Once again, I had these brilliant ideas as to what I was going to write. Given how the past week was for me, I had a lot of material I could share …
Then I saw this article online about “how old is too old to wear a miniskirt.” I had to stop and immediately change direction – especially since I am the one who brings you Miniskirt Mondays every week. As you can see in a number of my postings to start the week, I have no issue in slipping on something that will enhance the look of my legs, boost my ego and generally serve its purpose as an office distraction.
And let’s be honest here, anytime I see something that might suggest an attack on your favourite fashion piece, I pay close attention.
The article wasn’t being especially critical. Written by a fashion blogger, she was looking more at the idea of whether or not personal style should change as a woman ages. She was pondering, as she celebrated another birthday, as to whether or not it was becoming time to “look her age” and if it was time to hang up the mini.
That kind of bugs me because I think there is nothing wrong with a woman wearing a short skirt if she has the means and confidence to pull it off. And, as insensitive as it is, I do stress the “the means.” Sorry, but there is some judgemental feelings within me when it comes to hems, and I have seen some women that just shouldn’t challenge convention. Kudos to them for bravery though.
Like this particular writer, I too wonder about my fashion choices as I get older. I fully accept that I am no longer 20-years-old…and I am the mother of two children. I try hard not to cause them any embarrassment, but I refuse to go quietly and frock myself in pastel polyester and sensible shoes.
Some things have been relegated to my “tickle trunk;” only to see the light of day when I need something to pose in for all the naughty photos I post on my website. The go-go boots and schoolgirl skirts, which at one time would have been great for clubbing, may spend a bit of time collecting dust. Other trends just never connected with me – belly shirts, uggs or facial piercings.
In a way, I’m lucky as a mother: I don’t have girls. For me, one of the bigger issues in our society is how young girls – even preteens – are presenting themselves in a much more mature sense of fashion than they should. Part of it is pop culture influence, and part of it is compliant parents that have no issue carting these young ladies into clothing stores where the purchase receipt is wider than the skirt is long.
I think the sexualization of young women – those under the age of consent is a more significant issue than a middle aged woman with incredible legs and the confidence to show them off.
As I mentioned in a tweet last Saturday, I was reading this article on how flirting at work can actually lead to poorer performance.
Now, I have always joked about playing the role of Office Distraction, but this particular study from the University of Nebraska kind of ticked me off; mostly because the focus tended to be on women and how their performance dropped. It suggested - or perhaps just the manner in which it was reported - that women tended to show lower levels of productivity and made more workplace mistakes when the element of flirtation was introduced to the environment.
Obviously, I disagree; but like most statistics, they can be manipulated to support the point trying to be made.
Flirtation is a fine art, and to be successful takes two willing participants. Otherwise, it just becomes a bit weird and creepy. It's not just about women ... and, truth be told, it can make a work environment a much more tolerable situation when handled properly.
And flirting has a lot of psychology behind it, and some of it women need to be aware of. Counter to the UofN study, there is another suggestion that women should not be overly flattered by office flirtation. A University of Surrey (England) study revealed that women who flirt are happy with their professional and personal lives, while men who flirted at work tended to be less satisfied in their lives.
Chadi Moussa, a business psychologist said: “Previous research has shown that people flirt for various reasons, which include increasing their self-esteem, fun and romance.
“If men are feeling unsatisfied in their roles, then they may resort to flirting to keep them entertained and this would partially explain the negative relationship. While flirting can have benefits, excessive flirting at work may be a sign that you’re unsatisfied with your job or simply bored.”
In another bit of research into office flirtation, Heidi Reeder says: "It's an esteem booster for both men and women to have a little flirtation in their day - it makes them feel a little better, gives them a little more energy."
Reeder, associate professor of communication at Boise State University in Idaho, says liking your coworkers also enhances the work experience - as opposed to those sentiments of "Ugh, I can't stand these people."
Flirting is not always designed to land someone in bed ... although, unfortunately, its reputation tends to suggest that in office environments, it is the precursor to affairs or romantic hook-ups.
In my personal case, flirting with my Office Guys tends to be much more of a bright spot in the day. Dealing with incompetent coworkers, malicious gossipers and the stress level associated with working in the Canadian health care sector is more than enough motivation for me to seek out ways to engage a completely different part of my mind.
