TMI Tuesday | Sex Ed & Daily Discussions

Life has been so crazy the past couple months, between family obligations and career aspirations. But I know you're not here to read about the doldrums of my offline life, and there is no way I could let this week's TMI entry pass without some sort of contribution.

This week’s TMI Tuesday questions were inspired by Sex-Ed writer Jon Pressick and his #dailysexdiscussion that happens on Twitter. I highly recommend you check out his blog and get involved by following him of Twitter. He is one of my personal favourites and I rarely miss the opportunity to put in my 140-characters.

1. Have you ever investigated having an open relationship? Have you tried to have an open relationship?
I don't know if what we have explored would be considered "open." To me that implies that either partner can just plug along at their own thing without having to seek permission, or really involve the other partner. More of what we have explored falls into the more lifestyle-oriented term of "soft swap," whereby we all played together in one bed, without the men switching partners for full penetrative sex.

And although the idea still appeals greatly to me - and the chance to explore even more - it's a very complicated process to find another couple who have the chemistry we are looking for as a couple. But I'm game to try again.

2. Do you have any sexual phobias? What have you done to manage or overcome them?
I can't say I have any "phobias" ... but there are certain things that I'm just not into as a sexual person.

3. What is the best new sexual activity you have tried in 2013?
Sadly, 2013 has not been my year for incredible new adventures ... but with half a year still to go, I'm optimistic that something might come my way!

4. Have you ever called into a sex advice radio/television show or written to a sex advice columnist? Was it helpful?
I touched on this one before, I believe ... definitely in the #dailysexdiscussion on Twitter. But I find myself being the opposite; I find I'm the one offering a lot of sex advice and using things like Twitter and my blog as ways to share some of that. Heck, I even put together a fun little eBook on How To Get Her To Rock Your World.

5. Would you use the services of a sex therapist? Why or why not?
At this stage all I can offer is the exceptionally clear "not sure" as an answer ... because I'm not sure.

6. Should sex therapists be allowed to engage in actual sexual activities with clients? Why or why not?
I don't think this is a very good idea, mostly due to how it could put vulnerable people at tremendous risk.

BONUS: Have you read any adult sex ed books lately? What do you recommend?
In all honesty, it has been a very long time since I read any sexual education books. The majority of my sex-based reading - when not erotica - is done online, or in snippets from magazines during my lunch break at work. I think one of the last books I read related to the education side of sexuality was Terry Gould's The Lifestyle, an sort of investigative book on swingers. It was enlightening.

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | How Do You Like ...

Without question, I share some of the deepest, darkest secrets of my sexual life with you on here - but sometimes it can be fun to step back and let you see a sliver of the real me behind the woman you know as Andee. So, with that in mind, here's another TMI Tuesday inviting you behind the scenes.

How do you like ...

1. Your eggs cooked?

Most of the time, I like them easy-over. I like a little bit of a runny yoke that I can dip my toast in; but they have to be cooked. I remember being out on the east coast one time and they cooked their eggs with what surely must have been a cigarette lighter because when my order came to the table, they were still raw for the most part. Kind of put me off eggs for a while - and I grew up on with poultry on our farm.

2. Your sandwich cut? In half, down the middle of the square or on the diagonal?

I really don't have a tremendous preference here. Most of the time, I cut them down the middle but I think that is probably just out of a habit versus any conscious decision or preference. Plus it cuts the meat down the middle, leaving better odds of equal distribution between the two halves.

3. Your coffee?

At home, I prefer my coffee with double milk and a shot of flavouring, such as French Vanilla or Butter Pecan.

At work, I always go for half coffee, half hot chocolate - so a kind of "mocha" drink, but not the sickly-sweet mocha cappuccino a lot of places serve up.

4. Your tea?

Pretty simple - two milk. But I generally don't go for the fancy teas. I might have green tea, but none of this bizarre stuff with names I can't pronounce.

5. Your ice-cream served–cup, cone or condom? Yup you read that right, a condom. Read more here

I'll take a cone; never had an ice cream condom and not sure it intrigues me all that much. Condom lube - even the flavoured kind - is kind of disgusting.

