Canadian sex bloggers wrote an entry yesterday asking why there seemed to be a gender gap in sexual studies and relationship expertise. The foundation of his argument is that a recently published list of the Top 10 Sex and Dating Experts by datingadvice.com. The difference in the number of women to men was by far the real elephant in the room...as was the absence of testosterone!
Jon's question was why are there not more men involved in the subject of sexuality. I left a comment, but the issue remained in my mind as I watched the majority owner of testosterone in our house flip between the hockey and baseball games on the sports channels.
So, I pressed the issue with hubby again ...
Now, just so you know - if you haven't figured it out by now - my husband is a very unique individual. He doesn't exactly fit into any of the stereotypes you could apply to a husband, or a common man. He's also a huge part of my life online as well, acting as my editor, creative team, photographer, tireless promoter and occasional co-star. There's not very men who are so comfortable with their sexuality and sexual exploration as he is.
Anyway, I asked him why he thought more men were not considered as leading experts in the fields of relationships, dating advice and sexuality studies. His answer was succinct, if not curious.
"Because society looks at any man involved in that as having a hidden agenda."
What? How is that?
"Simple ... men in our culture are not supposed to care - really - about women's and couples' sexual needs. Men are expected to be shallow and self-centred. Their life is supposed to be locker room braggart when it comes to everything from what level of sports Junior plays, to complaining that 'the wife' doesn't put out. It's the messages that most men 35 and over have grown up with."
I was somewhat shocked. But, he went on to explain and cite personal examples of how any man in that group who openly expresses a sex-positive attitude is viewed as either a pervert out to nail some young blonde cheerleader-type, or a dirty old man with an addiction to porn instead of PGA golf.
He then looked at me, with the remote still in hand to see if I was comprehending the depth of that.
"Men won't take another man seriously when it comes to their secret relationship questions - it's just the male mentality. Why do you think they have pro athletes doing commercials for prostate health?"
Interesting point ...
"And some hot sex doctor in a skirt suit - they'll hang on every word. It's the biggest underline as to what is really wrong with men's sexuality today."
So, there you go ... the very unscientific reason as to why "hot sex doctors" qualify as experts, whereas any man who talks sex has a hidden agenda.
Hardly seems right.