Trying Not To Look Too Slutty

It has been a while since I dug into my collection of questions from people I have encountered on here and some of the other online avenues of my life; and with the sun starting to actually melt the frozen tundra that is my neighbourhood I thought it would be a good time to put some specific answers out there.

This one came from one of my Twitter followers a few weeks ago and has kind of sat in my mind – and archive – for a bit.

When you get dressed up, do you pay attention to whether you look 'too slutty'?

Outside of the fun that happens with me online, there are kind of two realities at work for me as to why this isn’t really an issue: my personal struggle with fashion and my offline environment not being truly conducive to being that way.

I have said before that a tremendous amount of my personal style belongs to the fashion sense of my husband. He is a very unique man who could spend hours – and hundreds of dollars – taking me shopping. Almost all the outfits you see when I post pics on my blog and Twitter are the result of him taking the time to pick something out for me (with the exception of some lingerie and boots, which I have been ‘spoiled’ in receiving from a couple male friends). Without that guidance, I would easily opt for the most comfortable and practical style … and certainly not have the ability to tease, flirt and torment as much as I do!

Some of the women I work with, quite literally, ask if they can take him shopping with them after they discover that a certain outfit was something he picked out, etc.

In those moments when I feel like pushing the envelope a little, my decisions are completely based on being a distraction – but not so much that it would impact my professional reputation. I aim for the “sexy” most of all.

Secondary to that, my day-to-day life is rooted in a very conservative work environment. I occasionally push the limits a little with some shorter hems and by wearing my friends’ lingerie underneath, but for the most part I can’t get away with too much. Heck, we even have a policy for heel height – which rules out all those impossible sky-high stilettos you guys love on us.

And, my day-to-day-not-at-work life is rooted in playing taxi driver to a couple of exceptionally busy young men. I’m sure I could get away with being a little sexier in my outfits for those nights when I’m just a spectator to their activities – and likely not get any complaints from the Dads in attendance – but it’s not always practical to be wearing a miniskirt and heels to a hockey game.

But, having said that, every now and then, the opportunity arises for me to go out on a hot date with my husband and not dress so “Momish.” Again, I get an awful lot of advice and requests from him … and occasionally I will relent and slip into something just so we can cut the night short and get home early (if you know what I mean).

Even then, my husband’s fashion sense isn’t about trying to make me look “slutty” as much as it is about trying to help me feel confident, stylish and sexy.

In all honesty, the only times I have ever felt close to ‘slutty’ are a couple of occasions when we went to a lifestyle club – but my initial concerns over my own outfit were soon dispelled by what I saw other women almost wearing. And in that kind of setting, their sluttier seems to be the better!

I think there is a need to understand what “too slutty” can mean. With some people, they think that a woman should stop wearing certain styles when they reach a certain age. But others think that when a woman reaches a certain age, she should dress how she wants because she has the confidence in her sexuality to let all those societal conventions disappear.

I think there is a difference between what may be acceptable in our society and what might be a bit much, but at the end of the day, if a woman has the confidence to carry her sense of style off, then who are we to pass judgment?

Andee     xoxo 

Too Old For What?!

First bit of advice: never take any article written that uses an unnamed “corporate spokesperson” as its primary source to be a very credible piece.

I said to my husband this morning, as I sipped on my coffee and scanned a few bits and pieces online before work that I felt a rant coming on over something published on Yahoo. OK, second piece of advice: never take anything published as “news” on Yahoo as credible. They make those bitter and self-indulgent Carrie Bradshaw wannabes at Cosmo look like they stand a chance at a Pulitzer for investigative journalism.

The article which raised my ire was entitled “You’re Too Old To Wear That.” Another fluffy piece that suggests women must adhere to specific style standards as they climb the chronological ladder. And the primary “expert” was someone from a company that specializes in anti-aging skin care.

Apparently, a study conducted by said “skin-care company” found one third of the 2,000 women they polled (all of whom were over 45) worried that some items in their wardrobe were age-inappropriate, and 80 per cent felt they “needed to abandon 'younger' styles as they grew older.”

