February 1, 2011

Relationships | Andee's Top 6+ Keys

So here I am on my way home with the rest of the gang, hoping to get in the house before Snowmagedon 2011 hits. I got a quick Tweet from a good friend in Chicago late in the day saying the weather was horrible - and it always comes my way from over there. Maybe a snow day tomorrow? Hmm … that would be good. I might be able to get caught up on a whole bunch of things.
Snowmagedon 2011 - 3:45 p.m. Feb. 1

You can thank my hubby for the really wild photo -->

I was going to try to find an outdoorsy photo for today’s entry on the 30 Favourites, but I was filled with warm thoughts all day over the hotel room image I posted this morning. Fond memories will always beat out public flashing in my books - unless they are directly connected. If you’re like about 60 per cent of the population of North America tonight and buried under piles of snow in freezing temperatures, I’ll post one to warm you up tomorrow.

To catch up on my 30 Favourites in 30 Days, just slip on over here … or catch all of my 15,000+ photos here ... after you have read my blog and left a comment, of course!

It seems that a couple of my blogs on fidelity and cheating have stirred the pot a bit among some of you. I love the e-mails, but don’t be afraid to comment too! In all of that, someone asked me what I thought were the major factors to a lasting relationship since I've been in mine for more than 20 years now and seem to have found a way to keep it alive and still explore. Not that it makes me any sort of expert at all, just someone who likes a challenging topic to write about on these boring commutes.

Andee’s 6+ Factors For Relationship Success

I would have to add, the MAJOR factors - because there are so many, and each relationship has varying degrees of depth to them - would be the following:

Trust - trusting each other to do the right thing for the relationship, the family, the longevity of the relationship, and the person. And trust is one of the hardest things to earn, but one of the easiest things to lose in any relationship. And trust isn’t elastic; it’s solid and fragile at the same time.

Friendship - is extremely important in the development of a relationship and adds to the foundation of trust. That's not to say you have to be identical, with identical interests, but you have to "like" your partner, as well as "love." There is a big difference. Sometimes I don’t like my husband, but I always love him.

Honesty - with honesty, there can be no trust. It is the cornerstone of a lasting relationship; the glue that was Seabiscuit …

Compassion - you need to have a heart, and understanding and a willingness to open yourself up when most vulnerable.

Kindness/Respect - really, I think this goes without saying. It's the mortar that holds the foundation in place. I could never be with someone that did not respect who I am, and be supportive of my ambitions, dreams and goals.

Adventure - for me this is important. Extremely important. On the surface, I may look like a pretty average hockey mom/housewife to people, but I relish adventure and it plays a huge role in defining who I am. Deep down inside I am someone who likes to push the envelope and challenge myself. I made a promise to myself a long time ago not to be the one in the old folks home saying “I wish I would have …“ Without my partner sharing my sense of adventure, the relationship could not evolve constantly. Not to mention how dull life would be without it.

Oh, and here’s just a little extra one specifically for the ladies - Control; as in the amount of perfume and make-up you may want to layer on when you know full well you will end up in a crowded train car at some point in your day.

And one for just certain Cute Guys - Vocabulary; as in I’m not brave enough to say the first word, so it’s up to you Hot Stuff. Barring that, communication is good all around, so you can have a spouse who laughs off your schoolgirl crushes and general flirtatious nonsense!

Humour helps … add that to your list closer to the top than some other qualities.

But in the end, are you going to be able to have in your relationship what I have in mine. We both know that won’t be the case. To get where I am these days with mine has taken a wild and crazy roller-coaster ride, with many ups, downs, twists and turns. I wanted to add “hard work” as one of the key factors, but I have this fear that many people aren’t willing to go there … it’s dark, it’s scary and sometimes lonely. Too many of us think “disposable” applies to spouses as well as income.

Whew ... my brain hurts now. LOL


Jay (jkjacobs99) said...

Great blog post, Andee! I love how simply, yet articulately, you write.

I can't agree with you more about your 6+ attributes. I have one to add though... and that would be 'Passion'. Now, one could argue that passion is firmly embedded in a number of the 6+ attributes you listed, though I would debate that it is such an intrinsic attribute that it warrants its own distinction. Passion is often the fuel that drives a longstanding 'Friendship', leads to 'Adventure', fosters 'Compassion' and ultimately keeps love alive. Once a couple lets passion wane, the relationship usually fades with it... I welcome your thoughts :)

Take care,

Lonely Nobody said...

I really enjoy your Blog entries.

They always are on-point along with having the gift of instant connection.

Please continue.

Andee said...

Jay, very true. There are so many different factors/qualities that could be included in what makes a relationship work. I also think one of them is "soul-searching" because you have to be able to do that an awful lot too.

And L.N., thank you for the compliment on my blogs. Some I think have a bit more depth to them, others can be just me rambling on. Hope they both kind of work!