December 4, 2010

Do they know?

Hey there … sorry for not having something for you to read early today. I’ve been moved to an early shift for a while now, so I haven’t had a bunch of time to be playful online. Not only that, but |I’m also desperate to get a new photo set on my website too. Maybe Santa will bring me an extra day in the week! 

This is a question that seems to come up quite a bit when I am chatting with my new friends online - and even a few in my real life that happen to know I lead this whole ‘secret’ existence away from the somewhat shy and reserved me. (No laughing) But I have spent a long time given this whole idea a lot of thought … about 9 years now … wow. Crazy how the road turns right in front of you some days.  

If your close family & friends knew about your sexual experiences or fantasies, how do you think they would react?  

I’m sure they would be thoroughly shocked and appalled … to a certain degree. My close friends have been a big factor in the pursuit of my sexual experiences. However, I do have other friends that know about my sexual fantasies (one of which was the person who I really opened up to about my bi-curious side and still have the occasional fantasy about), and some that think I’m the sweetest, most innocent girl-next-door in town and would fall over if they knew the truth. 

I once told my mother about some of the experiences my husband and I have explored. Mostly about our trips to swing clubs. My husband and I do not consider ourselves swingers by any means. The atmosphere at these clubs is amazing, the sexual freedom and just the opportunity to be free and not have a bunch of drunken trolls hitting on me or groping, etc. is amazing. I highly recommend that all couples who want to supercharge their love life, or even connect on a refreshing sexual level, find out about these clubs and go to a dance. But from my mother‘s perspective, well…it was the last time she was ever overly inquisitive about my personal life. LOL  

My family knows about the website that I participate in. They don’t know much about the true content, or any of that aspect. They know that I am my own person and not to question my decisions too much. I’m well into my 30s and I don’t need their permission to be, and explore, who I am. I simply tell them enough to protect them so that if any unscrupulous person wants to spread gossip; they will know the truth from me. Which, sadly, happened when a very jealous and small-minded cousin of mine felt it was her moral right to inform the family of what a "slut" I had become. 

I could be an alcoholic or drug addict and "have a problem." But to be sexually-free and willing to explore, share and be bi-sexual, well, now I become a deviant in the public eye. This is not something socially accepted … feeling sheer sexual pleasure … while drinking my future away or burning brain cells on pot is chalked up to a need for "intervention." Bizarre how sex can be such a taboo. Doesn’t make much sense to me, but that is the way our culture is - drink, toke, shoot - just don’t cum. 

My husband’s very staid, uptight British parents would have coronaries … without question. His brothers would simply stare at me and say, "Cool…" 

But, could I ever discuss my sexual experiences with my immediate family? I’m not sure they are ready to hear that their baby girl likes girls too. I’m not sure they could wrap their minds around the mental picture of me going down on a particular special friend or my husband and I playing in a group sex setting … I do know my sister does not share the same curiosities as I do, and my brother already thinks there is a special seat in Hell with my name on it.

To them, the extent of what I do is exhibitionism … pictures, Internet, etc. Some realities are best kept for those who share them with you … and mine is a big one that way. I’m not even close to be ready to officially "come out" about my own sexuality and I can’t say I ever will be ready.

But, in the heat of that kind of passion, who cares. I’m feeling totally awesome, orgasmic, horny, etc. I’m seeing what it does for my husband (and definitely feeling continually what it does for him long after the experience), and our friends share that in their own marriage too. 

So for me, years from now I will be able look back and never have to say, "We should have …." 

Of course, maybe sometime I will blog about what the guy sitting next to me on the train must thing as I am sure he keeps peeking at the screen of my laptop ;-) 


1 comment:

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I think my friends and family wouldn't be too shocked but they would raise an eyebrow or two