Who Am I When You're Not Looking

Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone. I’ll wear my “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” button today … not because I’m Irish, but just because it’s a great way to get some smooching in!

I might even put on my “lucky” panties and get Mr. Andee all liquored up on Guinness!

And speaking of husbands, it’s kind of funny how something gets in your head, and then you really start to analyze the whole thing. Just after we finished doing my first video blog last weekend, in a totally unrelated moment, my husband made a passing comment about a song that was playing on the radio. Now guys, strong stomachs here because I am a country music fan; not a die-hard, but I grew up with country music and enjoy it still. Don’t hold it against me; if you saw Tim McGraw without a shirt, you’d love country music too!

The song was by Blake Shelton, called “Who Are You When I’m Not Looking.” I’m not really a fan of his, but when the song was done, I went and watched the video on YouTube, and it kind of struck me. It’s about a girl and what mysteries she holds when he is not around; what is she like when no one is watching, and the things she does.

I think it struck a chord (boo …) with me because what has been going on in my life these days is very much like what he was singing about, the “what goes on behind closed doors“ idea, and the facade that we put on around others.

I’m sure to many who frequent my little banter here and my website have a totally different notion of who I am. But in reality, I’m still so far removed from this woman. I’m not the constant lustful sexual explorer that it may seem like I am in my updates.

Who am I when you’re not looking?

I’m still the scared little girl sometimes; someone who struggles to understand what it is you see when you are looking. I’m the fragile princess who needs lots of reassurance. I’m the “wallflower” who has to make a conscious effort to put on a brave face some days.

I’m the Mom who cries when she has to scold her children. I’m the Mother Bear who will kick your ass with my Reeboks should you cross my little “cubs.”

I’m the small-town girl-next-door who stares at those heels and thinks they’re just not sensible. I’m the “liberal-minded” woman who will wear them because I know how they will make my legs look.

I’m still the awkward adolescent that wants to be seen as sexy, but constantly pulls down on the hem of that miniskirt you asked me to wear. I’m the woman who openly scoffs when you call her “hot” but quietly smiles inside so not to appear vain.

I’m the wannabe rock star who sings loudly to the music on my iPod when I’m at home baking in the kitchen alone. I’m not always the innocent, “check my e-mails while the cookies are in the oven“ type, because 12 minutes is more than I need to visit a fantasy or two with fresh Duracells.

I’m the woman who wants that other guy to notice her, and is grateful to see she can still turn his head.

I’m the girl-next-door who knows you’re stealing a peek through the blinds when I’m tanning in my backyard on a sunny day. And I’m the “MILF” who will occasion tan topless when my husband is at work…and will text him all about it.

So, who am I when you’re not looking?

I’m the woman with a passion for adventure, but with a timid soul and a need for love.

Andee     xoxo