Trying Not To Look Too Slutty

It has been a while since I dug into my collection of questions from people I have encountered on here and some of the other online avenues of my life; and with the sun starting to actually melt the frozen tundra that is my neighbourhood I thought it would be a good time to put some specific answers out there.

This one came from one of my Twitter followers a few weeks ago and has kind of sat in my mind – and archive – for a bit.

When you get dressed up, do you pay attention to whether you look 'too slutty'?

Outside of the fun that happens with me online, there are kind of two realities at work for me as to why this isn’t really an issue: my personal struggle with fashion and my offline environment not being truly conducive to being that way.

I have said before that a tremendous amount of my personal style belongs to the fashion sense of my husband. He is a very unique man who could spend hours – and hundreds of dollars – taking me shopping. Almost all the outfits you see when I post pics on my blog and Twitter are the result of him taking the time to pick something out for me (with the exception of some lingerie and boots, which I have been ‘spoiled’ in receiving from a couple male friends). Without that guidance, I would easily opt for the most comfortable and practical style … and certainly not have the ability to tease, flirt and torment as much as I do!

Some of the women I work with, quite literally, ask if they can take him shopping with them after they discover that a certain outfit was something he picked out, etc.

In those moments when I feel like pushing the envelope a little, my decisions are completely based on being a distraction – but not so much that it would impact my professional reputation. I aim for the “sexy” most of all.

Secondary to that, my day-to-day life is rooted in a very conservative work environment. I occasionally push the limits a little with some shorter hems and by wearing my friends’ lingerie underneath, but for the most part I can’t get away with too much. Heck, we even have a policy for heel height – which rules out all those impossible sky-high stilettos you guys love on us.

And, my day-to-day-not-at-work life is rooted in playing taxi driver to a couple of exceptionally busy young men. I’m sure I could get away with being a little sexier in my outfits for those nights when I’m just a spectator to their activities – and likely not get any complaints from the Dads in attendance – but it’s not always practical to be wearing a miniskirt and heels to a hockey game.

But, having said that, every now and then, the opportunity arises for me to go out on a hot date with my husband and not dress so “Momish.” Again, I get an awful lot of advice and requests from him … and occasionally I will relent and slip into something just so we can cut the night short and get home early (if you know what I mean).

Even then, my husband’s fashion sense isn’t about trying to make me look “slutty” as much as it is about trying to help me feel confident, stylish and sexy.

In all honesty, the only times I have ever felt close to ‘slutty’ are a couple of occasions when we went to a lifestyle club – but my initial concerns over my own outfit were soon dispelled by what I saw other women almost wearing. And in that kind of setting, their sluttier seems to be the better!

I think there is a need to understand what “too slutty” can mean. With some people, they think that a woman should stop wearing certain styles when they reach a certain age. But others think that when a woman reaches a certain age, she should dress how she wants because she has the confidence in her sexuality to let all those societal conventions disappear.

I think there is a difference between what may be acceptable in our society and what might be a bit much, but at the end of the day, if a woman has the confidence to carry her sense of style off, then who are we to pass judgment?

Andee     xoxo 

Relationships | How Not To Get Laid

So there I was, wasting a little time at lunch instead of being social with co-workers that I’m not really interested in being social with, when I did the unthinkable yet again – I read some drivel from yet another wannabe Carrie Bradshaw, who still hasn’t figured out that she is just a fictional character crafted by a group of writers who probably never served as magazine columnists in New York. Strangely, this wannabe was male … not that there’s anything wrong with that.

The article this time was about “sexy” moves that your guy just doesn’t find sexy from a guy’s point of view. Now, this one wasn’t as full of rubbish as some of the others, but I still had to choke down my Cajun chicken to get through some of the advice.

Part of the article relies on the assumption that if you are actually dating right now, the guy you are dating must be a lazy idiot. No, not because he is dating you, but because he has absolutely no sexual creativity and must be spoon-fed sex because it is your responsibility to continually “please your man.” Except now, as a woman, you must learn to understand that he only wants it when he wants it – and that having to put any effort into the “tease” takes too much of his time away from important things, like picking his fantasy croquette team or something like that.

Shower sex … especially on weekday mornings.

