The timing of all this is kind of funny: I was listening to the radio on my way to the train station this morning and the hosts were talking about “cheating.” Ok, one of those Scooby-Doo moments when you cck your ears and go “arroo?”
But what they were really talking about was how the one male host got busted by his wife for looking at another woman in the grocery store. The discussion revolved around whether or not this counted as “cheating.” Of course, I was almost yelling at the radio - because they were suggesting that this is something that, once you are married or in a serious relationship, should stop.
It made me want to call in an tell them about my little summer flirting contest, last week's office adventure, human sexuality … all of it!
I realize that I may be at a point in this spiralling sexually-charged moment in my life where rational thinking has been replaced with risk and I may not be a credible candidate for what many believe to be typical marital living … regardless, looking at another person is certainly not “cheating.”
There was an article published in one of those trashy magazines talking about how modern humans are basically fighting against how nature has us wired. We are among the few living creatures that have sex for pleasure - and at the same time, there is growing debate as to whether or not our species is truly meant for monogamy. Don’t misread what I am saying - I’m perfectly happy in a monogamous relationship. But, that said, I also know that just because of it that I am no longer allowed to notice other members of my same species.
Can you tell the science geek is coming out …
Anyway, from a more personal perspective, I believe we need to keep a relationship sexually charged, and the element of competition is what keeps (some) relationships alive. There is an important part of our libido that relies on knowing we have a sexual attraction to other people. In our genetic make-up, our relationships rely on not reaching a level of complacency … but each of us needs to find that fine line on our own.
My husband and I have discussed this very thing on quite a few occasions. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve had many moments in my relationship when I wonder why he thinks the way he does - seriously, who comes up with some of these schemes: flirting contests, flashing garter-belts to other men, blogging endlessly about my sexual thoughts, all that stuff. But when those moments happen, the excitement, the eroticisim … how my heart beats so hard and fast I think you could see it through my shirt … all of it reminds me that I am alive and living, not just merely existing and taking up space.
The point we need to understand is the motivation for why we look at other people in a sexual interest way … and then explore if these actions create a sense of jealousy in our partners. Intrigue is healthy, control is not - and that is where jealousy leads, to controlling.
I’m also not naïve to think that these days I am all that and more. We all have flaws, and I know mine quite well.
I blogged before about how I struggled with the after-fact of cutting my hair short - which led to some of this year’s naughty moments - because I felt I wasn’t noticed as much. Yes, that is vanity talking, but vanity is also a very important emotion in our society. It’s just to what level do you take it? Some do go overboard (Paris Hilton) but when it is managed correctly, it is what keeps our mood positive, our life happy and our sex dirty.