August 13, 2011

Overcoming Inhibitions

Not long ago, I was chatting with one of my online friends about the subject of letting go of your inhibitions. He was quite impressed that I had been able to get into this whole adventure because his own wife had so many hang-ups. Of course, I wasn’t really surprised with this friend’s situation. From what I have read - and you know me and those silly statistics from trashy women’s magazines - 45 per cent of guys wants us to be more aggressive in the bedroom.

I’m not sure I have the secret to solving her inhibitions, but I do know that taking those first steps are not that difficult.

The biggest hurdle that we, as women, face in overcoming our bedroom inhibitions is fear. Plain and simple. As we tend to be more emotionally attached to the experience, we also bring a lot of insecurities to new experiences. We’re afraid of rejection; we’re afraid that you might think we’re being silly; we’re afraid of being embarrassed.

There might be issues with past experiences, issues with our own self-image, or maybe just an exceptionally conservative childhood.

And then - trust me - we’re terribly afraid that when we do try something new, no matter what it is or where we learned about it, you will interpret this new thing as “where the hell did you learn that?” Jealousy will kill our willingness to try new things faster than anything else.

The one thing we need is a lot of encouragement and praise.

So, now you have an idea of what’s inside our minds, here are a few ideas that I borrowed and adapted from to help her let go of her fears and build up her self-esteem. And an appropriate source - people are much less inhibited when they are away from home and what better place to let go and be wild than a hotel room.

Help her act less inhibited
Get her to dress in clothes that feel good next to her naked skin and flatter her form. If you want her to be the object of her sexual desires then you need to get over your own and make an investment in her by taking her shopping. Help her pick out the clothing that will allow her to feel, look and be sexy.

Encourage her to be flirtatious. Get over the mentality that flirting is dangerous. Flirting is only dangerous if your partner has already made the conscious decision to cheat. If she begins to see that you are allowing her the freedom to be a woman, and the jealousy has faded, you may soon find she is more aroused, more aware, more sexy and ready for whatever comes next.

She may not have given much thought to what arouses her. Take her to the sexuality section of the bookstore and pick up a copy of The Joy of Sex or one of my favourites from Shayla Black. Buy her an collection or erotica for women by women. Mark the pages of the pictures or stories that titillate or intrigue you to share with your partner later. Learn what feels good, what doesn’t. Now it’s time to ask her to share these discoveries. Oh, and just a little Secret Girl Knowledge from me about the erotica - BUY a book guys, not the Internet.

This one is my big recommendation. And having spent the past few Fridays sending naughty texts back and forth with my husband, coming home all warmed up and ready for some serious “adult” time, there is nothing better than teasing my mind to get me to open up and be willing to get nasty in a good way. Make love to my mind, and you will reap the rewards.

Talk openly with your partner
As with every part of a relationship, communication is key. This is even truer with sex, especially where inhibitions are an issue. Be prepared to listen without judgement to your partner’s feelings and fantasies. This should be an ongoing dialogue that never stops. Turn-ons evolve as people mature which should keep your repertoire lively over the years.

Trust one another and be trustworthy
Don’t criticize or wince or laugh. Be open to new ideas even if they are outside your own comfort zone; you may discover your partner’s fantasies and desires tap into a whole new world of sensual pleasure that you hadn’t even considered before. Be supportive and understanding of your wife’s hesitations. Don’t pressure her.

And don’t expect miracles … it may take her a long time to overcome some of her fears. What you guys enjoy here from me about my own sexual adventure has taken a journey of 20 years and hours of talking, sharing and discovering.
Andee     xoxo


H said...

Great advice but are you telling me I have to wait 20 to get to experience a hot liberate sexual woman like yourself........ that's a really long time :)

Andee said...

Thank you ... but I think waiting helps build anticipation ;-)

But more than that ... sometimes the investment in her imagination over time will let you take her to some wild places. At least it has with me!