Well, that and stroke the ego a little too. Let’s be honest, at 37-years old, married for 18 and not exactly as stunningly fit as I would like, an ego boost gained by flirting at work and the occasional lustful stare when I dress up is a delight. I might push the envelope every now and then, but don't think I cross the line. I guess I like to think of flirting as a vitamin for the libido.
The more important point is understanding the motivation and that flirting is not an invitation to a quickie in the supply closet. The latter seems to be the hardest part for some to overcome.
But back to the point of boredom; like flirting, it is a complicated state of mind - and equally dangerous if dealt with in a not-so-rational mentality.
Boredom in a marriage can't be dealt with through flirtation. It needs to be addressed through communication and a heightened level of intimacy. Not just of the sexual kind, but also of the intellectual kind.
I was having this thought the other day, shortly after a rather delightfully raucous session with my hubby and one of my favourite toys - are women more predisposed to threesomes than men? When you really begin to think about it, we have the necessary physical design to entertain in that fashion.
Of course, I expect a lot of guys to immediately reject the idea, based primarily on their belief that a threesome strictly involves one man and two lithe members of the Swedish bikini volleyball team.
And men - when push comes to shove - tend to be more wary of performance anxiety when another man is present and adhere to the idea that they should be the sole sexual object when it comes to additional partners in the moment.
I haven’t made it much of a secret about my own desires - Lord knows, I’ve blogged and tweeted about them almost incessantly - but those aside, as I was watching the video replay (yes, there is video!) of this past week’s moment I couldn’t help think that it seemed so much more natural that way.
And it seems that there may be some scientific evidence to support my assumption.
Not that long ago I was reading about a study that showed how men, as a species, are driven to a higher level of genetic competition during the mating process when they are consciously aware of another male. Some of this relates to a scientific position known as (cue the geek theme) Bateman’s Principle. It was in this theory where researcher Angus Bateman connected a position of female reproduction capability to the male ability to impregnate endlessly. His theory - while far from perfect - suggests that a woman can only have so many offspring, whereas a male can, ultimately, produce infinite. Bateman’s Principle implies that females are choosy because there is little advantage for her to mate with multiple males. It boils down to the level of female promiscuity and mate selection on her end … meaning men must compete to mate with that female.
Yeah, you can look it all up before I get too comfy in my librarian glasses and lab coat.
Now, setting aside the human sexual evolution, what this means for someone like me is how those natural instincts translate into more satisfying sex. When the man is aware of the competition, his performance improves.
Women, without having to revisit Grade 9 health class, have the necessary bits to sexually accommodate more than one partner at a time - given you accept oral sex as being a means of sexual accommodation. That said, I have yet to have a man complain about me giving him a blow job; so I make this assumption partly founded on personal research.
Either way, it still sounds like a winning proposition from my end.
But I remain curious, and not just from my sexual point of view, over the concept of a threesome. The dynamics and emotional investment are somewhat frightening and exciting at the same time - like riding an amusement park roller coaster, except without clothes.
It seems that my post on Monday about places to have sex produced some intriguing debate. The list, admittedly, was not something that I developed and so there are a number of places that I can think of that did not make the list.
I admit, some of the responses I have gotten are certainly intriguing.
My blogger friend H commented about how he liked the ideas of the office desk, library, hood of a car, in the ocean and doing it on the train tracks ... and threw in his own naughty suggestion of in my panties. Not sure if he meant getting into mine, or he wanted to borrow a pair! ;-)
Lately, I have had a really big fantasy going on for the film noir type of office hook-up. You know, the long trench coat, high heels and stockings kind of thing ... closing the office door and revealing that I have absolutely nothing on except those things.
Have I told how important a healthy imagination can be when it comes to sex?
The one that really got my attention was from one of my friends, who told me about the time she and a boyfriend did it in the ditch that separates the two sides of a major highway not far from where she lives. I can only imagine the sheer thrill of lying in the tall grass, naked, getting it on as cars fly by on either side. Very erotic in an exhibitionist kind of way.
Her advice included parking a good distance from the chosen spot, so that you are not interrupted by a tow truck or police. She didn't mention if that advice came from experience ...
