April 22, 2011

Sex Toys | Going To Orgasmic Extremes

Guys have this reputation for taking things into their own hands when it comes to self-pleasure. But what about us? Maybe we are just better at hiding the fact that when it comes to orgasms, no one does it better …

Just the other day I was reflecting fondly on some past moments as I leafed through that book I was telling you about in a previous blog, by Laura Corn. Apart from some of the great ways to heat up the intimacy between my husband and I, it also gave me some time to think back on all the crazy ways I have managed to coax out an orgasm or two.

Bet that caught your attention!

As I was discovering more and more about self pleasure, there weren’t too many real options available to me. First off, you had to be legal age to buy a sex toy ... and I grew up in a small town where there wasn't an abundance of adult shops selling naughty things. I spent a good long time as a horny teenager getting carpel tunnel. And when it wasn’t completely manual, it was – as mentioned earlier – the sensations of warm bath water.

The first time I encountered anything non-traditional was when my then-boyfriend introduced me to the smooth, cool feeling of a wine bottle while he toyed and teased with all the other good bits with his tongue. Shortly thereafter he bought me that somewhat realistic vibrating penis I have spoken affectionately about.

The bottle scene has been repeated a couple times since (see Update 298) … and now I see that there are glass dildos out there. I’m still a bit apprehensive about them as a regular “go to” when I need a little extra down there. Not sure why, but part of it is I have this fear of them breaking or chipping and then … ouch …

Hmm, not so crazy when it comes to the unusual for me? It gets a bit better ...

Perhaps one of the strangest items for me … and I realize that it may border on “ho-hum” is our cyclone-action vacuum. I never set out for it to work out that way, but after we had shot a photo set of me in a French Maid costume, doing housework, the idea of using it never left my imagination. One afternoon I was feeling exceptionally horny, and in the middle of some housework, I got the urge for some sexual release. The sensation produced by the cyclone action was just about right when I dropped my panties and used the vibrations running along the hose to take me there.

By far, one of the most unusual sensations I have encountered between my thighs is what my husband refers to as “the iceman cummeth.” As a naughty Christmas gift, he had bought me an ice-mould in the shape of an erect penis. One hot summer evening we slipped the frozen erection from it’s rubber form, grabbed the camera and headed to the patio. What was really hard about this was that I kept getting “ice-cream headaches” in my fingers trying to manipulate the melting ice cock in and out.

That said, the feeling of having the cool water from the melting ice cube running down that really sensitive spot between heaven and the back door was incredible, especially with the humid night time air.

So far there is only really one thing that I have tried in the sex toy market that I am still deciding on – balls. And no, not the kind that come attached to a gorgeous completely realistic penis, the ben-wah kind. The last time I tried them, things didn’t exactly work out for thrills and I was left a bit sore physically and emotionally.

Other masturbation methods …
  • Hair brush
  • Vibrating sponge
  • Pulsating toothbrush
As you can see, I don’t really keep my affection for sex toys that much of a secret. I have a pretty decent collection of things designed to get me off. But, just for fun I decided to look up a few ideas that will not become an orgasmic fixture in my boudoir …

Six Insane Sex Toys
1. Kaylani's Foot Fetish Toy
A bizarre pair of synthetic feet, with a "luscious tight velveteen" vagina for an "incredibly lifelike sensation" built into the heel of one ... I realize that a lot of guys have a foot fetish, but I know my anatomy and I have yet to meet a woman with a vagina on her heel. And having said that, the last time I was called up to give a guy a foot job, he wanted to let it all go on my toes. I guess that's why the added bonus according to one website is the ruby-red painted toe nails.

2. Anime Sex Doll
Sex dolls are kind of creepy to me in the first place. The idea of making it with a large inflatable is just odd. I realize that might be judgmental - even hypocritical given my collection of somewhat realistic vibrating penises - but one that is an actual usable sex doll resembling Japanese cartoon characters? Given a choice, at least let's have one that resembles, oh I don't know, Daphne from Scooby Doo...

3. Mr. Jack with Moustache
Hmm ... not that there is anything wrong with it, but a jack-off toy with a creepy fake moustache is like getting a blow job from Groucho Marx if you ask me. It's a crazy looking toy at best, and according to the promo piece, fits like a glove. My question is ... I know how I keep a somewhat realistic vibrating penis clean and fresh, but how the heck and where ... please, never mind.

4. Chin-strap dildo
Don't get me wrong, I love oral sex and I love having my pussy licked. I might manage to get through a sex session with a guy (or girl) wearing this, but I'm sure I would have to be drunk. 

5. Middle Finger Vibrator
I'm all for a really good hand job, especially when I'm getting it ... but I've never seen anyone with a monster middle finger quite like this one! Equally as cartoony as the Mr. Jack. I can only assume from the photo here that the thumb is also supposed to provide a bit of extra manipulation! 

6. Inflatable Sheep
Um ... do I really need to go there? Ok, this one is really presented as a "bachelor party" gag gift, but you know - you just know - that someone has taken it to the next level.

Of course there are some other outrageous gadgets out there - such as vibrating corn on the cob. And I’m reminded of this one photo I saw of a woman trying for all she was worth to lower herself onto a massive black dildo that had to be as wide a fence post. And homemade monster machines? I’m not sure the power drill mechanical dildo is anywhere on the horizon for me, but I do think that if it gets you off, more power to you!

Happy “O” hunting!

Andee     xoxo



H said...

I tried a synthetic pussy, I must say I did not like it, not even close to the real thing, it just made me feel weird.

I think you ladies have a better variety of "tools' at your disposal.

Andee said...

I have heard that before. I definitely agree that we are at an advantage when it comes to sex toys. The industry is certainly aimed at women like me.

H said...

Literally... "aimed" at woman.... like you :)