I think by now most of you know I have a bit of a tainted view on things written in trashy women’s magazines – especially the advice sections. But over the past few days I have discovered a bit of a gem that I have really enjoyed reading. The blog was written throughout 2009-2011 by Maura Kelly, entitled A Year of Living Flirtatiously.
Maura, a single 30-something writer in New York, invested a great deal of her efforts into sharing her thoughts on everything from dating and marriage to sex toys and sexuality. And while her blog sometimes bordered a little too close to the “Carrie Bradshaw Experience” for me personally, there were definitely more “worth reading” entries than not. These days she is an accomplished author of a new book and has moved on from her relationship blog for Marie Claire magazine.
Anyway; I really liked her entry on flirting tips – especially since most of my “away from home and husband” life is spent in a flirtatious swirl of adventure and excitement (well, at least when that nasty thing known as ‘work’ doesn’t interfere). And so, with full kudos to Maura, here are eight great tips on flirting.
What Will Make A Man Flirt
1. Dressing down. I will swear on a copy of War and Peace that I am flirted with far more often when I am dressed like a complete schlub, as opposed to when I'm dressed to the nines. The only thing I can conclude is that men are less intimidated by casually dressed women. I've also noticed that when I'm in my gym clothes, I almost never get chatted up — except by sleazeballs — and maybe that's because my tight spandex pants might actually be fairly sexy.
2. Being out in public solo. Much less scary to approach a girl who is by herself than someone surrounded by friends.
3. Seeming approachable without seeming desperate for human contact. It's very unattractive to be the person in the coffee shop who is making eye contact with everyone. Even worse: Being the crazy lady who tells every single last person who walks in the door that they should try the Chai Latte Double Skim Milkshake Extravaganza — or asking every male with opposable thumbs if he can help you with your computer. Looking around you now and then is fine; smiling — especially at babies or children — is perfectly acceptable. But being Ms. Chatty Cathy isn't going to work in your favor.
4. Being out in a place that's just right: not intimidating or too crowded — or too empty. As such, small coffee shops, juice joints, bookstores with adjoining lounges, and libraries often encourage flirtatious behavior.
5. Being planted in one place. Moving targets are hard to approach. But if you sit in one place for a while, a guy can observe you long enough to become interested, accumulate his courage, and psych himself up to approach. But if you only stay still long enough to check your Blackberry, he won't have enough time to prepare. Similarly, if you're always bouncing up and down to take a phone call outside — or running to the bathroom every five minutes — all that movement could scare him away.
6. Being really into whatever you're doing. It's human nature: When we see another person having a good time, we become curious about what's making him or her so happy. Also, for most of us, happy people are simply more appealing than unhappy people.
7. Creating a little something called "mimetic desire." When one man sees another man flirting with you it gets his testosterone pumping. He says to himself, “Why was that dude flirting with that chick?” Because she seems happy with what she's doing, and she likes music, and she's kind of sweet. Of course, he likes her. She's likable! In other words, when one guy sees another flirting with you (or simply talking with you), he takes it as a given that you are flirt-worthy, and then he comes up with his own reasons to support that conclusion.
8. Having no expectations. This is the hardest part. And I really hate to give such annoying advice — because how are you supposed to carry it out? But I swear, when I go out hoping I'll meet someone, I never meet anyone. When I work too hard at a conversation that someone else has instigated, it always falls flat.
So there you go, some excellent ideas to turn up the heat in those flirtatious moments – and some hints for you guys on what to look for in her behaviour when you want to flirt. But, despite the great tips from Maura Kelly, you still need the ultimate one from your’s truly:
BONUS: Be brave enough to initiate the conversation … you might be surprised at just how much we LOVE conversation. And innuendo. And feeling lusted after. And sexual tension. Oh, and compliment our shoes.