But even when it does come to talking about sex, there are certain topics that remain “off limits.” Almost every relationship expert says not to discuss previous sexual partners. They suggest that those things, as they are intimate details of someone’s past, should remain secrets locked away for all eternity.
I don’t know … I can’t say I really agree with that idea too much.
I don’t have a crowd of skeletons in my closet when it comes to past lovers … but as I said last week, I like to think that the experiences we have had with previous sexual partners help define who we are as sexual beings. We have been able, through those intimate moments, to gain a better understanding of what we like, what we don’t like, what we’re good at and what we may have been missing when we finally meet that partner who is that much better!
Plus, I subscribe to the belief that those past experiences – for the most part – are not something we need to be ashamed of. Parachute pants and big hair in the 80s, yes … but life experiences, not so much. Of course, I am referring to experiences that have not led to emotional or physical scars – and as I get older, I realize that I was fortunate in that my past lovers were relatively average; no serial killers, closet psychopaths or Backstreet Boy tribute band members.
Maybe it is part of the kinky side of me, but I like to know about what has gone on in my partner’s previous relationships. Not so much from a nosy side, but recognizing that surely there must have been something they enjoyed and made them happy, so what is that – and is it something that I might be able to bring to our relationship to make it even better?
The real kinky side of me likes to hear, in graphic detail, some of those moments that I wasn’t there for. It’s almost like a bit of personal erotica.
But am I going to dress up in things like they did? Probably not. But if there was some fun and exciting positions that might not be a regular feature in our sex life, I might be willing to indulge and bring a smile to your face.
And there is the other side to it, as well. As lovers, we all want to know how we stack up to the previous notches on the bedpost. Call it ego, but from a somewhat kinky perspective … just what is it she did with her tongue to make your eyes roll back into your head?
One thing I do believe when it comes to sharing information about other lovers is knowing when the time is right. Communication is hugely important, and there is nothing wrong with sharing some of those life experiences – you just have to pick your moments. But if you talk a lot, you’ll know. If you don’t talk a lot, you might want to start.