Midweek may seem odd choice for a rendezvous to some people, but the reality is that the planning has taken a fair bit of careful coordination as to not make everyone's real life obligations too complicated.
And as I write this, I still can't be assured that my friend will actually make the leap with me. Despite the conversations and emails between us, there are a lot of realistic pressures and complications to it all.
So when I was brainstorming what I might occupy my mind with this morning, in an effort to calm my nerves, restrain some of the excitement and trying not to over-think the opportunity, this question from a TMI Tuesday idea from way back struck a chord:
If the opportunity arose, what would you like to do to someone else that you have never been game to try before?
This is very intriguing for me to dwell upon because, quite frankly, I am taking a huge leap and risk with everything that I have laid out so far. If today unfolds as I imagine in my mind, it will be the biggest step I have taken in my sexual adventure since I started. It's one thing to experiment and solve a few curiosities about being bisexual, but to me there seems to be a slight emotional and physical difference in spending time with another woman. The social pressures aren't exactly the same; because let's be honest, our society is willing to accept the notion of two women enjoying a sexual experience together.
To take a much different path and seek out a sexual encounter with a man that is not my husband is something that challenges a great many of society's mores. I know it is the kind of idea that makes a lot of men shudder and it's something that I am willing to bet the majority of women fantasize about, right along with me. For men, sex is still a conquest; for women, the same "conquest" earns her a reputation as "easy."
And there are some people who see this is not a big deal; but I hazard to say that given a comparison between a bisexual situation between two woman and a oft-construed extramarital sexual experience between a married woman and not her husband, more people are going to say the girl-on-girl thing is OK.
Regardless, for my own sexual adventure this is a huge turning point. I honestly can't say that it hasn't been a case of me "not being game" to involve another man in my sex life as much as it has been finding the man that will fit into my fantasy. And by that I don't mean some hulking Adonis with orgasm-inducing talents beyond all conceivable thought. I mean a man that appeals to me sexually and intellectually - and has a whole bunch of strings elsewhere so this is nothing more than a fun encounter. I'm not looking to replace anything in my life, just something that will enhance the sexual fun.
As someone who is not exactly the wildest extrovert, hooking up with others at places like the swingers clubs we have been to, or joining an online dating community for couples, isn't where my adventure sits. The personal connection is important to me, because I need to feel the attraction and interest for me to come this far out of my shell.
That has taken time.
And as for how this situation came about, that part of life's adventure hasn't been as fun. I'm very happy in my marriage. I'm lucky in that I married my best friend and soulmate - and someone who is willing to let me have my moment of fantasy and desire. We have explored and experienced so much together - away from the kind of things I share on here. Like so many of you, we have seen a lot of things happen around us that have, in a strange way, opened the doors to this kind of sexual encounter ... the kind of things that make question the silly hang-ups and petty jealousies.
I've touched on it before, but life's experience brings you devastating moments of pain and deep loss AND moments of tremendous joy and incredible reward. Every step along both sides of that experience is what leads us to question our lot in life, and challenge the regrets we don't want to carry. That is where we find ourselves as a couple today. We don't want to be the "couple next door." The couple next door to us fight and yell at each other; other couples we've seen end their marriage, and others yet again, you wonder why they bother.
I think I've said it so much the past few weeks as all of this has gathered speed that it has become a bit cliché - life doesn't have a passenger seat.
Today, I just hope it has a nice stick-shift!
Now, having exposed my soul a little less than I hope to expose my body in a few hours, I can ponder a brief "OK Andee, after this, what is next on that list of things you might be game for?"
Easy ... if it all goes according to my fantasy today:
Oral sex in his office. Just once.