January 24, 2011

Swinging | What We Can't Share

So the guy sitting behind me on this train trip is snoring like a dog with nasal congestion … and some freakin’ high school kid just got on with the crotch of his pants LITERALLY at his knees. He has to walk like some penguin. Lord, please change teen fashions before my children grow up!

But that’s not why you are here, is it?

To my weekend …

It’s amazing the kind of conversations you have when people are skirting around the issues.

I know there are a few of you out there waiting for my update from my Saturday night, and I promise it will be worth waiting for. It’s just going to take me a bit to finish getting all my thoughts together! But if you need a hint - like I responded in a Tweet this afternoon, my half-time show yesterday was way better than the football my hubby was watching! New batteries made the weekly grocery list.

Anyway, back to the first point …

I find it funny that when people all have the same thing in mind, but there is no one openly willing to make that first foray taking those thoughts to action, the conversation can get pretty damn deep. Things pretty much shaped up to be the casual mood I expected, with lots of the usual innuendo and gossip. As with many things, a couple drinks tend to loosen up the inhibitions, as well as the mouth. Each of us edges a bit deeper into riskier, racier territory as the conversation builds; trying to be insightful but hiding that we really want to just say, “Let’s get naked and fuck.”

By the time we’d all had a few and settled into feeling comfortable, we got into the debate of sexuality, dating and swinging. It seems that our friends, much like us, have harboured some real curiosities for some time. But the biggest fear has been in the ability actually “talk” about it. For some reason - and I’m not as naïve as some would believe - the concept of consenting adults sharing openly remains one of the last true taboos in our culture. Sure there are some serious morality issues out there that I think the majority of a mentally and sexually sound society agrees with, but swinging borders on the edge.

From our perspective, we were into it about how today’s youthful society endorses collective sexuality among women - basically, it’s OK for a bunch of guys to sit around the poolside during Spring Break while a bunch of college girls go at it. There are numerous mixed messages in the media, and it just seems that this particular generation have gotten past the “monogamy-only” aspect of life … BUT only if they are unmarried women.

I constantly find myself in a state of struggle and confusion with my sexuality and my lack of opportunity to openly discuss it without judgement. I guess this is why my blogging has become such a key part of my adventure. The young women I work with freely post their crazy weekend photos on Facebook accounts and Tweet about their antics as things are happening, yet the two gold rings on my left hand - my engagement ring and wedding band - almost represent a social barrier to doing the same. Free choice says I could do whatever I please, but society says “Don’t do it girl, you will regret it.” My blog lets me vent, lets me share and express my sexual frustrations while I wait for my husband to replace the batteries in my toys! LOL

Of course, I’m not advocating a whole new set of rules within marriages. I know enough couples that can’t even say “sex” in front of other people without extreme embarrassment. Those are the ones I like to surprise when they learn that I’m not exactly what I seem to be. Sometimes I think I work harder at hiding that part of me more than I work at being the “shy, quiet one.” I also know enough couples that struggle with even the basics of civility … introducing new sexual boundaries or “friends with benefits” into the mix would be a disaster.

But why can’t those consenting adults explore, experience and experiment without being judged or labelled?

I’m certainly not one to be a flag-waving lesbian, but I would like to be able to honest when someone says “How was your weekend.” Somehow saying “Great, we got naked in the hot tub with my friend and her husband” would seriously raise some eyebrows - and not in a good way for my work environment.

My friend revealed that she had resisted for a long time at even hinting with me about her own thoughts and desires for fear of the exact same reason. She told me that she had long “suspected” there was something more, something deeper to me than just another player on the baseball team … yes, cue the puns … She said she admired how I could make suggestive comments and jokes with the other women we knew. And as it turns out she spent the week completely second guessing everything that happened after our friend’s wedding. (Don’t worry, we collectively put an end to those thoughts) And as it turns out, both her and her husband have secretly dabbled in the “lifestyle” much like my husband and I ... and had a couple experiences that also left them wondering what the hell they were getting into.

Sadly, we now find ourselves deeply cloistered with each others’ secret because of social mores that say “married people can’t play.”

Kinda sucks …

But, on the upside, those dirty jokes at baseball will bring a little naughtier smirk to our faces.

No comments: