May 18, 2011

Relationships | Where Men Go Wrong

I stopped by a friend’s yesterday to pick up a naughty little gift she had waiting for me. The gift was sent from my online friend Matt, whom those of you who enjoyed my stockings and garter-belts antics last week can thank, as he was primarily responsible for them. He has sent a few sexy things my way for my website - and personal pleasure! I was just thinking, and he has been responsible for dozens of delicious orgasms and hours of bedroom fun since last fall.

This time he has sent along a really cool pair of knee high boots. I will have some pics for you guys in a few days.

Anyway, as my friend and I were chatting over a nice cup of tea, the topic turned to what I had been blogging about yesterday, and the idea of looking at other people counting as “cheating” in some people’s minds. She knows all too well about my secret hobby, and shares many of the same thoughts as I do on the subject of sexuality, adventure, experimenting and getting past what other people think, etc.
But, like a couple of tired Moms after a long day at work are liable to do over a cup of tea, we got pretty philosophical with the idea, our own experiences with relationships and the men we know. The subject has been out there in the media the past couple days, but basically we were really into the thought of  “What do you think is the biggest mistake that men tend to make in relationships?”

And it wasn’t so much about the cheating, as you might think … although I will have a blog very soon on that very subject, following a conversation I had with one of my Office Guys recently (cue the foreboding background music). And no, it was not about Arnold …

No Stereotypes Please
One of the things that I think is a big mistake in a relationship - whether they do it consciously or not - is some men tend to put restrictions on their spouse/significant other. In saying that, men will say "I'm not jealous" but little comments will come out, and we are aware and it affects how we will act. Most women are afraid to put on the sexy lingerie because they are well aware they will never look like the stereotypical stripper they overheard their spouses discussing with their buddies (although I would suggest to women to go and see these strippers for themselves. You would be shocked at how painfully normal most of them are).

And I'm not saying "restrictions" but some guys have a way of revealing their expectations. When you are around your friends and talk about another woman and how she looks and her "assets", it makes us feel a little substandard because we know we can't live up to that expectation in our own relationship. It's even worse when you do that and we're around - if you can’t say the same about us.

Let me clarify: I don't have any problem talking about other women with my husband, because we both like to look. But he's also pretty good when it comes to me and my girlfriends talking about other men. Neither of us go "hey honey, wouldn't you like to have his/her (fill in your own blank)."

If he points out an attractive woman and says to me "She's got a great set of legs" or something like that, I'm likely to look and agree or offer my opinion. But if I say, "He's got a nice ass" he doesn't turn and say "what the @#$% you looking for" he says "so what makes a nice ass on a guy?"

Granted, my hubby tends to be a bit more on the open-minded end of things than many of the other men I happen to know.

But there is never any “You could look like that if …”

The reality is we all look. Like my blogger friend H from Hands In My Pants commented yesterday as I blogged about checking out other people, the advertising industry is pretty much built on the idea of sex sells. It may be a fine line, but recognizing that we, as humans, have broader sexual and subconscious desires can be healthy for the relationship. But it also needs to tie back to what I was saying before about making your partner feel like they are the most important person on the planet.

And I know this is the same for women. It's not very fair of us to sit and "ooo" and "aahh" over the guy with the six-pack abs (or that Cute Guy on the train) when we know that the average guy can't spend all day working out and two hours posing for a cover of a magazine. We're all busy people with real lives, and bad eating habits.

So I guess, in my humble opinion, the biggest mistake is drawing comparisons - for both sexes. We must accept each other for what we are. Focus on the positive, not the negative...and do yoga...and eat yogurt :) I would also wish for world peace. Okay...I'm going to go put my sash and tiara away. Have a great Hump Day everyone!!
Andee     xoxo


H said...

thanks for the mention, love this post. I would like to add, yes we all like to look at a perfect 10, but we don't necessarly need or want a perfect 10 in the bedroom.

Perfection has a way of making you feel inadequate, I rather have a solid 8 with lots of sex drive, that a perfect high maitenance 10 any day.

Andee said...

What is worse is the constant pursuit of perfection, and never finding happiness and peace within yourself.

I certainly am not even close to being a "10" but I make up for it with a sexual appetite that is off the menu! LOL

H said...

which makes you perfect