April 11, 2012

Sex | Am I Really That Good In Bed

I think this is one of those age-old questions where there might not be a truly definitive answer, but it was something that came up recently in a conversation. And to a certain degree, it is something that I truly wonder about ... even more so because of some of the things that have occurred in my sexual adventure.

How do you know you are good in bed?

Personally, I'm not exactly sure how you would measure this. There are no academic tests with percentage results. Although if there was, I hope they didn't grade on a bell curve. But I do suppose there is no shortage of advice on how to improve your love life, between books, blogs and how to drive your man wild workshops.

And, to be honest, I have read, written and attended such love life improvers - all in pursuit of fun, excitement and curiosity.

I'm pretty lucky in that my partner frequently compliments some of the sexual talents I employ in our bedroom sessions (and other places). Apart from the importance of letting your partner know that they are bringing you satisfaction and pleasure, it's also delightfully ego-boosting to hear. Even more so if you ever want the act repeated.

But even with that regular reassurance, it's human nature to wonder about whether or not that is something your partner says because they are your partner, or if you really possess incredible lovemaking skills.

It seems almost too basic to say: if you are turned on and capable of reaching orgasm, then you must be good. Sex can be two things - selfish or rewarding. To me, being good in bed means that each moment is rewarding. Each time becomes an experience that advances and enhances the relationship, even if the actual sexual goings on at the time are complicated.

This is where two key things come into play: communication and experience.

The first one is easy. Any good relationship needs both people to be honest, open and willing when it comes to talking about all the things that stoke our fires. If you can't share your likes and dislikes, then you already face a pretty big obstacle in being good in bed. Your partner will never be able to turn the intimacy into a mind-blowing connection if they don't have any clue as to what goes on in your mind.

The second element is tougher. Most people believe that experience is something that comes down to the physical number of sexual partners one has had in life. And that's a fair assumption. But experience also comes from the constant level of intimacy you can have with one partner - and an open mind.

A penis is a penis and a vagina is a vagina. You can a 1,000 lovers and still end up with only a little experience. Sure, you will have a lot of mileage, but if the scenery never changes, what's the point. On the other hand, you can have 10 lovers and have a wealth of experience because each of you have shared on a deeper level, challenged your limits and explored the height of passion together.

Numbers don't always reveal the truth.

I have not had a lot of lovers in my life. In fact, if I was to admit the truth, you would only need one hand. But, I personally think I have a tremendous experience because of how I have been able to explore and grow from the moments that I have had.

But I have also long-wondered if I was a good sexual partner, or if my husband was just stroking my ego in return for me stroking his erection. After being with someone for over 20 years, you have already learned a great deal about each other's sexual momentum. You develop a synchronicity and almost subconsciously know what it takes to press the right buttons.

Now, that is not suggesting routine and boredom. It just means you reach the point of being on the same level with your partner.

So, where that leaves me is at the point of exploration. I am very lucky to have a husband that has allowed me to open the sexual doors outside of our marriage - with agreeable conditions - in order for me to gain an honest answer. Because I am dying to know if I am as good as he claims I am.
Andee     xoxo 


Anonymous said...

If any of what you write is an indication, I suggest you would be amazing. ~ Pete

Anonymous said...

If you need an indepedent opinion I will volunteer

miles said...

There's an old Playboy cartoon showing a man approaching a hooker on a street corner with the line, "My wife says that I am great in bed, but I'd like a professional opinion."

You won't have to travel that road. There's a long queue of volunteers here willing to offer an opinion for free.


Jessi W. said...

So well written, what a mind and body you possess.