Regrets? ... I've had a few

Hey everyone ... hope Santa was good to you this year!

I was reading a really interesting article on the Internet about an Australian sex survey from Australian author Joan Sauers ... It was from a while ago, but curious none the less. I'm going to write a bit more about it after I finishing reading more (nudge, nudge), but here's a few of the highlights that I found intriguing:

• 1 in 5 women have made a sex tape
• 1 in 4 women look at pornography at least once a month
• 1 in 3 women rarely or never experience orgasm
• 57 per cent of women fantasize about sex with another woman
• 22 per cent of women have had a sexual experience with another woman
• Top fantasy partners - George Clooney and Angelina Jolie

Quite the interesting results. I can say “check” to everything but the orgasm - and I feel for those women! And I can’t say that Angelina ranks anywhere on my fantasy list. I swear I’m the only one who thinks she’s an average looking sleazy home-wrecker. I don’t understand Hollywood’s fascination …

Anyway, one of Sauers’ key comments about some of the results was how she was surprised about the lack of communication that still exists between couples. One of the other surprising was how some of the women lived very liberated lives outside of the home - business professionals, lawyers, doctors, etc. Yet at home, they still felt the need to hide their sexual selves from their partners.

"There was one woman who said, when I asked how she had an orgasm, 'Oh, I go into the bathroom and masturbate after we've had sex.' It's really sad. This is the funny thing, a lot of the women in the survey, including women who described stories like that, are doctors and lawyers and they're supposedly liberated in their public lives. But in their private lives they're still sort of back in the 1950s, which is bizarre."

What I also found interesting was that, while 1 in 5 women had made videos of intimate moments with their partners, Sauer says that significant portion of them regretted doing it after the fact. She pointed out that the survey uncovered that the majority of video voyeurs were women in their 20s using cell phones to record the act as a "bit of exhibitionist fun." Others said they agreed to it so their partners would be able to watch a graphic video of themselves instead of turning to something a bit more "commercial."

Of course we know that rarely works out in today’s highly electronic age. There are hundreds upon hundreds of websites, forums and newsgroups where these amateur films land.

I don't know about you, but I actually find a lot of this stuff fascinating. As someone who has pretty much ensured I could never run for any kind of public office - with the abundance of naughty home movies circulating with me in them - I guess I’m not the leading candidate to make judgement. But what I did find curious was the level of regret expressed.

Do I have any regrets about doing my live-action naughtiness for all to download and then probably bust a load? Part of me says yes. When I first started with the idea of a website, I was naively agreeable to the photography. I had never envisioned myself as anything close to being a “closet porn star” so it seemed like a fun little hobby between my husband and I that barely anyone would ever take notice of. The very first video I did for public viewing was about the most boring piece of crap ever posted. It was nothing more than several minutes of me posing during a photo shoot, acting as if the video camera wasn’t even rolling. I’m embarrassed to say these days that video was my introduction to movie porn.

I swore that I would never be one of those models with spunk running down my chin (you can see that here) or getting off on some monster sex toy (you can see that here). I was going to be the demure little girl-next-door with some racy boudoir photos. But then I began to learn about the Internet and men’s fascination with amateur porn. I was drawn in perversely by the reaction and interaction the Web provided me with these anonymous lovers. I grew into this sex-crazed 30-something “slut” while remaining the quiet, bookish science geek to those who didn’t know my secret - trading my sterile gown for sequins and stilettos on the weekend.

Today, honestly, I think I enjoy the illusion of being ‘Andee,’ all the while being the Mom, housewife, career woman. The shock from those around me as more of ‘Andee’ surfaces in conversation when they thought I was just the quiet one who knew the proper drug formula is disturbingly more erotic to me than the movies I have made for you.

I do fear what the future may bring, both with a sense of positive nervousness over what my adventure holds, but also apprehension about how I may yet have to explain myself to my children. But, life can’t be lived in fear, so, to quote some famous dead guy - “Regrets? I’ve had a few … but I did it my way.”

Think I might have to pick up Sauers book for to read while I'm riding the train to work.

Andee

xoxo