June 22, 2011

Flirting | We Make Mistakes Too

I was chatting with one of my friends about the Mistakes Men Make blog and he suggested that if I was going to keep things fair that I should look at something about women’s mistakes and dating. Because apparently - and I have to to see the research - women are not perfect.

Well, I am definitely no dating expert. I've found that being married has really put a damper on my dating life, but I did find this article in a trashy women’s magazine about the mistakes we make when flirting.

Even so, while I am happily married, I am an admitted "shameless flirt" as you know. Now I just need to figure out which of these mistakes I make ... 

Talking about yourself
We understand the feeling that if we talk about ourselves, he’ll see how interesting we are and how confident we are in ourselves. However, while talking is great, don’t appear too self-centered or boasting. Ask some questions about him, and be sure he can get a word in, too.
(Nah, that’s what my blog is for…and I share more than a lot on here!)

Letting him do all the talking
You want to play the woman with the great ear, but don’t fawn over him and his words. Be active in the conversation; share your thoughts and talk about yourself too, as he surely wants to know as much about you as you do of him.
(I can be kind of the shy one at first. I know, hard to believe. So I am guilty of letting the guy do a healthy dose of the initial flirtations…and after a drink or six, I really loosen up. Which generally leads to trouble!)

Being too obvious
There’s something called subtlety; use it. Don’t manically touch your hair every time he touches his, for example, and don’t lean over too much for him to get a good look at “the girls.” A light touch here, and a dazzling smile there are all you need to get him hook, line, and sinker.
(Hmm…not sure where my thoughts are on this. I, for one, employ the “lean in” strategy - as I blogged about yesterday - as a method of flirting. Sometimes “the girls” are a key part of that. But then again, maybe that’s a touch of age…you know, not really all that concerned anymore so if he enjoys seeing “the girls“ why not?)

Acting fake
There’s the forced plastered the smile, the excessive laughing at all his jokes (even the lame ones)… need we go on? Make sure you are genuine and remain true to yourself, and he will be taken. Also, if you feel a need to put on a fake smile when talking to a guy, that’s not exactly a good sign.
(I think I might be saving this one for when I get my fake boobs!)

Sticking to your group
A lot of times, women gather strength by heading off to a bar or club with friends, and that is more than okay. However, you do need to break away from the group once in a while. A guy may be afraid to swoop in when you’re with your friends, so be sure to circulate the room on your own every once in a while, or even frequent your favourite hangout by yourself sometime.
(Sometimes a group can be a lot of fun…if everyone is naked. But, I do admit that once I am feeling good and loosened up a bit, I tend to break out of this and mingle.)

Ignoring him
We’ve been doing it since we were in high school: pretend you don’t like him, and he’ll be putty in your hands. But if you don’t look at him, hardly acknowledge him, then how do you expect to be on his radar? Make sure you grab his attention, even by doing something as small as catching his eyes, smiling lightly, and turning away.
(Don't think this is a problem for me ... I'm usually too horny to ignore the cute ones!)

Flirting with other men in front of him
You may feel that by flirting with the many men in the room, the one you’re actually interested in will see how irresistible you are. Wrong! In actual fact, this will make you unapproachable, as it will make him think that you are interested in everyone but him.
(So, for me this is an odd and tough one. My husband enjoys that flirtatious element in me…but then again, we have been together for over 20 years now and have reached that stage in our relationship where his twisted perversions can come out - ie, the summer flirting contest)

Drinking excessively
When at a bar and chatting it up with a guy, some of us may believe that a little “liquid courage” will go a long way. Don’t underestimate the power of alcohol and the effect it may have on your behaviour. You need to be aware of your words and actions, so don’t consume too much booze.
(Ok, I have been known to do this on rare occasions…and trust me, it always leads to trouble!)

So it seems I may be guilty of a few of these things…but then flirting is meant to be a game and guys aren’t really supposed to know the rules we play by. Mistakes? Probably that we change the rules to suit our mood and situation.

Andee     xoxo

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