April 6, 2012

When Good Girls Go Bad

This is one I had a little fun with. It’s very good timing because it combines two of this weekend’s biggest philosophies.

How do you turn a normally good girl bad?

That’s easy … chocolate.

No? Well, I know some women who will do just about anything for some sweet, melt-in-your-mouth chocolate. They might even mix it with the other thing you guys like to consider a “melt-in-your-mouth” treat. And, of course, it is rumoured to be an aphrodisiac. I prefer to view it as a manipulative tool used by men to pry open our thighs by creating an insulin spike and rendering us too weak to resist their advances.

Ok, maybe not what you were really looking for in an answer, but it’s not that hard to figure there are some relatively easy ways to turn a good girl bad - if she is willing to be turned.

Some women struggle with their sense of sexuality out of some deep-rooted moral beliefs. A strict upbringing and a healthy dose of shame will pretty much keep a libido locked behind a psychological door for a long time. Even then, in some cases, a sexual intervention will never release them from that mindset.

Having said that, there are some of us who do like to think that, for the most part, we are good girls. I’m willing to admit that I have long been on the bad side of good, but wasn’t always that way. I was able to shed some of my small-town Catholic childhood and discover a whole bunch of fun thanks to a husband that showed me there are ways to enjoy life, experience new things and explore without fear of some relationship repercussions.

But, as you have heard me say for the past several months, I consider myself fortunate to have found someone who has been so encouraging and supportive in all of this. Of course, maintaining the illusion of innocence has become one of my greatest talents.

The first thing in trying to turn a good girl bad is to understand her attachment to her goodness. More times than not, it is usually something that is not entirely defined by her, but by some psychological need to live according to the conditions laid out by other people. It’s amazing how many people are afraid of living life because of the standards set down by societal pressure: “You don’t do that!” or “Mom’s don’t dress like that!” And preconceived notions about roles: the doting June Cleaver wife, etc.

Sadly, some good girls won’t even consider fleeting moments of bad because of a fear of jealousy. Controlling relationships will destroy any shred of self-esteem and willingness to test the limits.

In order to help a good girl see the dark side you need to give her an awful lot of support, understanding, compliments and communication. Sometimes it takes small steps in order for a woman to find her way out of that comfort zone. She’s not going to feel sexy if she fears someone will judge her. Nor will she even attempt the smallest of adventures if she fears jealousy will rear its ugly head.

In my own experience, I certainly did not make the leap right into the deep end of all of this. In truth, we have spent a little better than 10 years in discovering many new salacious things together…less than half of the time we have been a couple. And more so, we have only really stepped out of the traditional sense of marriage in the past four or five years.

All of that took an awful lot of talking … and sometimes we even talked in bed in the dark so we couldn’t see each other blush as we confessed to some of our kinkiest thoughts. But we found a way to be open and open the doors to new experiences.

So, in order to turn a good girl bad, she is going to have to see that it will only enhance your opinion of her and make the connection you already share even stronger. Being good is OK, being bad is great - if you make it work. And most importantly, if you want to turn your good girl bad, it has to be clear that this is something meant to enhance the relationship. Being bad on your own will only lead to a different kind of bad: not the good kind.

Oh, and in case you didn’t make the connection between what I called the weekend’s two biggest philosophies: chocolate, and of course, good ol’ fashioned Christian guilt - the aphrodisiac and the libido killer.

Have a great Good Friday!
Andee     xoxo

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