6. Your hair–long or short? Up or down? Straight or curly? Permed or natural?

Ooo ... the most dangerous question of all the TMI Tuesdays in 2013 so far. I have a lot of pressure to grow my hair out again; but I don't think I'm going to go back to as long as it was when I was in my 20s. The reality now is that I have a lot of grey and colouring it turns into an expensive proposition. On top of that, long hair requires a tremendous amount of time in the morning to get ready and look nice. My hair is naturally curly, so if I want it straight when it's long, it's a good hour investment each day.

7. To have sex? In what position?

Doggy, followed by missionary. I know, not so exciting ... but doggy style feels so incredible and deep; plus it allows the man to hit all the right spots inside me. But I also love missionary so we can have sex face to face, kiss ... and I can see the expression on your face when you finally cum deep inside me. Very erotic.

BONUS: How do you like your lovers?

Considerate, creative and confident.

Andee     xoxo

Relationship | Kiss & Make Up

Relationships all have their moments; highs, lows, left turns, right turns, green lights and red lights. As they grow into something more significant, those ups and downs can be emotionally challenging to both sides of the argument – and divisive in the bedroom. Good relationships find a way to evolve from those moments and blossom into something others tend to be envious of ... or at least wonder how to achieve a similar balance.

To be honest, I also believe that any relationship worth having needs to be a dynamic one that matures through consensus and conflict. You have to challenge your own beliefs and positions every now and then in order to grow. Additionally, to appreciate the great times, you have to endure the hard times.

This year marks 23 years since I first met my husband and entered into an incredible partnership of adventure and exploration. It hasn’t been a picnic from beginning to end – we struggled through some early dark days and found our way through a commitment to making it work instead of running away.

But, are we perfect ... whoa Nelly ... far from it. So even I can enjoy the advice that I gained from a recent experience.

I was having a pretty decent day until one of my coworkers revealed a bit of news. She's having some major issues at home as she and her husband are fighting. Well, you know me; I couldn't resist avoiding a bit of responsibility and found some stuff about making up after a fight. Maybe you guys might be able to use it yourself? I printed out a copy and will keep in my purse for my man the next time we have a spat.

What is the best way to kiss and make-up after a big fight?

1. Show them you love them in new and exciting ways.

There are tons of different ways to show someone you love them, and declaring your affection in new ways is a great way to make up after a fight.

2. Try writing them a romantic poem, even if it’s really sappy.

Sure, it may be a very bad and sappy poem, but your lover will be much more likely to kiss and make up with you after a breakup if you’re willing to make a bit of a fool of yourself first!

3. Make your sweetheart a romantic dinner, even if you’re a lousy cook.

Just like writing a romantic poem, making a romantic dinner doesn’t involve the end result as much as the effort.  Putting your all into preparing a nice meal will help your make up session go much smoother and put your fight in the past.

4. Try sending them a fun, romantic greeting card.

This one is easier to do than writing a poem or cooking a meal, but it still goes a long way when it comes to making up with your sweetheart.  Putting a card into the mail after a breakup is easy and inexpensive.

5. Add some romantic flowers to the mix, whether you’re a guy or a girl.

No matter whom they are or whether they are a guy or girl, your sweetie will love a gift of romantic flowers from you after a fight.  Just take care to send them to a location that won’t embarrass them, like at work, if you want to your “kiss and make up” session to go smoothly.

6. Try taking them out for a special romantic date to mend things.

If you’ve progressed far enough to see each other again after a fight or breakup, try taking them out on a special date to mend the fences.  Be creative and look at it as a chance to re-discover each other and make up.

7. Look at your relationship problems as an opportunity to grow together.

As we said before, every romantic relationship experiences problems, fights, and even occasional breakups.  But if you look at it as an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and grow together, you will be much more likely to kiss and make up.

8. Try to learn to laugh at yourself and not take things too seriously.

This one is key.  Taking things too seriously doesn’t make anything easier, especially a breakup of fight.  And if you want to make up, then you need to learn to lighten up and laugh at yourself a little.

9. Don’t be afraid to let them have time to themselves to heal.

Time alone is very important in a relationship, especially so after a bad fight or a breakup.  Give them and yourself time to heal before rushing back to make up right away.

10. Take another look at becoming better friends.

If you can work at becoming better friends, your relationship will be much better able to handle fights and breakups.  And when it comes time to kiss and make up, you’ll be able to do it easier if you are friends.