“We think middle aged is supposed to be later, but women are saying that in the early 40s a lot of things need to be toned down,” the unnamed corporate source said.

Now, before you think the top of my head is going to blow off, there are some things that I do agree should be retired. Anything that can be mistaken for a sequined napkin being passed off as a miniskirt might be best saved for those “special club nights” and not the office. And I know you guys will all be disagreeing with me, saying a miniskirt is the perfect choice for work, but a lot of offices have these things called “policies” and they’re usually written by stuffy women with self-esteem and feminism issues who subscribe to articles such as this as “workplace attire gospel.”

If there is anything superficial that I get compliments on, it is my legs – and I am proud of the fact that I have the kind which will serve as pleasant distractions for many of you guys. Forgive my moment of vanity, but damn it, I enjoy the attention … particularly “at my age.”

Believe it or not, there are quite a few of us that are perfectly comfortable with our ability to provide a visual distraction. Looking sexy – and seeing that others are noticing you looking sexy – helps us feel sexy, which in turn fuels a lot of what goes on in our imaginations. It’s also a magnificent method of dealing with work-related stress.

Maybe that’s just because I love to flirt.

And, I am intelligent enough to match wits with the best, so this isn’t a habit of compensation or leverage to “get ahead” in a “man’s world.” It’s more in tune with having reached an age where my appreciation for playing the part has greater depth; and the fact that I couldn’t really care less what the majority of my female peers have to say about the length of my skirt or the height of my heels.

The disappointing aspect of articles like these – beyond being “sponsored” by corporations that market anti-aging products to women – is that they add to the societal confines already placed on women. The messages say “you’re too old to wear anything above the knee” and “you’re too old for that colour of lipstick.”

Women should be celebrating their confidence as they “get older.” I am in a much more comfortable place at 38 than I was at 28, and at 18. And as such, I get to enjoy the benefits of that confidence even more. To sit back and think that in three years I need to hide my miniskirts and start shopping for sensible shoes is ridiculous.

In fact, in three years I hope everyone around me will be staring in disbelief with “Damn she looks hot for her age.”

But even if they don’t, I won’t care. I’m not defined by silly notions concocted by the marketing departments and “corporate spokespeople” at companies which sell anti-aging products.

THE OTHER SUGGESTED SILLINESS

• knee-high boots should be retired by age 45
• tattoos start to look bad by the mid-50s
• ditch high heels by the time you are 59
• hair braids only in your 20s
• pants that say "pink," or anything, for that matter, on the butt
• stop wearing light, short, flimsy dresses as the upper thighs...change...with age  

Andee     xoxo

What's So Unusual About Stockings

For some guys, today is a pretty special day - it's National Stockings Day in England, a day sponsored by Charnos Hosiery designed to raise awareness and money for breast cancer awareness. For anyone who is interested in following my own antics for the day, catch up with me on Twitter. I have a few really sexy stockings pics that will be posted throughout the day to help make it a bit more interesting for you.

Of course, the idea of me wearing stockings also fits into today's blog theme - something that popped up a while back in my Formspring questions.

What is the most unusual sexual experience you’ve ever had?

Are stockings really that unusual? Probably not for a lot of people; and really not so much for me when we just consider wearing them for something like my website or to make a video for you. But for me to push the limits of my comfort zone and introduce them as part of my work-related wardrobe ... that was exceptionally unusual (and sexual) for me.

If you remember back to what I wrote at the time, I think it really still sums up my thoughts:

One morning, I woke up before my husband, walked into the bathroom and proceeded to get ready for my day at work. Like I often do, I had set out my outfit for the day, so that I wouldn't need to disturb him while he slept. I found a little note from him stuck inside the dress I was planning to wear, along with the stockings and garterbelt. The whole thing was worth it the moment my husband walked into the kitchen to say goodbye to me before I left for the day.

I know my husband loves me, and we have an awful lot of fun together both in and out of the bedroom, but there is nothing that can mask true lustful surprise on a man's face. It's a look that goes right to my heart and knees ... and ego. After over 20 years of being together, there aren't many times left when I can see that sincere expression of delighted shock and desire. It was like watching a kid at Christmas.

