my threesome with Faith Hill and Tim McGraw ever coming to a reality. But those are, for the most part, just silly notions that are fun to daydream about.

In reality, there are one or two of my fantasies that I can’t see happening – mostly due to very typical constraints, such as the people involved are in committed relationships and have not expressed any interest in exploring outside of those relationships. And the one about being forced to avoid paying a ticket by exchanging sex acts in the back of a police cruiser – well, you can see the obvious challenges involved in that one becoming a true reality.

7. Have you ever pretended the person you were having sex with was someone else without telling them?
Haven’t we all? But it’s not as deceptive as you may want to think. I think it tends to border on human nature for our imaginations to occasionally run wild in certain moments. You know, if my mind has been tormented all day by the lingering stare I took of the UPS guy’s incredible calves in those shorts he wears, I don’t think it is hurtful for momentary thoughts of how that turned me on while my husband is pounding away on me.

I guess it is the same reason why I don’t have an issue with my husband going to strip clubs and coming home horny. I get the benefits of someone else’s effort.

Fortunately, our kink is deep enough that we don’t have issues with those kind of distractions while we are having sex. On more than a few occasions we use those as fodder for sexual dirty talk in the heat of the moment.

Remember, sex is supposed to fun. Just because I get fleeting pangs of lust over someone who caught my eye that day doesn’t mean I am going to throw away 20+ years of building a life and an exciting relationship with my husband. It just means I have a healthy libido and a partner that allows me the freedom of imagination to enjoy it.

8. Have you ever tried to make a fantasy a reality only to have it fail miserably? What happened?
Hmm … I don’t necessarily want to say “fantasy into reality” but we have had a couple jaunts into the swinging lifestyle set us back in pursuit of some greater sexual exploits because of how those experiences played out.

Our first foray involved a nice couple we met through an online forum specifically for couples. They were really nice people, but we had no chemistry with them. We still see them every now and then at a club we like to go to, but otherwise, not so much.

Another venture was with some friends that we met through another couple, and after a few beverages discovered they shared some of the same ideas as we did. However, after a couple of different encounters, we gradually just came to the conclusion that they were going to be good “vanilla” friends, but not “swinging” friends.

Not quite “miserable failures” but certainly encounters that stalled further lifestyle exploration. Of course, now that our children are older and more self-sufficient, I would like to get myself back into “drool-worthy” shape and try again.

Bonus: Tell us your most cherished fantasy. Did you ever live it out? Please give us all the juicy details because that is the kind of people we are!
At the risk of overkill – because I blog about it quite a bit – my most cherished fantasy is a nice little MFM threesome.

Now, have I lived it out … no, but I’ve been damn close a couple times and that adds to my desire and frustration over this fantasy.

Andee     xoxo