May 9, 2011

Adventure | Where Do You Begin?

I sure hope you guys enjoyed my first entry in my Sexy Sundays series. As promised, I will be bringing some more sexually oriented content to my blog for the summer months, to help heat things up even more. And as you know, summer is a great time to explore some new sexual territory – and we are closer to naked than any other season as we’re wearing less clothing!

A person I know quite well – and has a bit of knowledge about my ‘secret’ life – asked me how someone even begins in something like my adventure.

The easy answer would be that you have to live life. If you’ve read some of what I have put here in the past five months you would see that the biggest thing is to move past what others might think. In my own case, for those people who I have let in to my inner circle I have gotten a sense more of intrigue and slight jealousy over judgment.

The hard answer is that you have to be willing to accept that it all comes with a somewhat darker side. I’m not sure why society will look at someone who breaks laws such as drinking and driving as just a good person who made a bad decision. But the same people will look at a person like myself that enjoys a more sexually charged lifestyle as “deviant In pursuit of my adventure I can’t share openly; I can’t share my fantasies and website - none of which involve anyone getting hurt – but a couple glasses of wine on the weekend and “shouldn’t have driven home” gets me a knowing look of scorn and we all move on.

When you make the conscious choice to let go of the “standards” I blogged about last week, and move towards a more intimate level of exploration with a willing partner, you need to accept that - especially as a woman - anything you do can and will be held against you in the court of public opinion. You quickly learn that, while every man you know says he would love to see you in a short skirt and high heels, they will quickly turn away if you dare to wear them. You learn your female friends will compliment your bravery and comment how they wish their own husbands would be so interested, but they will spread gossip faster than a California forest fire.

Social & Sexual Inhibitions
We all know about the challenge of overcoming these social inhibitions. It’s no different from when we were teenagers and dealing with peer pressure. That same need to fit in, according to what the group at large determines are the requirements for fitting in, is still very much an important social need for us. We move forward with a lot of our actions, habits, likes and dislikes based on what works in order to be included. Sure we may refine our outlook a bit, and move towards people that already share more common interests – but at work, where we spend the majority of our waking days, diversity is bigger … like high school with a paycheque.

And when it comes to sex … well, it’s just a subject that has been hidden for so long that people in our daily lives just don’t know how to let go of their own repression in order to accept our adventures openly.

You see, some adventures will capture the headlines, while others are best left in the shadows.

The real trick is to find the happy medium … and for that I do not yet have an answer.

First Steps
But how do you – how did I – begin an adventure like this?

Lots of talking is required. Here at my blog and my other social media stuff and website, you may get the impression that my whole life is headed in this sort of Sodom and Gomorrah direction, when in truth these bits and pieces are the very condensed parts of my mind and imagination. I’m pretty sure you have no interest in reading about the rest of my life – like emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, sitting for hours on end verifying formulas and label accuracies.

As our marriage evolved, for whatever lucky reason karma bestowed on us, we chose to be open with our thoughts and dreams. We talked and talked – and watched couples that didn’t talk so much break up.

Then after we talked, we found those fantasies that we shared and wanted to pursue together. No one was forced into trying something that wasn’t for them. We did challenge ourselves a bit, maybe edging each other towards the limits of our comfort zones – and I think that is where most of the adventure now lays ahead. To begin something like this, you take those small – although they may seem huge at the time – steps away from what you are used to. You push yourself out of routine and into something new … and then you build on it from there.

And then you tell yourself how lucky you are to have a soulmate that is also a playmate … and you return the favour for a step or two in their own adventure.

Andee     xoxo

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