January 27, 2011

Facebook | More Social Media Sex

Earlier I posted my blog about Facebook, and the percentage of people who use it to track their ex-partners. There was a little mention in that post too about how a recent survey revealed social media in today’s age of dating had led to an increase in how quickly a couple will have sex for the first time.

I had a lively debate this morning (funny enough, on Facebook chat) with one of my friends about the whole idea. We had talked about at work yesterday, and so today we kind of picked up on it again - without the large, typically judgemental, crowd from our department.

I have been married for going on 17 years now, whereas my friend is trying to avoid walking down the aisle a second time. So for me, the idea of using Facebook to speed up my chances of getting sex isn’t that huge of an issue. I do use it to torment and tease my husband on occasion, so that I can guarantee sex later in the day, but I don’t think that counts in the basis of what the survey was suggesting.

But what about the using the Internet for hook-ups? It seems to me that the Internet, social media and the whole smartphone thing have replaced the “singles bars” of the past. I know I’ve dished on that before, but I’m still trying to figure out the appeal. I kind of liked the dancing, drinking, flirting and tired old pick-ups lines from guys who never saw they didn’t stand a chance.

OK, maybe that’s not cool … but the atmosphere was fun.

In my life, the Internet has become a key part of a somewhat twisted and ‘dark’ adventure. I know that my whole sexual discovery wouldn’t have happened without it - mostly because it was the Internet that started it.

I had no clue what the whole “World Wide Web” was about when we first got it. That was back in the mid-1990s and it was dial-up. I wasn’t really interested in what it was about at the time; newly married I had bigger things in mind. I figured it was just another one of those “work” things I have learned to accept from my husband. Maybe back then I was a little more na├»ve than most - living in a small town, away from everything I knew, trying to find my way.

My perspective changed one afternoon when I came home early from work … to discover my husband’s appetite for porn. You can insert your imagination here …

But that also opened a door to learning that the popularity of the Internet in past has been the ability to hide who you really are. You can surf for all kinds of things and lead a somewhat “secret” life that few will ever know. I can’t say that I jumped on board with that idea at that moment, but it planted a seed of what would become later on.

Now there is a whole new opportunity - which does get back to my original point - can the social networking be used to speed up sex?

When my husband and I began to explore the boundaries of our relationship - beyond those of a “traditional” monogamous marriage - social media allowed us to find others that felt the same way we did, and were looking to explore in the same way we wanted to. We were able to connect with another couple, and while it didn’t “speed up” the sex, it created the expressway for my personal discoveries.

Maybe there should be a Swingbook in addition to Facebook?

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