April 14, 2011

Sex Partners | It's Just a Number

Ever have one of those moments when you think “hey, no big deal,” and then it turns out to be?

Yesterday, for one of my somewhat random tweets, I dropped a little statistic about how people tend to lie about the actual number of sex partners they have. Some exaggerate the number, while others shave a couple off the truth – you know, those regretful “who the hell are you” drunken one-night stands followed by high doses of a general antibiotic.

I’m certainly not suggesting that from a personal experience … um … uh …

I have always been a very open person when it comes to my sex life – and I am always seeking new chapters to add. Sure, some things get forgotten about along the way, but mostly I have been an open book. My husband and I break just about every “dating rule” there is out there – including the one that says “never discuss your past sex life.” How else do you fill those long drives when you’re on vacation?
After I wrote that tweet, I got into one of those types of discussions with a couple of people I work with. I told them as much, that my husband knows almost everything his wife got up to before, after and when he’s not around. I was stunned when one of the women said she has pretty much lived a marriage of lies, convincing her husband that she was a virgin when they married. She said they would have never made it to the church had he known about her “wild and crazy” sex life before they met – and all of those TWO guys she had fooled around with.

Ok, that may be a bit judgmental of me to say … I have no doubt that she knew how her husband would have reacted. And as we all know – but apparently won’t admit – numbers are just numbers; quality wildness over quantity craziness.

Truth is, I’m no Route 66 of experience myself. Despite the current sexual adventure I am on these days, my sex life only really picked up when I became a wife. It was my conversations, encouragement and experimenting with my husband that led me to exploring my bi-sexual side, to dabble in swinging, and basically have some really awesome experiences. We built a relationship that many would consider “odd.” In fact, some of my friends raise an eyebrow before I even answer the mandatory Monday question of “How was the weekend?”

But we have also seen more than a couple relationships end in divorce because the couples stuck by their personal hang-ups more rigidly than fanning the bigger flames of passion that marriage really can bring. The wife gets jealous over his “nights out with the boys,” the husband gets annoyed with her reluctance for sex. Neither see how boring they let themselves become as they seem to think that a wedding ring means the party is over.

But me on the other hand, as a loyal wife, I’m not one to make any crazy sexual leaps without my partner by my side. Seriously, someone has to be there to hold the video camera!

As someone in our conversation pointed out – what exactly does “sex partner” constitute? Does penetration have to be a requirement? These days, according to more than a couple different trashy magazine surveys, young people do not consider oral sex to be sex, nor do some see it as “cheating” when performed on someone other than a steady partner. In one survey, from a more reputable source, less than 20 per cent of college undergrads said oral did not mean “sex.”

Interesting … because if that’s the case I may need to adjust my numbers!

Andee     xoxo


H said...

This is a very good post, the simple truth of it resonates with me. I wish more married poeple were honest like you and your husband, I wish me and my wife were.

I will keep dreaming for that day to actually come.

Andee said...

Thanks H ... and you nailed it. Being open and truthful is very important in a relationship. Of course, it also means we have to shed a few of our hang-ups and jealousies too!

Bill P said...

I think men tend to embellish the number in order to present some sort of 'conquest' personality. Unfortunately women can't do the same because too much traction for a woman is a bad thing so she lies to make it seem that she is less experienced than she might be.

Innes said...

Hey! It seems like a lot of people lie about their number of sex partners. I will admit I have been with two guys in my life. My boyfriend and I are open about things like that. I know he's had a lot more partners than I have, and he doesn't know the actual number, but that's the past. Is he with anyone else now? Nope. We have talked about the past and stuff but it isn't the present. Honesty is important!

Andee said...

Honesty is the key. Does it matter how many? Not to me, personally; because usually in the "how many" are a few you want to just forget! lol