August 14, 2012

TMI Tuesday | Regrets, I've Had a Few?

Ok, so maybe the classic by Frank Sinatra isn't exactly what everyone had in mind when it came to this week's TMI Tuesday blog, but there is nothing wrong with a little soundtrack in life. I can't say that mine would be that song though - and while I'm no fan of the Brit Pop icons, The Spice Girls, I do think a better choice would be "Spice Up Your Life!"

Anyway, plug in your own theme song and enjoy my thoughts.

"Looking back on our lives, we can have a mix of reactions to the things we’ve done. When it comes to sex, our memories can color us with pride, fondness, nostalgia, indifference, or all too often, regret.

"This week’s TMI Tuesday questions delve into things that people typically regret later in life. How much do you regret, if at all, any of the following?"

1. Do you regret how you “lost” your virginity? If yes, why and to whom would you have preferred to have lost it?
The big thing is I try not to have many regrets. When I lost my virginity, it was simply the time where my relationship was at with that boy. It was awkward, uncomfortable and certainly not romantic. Do I wish I waited? Most definitely. Even though I was 15 at the times and many of my friends had already "been there, done that" I was still very naive about sex. I certainly wish I had waited longer - and perhaps chose a different partner.

2. Have you ever lived a moment in your life where you said “Yeah, I’m not going to ever tell anyone about that.” Describe that moment or incident.
Um ... do I have to narrow it down to just one moment or incident? There are definitely a few occasions in my life, especially over the past 10 years, where I have found myself thinking "there is no way this is going to come out."

The most recent occasion needs to remain a secret to protect someone. Another one that comes to mind quickly is the occasion when my husband and I explored our first foursome experience with a couple that we know. As fun and exciting as the experience was at the time, it's just not something you can bring up in the grocery store or at the annual school Christmas concert.

3. Do you regret having acted on a sexual impulse? If yes, please describe.
I thought long and hard about this one, and I don't think I have any regrets here to be honest. I think that there may be an occasion or two when I was purely self-centred on wanting a certain sexual moment to play out in a certain way, but I can't say there has been one of those moments where I thought that I crossed the line.

Maybe it is also one of those issues too, where because I am a woman, any time I display a sexual impulse it is a welcome change from the guy having to be the initiator ...

4. Do you regret not having had sex with someone who you could have had sex? If yes, would you do it over and have sex?
Wow, kind of a loaded question. There are some experiences that I think back on and wish there had been more to them, and that the moment had maybe taken a different turn. But that is not to say I regret the missed opportunity. Everything happens for a reason.

The most prominent example of this was from the time when I was away at a conference with a coworker. You can read the whole story here, but the "regret" I do have was not so much about not having the opportunity to explore my bisexual side to its fullest - in a moment when it could have easily developed into a something resembling a scene from a mainstream lesbian porn flick - but rather being too drunk to fulfill what could have been. 

5. Do you regret not having asked out or tried to hook up with someone you really liked out of fear of rejection only to later learn that person wanted you, too? If yes, please describe. 
Actually, no ...but the opportunities have been slim. I have been with the same man since I was 16. 

6. Do you regret having done a particular sex act? If yes, please describe. 
Once again, there isn't really an experience that I regret ...and even when I wrack my brain, there isn't anything specific that screams at me "Seriously, Andee? How about when ..." Now, that said, there have been times when my libido has not been in sync with my partner, but I probably think more about missed opportunities than messed opportunities.

Bonus: Do you regret not having told someone you love them? Romantic, not familial or friendship love.
I generally try to be open with my feeling, even with my friends. I think there have been times when maybe I could have been more upfront than I have been with my relationships, but once again, no regrets. The people who matter dearly know that they matter dearly.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Andee     xoxo


Twisted Angel said...

I think everyone has a 'secret'. Like the fact that for nearly 4 years my hubby and I lived in the center of small town america and no one knew we were in an open marriage. Seriously??? When this town knows every fart that is let , that little tidbit slipped through. Or perhaps they knew were they to come judge me I knew a few more of their skeletons than they were willing to have fall out of their proverbial closets.

Gemma Jones said...

One of the basic tennents of exploring your sexuality is honesty and openness. It is really hard to have regrets when you are honest with your partner(s) and open to try anything once. If something doesn't work out then you can't regret it because you asked for it in the first place!

Jack and Jill said...

I completely agree with the graphic that opens your post. As someone who's done some things (and some people) that could be considered mistakes but who prefers not to regret them as they've led me to where I am today, I do my best to consider these questionable episodes as experience.

Your comment about being unable to discuss a foursome at the grocery store or other social events was amusing to us. We've experienced something akin to this, especially considering that the we have more than a few social connections with the last couple we foursomed with (foursome is a verb, right?). So after that incident we found ourselves at an event with them and a pretty large group of friends. The foursome loomed overhead but none of us were going to bring it up.

Regarding #3, I'm pretty dominant and I am very comfortable initiating sex. But there's nothing hotter than when Jill does it. That's not because I discern any pressure or anything with having to do it; it's primarily because I find it very erotic when a woman takes charge sexually, i.e. when she's so turned on that she can't hold back a second longer.