July 17, 2012

TMI Tuesday | Pain & Humiliation

Unless you have been living in a straw shack in the forest for the past few months, you'll know that it's been virtually impossible to escape the literary phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey. The book, and you already know my take on it's literary value, has dominated conversations from coast to coast and beyond – plus raised a new interest in people exploring their sexual fantasies.

For me, personally, the book did provide a pleasant distraction from the realities around me ... but I also tend to be a voracious reader and power through a book in a matter of days. I can't say the subject matter in the E.L. James trilogy changed my mind about the world of submission and domination, but it wasn't completely uninspiring for a few fun experiences in the bedroom – and a new set of wrist restraints from my hubby.

Anyway, in keeping with those thoughts, this week our TMI Tuesday theme touches on the world of bdsm, pain, and humiliation ... a la Fifty Shades.

1. I enjoy the idea that my partner want to inflict pain on me that:
    a. Makes me curious
    b. Is titillating and sexually arousing
    c. That leaves me screaming and/or crying because that’s the way I like it
If any, I would lean towards b), titillating and sexually arousing. I think I’m just a little beyond the “curious” stage in my sexual experience – which has also firmly placed me in the category of not being someone who gets off on any kind of sex act that involves screaming in pain or crying.

I think a consensual level of restraint and force can be erotic and exciting … perhaps a hint of spanking harder than a love tap, biting in the right spots and the right moments. One of my more popular videos – Sex Toy Punishment – hints at forced, not-exactly-consensual sex. And not that long ago, I blogged about my fantasy to be “forced” into sex; but right now there are some issues with my partner in fantasy crimes over his beliefs on being aggressive in such a fashion. Most days his thoughtful and gentlemanly nature is a virtue … but there’s the occasional day I wouldn’t mind him being a forceful sexual deviant. Just for fun, of course.

2. Do you like being forced to dress or act in a way that is humiliating? If yes, please describe. If no, why not?
Humiliation has never been anything of a turn-on for me. Outside of my sexual adventure and the fun stuff I escape to on here, I have spent the better part of my oldest son's academic life dealing with continued bullying. And when you see just how much the actions of others can tear another person down for no reason other than to make themselves appear better, you recognize that nothing positive comes from it. So when I see someone who is being subjected to verbal abuse, degradation and ridicule – even in the realm of sexual excitement – it upsets me terribly. In my own personal space, sex is meant to build someone up; to boost their confidence, share sense of intimacy and stoke the fires of passion and desire. So, with that in mind, to erode someone’s self-esteem at the expense of some twisted sexual game has just never been my thing.

3. Do you like seeing bruises, scars or marks that were caused during sex on either you or your partner? What kind of marks?
Along the same lines of emotional pain, physical pain is just not a sexual delight for me. Even as a teenager, I always found the “badges of lust” such as hickeys to be a little off-putting. Thankfully I never really dated anyone that found them to be part of the “rites of passage” in youthful passion.

Personally, outside of maybe the occasional mishap, and one time when the handcuffs were too tight for too long, the only sexual marks I can think of that had any lasting visibility was some rug burn … on my knees … use your imagination from here on in.

4. Would you liked to be forced to do sexual things that you don’t necessarily like to do? Yes or no?
I think it all depends on the situation, and to the degree of “sexual things.” Is it something that is going to challenge the limits of my relationship and trust with my partner? Then no. In reality, my mind has to be into the whole moment – even with some of those things that don’t rank high on my list of orgasm-inducing interludes.

5. Do you want to be forced to watch your lover with someone else? Yes, no, or it depends.
I think this is probably one of the kinky areas of my sexual psyche that I am willing to explore and accept quite openly. The downside is that it wouldn’t be all that “forced” because I would love to see my husband with another woman. And having said that, I am extremely confident in saying I don’t have to worry about being forced to watch him with another man – neither of us are into the male-on-male scene.

I have a fun fantasy about being restrained in a chair set beside the bed and only being able to watch as he and another woman have sex. I get exceptionally turned on by the idea of watching him do all kinds of naughty things to her, and her doing all kinds of naughty things to him … maybe every now and then they stop doing what they are doing and force me to have a taste or one of them gives me a wet, deep tongue kiss right after they have been giving the other person some oral. Yowza, serious masturbatory moments in those thoughts.

6. What dirty (sometimes inappropriate) things do you like to say to your sexual partner?
I can’t honestly say that our sex talk goes anywhere particularly inappropriate. We both love to mind fuck with each other while we are in the moment, but more times than not, it involves the sexual fantasies we have shared openly with each other. Name calling is very rare – again because we both view sex as being something to build up each other, and to recognize the passions, desires and naughty thoughts we have. It’s just never been our thing to degrade or belittle just for the sake of taking the sex to a raunchier place.

BONUS: Finish this statement: I like being powerful in bed because it reminds me that I can be a sexual equal; and that there is nothing wrong with being a woman who enjoys being something more than the recipient of his sexual interests.
Andee     xoxo


Twisted Angel said...

Love your answer to number 5 I have had the same fantasy with mine being the one tied up.. and vice versa.

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with your take on humiliation. Experimenting can be fun but it is still meant to make you feel good about the experience. I don't quite get people who are into that kind of kink. ~Pete

Anonymous said...

I would love to tie you up...but it would be all pleasure and no pain. BTW you answer to #5 is freaking hot. You can watch me anytime.

Mrs. M said...

Great answers. I will admit I was slightly distracted by some of the pics in the right hand column, but I made it through. Lol, happy Tuesday! :-)

Anonymous said...

You can be my "sexual equal" any time you want.

Jack and Jill said...

Your answer to #1 mirrors Jill's own. She doesn't consider extreme pain to be arousing - though obviously neither of us judges anyone who does - but she really enjoys certain types of lighter pain.

Your thoughts on humiliation as detailed in #2 are very thoughtful and enlightening. We feel the same way. "In my own personal space, sex is meant to build someone up; to boost their confidence..." That's exactly how we feel as well. The connection that Jill and I have does not allow for any sort of degradation. Nothing against anyone who enjoys that, of course.

Great bonus answer!


Hedone said...

2. Good discussion here. So sorry about what you and your son (family) are going through.

3. Ya know, I never liked hickies either. I never gave or received them. I remember one guy trying to do that and I told him "don't!"

5. Nice fantasy

It's Tuesday, thanks for the nipple peek-a-boos :)


Anonymous said...

Humiliation is subjective too. I would have rather been humiliated in the bedroom than divorce court. Bruce