Later in the day, when I revealed my fashion leap to my Office Guy the first time, his reaction was equally incredible. To stand just a few feet away from him and do the seductive hiking up of my hem, to see his eyes light up and just stare in amazement was an amazing turn-on for me. Then to allow him to touch and fondle ... still a prominent masturbation memory.

Of course, almost all of what opened the door on this was one of the other most unusual sexual experiences in my life: having an adult website ...

This is something that I would have never anticipated ever indulging in, but has certain been a big motivator and enabler in my sexual adventure. It has given me the confidence and fueled my desire to explore and push the limits.

I can't say that something like that would be for everyone - and, honestly, I'm thankful it's not.

Other things that come to mind, but may be best saved for a future blog, would include:

• Going to the swingers clubs ... that is way outside my comfort zone ...
• Finally finding the courage to turn my bi-curious status to bisexual ...
• My afternoon rendezvous with my Office Guy ... that is just something that I don't do, so for me that is beyond the limits.

 Having wrapped my brain around all of this though, the reality is I like the unusual side of life. It's what makes everything so interesting ... especially the sex!

Andee     xoxo

Sex | A Favourite Fetish

This is probably one topic that could keep going around and around as I get deeper and deeper into my sexual adventure. And while it has been a marvelous 10 years of exploring, gradually experimenting and experiencing new things, I am continually amazed at both what I learn from other people in terms of fetishes, and how my own kinks and sexual quirks seemingly evolve along the way.

I can't say that any of mine border even close to some of those truly outrageous requests I have gotten through my website and videos over the past decade ... some of which still leave me scratching my head. I think mine are relatively tame and yet still sexy enough to be intriguing and maybe a bit unusual among my offline circle of friends. Naturally, I am making a bit of an assumption there, as I don't really know what goes on behind their bedroom doors.

So when this Formspring question made an appearance, I thought "I have an answer to that!"

What is one of your favourite fetishes, and why?

Quite a while back I wrote about how I was learning to really understand what it is men like about women in stockings. For photographic reasons, I was quite comfortable with wearing them, along with the more modern version, thigh highs. But other than my wedding day, and a few steamy date nights, I had not really explored the idea of wearing hosiery as such, as part of my office attire.

And while it is something that always proves to be a worthwhile fashion choice - given the reactions it produces at home and at work - like all good fetishes, moderation is the key in keeping it exciting and erotic each time. I think if I wore them everyday, or at least every time I dressed up for work or a date, it may get a little too expected. Part of why it is a favourite fetish is the reaction of the guys, not just the ideas in my own mind.

I have definitely come to appreciate the sideways glances, and occasional downright stare, that I get from the guys I work with. Unlike some women who might see that as a precursor to sexual harassment, I'm thrilled - and somewhat turned on - but the knowledge that they consider me worthy of their lusty looks. I certainly can't complain when the whole idea is very much planned and expected on my behalf.

I think that is a big part of why I see it as being different from being "objectified." I set out with a teasing, flirting scheme in mind ... trying to be coy on my own to catch the men around me sneaking a peek. And if our eyes happen to meet, I try to give them a knowing little look that says I'm thrilled they noticed and flattered.

And even though the guys may never know if there is a garter belt holding those stockings up, or if I'm jammed into some tortuous control tops, I can't say I get the same personal feelings from pantyhose ... they are just something that I could never feel comfortable in. But stockings, and the occasional romp in thigh highs, make me feel sexy and attractive.

That's why right now, they are among my favourite fetishes. And, if you really like to see how it plays out, don't miss my latest update ... it's exactly what this blog is all about!

Andee     xoxo

The Real TMI To Yesterday's Questions

If you happened to stop by yesterday, you would have read my questions to the answers that the folks behind TMI Tuesday provided this week. Of course, if you have been paying attention to me over the past two years, you will know that I'm not one for short answers.

And even though the questions were created on the fly, I thought it might be kind of fun to dig a little deeper into the answers - because I think I have figured out that you seem to enjoy really getting into the naughty corners of my mind.