So, there you go ... a borrowed collection of tips on how to keep your own relationship strong, progressive and hopefully sexual adventurous every now and then!

Andee     xoxo

Getting Into My Panties

Just in case anyone may be confused about things, I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I am happily married and have no intention of making any changes there. But, as I was checking some of my back-dated questions from you guys, I found one that simply asked how a guy could get into my panties.

The thing is, despite my marital status, I have desires, dreams, fantasies and sexually deviant thoughts that occasionally involve someone other than my loving husband getting into my panties. Especially after that person has made them moist by getting me all hot and bothered.

So, just for fun, here’s some advice ...

Four Ways To Get Into Andee’s Panties

1. Let’s not beat around the bush ... alcohol is always one way to get me loosened up.

While I have a slight reputation as a “cheap date” when it comes to indulging in liquor, the use of such has led me to some rather intriguing sexual situations that involved me dropping my panties. The first time I experience anal sex came following a night of dancing and drinking at a Christmas party ... years later, a night of drinking and partying at a neighbours led me to showing off my nipple ring, and ultimately to diving into bed with my husband as a foursome with another couple.

2. Blow my mind before you attempt to rock my world.

Yes, it’s an investment ... and it’s also going to come with an audience; because if you really want to get into my panties – like my Office Guy managed to do – you’re going to have to demonstrate that there is an honest chemistry between us before that happens. Once you have appealed to my imagination and sexual psyche, you’ll also have to understand that any panty-dropping between you and I will feature my husband most likely quietly sitting in the corner watching the whole experience go down.

3. Use your lips before your hands.

One of the leading sexual turn-ons for women is kissing – and it happens to be one of my most favourite moments of foreplay, and often results in me feeling a lot more willing to take things to the next level. In fact, a really good kisser can get me wet and weak-kneed in a very short time – which bodes well for access to the underwear.

4. Be opened-minded and seductive.

Yes, this borders on the same answer as #2, but with a slightly kinky twist. Like most women, our greatest sexual stimulator is located directly between our ears. You’ll need to spend a lot of time having aural sex with me before my lacies hit the carpet.

BONUS: Buy them ... yes, this is a gratuitous moment of self-promotion, but you shouldn’t really be surprised if you’re a regular reader. You know I have an adult-themed website and I do a number of naughty, not-so-socially-acceptable things in my spare time.

And to be fair, I can’t say that I’m a great salesperson or self-promoter when it comes to this part. I still find it just a bit – odd – that someone might want a pair of my panties. But I’m not going to judge, and since the idea has been an often-requested one ... they’re all yours.

Andee     xoxo

Talking Dirty And Getting In Trouble

A number of years ago I had a blog on a much different kind of website. Unfortunately, that turned into a very disappointing experience, so I’m certainly not going to provide them with any kind of promo. But, even though it wasn’t a positive ending for me, I did manage to archive my blog entries from there before I moved on to something a lot more in tune with my ambitions and personality. So, as we eek through another week, I thought this would be something fun to share once again.

The subject remains the same, but I’ve certainly added to my track record since I first answered the question … consider it one of those “if I knew then, what I know now” predicaments.

Anyway, on that particular website, someone who I interacted with wanted to know what the best kind of trouble I got into while talking dirty. There are kind of two answers to that …

A few years ago, words led me into the act of turning fantasy into reality during our exploration into the swinging lifestyle. These days that part of the adventure is somewhat “on hold” as far too many other priorities have taken hold of our time – and imagination – and therefore we’re sitting it out for a while.

It wasn’t so much about “talking dirty” but a lot more innuendo mixed with more than a couple feel-good beverages is what led to our first real swinging situation. My husband and I were at a neighbour’s party when I got into a conversation with the husband of another couple that was there. The conversation started off innocent enough, but gradually grew more sexually-infused as we talked ... and drank.

I hadn’t realized it, but we spent a good couple of hours immersed in this kind of banter hinting at sex and sexual experiences when the subject turned to me getting my nipple ring – which I still had at the time. Naturally this came out as a bit of a shock to a couple of people, because on the surface, I really am a very “average” girl-next-door type. They were shocked – and intrigued – to learn about my hidden wild side. Next thing you know, I’m out in the garage (a couple people were having a cigarette), pulling up my top to show him (and the others who took time away from their smoke to have a peek). There was a great deal of continued conversation about how much fun it was to play with, the erotic sensations that go straight to my pussy, etc.