"Unless you have a seat in there, a shower romp is never as fun as it sounds. Who gets to stand under the water? And she can't like it when she goes down on me and there's scalding hot water blasting her in the face."

If you can’t figure out how to position yourself in the shower so she’s not getting water in face when she is doing something to make you feel sexy and desirable, then I’ll make sure you have some extra conditioner in there because from now on the only lube you’ll be getting on your clean Johnson will be spread with your own hand while you jerk off to those stories your buddy from work tells you about the things his wife does to him.

Hint you're in the mood, then play hard to get and make him work at seducing you.

“Just what a guy wants when he gets home from work: more work. The chase is a game for those who've just met. When you're in a new relationship, you're so excited, you'll try anything. I once spent three weeks eating at vegan restaurants just because a girl was cute (and vegan). Of course, I'd grab a cheeseburger afterward. But still, that's working for it!”

You know what’s work? Trying to get the mustard stain off the crotch of your pants after you’ve eaten that cheeseburger, you slob. But fear not buddy, you can bemoan your lack of understanding of women while you drop a few more coins into the washing machine at the laundromat when you go with your other newly-single friend … and compare notes of which conditioner feels better to masturbate with in the shower.

Wear a top with a million little buttons and slowly undo them while he watches.

“Is it cool if I watch baseball till you finish? This sounds more goofy than sexy. Sure, most guys enjoy a striptease, but there's a reason strippers don't wear tops like that. Namely, there are few things less hot than unbuttoning a million buttons. Guys like it when you take off your clothes, but it's better if it doesn't take half an inning to get to the main event.”

Well, I bet you love those cheapass t-shirts from Walmart better because that’s the only place you’ll meet your next big thing. Oh, and the stripper thing? Yes, they don’t wear button down shirts like your wife or girlfriend … but unlike your brass pole fantasy we don’t make your dick ooze puss and burn when you pee. Yeah, that’s hot – in a not so delightful way. Hope she was worth the $20 bucks you stuffed in her g-string before you wagged your inch-worm out from your best pair of sweat pants.

Buy a super-pricey, super-vampy little lingerie number for his eyes only.

“The only time a guy notices lingerie is when it's hard to take off. Sexy lingerie is kind of a nonstarter. If it makes you feel sexy, great. Go for it. But if you're wearing it to turn a guy on, just know it doesn't do as much for us as you might think. If I already know what's under there, then what's the point?”

Which is why your Internet browsing history is full of links to pantyhose and stocking fetish sites, right? And why does that Victoria’s Secret catalogue come to the house in your name? Or maybe this year we can say no gift-wrapping for your Christmas presents?

It’s sad that men like this have grown up too lazy to know that unwrapping her is half the fun. But no, they would rather just fuck and be done with it so they could get back to the sports channel. And they wonder why their lives are miserable and empty. Come on, can’t women see how great a catch you really are?

But, I know this, the minute your wife or girlfriend starts wearing nothing but droopy old sweats and cheeseburger stained t-shirts is the minute you’ll bitch about how she doesn’t bother trying to improve her appearance and try to start looking kind of like that hot little intern in accounting who always shows a flash of her lace bra under her button down… oh wait … I forgot, you don’t like lingerie and buttons. You’re more into the Velcro look like that stripper was wearing the other night.
 

Grr…

There was a whole lot more I could have said about this absolute nonsense, but after scoffing for a few minutes, I realized that this poor sap of a writer probably goes home to an apartment still decorated with fond memories of college and not a hot and sexy woman waiting in nothing but a $300 band of ribbon from an upscale lingerie shop.

Thankfully both my own personal experience with men and many commenters on the article indicate that these kinds of ideas are far from the norm. In fact, the few men I do know who even closely talk along these lines are usually not the kind of men who I think get a lot of this kind of action anyway.

As for me, I’m OK with this ridiculousness … because for all the men with an attitude like this out there, I immediately feel so much more fortunate for having one in my life who will break every man rule in the book to get me into the “sexy.” But that said, I admit we don’t usually shower together in the morning; he is way too exhausted from: the chase, the seduction, the buttons and the lingerie.

