In Defence of Flirting

I read the most fascinating article at break today. I had visions of leaving you guys with the super sexy blog for the holiday (OK, I still probably will) until I saw this piece in – put your geek on boys – Psychology Today from March 2009: You’re Driving Me Crazy – 10 Relationship Headaches & How To Avoid Them. Kinda like Cosmo for the science geek gang, I suppose.  

It was discussing the conflicts that exist in relationships. Of course these pieces are written so no matter what, you find yourself in one of the sections. But it was the one about flirting that held my attention more than the “why you might feel unappreciated.” The article suggests that flirting is the result of the person feeling a lack of “closeness.”  

The author quotes one his sources as suggesting that flirting is a call from the partner saying, “please notice me!” and that the one doing the flirting is looking for playfulness, attention and fulfillment.”

The problem is, no matter how you argue against that perspective, the experts will suggest that there is some deep purpose, perhaps a repressed emotion, which creates the motivation for flirting.  

The article also suggests that someone with a flirting spouse needs to address the issue of why his or her partner is feeling a lack of attention.

My question – as someone who does not hold a degree in psychology or psychiatry – is simple: what if the flirting is an intentional, directed act. One not designed to create a sense of competition in my male partner to pay more attention to me because other men will, but rather an act that I openly share with him as one of devious, naughty delight?  

I have never denied that I am a certified flirt. My goodness, a huge part of my blogging and twittering and facebooking has been as an outlet for flirting in this new electronic age. God forbid the courts ever get a hold of my cell phone! My husband has what many would say are sick and twisted perversions about my flirtatious ways – and I can whole-heartedly say, it rarely leaves me feeling neither unappreciated nor lacking intimacy in my marriage.  

I often, with complete conscious intent, put myself into situations where I know innuendo will be the theme of the day. Unbeknownst to the vast majority of my friends, I spend some of my weekend entertainment money on clothes that have less fabric than your average dinner napkin – and then freely wear them to certain kinds of establishments where I risk being over-dressed. And at every step, my partner is there to absorb every moment, relish in every sexually charged dance – and if he’s lucky, taste the kiss of someone else on my lips.  

OK, maybe we’re a different kind of couple than most. The majority of the traditional hang-ups that couples experience have been shuffled from my relationship through adventure, exploration and communication. I certainly can’t suggest anyone try my lifestyle, nor would I expect them to ask me to lead theirs.  

But, I can say that flirting is a natural, human act that should be encouraged to be part of a healthy relationship, not condemned.  

And with that, my lunch hour is now over … I must return to my not-so-enticing science geek persona, sterile lab coat (and people wonder why I go a little nutty on the weekends) and leave the flirting for coffee break. Sure hope I can wait that long!  

Andee

xoxo