The First Time in My Mouth

I read a really great blog on the weekend by someone who I regularly follow. Jenny Swallows was writing about a claim made by someone in a study of teenage oral sex habits, and the motivating factors behind a girl's giving of their first blowjob.

"The few studies that exist on oral sex among teenagers indicate that although teenage girls perform fellatio more often than in the past, they do so without pleasure, usually to please their boyfriend or to avoid the possibility of impregnation." said Joan Jacobs Brumberg, author of The Body Project. The book is a study of American girls and how the changing world around them affects their sexual development.

I have not read the book, although I found that the concept intriguing - and while Jenny strongly disagrees with the perspective presented by the author - it got me thinking about the statement just as much.

Personally, I lean more towards agreement; in that many teenage girls today are exploring a more sexualized lifestyle than they did when I was a teenager all the way back in the 1990s. We have girls who readily expose themselves on social media, and validate who they are by the number of likes they get when they post a photo to a social media website.

What I tend to think is that young women and teenage girls have a somewhat twisted perspective on oral sex. They view less as an act of intimacy and more of a peer-circle victory; a badge of honour that says "I'm one of you" even though they don't know why they want to be one of the crowd. They're more afraid of being socially rejected than sexually taken advantage of.

Virginity, once seen as something to protect and cherish as a "gift" for your wedding night, has become a "condition" to be healed.

Frankly, I agree with the notion - as the book apparently suggests - that these young women just don't understand what they do - or give deeper thought to the long-term consequences of their actions.

And yes, these are generalized notions ... but not many are trying to dispel them these days.

I certainly remember the first time I endured oral sex. I had absolutely no clue as to what I was doing, and frankly I chose to do it out of curiosity over any sense of intimate purpose.Frankly, I wasn't into it for pleasing my boyfriend as much as I was intrigued. But, then again, like giving up my virginity to this boyfriend, I wished I had known just a little bit more about sex and sexuality - because I sure as hell wouldn't have chosen that guy as "the one."

But I know women who say that their first oral sex encounter was the result of "emotional coercion" or the lesser of two evils to avoid giving up their virginity.

I found a great little bit from Dr. Ava Cadell on what oral sex is supposed to be all about:

• A precious gift to someone who is worthy to receive it. Our sexual gifts are as valuable as any other part of ourselves that we prize. Selecting the right sexual partner to give to and receive from is as important a decision as choosing anything you place a high value on.
• A natural high, perhaps even the best of nature’s uplifts. It can energize us and make us feel more creative afterward.
• A wonderful form of self-expression, infinitely artistic. It is both beautiful and erotic. It is gentle and assertive. It is relaxing and energizing.
• A way to renew stamina, not deplete it. It can free us from emotional stress and release any tension and discomfort lodged in our muscles.
• But most of all, it is a unique connection between two people who want to share a divine pleasure.

Regardless, it's hard to argue against the cultural reality that our daughters are doing far more than we ever did, at a much younger age. And, without question, they will likely wonder later in life if they should have made a wiser decision back when they were teenagers.

Andee     xoxo