Personally, I have always looked at "planned" sex - places where I want to get laid - as more destinational: the Eiffel Tower, the Great Barrier Reef ... you get the idea. But with some of the suggestions that have come my way, I think I may create my own list. So, feel free to have you input in where I should get laid! Drop me a quick note by email, comment here or hit me up on Twitter.
Ok, this is kind of lame of me ... I've been so busy studying for a major work-related exam that I haven't felt all that inspired to blog. I know.
Anyway, yesterday while you guys were all tangled up in what happened to Tebow and anticipating the outcomes of the Sunday games, I was surfing and avoiding all adult responsibilities. I found this quirky site filled with all kinds of lists on somewhat nonsensical things in life, but this one I really enjoyed. Well, except for the fact that my life seems somewhat staid compared … as I have only accomplished 15 of what is on this list.
WARNING: Some of these places may be a tad uncomfortable but they’ll be worth it to be able to say you did.
1. On a porch swing. (Back and forth, back and forth.)
2. Inside a cave somewhere. (It’ll be an adventure. But look out for bears.)
3. On his office desk (can you say trench coat and stockings.)
4. On a pool table. (The one you’ve got at home or in the billiards place you frequent despite being frowned upon and possibly even ticketed for public indecency, up to you.)
5. The library. (Remember, shhhh, you have to be quiet.)
6. On top of the washer or dryer… while it’s running. (Mmmm vibrations.)
7. On a rug in front of a fireplace. (Yes, like something out of a Boyz II Men music video.)
8. On a secluded island beach. (This one will cost a bit.)
9. In the backyard under the stars. (On the deck, the grass, a blanket.)
10. In the woods after it rains. (Dampness is nice.)
11. Or just in the rain. (Anywhere, really.)
12. On a motorcycle. (Stopped and parked, obviously. Make sure it wasn’t running recently or you’ll get some nasty exhaust burns.)
13. In a public restroom. (This is a common one, but it’s fun every time.)
14. In an airplane restroom. (If you can do this, why not join the mile high club!)
15. On top of a hill. (You’d have quite the view. And feel like you’re on top of the world.)
16. On a rooftop. (Reindeer aren’t the only ones that can make noises on rooftops.)
17. Under a rainbow. (Go for the gold!)
18. In a hot tub. (Be careful though, water makes things a bit tricky.)
19. On a bail of hay. (Beware of rolling.)
20. In a field full of wildflowers. (Get wild.)
22. On a water bed. (It’s bouncy and fun.)
23. In the car while going through an automated car wash. (Clean your car while getting dirty.)
24. In a hot air balloon. (Talk about being on Cloud 9.)
25. Under the full moon in wet grass. (Either/or would be good but the combination would be stellar — literally.)
26. In an elevator. (It’s risky and you may as well get a rise out of it, ha.)
27. On the bathroom floor. (Preferably not covered in clipped toe nails and balls of hair.)
28. In bed with silk or satin sheets. (Why not pamper yourself?)
29. On a trampoline. (Weeeeeeeeeeeee!)
30. In the garage or the tool shed. (Basically, get dirty in some place dirty.)
31. On a jungle gym at night. (It’s a way to enjoy them in a whole different way than you used to.)
32. On horse-back. (Giddy-up!)
33. In a tent. (Not having a lot of space and being in the wilderness just makes it all that much more exciting.)
34. On an amusement park ride. (Doing some riding on rides sounds about right.)
35. In a sleeping bag. (It’s cozy.)
36. In the car at a drive-in. (Sometimes movies just aren’t that entertaining.)
37. On really plush carpet. (Create some static electricity.)
38. On a picnic table. (Yummy.)
39. On the hood of a car. (Deserted road, empty parking lot, wherever.)
40. Inside a car, in general. (Vroom, vroom!)
41. In a cemetery. (It’s morbid, but at least you know you likely won’t be bothered.)
42. In or on a slide. (Could be uncomfortable though.)
43. In a portapotty. (Not all that different from doing it in a public bathroom. And it’s got a door so it’s almost like a room.)