Andee     xoxo

 

My Growing Interest In Lingerie

Over the past couple years I have developed a taste for nice lingerie; partly due to my evolving tastes in what I personally think is sexy, and partly due to the reaction it produces at home, at work and within myself. To say that looking sexy and feeling sexy is not an ego boost would just be misleading. As a woman ages, she needs even more reassurance that she still has the feminine ability to attract men.

And even though we have great sources for lingerie these days – places like Fredericks of Hollywood and Victoria's Secret – I think a lot of women have given up on the “old-fashioned idea” of sexy. It doesn’t help that pop culture has turned overtly slutty into the modern ideal of socially-acceptable sexy, but as long as size 0 models with size 0 IQs continue to flaunt it as fashion, well, we’ll just never get more women into the idea.

Lingerie has been reduced to seemingly only involve matching bras and panties these days. Of course, the traditional two-piece ensemble are an amazing part of any girl’s trousseau, but I can’t help wonder if there are other younger women out there that have a daily interest in sexy lingerie beyond just two pieces. And by that I mean, lingerie for the sake of personal interest, not as stage clothes and photographic wardrobe.

Without question, the modern idea for many lingerie enthusiasts remains steadfast in its connection to naughty Santa's helpers and Valentine's Day attire. But what about discovering the sexiness of wearing lingerie on an every day basis?

Yesterday, one of my newest pieces of lingerie made its debut on my website; and from all accounts so far, was well-received. I know it sure as hell was well-received at home – and I have every intention of seeing exactly how it might work for me at my work.

I think the idea of lingerie for something beyond posing for a camera is finding the balance between "feeling sexy" and "made for sex" ... because there is a very distinct difference. I can wear the feeling sexy lingerie all the time - including when sex is on the agenda, but I'm not sure I can wear the made for sex lingerie under a sexy dress for a day at the office.

In a way, my hobby has been a key determining factor in my desire for sexier underthings. I’m blessed with a husband who recognizes the need to keep my drawers filled with naughty lace things, and have developed a few friends with guys who enjoy seeing me in items they have bought for me as well. Of course, it’s hard not to have fun when those things combine all for my benefit.

Andee     xoxo

My Love For Nice Lingerie

"If your wearing lingerie that makes you feel glamorous, you're halfway thereto turning heads"

~ Elle Macpherson

Sexy new update, brought to you by a special friend on mine!

See ALL of me here!

Andee   xoxo

My Sexual Insecurities

It’s kind of funny ... not one of those funny “ha ha” moments, but one of those “why do you ask” situations. I don't think it has been much of a secret over the past few months that I have been taking my fashion choice for work to a little sexier level. If you follow me on Twitter, or keep up with the occasional tale on here, you'll know what I mean.

The other day I was asked if I had some sort of “agenda” for these recent changes in work wear; as if there was something behind my decision to go beyond my comfort zone. It’s been a little better than a year since I began to dress up more frequently, and without obvious reason such as a meeting or presentation. One of the big motivators in me stepping beyond the lab coat and scrubs has been a feeling of insecurity; and a need to reassure myself that I can still turn the head of a man that isn't my husband.

This is even more important to my emotional state of mind following a tediously long stretch in the lab where we are not allowed to wear jewellery and/or make-up. Say what you want, but for some of us that leaves us feeling more vulnerable than standing naked on stage in front of thousands of people.

I think it's fairly natural to suggest that as a woman ages, she has feelings of doubt as to her sexuality and attractiveness. The diet, fitness and washed-up celebrity endorsement industries rely heavily on this phenomenon. Without our feelings of "less than perfect" there would be dozens of 80s sitcom supporting cast members working stage shows in the Poconos – not to mention a library of self-help books doing nothing but collecting dust.

On a personal level, I have found myself being remarkably surprised at how much I enjoy the transformation – and challenge of finding my "sexy" again. I work in an environment that doesn’t always allow me to feel remotely that way and so when the opportunity arises these days, I have this desire to make the most of it.

I don’t have a problem exploring what it takes to indulge in the sexual me and touching the line without crossing it. OK, some days I like it when that line is very grey; not quite 50 shades of grey, but fuzzy and not so easily identified.

I admit that I like the attention I receive from my Office Guys and some of the other men at work. I like the extended glances from the power suits and the flirty smiles in the hallways.