1. When using a dildo with your partner, where is the most likely spot it will end up? 

It all depends on exactly how the dildo became involved in the moment - and which dildo in my collection it is. Not too long ago, my husband bought me a new toy, strictly intended to be used for anal play during intercourse. He knows just how much the idea of being penetrated in front and back gets me extremely hot and bothered. It's a huge fantasy that we often like to play with.

However, I do own a couple of larger dildos that aren't exactly suited for that same purpose. As much as I like to think about being taken in both holes, some things are just a bit too large to make it a wild experience. Those particular toys are more than likely to be used as "torture" devices by my hubby as he torments the hell out of my pussy - and mind - with them.

2. What is the one accessory you can wear on a date to make sure you wind up getting laid?

Without question, my husband loves me in high heels. And I have learned that when I feel the need or desire for a little sexual attention, slipping on a pair of sexy stilettos is one way to guarantee I will get some.

I still remember when I first learned that my husband had a bit of a footwear fetish. At the time, we were still dating and I had borrowed a friend's pair of boots that I happened to like. At the end of the evening I was on my back, heels in the air, having an awesome time ... and would always have a little smile when I would see my friend wearing them, wondering what she would think if she knew what I did in them.

3. What is the one physical reaction you expect your answer to Question 2 will produce in your date for the night? 

Let's just say that I pretty know just how I can turn my husband on without doing too much ... a sexy little dress, a great pair of shoes and a naughty little glance will help me turn get him hard and stiff. And for those women who somehow think doing something like that is tiresome or beneath them, ie: "Why should I have to do something like that?" ... you have totally missed the lesson on seduction, and the rewards it brings.

4. What is something that you partner might say in bed that would put a damper on your sexual enthusiasm?
As I mention below, sex doesn't always have to be a serious occasion. Some fun, laughter and light-heartedness is also a good thing. However, short of referring to me by someone else's name in the height of passion or throws of orgasm, probably the one thing that would put me off is if a guy is talking to himself. The funny answer given by the folks at TMI was “By George I think he’s got it!” For me, that would be just way too weird. First, the George I know in my real life is not all that ... and secondly, it would be hard to get visions of Eliza Doolittle out of my mind.

If you don't know who she is, try reading Pygmalion by ... wait for it ... George Bernard Shaw. Or renting My Fair Lady, the musical movie version of the same story.

5. Sex doesn't always have to such a serious thing. What is the last thing you wore to bed that made your partner laugh? 

I find it amusing when I meet people who believe that sex has to be this serious, mind-blowing experience every single time. When you spend many years with the same person, you learn that sex can be fun on many different levels, from the excitement of newlywed sex through to exploring and pushing the relationship envelope inside the bedroom, it doesn't have to ever be "the same old thing."

In my relationship, we have shared tears over sex and laughs. One of the funniest moments came when I was in college and my boyfriend (who became my husband) stayed over. Canadian winters can get a little cold, and the house I was sharing with my roommates wasn't always at a tropical temperature. I was wearing a pair of wool socks to keep my feet warm when he brushed my feet with his and then said in a pretend sexy voice "Oh baby, I love how you wear things to turn me on."

It was a very hysterical moment for me at the time ... but I have since stopped wearing thick wool socks to bed. 

6. When using a washroom in a public place, what is the one thing that will make you risk wetting yourself instead of just going?

There is part of me that is intrigued by the idea of a glory hole experience. The anonymity of the situation, the thrill of doing something I happen to love doing - giving oral sex - is a turn on. However, despite the reality of what a glory hole is, I would still want the security of it being a safe and clean experience.

That said, slipping into most public bathrooms is a test for even the most relaxed germaphobe ... and if I see anything that remotely looks like a peephole, you can be guaranteed I will risk the kidney stones, and hold it until I can pee somewhere less disgusting.

Bonus:

What would you say to your partner when they accidentally discover your collection of Playgirl magazines?
I don't think I ever really got into Playgirl magazine all that much until later in life. I wasn't particularly drawn to pictoral porn; opting for the more erotic approach of the written word. Now, I have no objection to seeing photos of hot naked men with 0% body fat and hard and stiff ...