44. In a stairwell. (School, apartment, work, etc.)
45. In a room filled with candles. (Romantic and mood-setting.)
46. In a bathtub. (Splish, splash.)
47. On a golf course. (Get that hole, er, in one.)
48. In the back of a limo. (Especially good if you’re dressed and feeling all fancy.)
49. In the ocean. (Ride the waves.)
50. Next to a campfire. (Not the only thing getting fired up.)
51. In a treehouse. (Fun times as long as you’re not afraid of heights. And beware of splinters.)
52. On a waterfall. (Don’t be afraid to get wet.)
53. In your office supply room. (So unprofessional, but so hot.)
54. In an alley. (May as well hide under the cover of the alley’s darkness.)
55. On a bed covered in rose petals. (Typical and cliche, but hey, it looks and smells nice.)
56. On a baseball diamond. (Go for that home run!)
57. Off a beaten trail in the woods. (You won’t even notice the mosquito bites.)
58. Underwater. (Slippery when wet, but not impossible.)
59. In a closet at a party. (Coming out of the closet may be a bit awkward but then again, when isn’t it?)
60. On an air mattress. (Try it.)
61. In an abandoned barn wearing nothing but cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. (The reverse cowgirl has never looked so good.)
62. In a hammock. (This requires quite a bit of coordination.)
63. In front of an open window. (Show the world.)
64. In an RV during a road trip. (Road head anyone?)
65. In a Jeep with the doors removed (Badass.)
66. On a gondola as you rise to the top of the mountain. (While reaching another kind of peak.)
67. On train tracks. (Doing it in the path of a fast-moving, heavy chunk of iron is likely painful and definitely a bad idea, but it’ll definitely give you a rush.)
68. On a chair. (Practical, you can find one anywhere.)
69. In a church? (Forgive me Father for I am sinning right now!)
This morning, as I was staggering into the bathroom still half-asleep, I noticed a small sticky note stuck to the mirror. I think I have told you guys before that my husband sometimes likes to do these silly little things that remind me that he is thinking of me.
And, I have no problem sharing with you that those little things are also some of the quickest ways into my panties.
This morning's note simply said that I will need to have an open mind today. I smiled and slipped into the shower wondering what he has in mind. Then, as I was getting dressed, I found another sticky note inside the panties that I had set out to wear today. This note had a very naughty and suggestive message about him performing oral sex on me...except I would have to endure the day thinking on that idea.
A sure-fire way to guarantee I will spend the day at work somewhat turned on and anxious for the evening.
Now, as silly as this may seem to some of you guys - leaving sticky notes inside a pair of panties - what I know is that there are far too many of you out there missing out on chances to dominate your partner's libido for the day like mine is doing today.
The thing that turns me on more about little moments like this is that they remind me that I play a special role in his life, and not just one as mother to his children, partner in a marriage. They say that that beyond the day-to-day stresses that take more from us than they give, we are still a couple very much in lust.
So, when was the last time you lusted after yours?
I think by now most of you know I have a bit of a tainted view on things written in trashy women’s magazines – especially the advice sections. But over the past few days I have discovered a bit of a gem that I have really enjoyed reading. The blog was written throughout 2009-2011 by Maura Kelly, entitled A Year of Living Flirtatiously.
Maura, a single 30-something writer in New York, invested a great deal of her efforts into sharing her thoughts on everything from dating and marriage to sex toys and sexuality. And while her blog sometimes bordered a little too close to the “Carrie Bradshaw Experience” for me personally, there were definitely more “worth reading” entries than not. These days she is an accomplished author of a new book and has moved on from her relationship blog for Marie Claire magazine.
Anyway; I really liked her entry on flirting tips – especially since most of my “away from home and husband” life is spent in a flirtatious swirl of adventure and excitement (well, at least when that nasty thing known as ‘work’ doesn’t interfere). And so, with full kudos to Maura, here are eight great tips on flirting.
What Will Make A Man Flirt
1. Dressing down. I will swear on a copy of War and Peace that I am flirted with far more often when I am dressed like a complete schlub, as opposed to when I'm dressed to the nines. The only thing I can conclude is that men are less intimidated by casually dressed women. I've also noticed that when I'm in my gym clothes, I almost never get chatted up — except by sleazeballs — and maybe that's because my tight spandex pants might actually be fairly sexy.
