But it gives a moment to think about the whole path ... and even if my fantasy does not become a reality this week, everything that has led me to this point in it has been an exceptional "mind-fuck."
Not long ago, I was reading a rather interesting article on sexual fantasies - mostly because anytime I see an article that says "sexual fantasies" I'm going to read it! Even those silly ones in trashy women's magazines that offer really bad advice on how to "turn his fantasies into realities" and offer you no more insight than shopping for lingerie and shoes. You might as well buy him a box of tissue and hand over the Victoria's Secrets catalog.
But this article focused on the idea that couples who are more sexually adventurous are more likely to be sexually satisfied. And with sex being the second most contentious issue in relationships after money, it seems to be an important consideration.
The article suggested that: "Sexual adventurousness was significantly related to relationship length, such that the longer the duration of the relationship, the greater the number of sexual activities engaged in. Participants indicated that engaging in sexually adventurous behaviors increased their sexual satisfaction, with a large majority of participants indicating that their partner's satisfaction was also improved with engaging in the behaviors."
Personally, I have to agree. As a relationship matures, so do the sexual needs and desires. You can't expect the excitement of weekend hookups from your dating days to continue once you settle in to a consistent routine of seeing each other every morning and evening - and dealing with the societal realities of a marriage and life together. Not to mention, as you begin to share a life together with a much deeper commitment, your "relationship mind" begins to evolve as some of those early-days-of-dating protective layers are peeled away.
Being sexually adventurous together can be a challenge. It requires each side of the relationship to open up their level of vulnerability, trust and shed some hang-ups. The biggest challenge is to shed these inhibitions - unless, of course you are me. Then the biggest challenge is to find someone who you are truly sexually intrigued by and convince them to become part of the adventure!
But being sexually adventurous doesn't have to be the same as my ideas of bringing someone new into my marriage. In a way, and with a hint of reluctant admission, my sexual adventurous side tends to be a bit extreme for many couples - and then on the polar end, some might think it might be rather vanilla. I'm not going to suggest anyone do the kind of things I have done - nor am I going to suggest I am looking to reach the limits that we see some modern porn stars pursue. I want one guy to join me, not 800. (Then again, my fantasy is meant to enhance my relationship not set records or garner sales for my latest adult video.)
Regardless of whether your idea of being adventurous with your partner involves a new toy, a pair of stockings and garterbelt, or another person, I like to think back on the idea that started this whole ramble: how important it is to share those ideas, talk about them with your partner and letting them know that each idea is about adding something hot to the relationship.
And, heck, if that doesn't work, start a blog and you can leave hints for them to read ...