Lo’ behold, a couple weeks later my husband and I are in bed exploring with this couple and having an exceptionally naughty and orgasmic time.

Talking dirty is also the way I learned to appreciate anal sex and toy play at the same time.

Anal isn't something I give up too often – much to my husband’s frustration (sorry Honey!). But one night we were having a really good session after playing on the computer for a bit. I was on my hands and knees, thoroughly enjoying the moment...and we started talking about double penetration. My hubby was teasing me with his fingers from behind and getting me very into the whole fantasy of having two beautifully hard men taking me.

After tormenting me this way for a few minutes and making me confess that I would love to have two guys in me at the same time, he grabbed one of my toys and some lube and began to tease me again. With my butt sticking up in the air, he lubed himself up and slid into my ass, and told me to tell him how much I would like to be taken by two guys. I started rubbing my vibrator in the good spots, and then pushed it into me.

I can't describe just how incredible it felt to be completely filled ... but let me tell you ... my fantasy for a threesome with two mean was solidified at that point. I definitely knew that was one of the best ways to explore a little bit of "trouble."

To this day, my husband still takes me to that point in sex where my mind is swirling, desperate for release and then makes me confess some of my naughtiest thoughts.

Hope that brightens your day! I'm off to play in the shower now ;-)

Andee     xoxo

TMI Tuesday | Vacation Sex

I'm sure you'll agree with me that sex is a key part of any decent adult vacation - whether it's the hook-up in Daytona for Spring Break, or a romantic tryst between long-term lovers in the Caribbean surf at sunset. There seems to be something that much more erotic about getting busy while the stress of reality is being washed away by some lovely tropical beverages.

Vegas Baby!

With that in mind, this week’s TMI Tuesday questions - submitted by virtualsin.wordpress.com - take us on a delightfully sexual holiday...

1. Do you have more sex or less when on vacation?
It used to be that I had way more sex when I went on vacation with my husband - but then we had kids and those kinds of trips disappeared. So, these days we just work harder at having vacation sex without getting caught.

2. Do you plan a vacation so that you will have an opportunity to have sex?
I can't say that we actually plan a vacation just for the sex, but I won't deny that we do everything we can to take advantage of the opportunity ... and keeping track of all the places I've gotten laid! A few years ago, when my husband was working in a different job and company, he used to travel several times a year - and every now and then I'd get to tag along. That was always a fun time for some seriously naughty interludes.

3. Have you ever planned a vacation in order to meet someone for sex?
No ... vacations for me (and now, for me and my husband) have not been built around the idea of a hook-up. There are times when I think it would be something exciting to try a lifestyle resort, such as Hedonism, but so far that remains just a fantasy - at least until my children have grown up enough to be trusted to be left alone.

4. Have you ever gone on a singles’ cruise or some other hookup-facilitating vacation?
Same as above ... no.

5. Have you had sex on a means of transportation other than a car: bus, train, airplane, cruise ship?
Since you took away all the really fun possibilities, the closest I can offer up as transportation is a bed that moves around on a hardwood floor.

6. Have you had outdoor sex on camping, hiking, skiing, boating vacation?
Camping and hiking, absolutely. In fact, I'd hazard to say, if there isn't at least on time on a camping trip when the sleeping bags get zipped together, then it's just not camping. Skiing for me has never graduated from the bunny slope ... although one of these days I'll definitely get back on the water and put some motion to the gunwales.

BONUS: Do you pack sex toys, lubes (3.4 oz bottles or less), etc when you fly? Do you think about TSA finding them? Has TSA ever found them and questioned you about your sexual aids or displayed them? Tell us about it.
No, as much as I love my toys and my sex fun, I'd be way too embarrassed to deal with an awkward security search.

Andee     xoxo

Are We Sexually Illiterate?

It had to be one of the most intriguing statements I had read in a long time: “"We have a very sexualized society but we remain a very sexual illiterate society." I honestly can’t remember where I first found Dr. Guy Grenier’s comment, but I copied it down for a future tweet – as I do with a lot of interesting tidbits I read along the way.