2. Being out in public solo. Much less scary to approach a girl who is by herself than someone surrounded by friends.
3. Seeming approachable without seeming desperate for human contact. It's very unattractive to be the person in the coffee shop who is making eye contact with everyone. Even worse: Being the crazy lady who tells every single last person who walks in the door that they should try the Chai Latte Double Skim Milkshake Extravaganza — or asking every male with opposable thumbs if he can help you with your computer. Looking around you now and then is fine; smiling — especially at babies or children — is perfectly acceptable. But being Ms. Chatty Cathy isn't going to work in your favor.
4. Being out in a place that's just right: not intimidating or too crowded — or too empty. As such, small coffee shops, juice joints, bookstores with adjoining lounges, and libraries often encourage flirtatious behavior.
5. Being planted in one place. Moving targets are hard to approach. But if you sit in one place for a while, a guy can observe you long enough to become interested, accumulate his courage, and psych himself up to approach. But if you only stay still long enough to check your Blackberry, he won't have enough time to prepare. Similarly, if you're always bouncing up and down to take a phone call outside — or running to the bathroom every five minutes — all that movement could scare him away.
6. Being really into whatever you're doing. It's human nature: When we see another person having a good time, we become curious about what's making him or her so happy. Also, for most of us, happy people are simply more appealing than unhappy people.
7. Creating a little something called "mimetic desire." When one man sees another man flirting with you it gets his testosterone pumping. He says to himself, “Why was that dude flirting with that chick?” Because she seems happy with what she's doing, and she likes music, and she's kind of sweet. Of course, he likes her. She's likable! In other words, when one guy sees another flirting with you (or simply talking with you), he takes it as a given that you are flirt-worthy, and then he comes up with his own reasons to support that conclusion.
8. Having no expectations. This is the hardest part. And I really hate to give such annoying advice — because how are you supposed to carry it out? But I swear, when I go out hoping I'll meet someone, I never meet anyone. When I work too hard at a conversation that someone else has instigated, it always falls flat.
So there you go, some excellent ideas to turn up the heat in those flirtatious moments – and some hints for you guys on what to look for in her behaviour when you want to flirt. But, despite the great tips from Maura Kelly, you still need the ultimate one from your’s truly:
BONUS: Be brave enough to initiate the conversation … you might be surprised at just how much we LOVE conversation. And innuendo. And feeling lusted after. And sexual tension. Oh, and compliment our shoes.
I was poking around on the website for one of those trashy women’s magazines that seem to have my attention far to under their grasp – especially after a rather lazy Christmas holiday – and found this fun little piece on all the fun things women can do with their breasts.
"Enjoying your breasts helps you feel confident about your body because you're embracing who you are," says Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Because It Feels Good. "It also boosts your comfort level during sex, helping you to orgasm more often."
And since I have dedicated my Tuesdays to a more titillating theme – all of which you can enjoy here – I figured what better way to celebrate the first Topless Tuesday of 2012 than with an abbreviated version of the original list. So, for your reading enjoyment, here are …
25 Tasty Things To Do With Tits
1. Go braless and wear a silk or combed-cotton tee—it'll feel amazing brushing against your skin all day.
2. When you're lounging together on the couch reading or watching TV, guide his hand inside your bra and have him lightly scratch your breasts with his fingertips.
3. Master the art of using double-sided tape. The secret: Stick one-inch strips of tape a quarter inch away from the edge of your clothes. It keeps everything in place but still looks natural.
4. For a sexy sensation the next time you're getting busy in bed, get your guy to try this technique with his hand: Make a V with his index and middle fingers, and lightly scissor them around your nipples.
5. Overheated at the beach? Slip an ice cube out of your drink, and glide it over your cleavage. Ramp up the fun and include your nipples!
6. Apply lotion, and treat the girls to a sensual massage. Using a circular motion and medium pressure, rub from the base of your boobs up along the outer edges, stopping just below your armpits. Then place your hands on your breastbone, and work your way across the center of your chest, out toward the sides of your body.
7. Have him trace a figure eight stretching around both nipples while giving you a deep, steamy kiss.
8. Strategically place rose petals over your bare nipples just before he comes to bed.
9. Want to go braless to a party or bar? You can avoid the smuggling raisins effect by sticking on nipple concealers (try Low Beams, look for them on herlook.com).
10. Slather the twins with edible lotion, like Victoria's Secret Berry Passion, to give him a tasty surprise treat next time his lips are in the vicinity.
