May 30, 2012

Fantasy | 500 Words on Fifty Shades

Recently, I have been getting my Grey on … as in reading the bestselling trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey. I won’t get into the debate over the literary reviews the series has received … because, quite frankly, too many people are making too much of the books.

Yes, they are quite graphic. No, they won’t rank among the best literature ever produced. But I’m not sure that’s what is intended anyway. The books are meant to entertain, amuse – maybe fuel the libido a little – and provoke questions in the minds of the readers. They are not meant to rest upon a shelf beside Hardy, Hemingway and Shakespeare.

The books delve into the sexual kinks of the two main characters, and the lead male’s particularly fondness for BDSM. The young female, inexperienced in sex, struggles with the dominant/submissive lifestyle – which makes up for a whole chunk of the plotline between the two. Unlike others of the same genre – delightfully labeled “mommy porn” by those aspiring novelists working at newspapers across the continent – Fifty Shades reaches a deeper into the sexual psychology between characters.

One of the successful elements author E.L. James has touched on is that slightly over 1/3 of women have fantasies of being dominated by their partner. That I find more intriguing …

In a 2011 survey, 35% of women listed “being dominated by a boyfriend/husband” as their number one fantasy.

I can’t say the idea ranks as my top fantasy, but I am certainly intrigued.

One of the biggest challenges for me would be the surrendering of control enough to be considered a submissive; but I am also now sure that I am particularly suited for a dominant role either. In my real life, I find a balance between the two. I’m also not particularly into “role playing” for sex, although I have certainly tried it.

While the real aficionados will say that this is not so much about role play, but about bringing forward those repressed desires, I see it as something beyond what my imagination is ready for at this point. I don’t know if I really have any “repressed desires” that involve submission. And sadly, I think the “repressed desires” I have on the dominant side don’t involve using those floggers in a sexual way. Let’s set those aside as “occasional homicidal desires” for when certain bitches want to interfere in my life.

I suspect most women, when they are suggesting this is their biggest fantasy, have the idea of light bondage in mind: being tied down with his silk ties, being teased while blindfolded and hearing him describe really naughty things as he torments her physically. The idea of trustingly surrendering control – even though it may be just the binding of our hands – is the titillation. I don’t imagine in this survey, a St. Andrew’s cross is what they really have in mind.

For me, an idea to be explored … perhaps? Maybe my own brilliant Fifty Shades of Andee for some bedtime reading!
Andee     xoxo
 

2 comments:

AHubbyof2SexualMinds said...

I think your final couple of paragraphs hit the nail on the head so to speak. My wife enjoys some of the play, the tying up, the blindfolds and such, but neither of us are interested in the St. Andrews cross or anything in the heavy department.

It seems to me that most women are strapped and stressed in their daily life, holding a job, facing the glass ceiling in certain aspects, raising a family, maintaining a house, etc. and just want to release some of that control at times. Just my perspective and what my wife has shared with me through the years.

Anonymous said...

Although I'm not a fan I the series as I am less a fan of the fascination with the Twilight series also branded as mommy porn; the psychology of the book does align with much of you relationship advise. As you know the submissive partner is ultimately in control. And, as I'm sure you have experienced youself; playing the dominate role is quite a bit of work. So as far as affecting flamed-out relationships most of it seems like foreplay. In other words; taking some time to stimulate your partner creatively an well as intellectually.