If you follow me on Twitter, you'll recall that last week I was having an incredibly erotic time sexting back and forth with my husband. For one of my "resolutions" this year, I have been trying very hard to ramp up my overall mood and appearance at work by wearing outfits that don’t always make it out of my closet. I am a firm believer in if you look good, you will feel good, but also I need to reminded of that every now and then. The stress of my recent exam and my general work environment had been getting me down and it's human nature to fall into a rut.
As a woman it is very important to know where you stand in terms of your own sex appeal and how that relates to the rules of engagement with members of the opposite sex. And what I mean by that, is knowing whether or not you are one of those women men peg as having "a great personality" or one who is "drool-worthy." And we can't deny those standards exist in our society. Spend a night watching television and count the number of diet aid commercials, or programs designed to help you achieve your "weight loss goals." There is health and there is attraction. Physical attraction plays a huge role in the world around us, from relationships in our bedrooms to success in the boardroom.
We can't deny that.
One of the big reasons behind this whole adventure has been me exploring and experimenting with my own sex appeal, and discovering that I “still have it” despite being with the same man for 20 years. And it goes way beyond the secret life that is my website ... because the Internet, for all it's fun, doesn't bring me that same sense of being desired. My naughty photos are really just what they are: a moment captured in time for an anonymous audience to enjoy.
My current adventures, away from the Internet, are about "validating" me as a woman - and a sexual one. It may seem egotistical; perhaps even vain and self-absorbed - which is something I am so not. So much of this experience has been from the prodding and encouragement of the man I have spent all those years with; which I'm sure must seem rather strange to many.
But, as with any kind of adventure, at some point though, you have to accept the accomplishment (or failure) and move on to something else. It’s the difference between lighting a fire or playing with one. It’s a fine line and often a difficult one to identify - especially when other people are involved and may have their own perspective on the same matter. That's just part of the danger when you invite others into you sexual imagination.
There are lots of days when I wonder where all of this is heading. How close to the flames can you stand before everything reaches the flashpoint?
I'm starting to think that idea is what is fueling this whole adventure; more than just a sense of playful fun these days. Discovery can be one of those things that can come in either an expected way, or with an element of danger and risk. The closer you get to bigger discoveries - or the ones you truly lust for - the hotter the flames. You're only hope is that those flames are the ones of lust and excitement that can be tamed ... and not the ones that will burn out of control and leave permanent scars.