March 24, 2012

Humour | 10 Things About Having A Penis

I was reading the somewhat humourous article by Toronto blogger Josh Bowman entitled Ten Things I've Learned From Having A Penis, and I thought it would kind of fun to add my own thoughts from a woman's perspective on having a penis. Now, as you know, there are only a couple of ways that we can actually have a penis ... most of which are covered here.

I was 15 years old when I first had a penis. As I blogged about before, it wasn't the greatest or most memorable experience; in fact, I wish I had waited a while longer before I tried a penis. But, it is what it is and I have really worked hard at living my life without regrets ... and homicidal tendencies.

So, as a little weekend distraction, here are a few of things I have learned from having a penis:
  1. Sometimes it can hurt. While a woman possesses the necessary receptacles to host a penis or two on occasion, if the proper preparation has not occurred, the arrival of an unannounced penis can be physically shocking.
  2. Most penises are very friendly. I have learned that a lot of owners of a penis are frequently willing to share it.
  3. The owner of the penis is also willing to share it in some very unusual places. When I was younger, this meant sharing the penis is places like the back seat of the car, behind my parent's barn, in the fort my brother built in the woods. As I got older and more familiar with the penis, the owners starting making requests for new places to actual visit with the penis ... and they didn't mean in the bush anymore.
  4. No matter how nicely you talk to a penis, it will occasionally spit at you. Except the rubber ones. They just taste like blueberry sex lube.
  5. No matter how much the owner of the penis tells you that it doesn't taste that bad when a penis spits at you, he never seems to want to indulge in any kind of kissing after you have had a penis in your mouth.
  6. At some point in a relationship - even more so if I have indulged in a little too much tequila, the penis will try to slip in the back door.
  7. If you talk really dirty to me, even if I have not had a little too much tequila, I will let a penis in through the back door ... but some penises don't like to hear that you are also interested in having another penis come in through the front door for the same party.
  8. Some penises love it when I have too much tequila, but they do not feel all that spunky if they have had a little too much tequila.
  9. Those who own the penis are very self conscious about any comparisons to other penises.
  10. I prefer to have a penis that knows what it can do to me, as opposed to a penis that just takes up all the available space and doesn't know how to behave like a real penis.
Now, the are many other delightful things I have learned from having a penis, such as how when used properly, a penis can make my eyes roll into my head, my back arch and toes curl. Or how it will make me use the kind of language that makes a seasoned sailor blush. But despite all the things I have learned from having a penis, I can say that I am having much more fun as someone who just gets to borrow it on occasion than actually owning it. Ownership seems like far too much work.

Have an awesome weekend. I'm off to see if someone I know that owns a penis might be interested in visiting for a little while.  ;-)
Andee     xoxo

No comments: