February 1, 2011

Infidelity | Was It Ever That Close?

So it seems my post on fidelity raised some eyebrows and questions. A few of maybe had to think about as hard as me on that, and there's nothing wrong with asking the question. One of my readers sent me this question on whether or not I had ever cheated on my husband the last time we were on here. He also asked if my hubby had cheated on me, and whether or not we could find forgiveness in the situation.

Well, I thought and thought and thought, and took the time to discuss a couple of situations I found myself in before we got married. Now, the thing to say is that since my wedding day, the only fooling around that has happened in my life has been with either approval (and no sex) or with a very close girlfriend.
Day 3 - We don't cheat, we share!

The only real incident of "potential cheating" was at the very same conference I tried to fool around with my girlfriend. In a very twisted kind of way, my husband and I don't see that as cheating. I know that a lot of you would disagree, but in our relationship together, we're quite OK with the idea of experimenting in bi-curiousity. Although, that's pretty one-sided as he has no interest in it from his end. But, he openly admits, the idea of me trying it is a real turn-on, typical guy fantasy thing.

Anyway, while I said before that she and I were definitely into each other, there was this guy there who was also very much into both of us. While we were at the evening party, and after several drinks, the three of us were enjoying a little fondling, dirty dancing and outright flirting. It started out relatively innocently, but after quite a bit more drinking, flirting and general suggestive talking, he asked me to dance to something a little slower. On the dance floor, he and I were getting really into each other, kind of forgetting that this was supposed to be a 'business" event. Well, we were certainly "networking." He was feeling me up a bit, running his hand along my ass, and then up my side, brushing his thumb across my breast a little. After a few minutes of this we started kissing.

Normally I would not have been so "loose" but watching him also being the same way with my friend really got my competitive side going. He had me extremely turned on while we danced together and ready for a little further experimentation (keep in mind, this was three of us) ... until his less than impressed "date" showed up. Put a quick damper on that.

When I got home at the end of the conference, I told my husband everything - about my naughty behaviour with my girlfriend. It took a while (think weeks) to build up the courage to share the rest of the tale with him. But when I did, he was understanding, and actually quite turned on by the whole thing. He admitted to believing there was something more than I hadn't told him.

This kind of thing is not something I'm looking to experience again. Heat of the moment stuff can be a little dangerous if you let your emotions (and sobriety) get out of control.

The one time I do know about with my husband came from a time when things in our relationship looked a little dark. We were living in a very small town with very small minds. During a bit of a rowdy party for his softball team, he got a little too close to one of the girls there. Again, as it always seems to be, alcohol was involved. I know nothing other than a bit of making-out happened - same as with me - but sadly at the stage, it took an awful lot more work to move beyond.

These days, our relationship is so much stronger. We worked to build a better level of trust, and now work towards experiencing life's adventures together and challenges the conventions of a "traditional" marriage. I guess that's also why I have to reject all your kind requests for a little kanoodling on the side. Come on guys, someone has to hold the camera! ;-)

Awesome question. This one sure made us do a little soul-searching again.


Jay (jkjacobs99) said...

You sound like a pretty sane and together couple, Andee. You are lucky to have each other and can cherish what you have. It's a shame more couple can't elevate their relationships to that level of trust and emotional connection.

Oh and two things:
1) Not all "side friendships" with the guys (or guy...lol) who read your blogs have to involve knoodling (no matter how nice that might be...lol)
2) If you need someone to hold the camera, you know where to find me :) And I'm good too ;p

Andee said...

Thanks Jay...but it's not without its work. It has been a tough, but fun, journey. I agree that more couples should invest in exploring life together, but so many focus on the material aspect of life - cars, houses, career-status - instead of the emotional and psychological gains.