I was spilling my dilemma to a friend as we were chatted, and he patiently listened throughout, inserting the appropriate “hmms” and uh huhs” along the way. Even though I am guilty as anyone else, I really don’t like to do the constant barrage of “visit me,” “message me,” “support me” type of blog entries that I see other women publish, and at the same time I need to be honest that everything I do online is part of one big connected intention. I have tried to offer a subtle connection between the naughty secret side of me – the porn site – and the everyday, join me for a fun time of exploration, adventure and discovery side because I love to share. But there aren’t many websites for flirty married women to just be flirty married women without removing our clothes or hooking up with some divorced firefighter from Fresno.
So anyway, my friend was commenting on how I always seem to focus on advice-type stuff, and that it seemed like I actually had something interesting to say … to which I responded “thank you” … so he asked me, if I could give up my day job, step away from the secrets that occasionally stress me out and could be an internationally known expert in any field, which would it be?
At first it was a bit of an “oh wow” moment. There are lots of things I would like to do in life, experience and discover, but to sit down and consciously think what is something that I could be an expert in – as a career option, guys … naughty, naughty.
With all honesty, if I could be an internationally renowned expert in anything, it would be about helping couples improve and rediscover their sex lives – the excitement, passion and adventure. Now as much as that sounds dirty, it’s not. A little “bragging” perhaps, but one of the things a lot of my friends tell me is that I have managed to do what they haven’t – become comfortable with being a sexual person; being open-minded and willing to be adventurous when it comes to being intimate with a partner.
The real me behind “Andee” has spent a long time finding herself – and I’m certainly not done. I’m not as outwardly courageous as my online personality might mislead you to believe, but I am certainly someone who is constantly growing, challenging and seeking new adventures when it comes to my sexual side. Throughout all of that the one thing that has helped me – almost prompted me to burst out of my shell – is the communication I share with my husband.
In terms of playing the role of an international relationship coach, what I do know is that there are a lot of couples who either never start, or simply just give up, on the commitment to communicating with each other. They think it’s an easy part of the relationship that will just happen naturally, when in fact it is one of the hardest parts of being with someone. Being able to express your thoughts, feelings, desires and dreams with someone else requires a lot of hard work – and trust.
I often hear from my chat friends and some of my Office Guys that they wish their wives were more like me – flirty, sexy, open-minded, obviously sexually comfortable, yada yada. Flattering, but I ask them what is it that they do with their own partner to get them to be more open-minded and willing to try new things. Most times they just say “I can’t talk to her about that” and “Are you kidding, she’d kill me.”
Well, I’m sure my husband probably thought the same thing at one point in time … but we made it a priority to communicate often. And not just in the bedroom. I would have to say the one place my husband and I talk about our love life more than anywhere else is in the car. Oh, and those damn little smartphones with unlimited texting/sexting/electronic flirting have been an amazing addition for our intellectual discussions on sexual fantasies and naughty midday dares. But in the end, the big thing is we find the way to talk and share.
Men need help … women need help. It’s pretty obvious given the high rate of divorce. I would love to be someone that could bring better sex to couples … and not in a dirty way. Just good, clean, sweaty sexual enlightenment! Camera and website is optional.