The idea behind sexual illiteracy is that a vast majority of youth do not participate in structured sexual education and therefore do not possess the proper knowledge and understanding that may be required in today’s modern, sexualized society. And let’s be honest, our society is extremely sexualized – to the point where half the people on grocery store magazine covers are famous because they have/are/are denying that they’ve made a sex tape.

As deep and heady of a subject this is, I have to agree that the point is very accurate; and not only applicable to youth, but to adults as well.

It seems, for all our wonderful Western ways, we have forgotten that knowledge and education is something to cherish. Even our information has become the subject of materialism over substance. We’ve gone from trusted sources to instantaneous tweets; facts have become blurred in our obsession with being the first to share and share too much. It’s almost like we have forgotten that we have a responsibility to learn.

And this is something very prevalent today with sex, sexuality and pornography.

For the most part, the evolution of the Internet has led to a dramatic increase in the availability of pornography. Some would say it also offers greater access to sexual education and information; but let’s be honest, when “teen,” “sex” and “MILF” are three of the top five image searches on a regular basis, sexual education is hardly top of mind.

And amateur anatomy class still doesn’t count as sexual education.

The massive access to pornography has helped bring a slightly twisted sense of reality to a lot of people. By no means is this a judgment on my behalf – good heavens, no. I have been a willing and occasionally shameless participant in the adult website realm for over a decade now. But I try to balance the fantasy side of my online life with some insight into my reality through this blog and my Tweets.

Even still, there are a lot of misconceptions out there – some of which have been directed at me too. For example, just because I have an adult website with several thousand sexual images and videos of myself does not mean that I am for hire as an escort … no matter how many times you ask.

I know a number of men who still hold a lot of beliefs that the way sex is in porn, is the way sex is in person. While they see women in these videos seemingly achieve orgasmic ecstasy at the drop of a hat, they struggle to understand that in real life, a large percentage of women can’t achieve an orgasm just from penetration. They wonder what is wrong when everything doesn’t go off on cue, just as it did in last night’s downloaded video.

In their frustration over their experience not matching what they see online, they have difficulty in accepting that their own partners do not respond like Jenna Jamieson. Some have even expressed frustration over not being able to maintain the kind of stamina as what they see from the men in porn.

Sadly, these are educated men, not a group of teenage boys giggling over a dog-eared vintage copy of Playboy. Somewhere in their sexual mind, they have neglected to understand that these people are actors. Jenna gets paid a lot of money to pretend that she is having the time of her life, every time. The random male actor of the day has a lot of pharmaceutical help in maintaining his erection for so long – because if he doesn’t, some other anonymous beefcake is ready to step in.

And that close up cum shot all over her face, breasts, butt, etc? Most likely a mixture of icing sugar, lemon juice and some other gunk spurted out of a large syringe off camera.

I have male friends who know a little too much about me (OK, that’s not such a bad thing) ask for very intimate advice because they “just don’t get what their wives really want.” I tell all of them the same thing – the first thing she wants is to be able to talk to you, and then share with you and not have you judge or dismiss what she is saying. And she wants you to be as open and honest.

She wants you to pay attention to the cues she is giving you, not what you think should be the cues because “that’s what worked on Jenna in that video.”

Take a leap and share your vulnerability and you’ll be amazed at the wonderful things it can do to your relationship. And be willing to learn a thing or two along the way … in fact, make your mission to learn something new.

Women are equally as guilty. I have also sat and listened to my female coworkers and friends discuss sexual expectations and bedroom barriers. With some, the hatred and disgust they feel towards their partners is unbelievable. The best advice my mother gave me was, even when you’re mad as hell at them, never belittle your partner in front of others.

Some friends complain that their husbands have lost interest – or simply can’t be bothered. If you don’t talk about it openly, what do you expect? They may have shut down because they’re tired of being shut out.

And this works both ways.

Sometimes I wonder if a lot of these frustrations aren’t motivating factors in some divorces. The lack of understanding the difference between fantasy and reality can be a very dangerous shortcoming.

Yet, we remain ashamed of our desire for safe and pleasurable sex lives.

If your sexual relationship is based on what you saw on the Internet … there may be a need for you to change your Google search from “turn me on” to something a little more in tune with learning what your partner’s turn-ons might be.

Andee     xoxo