11. Dare him to unhook your bra without using his hands.
12. Cook dinner topless, apply a little tomato sauce to your nipple (make sure it's not too hot), and ask your man if it's spicy enough.
13. Grab your vibrator while the two of you are in bed, and run it back and forth across your breasts and nipples for an added jolt of pleasure.
14. Use them to give your guy a sensual back rub. And go crazy with the massage oil.
15. Slip your guy a mint pre-sex, and have him lick your nipples when you start to orgasm.
16. Covertly flash him in an empty stairwell before a party, during a hike, in your car in the parking lot....
17. Sunbathe topless with your girlfriends—just don’t forget to apply a minimum of SPF 45 sunscreen. For real fun, invite the guys along too!
18. Work a front-closure corset top to maximize your cleavage on girls’ night out.
19. Throw a few new pectoral-muscle exercises into your workout regimen, and admire how perky the moves make your tatas look.
20. Go braless on a night out, and wear a low-cut shirt so it’s obvious.
21. Stick on nipple tassels, and practice swinging them (hint: It’s all in the knees). Use your newfound talent to put on a sexy show for your man.
22. Mandate "topless sleep" once a week to give the twins some breathing room.
23. Try a new kind of wake-up call: Lightly brush your nipples across his stomach and chest to get both of you in the mood for morning sex.
24. Measure your boobs during your period to see how much bigger they get during that time of the month.
25. Work silicone bra inserts in a tank top for a day, and keep a tally of all the men who stare at your cleavage.
And there you go. The other half of the list seemed rather silly, so I cut it out. Some of these I might just put into practice myself … or a personalized version (like wearing my really good bra with a button-up shirt buttoned just so, and then seeing how many of my Office Guys can’t avoid falling under my cleavage spell!).
But I would also love to hear some of your ideas on how to enjoy a woman’s pair!
It seems a little cliche ... and habitual ... for me to start off with saying how I hope to keep things a lot more frequent when it comes to my blog. I have no idea why the end of 2011 was such a wild roller-coaster ride, but it just turned out that way.
As I was snuggled into the corner of my couch this morning in nothing but my bathrobe while the rest of the house slept in, I started looking around for something witty to say about New Years and the traditional resolutions that many of us make. It turns out that less than half of us really make them - and less than half of those who do, keep them. I can't say that I am one for setting out very rigid resolutions, but there are a few things I hope to accomplish this year.
I think one of the more obvious goals I have is that I want to take better care of myself, and improve how I present myself to the world around me. It's human nature, but lots of times we tend to just fall into a routine of what is easy - from skipping the gym to what we wear. I plan to invest a but more into myself, which in turn will make me feel better, and sexier. That alone should open the door to many more steps along this path I am on.
The great thing about the sexual adventure of mine is that there aren't any deadlines; just thoughts and experiences that I hope will turn into realities. If you had of asked me a few years ago, I wouldn't have been able to predict the things that have happened already in this naughty expedition. So, as such, I have learned to let that part of life take shape as opportunities present themselves.
So, what are some of those 'sexual resolutions' I am hoping to keep for 2012?
I have some pretty "hardcore" goals for this coming year; things that I really want to see happen. This year marks 10 years for my website - which if you haven't seen yet, you really should ... just sayin'. I am really hoping to do some incredible and sexy new things with it, adding a lot more excitement to the whole experience for you with some improvements, updated information, more ways to interact with me and, naturally, unbelievably hot photos and videos.
In doing some pre-planning for my site, I am also inviting any and all suggestions from you. After all, the entire site is designed for your pleasure ... and maybe a bit of mine too!
And then there's how I share my sexual adventure with you - this blog. I almost hate to commit to saying I will return to more frequent posts, but I do hope to. And I also hope to take you even deeper into my naughty thoughts, desires and wicked sense of exploring my increasingly horniness.
Oh, and have more sex.
Those are the musts for me in 2012, outside of some of the personal, less interesting goals I have set for myself. But don't think you want to read about my financial plans, career objectives and diet.
Now, on the "softcore" side - things that remain in my mind, but don't really have deadlines ... well, a lot more of those seem to occupy a healthy portion of my desires.
But that is what this blog is for ... so I hope you will come along with me in 2012 for an even more intriguing stage in my adventure.