July 7, 2012

Trying To Define 'Sexy'

What is “sexy?”

In broad terms, it has to be something different for everyone. What turns my head is different from what turns my husband’s … and the same with people’s libidos. What gets one person all hot and bothered may turn off someone else.

For a lot of people, the idea of what is sexy can be defined as a style and attitude, combined with a strong sense of confidence. For others, it is as simple as a look. Mostly, sexy is personal and sometimes very hard to define. Clothing can be sexy, and yet naked can be sexy. Intelligence can be sexy … knowledge can be sexy … innocence can be sexy.

There are so many variables in defining 'sexy.'

Sexy, for me, is mostly an attitude and approach to life. There are specific things that I believe contribute to “sexy” – such as certain outfits, actions and words – but overall, these are things that inspire the attitude within me to feel “sexy.” A dress can make me feel “sexy” on some days and “frumpy” on others. Sexy can be very complex, or very simplistic, depending on my overall frame of mind and willingness to be expressive, confident and slightly extroverted.

Recently someone asked "when do I feel most sexy." A tough question, because there are many different variables involved – including occasions when I consciously set out to create the opportunity. Overall, there are a few factors that help create the perfect mood in me:

1. When someone who is not obligated to make a comment, compliments me.
Husbands, boyfriends, fathers, mothers – they are all supposed to tell us wonderful things about us. That’s what family and lovers are there to do, boost our morale and our egos, and be our personal champions regardless of our shortcomings … among a lot of other things. They have a sense of obligation to be supportive.

What really makes me feel sexy is when I have made an effort to present myself in the best physical and emotional spirit of the day, and someone not directly associated with my family life notices. For example, if I have planned a particular outfit for the day, and have gotten my mind into the idea of playing a flirty distraction, I get a huge boost when the guys at work play along with me. It’s a great boost when I catch them looking at me, notice the twinkle or even the slight raising on an eyebrow in approval.

It’s also knowing you won’t be overly judged for your demeanor and appearance; that somehow they expect nothing less from you but to be that vision of confidence and desire. It might be the slight hint of vanity, but as a woman, I enjoy it tremendously when I get an unexpected compliment from a man (and the occasional woman). Even more so, when you begin to understand that you still have the sexual attraction to turn someone’s head.

2. When someone has made an honest and concerted effort to boost my ego without being prompted.
I think everyone would agree that when you feel good about yourself, it is a lot easier to let your sexy attitude emerge from the shadows.

3. When I catch a man checking me out.
Of course this has to come with a disclaimer, in that there are occasions when being the object of some guy’s random ogling can be a bit unnerving. What I am suggesting here is that, when I have put forth an effort to try to appear attractive, alive and vivacious, it’s a very sexy feeling to catch a guy giving me the double-take in the hallway.

Again, this goes right to heart of the matter of when a woman begins to feel she is passing her prime, the boost we get from discovering that men still want to take notice. For me personally, I refuse to surrender to the attitude that a woman needs to “settle.” I want to put in the effort to look nice, to feel good about myself and, without a doubt, feel like I could be the object of someone’s desire – someone that isn’t already on my radar as such, like my husband. And then, it doesn’t hurt to keep his interest up as well – because, apparently, competition for a woman’s attention can be very motivating for a man. And I like sexually motivated men!

4. When my husband invests a huge amount of time flirting with me in whatever way he can.
By far, the biggest reason I feel sexy is when my husband puts in an effort to make me feel good about myself. And this is always about those times when I am dressed up, or teasing him back about the guy who I caught looking through the glass door in the cafeteria the day I wore a certain dress to work, etc. This is about when I know he is thinking of me in all the right ways – and letting me know that he is.

5. When I see that look in my lover’s eye that tells me they are “lost” around me.
Maybe this is more about the sexual power that comes from knowing that in that moment, when I can see my lover become a drooling, sexually aroused mass of putty in my hands, I can have my way exactly as I want it.

6. When I slip on that dress and those shoes.
Like all women, I have a go-to outfit that I know will produce all the attention I want for that moment. It used to be this great black top and little skirt with a pair of funky boots … and then my brown button-up with a suede skirt and boots. These days I have been incredibly spoiled by a husband that works very hard at making me feel sexy. Part of that has been his sense of fashion and encouraging me to break out of my somewhat conservative/casual routine. I now have a few different dresses that I know when I slip them on, he will give me that certain look which sends a flutter right down to my pussy … and then ship me off to work where I know the guys will spend a good part of their time treating me like a delightful distraction.

More times than not, I usually end the day lying on my back, sweaty and naked listening to my equally sweaty and naked husband saying, “That’s what you get for dressing up like that for work” and “You are so naughty for teasing those guys like that.”

Uh huh … you know it!
Andee     xoxo

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