Does it define me as a woman? No; not in the least. What defines me as a woman is the love I have from my family, the role I play as a wife and a mother.

Some might think it is rather superficial – however, even the superficial in life has the power to influence one’s mood and add some positivity to a person’s self-esteem. And as much as we need the emotional fuel for the soul, we also need a little stroking here and there of the fragile outer ego.

A woman also wants to be appreciated for all those superficial, societal ideals – her style, her sexual prowess and willingness to play the combined role of Madonna and whore. We want to be respected for our intellect, but still lusted over. And we do want to catch you looking at our cleavage or checking out our legs in that miniskirt.

We don’t want to have to explain how all of that fits into this really complex double standard.

The other side of this relates to my husband. While I am not a fan of shopping, and often admit to having no sense of real style, he loves both – and I’m the lucky recipient of his passion for that. I have a closet full of great clothes thanks to him, and he constantly encourages me to step out beyond the standard comfy go-to clothes.

And those days when I am feeling a bit braver, slip on a nice dress and maybe some risqué lingerie underneath, I can count on a constant flow of suggestive and ego-boosting texts from him. It doesn’t hurt that if he thinks for a moment that another man may show a peaked interest, he becomes incredibly turned on. And it doesn’t hurt for a moment that all of those influences help ramp up my flirtatious courage.

All rewarding for me.

And one of the real benefits of having this forum to express myself on is that I can share what goes on in my mind, for better or worse. It helps me keep in touch with some of my own fantasies, think through some twisted ideas and plot out my scheme for global domination one stocking leg at a time ... hence your weekly treat of Thigh High Thursday.

Andee     xoxo

Sex | My Guilty Pleasures

What is it about sexual pleasure that makes us feel guilty? The shadows of our parents’ moral lessons? Or maybe society’s message that some things will forever remain “dirty” when indulged in? Despite how liberal our society has become, there is a social stigma attached to sex as a subject for public discussion. We can share all kinds of other deeply personal information with our peers and social circle, but sex is a taboo no matter how healthy and positive it is.

I'm not sure what it is, but sex remains something we're still not able to be open about. And so, whenever sex is on the menu, someone is bound to suggest we should feel guilty if we are enjoying it – or, in some circles, guilty for doing it for a purpose other than procreation.

What's one sexual guilty pleasure that you wouldn't openly tell your friends about? Why?
I'm not sure narrowing it down to just one guilty pleasure is good enough. There are a number of things that, sadly, I just can't be open about. I live in a pretty vanilla, very stereotypical suburban environment, where the only time sex ever comes to the forefront of conversation is when someone is banging someone they shouldn't be. I think most people are afraid to be known as sexual creatures.

Even this past weekend, my husband and I went to an annual sex show, where we usually scope out new ideas for my website, dabble in a little bit of our kinks, and maybe spend just a bit too much money on toys and lingerie.

So, one of the easy answers for something I would never disclose is the actual number of toys I own. There are a couple friends that know about my turbo bunny – but thanks to Sex And The City, it has been the one toy that is almost acceptable among girlfriends to admit to. But I'm not so sure I could have a similar discussion about my 9-inch black dildo, or the several other vibrating silicone sex toys that fill my drawer beside the bed.

Sex toys, while most women have them, suggest that there must be something else to what goes on in the bedroom – falsely. They have nothing to do with my husband's performance, nor mine. They have everything to do with a delicious enhancement and thrill to pretty much every time we get busy ... and damn, they're fun!

Which brings me to another topic that I just can't really dish on to people in my real life: the sexual habits of my husband and I.

On the way home the other night from the Everything To Do With Sex Show, we were discussing the situation between my Office Guy and I, and where things have gone lately. Save the whole story for another day, but it's just not as hot and heavy as it used to be –and quite frankly, I think my friend is struggling with his own sense of guilt/emotional baggage.

But as my husband was sharing his thoughts on the situation, he said "Can you imagine what our friends would think if they knew about any of this?" The idea that a married woman has the freedom to explore her sexual desires with a man other than her husband ...

Truth is, most people might like to fantasize about exploring sexually, but I get the sense that few ever act upon it – and that is what makes me afraid of sharing anything too personal with those not directly involved in my ongoing adventure.

Andee     xoxo