But I also don't have much reason to hide any of that.

So, the real truth behind my question to the answer: I hid them there so you wouldn’t find them ... relates a lot more to where I store my AA batteries, and how I keep them tucked away for my own battery-operated fun so that my Little Men will not find them and use them for silly things like their remotes for the video game system.

Andee     xoxo

Time For Some Sexy New Shoes

Do you ever have one of those weekends where every possible event happens on the same day? It’s almost as if my life just isn’t busy enough these days … Good lord, I never thought a woman in her so-called "prime" would get so tired.

Apart from an invite to play hockey (long story), take my Little Man to an out-of-town baseball tournament (thank heaven for carpool favours) and a few others, my little appointment book is bursting at the seams.

Despite all the options, I have one major event that I will not miss – the wedding of one of my friends from work. I love weddings, and especially the opportunity to get all dressed up. Most of my life is spent in work clothes, or slothing around the house in something comfy. I know that comes as quite a shocker – given all the naughty lingerie you see me wearing on my website. So when I get the chance to dress up (quite a bit more now for work or to party), I like to go all out. But I think you have also managed to see that side of me too!

There's going to be some serious "glam" at this wedding, and I'll have no worries about really putting it on for a change. Plus this weekend is also supposed to bring some nice weather, which means I am going for the sexy new LBD and stiletto heels look. Heck, I might even paint my nails!

Wearing sexy shoes remains one of life’s big challenges for me. Because I work in an environment that has some strict rules about footwear, finding heels that comply is difficult … not to mention finding heels I can stand to wear for a full day of marathonesque running. It’s a bigger challenge for my husband for his fashion sense. He openly admits to be a shoe-slut, and quietly endures my more sensible Monday-Friday choices.

This time around though, I found a great pair of heels to go with my new dress. So in honour of a sexy stiletto Saturday, I found this little bit on the Internet about why high heels are the sexiest shoes:

The stuff you strut is more sensual when you're up on your toes, says Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes author Jena Pincott: "Heels force your pelvis to tilt so that both your rear end and chest stick out." One study showed that leg lengths 5 per cent longer than average are the most attractive, so for most women, a 1.5- to 3-inch heel would create the ideal leg length.

"This attraction might be evolutionary, because long legs are associated with better long-term health, which would appeal to a mate. Plus, much like a peacock flaunts his feathers, which are really quite heavy and a nuisance, a woman teetering in heels can show off her fitness and coordination."

If I had to pick one body part that I could say I was confident over, it would be my legs (not trying to be vain here guys, just sharing what some of you seem to suggest to me ...). I think if I was able to be more stylish on an everyday basis, maybe I'd play it up a bit more and show them off. You know, draw the attention down and away from other bits I'm not so OK with right now.

But a sexy set of stilettos also means a little prep work.

When Marilyn Monroe had her stilettos made uneven heights to accentuate her hip-wiggle, she understood the power of high heels. Ridiculous, to be sure, but her point might have been this: If you're going to wear heels, wear them well.

1. Posture is critical. Keep your spine upright and slightly arched, and shoulders back to avoid hunching over.
2. Start with one foot coming out at a slight outward angle, striking with the heel first. As you walk, continue the heel-toe step.
3. Minding your posture – imagine there's a string in your head, pulling you up – use your arms and hips to change the centre of rotation in your body. As your hips rotate one way, your shoulders should angle slightly the other way for balance.
4. Shorten your stride. It's easy to spot someone unaccustomed to heels by her klumping, bouncing footfall and hunched back.
5. Loosen up. It's all in the hips. If they're too stiff, your gait will be off and you'll end up off-balance.
6. Start with shorter heels and wear them around the house, especially if they're new. Walking over a variety of surfaces like carpet and tile will help too.
7. Carry bandages in your purse at all times.

Anyway ... done properly, that power of the high heel will translate into wobbly knees later on – and that has nothing to do with the actual heel!

So, time to trade in the sensible sneakers for a little glam ... I can't wait!

Andee     xoxo